Losing someone you love is hard. Grieving is hard. Each week for years, I have shared my journey as I grieve for the man I love. This week, though, is different. This week, I have watched my mother grieve… and that has been so very hard.
My mother is in her 80’s, and I have watched her grow more and more physically fragile over the last decade. This last week, though, I watched as her grief seemed to put a spotlight on just how frail she truly is.
You see, my mother is the second child of four – the oldest girl who was given a lot of family responsibility way too young. The siblings (in order) were boy, girl (my mom), girl, and boy. Through the years, (I believe), she has always felt like the second mother in the family – no matter their age. I can’t say how the rest felt about her assumed role, but despite differences in politics, religion, or even lifestyle choices, I have watched my mother love her siblings fiercely… no matter what.
No too long ago, her younger sister passed away. I watched as Momma worked to reconcile her faith with her grief. (Something I understand all too well) I can’t even remember how many times I tried to reassure her that grieving is okay… It’s part of the process – a process that has involved a lot more emotions than most of us expect. I’m not even sure she ever let herself completely mourn that loss, (but as we all know, that grief will always come out somewhere).
This past week, though, it was her older brother who passed away. He was a good man. He had lived a good, full life, and had recently experienced the loss of his own wife. I think for most of us, his death was quick and unexpected.
As the family gathered this week, my sister and I were feeling a bit protective of our mom. Since her younger brother is physically disabled, Momma was the only able-bodied sibling left of the four… and I think that hit her hard. At the viewing, the day before, she seemed to be doing okay (all things considered), but the next day at the funeral, the impact of her grief was much more evident.
Because our family does this odd thing at funerals where the widows are relegated to the back row of the family section, it was my sister who sat with our Mom. (Our father was standing to the side due to limited seating.) Seated behind them, it was heartbreaking to watch my mother’s heart actually breaking. At the same time, I was so glad my sister was there beside her to put an arm around her and comfort her.
I think this is a side of grief I haven’t thought about too much… The part where you can only sit with the person who is grieving. You can’t fix it, and there are no words that truly bring any real comfort… What a helpless feeling! However, warm bodies… hugs… someone willing to just sit in the sadness with you – these I know from experience are what we can offer.
So this time… this week… I have been on the other side of grief… The side that may sometimes be just as hard knowing that all we can do for the person we love is to be there… And to love them through the hurt.
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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. Learning to function on this new path is hard. I don’t think any of us chose to be here, but this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined. Each time I think I have it all figured out; I find I don’t at all, despite the years since Bruce passed. Life is filled with challenges for all of us. For me, my goal is to look at this year before me and (intentionally) hold onto the joy and the hope life holds.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.
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