Last week, I was blessed to spend the last few days of 2024 with my parents and sister. It has been over a year since we were all together, so it truly was such precious time together. While I have always cherished time with loved ones, I think losing Bruce heightened my awareness of just how precious each moment is… After all, since we know that we aren’t promised the next one, the present moment is one to be relished.
Plus ending one year without Bruce, starting another, and facing the anniversary of his death in a few days, my heart has been primed to cherish each possible moment a little bit more. (If that is even possible.) At the beginning of this journey, there were so many years lost to shock and grief… So many years where I floundered to figure out where and how I could still fit in this world… So many years just simply lost.
Then, a couple of years ago, another personal crisis nearly broke me in two. It hurt so bad I still can’t even write about it… but it did something else too… Out of the ashes of that particular pain and all my grief for Bruce, I was driven to pull out of my comfort zone and meet new people… and it has been an amazing experience.
Don’t get me wrong. I have great friends and family who have been supporting me throughout this journey. I know I wouldn’t have survived this journey without them. However, I think sometimes life knows that there are new lessons which need to happen… and those lessons may require new people for a new perspective.
Because of these people and the perspective they have added to my world, I have found a quiet place in my soul… a place of solace that has made the darkness and pain not so prominent in my life. These people have shown me some great habits that have helped me immensely and changed my whole outlook on life.
One of the main things I have learned is to meditate each morning. (I know that may sound cheesy… I would have thought the same a few years ago.) Nonetheless, there is something incredibly healing about the practice of starting the day by simply sitting and breathing and quieting my mind. No matter what else may be happening, these few minutes spent doing absolutely nothing except feeling my space in this world helps to ground my emotions and set the tone for the rest of the day.
For me, it has become a special time when I can feel myself draw close to the Divine within. It isn’t about prayer; there are no words. It is about connection – like those relationships where the love and bond are so strong words simply aren’t necessary.
Afterward, I am able to carry that calm into the rest of my day. That may not seem like anything impressive to you. However, keep in mind that for years after losing Bruce, I was an emotional basket case. I was constantly struggling to control my depression and maintain my composure whenever life happened to throw a challenge my way… and that is a terrible way to go through life.
So, for the people around me, this has been a very noticeable change… And for me, I finally feel like me. I think I lost myself so long ago – way before Bruce. In fact, he was constantly trying to lead me back to myself, and I was getting there, (I think). But then he died… and I fell even further down that rabbit-hole of trying to be what I thought others expected, instead of learning to be comfortable in my own skin.
Now, though, I can think more clearly. Now, I can hold onto his legacy and catch a glimpse of what he saw. In fact, for the first time in many years, I can honestly say that I am excited about entering a new year and all of the exciting adventures it promises.
So… Happy New Year, my friends, and may we all remember to cherish each moment of 2025 for the gift that it is.
“In the Silence, I know my oneness with God and feel in the depths of my heart that all will truly be well. This is my comfort as I find my way through my life’s dark seasons.” ~ Daily Word: November/December 2024, Saturday, December 7
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you. Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*
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