Did you know… 800,000 people are widowed each year?
Did you know… 700,000 of those are women?
Did you know… most widows live in poverty? (Over 115 million world wide)
Did you know… for the past thirty or more years the rate of poverty among elderly widows is consistently three to four times higher than elderly married women.
Did you know… “death of a spouse” is listed as the #1 stressor on the stress index scale and is considered one of life’s most devastating events?
Did you know… 60% of those who lose a spouse or significant other will experience a serious illness within 12 months?
Did you know… insomnia is one of the most common symptoms for a grieving spouse?
Did you know… if a man survives his 50s, he will likely live to “old age?”
Did you know… The average age of widowhood is 55, and 75 percent of women will be widowed by age 56?
Did you know… most widow(er)s lose 75% of their support base when their spouse dies?
Did you know… after 3 – 4 months most of the remaining support fades for a widow(er)?
Did you know… most widow(er)s lose touch with their in-laws within a year of a loss?
Did you know… scamming and manipulation are common practice toward the widowed?
Did you know… it really is possible to die of a broken heart? Widow(er)s have a 30% elevated risk of death in the first 6 months after their spouses died.
Did you know… almost half the women over 65 years of age in the US are widows and about 7:10 of these women live alone?
Those are the statistics, but let’s talk about the real world… Oh wait, that is the real world.
These are not pretty numbers… They do not reflect what Hollywood tells us. Instead, they tell us the truth… They tell us the reality of many of your loved ones’ lives.
Do you know someone who is widowed? More than likely, they spend most of their time alone. More than likely, they fall into many of these statistics. It is also more than likely they will not tell you. I know because I fall into many of these numbers just as so many other widows I have met on this journey.
While every statistic is not true for every person, you might be surprised to know what is true. To give you an idea, I will share “my statistics.”
When I read these numbers, immediately I know I am blessed. I have a wonderful job with retirement plans for the not-to-distant future. While I do not live in poverty, many of the women in my initial support group were unable to support themselves and were losing their homes. Several were looking for room-mates… someone to share expenses, or a room to rent in someone else’s home. They couldn’t make it alone financially, but their families were not able (or willing, in some cases) to help either.
I have not been seriously ill since Bruce died. We were both into health and fitness, and I have continued that practice to this day. I learned a long time ago that exercise produces endorphins (a natural, self-produced, “feel good” chemical)… and goodness knows, I can definitely use that!
I have had sleep issues since Bruce passed. For the first year or so, I would wake up most nights at the exact same time I was awakened the night he died. (Trauma related, I suppose.) Now, that only happens a few times a month. Most nights, while I go to bed in time to get 8 – 9 hours of sleep, I usually wake up every couple of hours and remain awake for 30 minutes to an hour each time. If I can manage 4 – 5 hours total, it is a good night.
Bruce was only 52 when he passed away, and I was 51… I believe that covers those two statistics…
I did lose MOST of what I thought would be my support base. However, I gained many new friends who have been by my side day in and day out. They have become my “trusted few,” and I am forever in their debt.
As for my in-laws, they are wonderful. I was terrified of losing touch with them (and told them so) after Bruce’s memorial. However, after 3 years, they are still as close to me as ever, and I love them so very much.
Since Bruce died, I have definitely encountered my fair share of scammers and manipulation. It is amazing how many people are quick to take advantage of someone in a vulnerable state. Some of it has come from phone calls or sales pitches. (Those were easy to recognize.) Other situations have come from people I thought were my friends or acquaintances who I thought genuinely cared. These are harder to recognize. However, I have gotten better at it… or maybe I have just learned to be a lot more cautious. I used to trust anyone until they proved (several times) they shouldn’t be trusted. Now I hold back on the trust until I am sure of their intentions.
I have not died of a broken heart (obviously), although I certainly thought I would the first year. My blood pressure is slightly higher than before (although still very normal). Now, (years later), good health through natural healing is my goal.
I live alone and spend most holidays alone. However, I consider myself blessed. Even though we are a scattered family, my kids make sure I am “covered” for the “big ones,”… and I am learning new ways to celebrate the others. What never ceases to stun me into silence, though, are the people who say they are jealous of my solitude… Inside, I shake my head… They have no idea! I always want to tell them there is a difference is choosing solitude and being thrown into it unexpectedly.
As for me, I really am adjusting… slowly. In other words, each day I am learning to to be a little more okay by finding the blessings in my circumstances.
But what about your neighbor, friend or family member? Do you see them or their situation in those numbers? Is there anything you can do to make a difference? Are you willing to do that?
Please… don’t be afraid to reach out and make a difference…
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