Peace, Love & Grief – There is a peace that comes with acceptance, and a love that is always remembered

Peace, Love, and Grief – Another Day in Paradise

Writing that title, I realize that it may come across as sarcasm, and while that is not my intent, I can’t say that it is wrong either. I mean it sincerely, in that I just spent most of the last week in Key West, which is MY paradise. At the same time, another day without Bruce is not paradise, and hence the sarcasm… Hmmm… I think I will need to sit with that a while this afternoon and see where I land.

However… today is about key West. I was trying to count while I was down there, and I think it was trip 13 for me… Obviously, there is something there that just keeps calling me back… Maybe it is the fun we always have there. Maybe it is the relaxation that is just a part of the vibe there. Or maybe it is all of the precious memories that have been made there through the years.

This past week was my 4th trip there with my son. It was a great week spent relaxing by the pool, and eating, drinking, and people watching at our favorite spots. However, today I want to backtrack to those first few trips almost two decades ago, probably because those two trips kept playing through my mind this past week…

Bruce’s two sisters went every year. It was their “girls’ trip” and the stories they returned with were hilarious! I listened in awe to what felt immensely courageous to me – to go somewhere for several days and just have fun – nothing to do but relax and enjoy the time away.

The first time I listened to these stories, Bruce and I had only been married for a few months. That same year, they gave us some gift certificates to a few restaurants and told us that we should go, too. That did not take much persuasion. A few months later, we were off on our own adventure. We flew into Miami, rented a car, and started the beautiful drive south – to Key West.

Bruce had found us a quaint little retro motel in the heart of the city, where we spent the day by the pool. Then, at night, we went to dinner and explored the city. Some of my favorite memories from that trip include Bruce introducing me to my first Mojito – still one of my favs, and running in the rain back to the hotel one night after “dressing up” for some “fine dining”. (Keep those terms relative to the whole KW vibe.) We both laughed so hard as we dodged the rain – running from one covering to the next and still managing to get absolutely soaked!

Almost a year later, I came home from work to find Bruce talking to one of his sisters, “Absolutely! She would love that.”

“What will I love?” I asked as he hung up.

“My sisters want you to go on their KW trip with them this summer,” he responded with a big ole grin.

My reaction was… “No, thank you.”

This is where I am going to try to explain, although I’m not sure it will make sense…

You see, it wasn’t that I disliked his sisters. They were always nice to me. However, even after a year of marriage, I didn’t feel like I knew them that well. We got along at family dinners and get-togethers, but we lived too far apart to see each other often enough to build a deep relationship.

As far as Bruce was concerned, though, that was all the more reason to go. He truly wanted the three of us to have a good, solid relationship, and what better way than a week together at the beach? Besides, he argued, it would be good for me to see that it’s okay to get away and “let my hair down”. As far as he was concerned, I had been through too much and I needed to learn that it is okay to relax… okay to simply enjoy life.

My next hesitation was the fact that I had never been accepted by my ex’s family. His parents and most of his siblings had made it quite clear that I was not an accepted part of the family… I was simply their son’s/brother’s wife, but nothing more… and eventually, I gave up trying. So, in my mind, there was still a lot of those feelings of being rejected. It felt safer to keep my distance. As long as we could “get along” that was more of a relationship than I had ever had with my previous in-laws.

Again, Bruce was adamant. He loved his sisters. He loved me. He wanted the three of us to learn to love each other, too.

I was still terrified to go, so I pulled the last card I had – finances. I had just lost everything I owned a few short months before Bruce and I married. I was still recovering from that… Plus, while I had a good job, I also had kids who still needed whatever support I could manage. How could I possibly excuse a trip to the Keys (flight, hotel, food, etc.) when I had so many other financial responsibilities that were much more important?

Next thing I knew, I received a phone call from Bruce’s Mom…

She was just as adamant as Bruce that this trip was a good thing, and the next thing I knew she was telling me, (not offering or asking – but telling me), that they would pay for me to go and the money was already on its way.

I was stunned!! Who were these amazing people who seemed to truly want good things for me?

So… here I was – out of excuses, yet, absolutely terrified to go. What if things went sideways? What if they ended up hating me? If things went wrong, I would be stuck. There would be no leaving early if things got awkward.

Emotionally, I was a wreck. Bruce never asked for much of anything. Therefore, I knew that if he was insisting that I go this was something truly important to him. At the same time, my self-confidence at this point was a whopping “zero”. I just knew I was not going to be enough… I was not going to live up to anything they thought would be good enough for their brother and definitely not their friendship.

I remember just falling apart. I would go, because everyone was so insistent… But, I also knew I would fail. This was going to be a train wreck, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

That was when Bruce came up with a solution… Something that gave me the confidence to go, and also provided some security that everything would be okay… even if I managed to mess things up. So… this sweet man went too, but not with us. In fact, I was the only one that knew he was there. He arrived the day after and left the day before. He checked in throughout the week – keeping tabs on how things were going, as well as where we were (or where we were heading next), so that we wouldn’t run into him.

To his credit, that gesture gave me the confidence I needed to relax and just be me… It was a great week and the first of many “sister trips” to Key West. He was also right… His sisters are wonderful and still a significant part of my life to this day. The late-night talks when traveling or visiting each other, plus their non-judgement and encouragement to just “be me” have continued to be a huge part of my healing and growth.

And to give credit to Key West… With all of these precious memories made there, it will always be “paradise” in my mind.

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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

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Peace, Love, and Grief – Another Birthday

Note: I am posting a little early this week due to a full weekend ahead, but since I didn’t post last weekend, hopefully this is okay.

As I stated a couple of weeks ago, Bruce’s birthday was last weekend. I took some time away from my normal responsibilities and spent some time with family and some quiet time alone (with Bruce). Per my norm, today I am sharing the letter I wrote to Bruce while sitting quietly on our beach…

Hi Babe,

Happy Birthday! 66?! Wow!! It’s hard to believe! (Especially, since you will forever be so much younger in my mind.)

I am currently sitting by the ocean thinking of you… missing you… such sweet memories. On the drive out, all I could think about was all the Sundays driving out here together – windows rolled down to enjoy the salt air, music playing (jazz or blues… or Buffet). God, how I miss that!

It has been too long since I’ve been out here with you… and I don’t really know why. This is where my soul feels you. This space fills me with so much peace – so many memories of lazy Sundays spent quietly holding hands as we napped or simply sat and watched the tide go out or work its way back in.

Sigh… and the tears start… I miss you so much!

I always said (and still say) that you were (and still are) my hero But have I ever told you why? Yes, I know I have said that you brought healing to our lives, but that is “quick” answer. There is so much more to it.
When we met, I was scared… absolutely scared… Between the culture I was raised in and the violence and chaos of my first marriage, I had been taught that I shouldn’t trust myself. Shoot, if you can’t trust yourself how in the world are you supposed to survive in this world?

I had been taught that (as a female) my “gut” couldn’t possibly be right. I was 40 before I realized how ludicrous that was. That was when I left _(my ex)__ … That was when I stepped out on my own… That is when I learned to look at the world with my eyes wide open.

I was scared. I felt alone… and I had four kids looking to me for guidance to get through it all.

Then, you came along. Not only did you give me a safe space to land, but you also taught me (or showed me) how to trust myself. You helped me learn to trust myself. What a gift!

When you died, I didn’t think I could do this by myself. I didn’t want to do it by myself. I stumbled at times… And I got stuck more than once. Yet, through it all, I have heard your voice in my soul – giving encouragement, guiding my distrust of self to a place of confidence. I can’t even begin to think of where I would be today, if you hadn’t walked into my life…

Happy Birthday to you… my gentle giant… my hero… my love.

Life moves on.
Yet, my love for you
Remains as strong and real
As the day you left.
I hear you in my heart.
I feel you in my soul.
Some days there are smiles.
Some days there are tears.
And some days there is both.
But that’s okay.
It just means the love is still there…
And that gives me comfort to keep going.
~ Linda, April 2026

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – A Conversation of Sorts

This past week, a reader (or possibly AI… I struggle to tell the difference) sent a message with several questions – some directed at past blogs and some at more current ones… I don’t think it was meant as a challenge to what I have written. (Or, at least, it didn’t sound that way, and I didn’t take it that way.) It felt more like someone seeking to understand. They didn’t want it published with their name, so I thought I would try to address some of those questions here today.

Before I answer, though, I want to clarify something… The only thing that makes me an expert at grief is that fact that I grieve the loss of my husband, Bruce. This means whatever I write is only about my experience – what I feel, what I do, what I learn, etc. Then, I openly share it here with all of y’all with the idea that maybe something I write will strike a chord with one of you, and… maybe that will be helpful on your own journey.

That being said… let’s look at this message a little bit at a time…

“This is such a powerful reflection on pain and growth. I love how you describe shifting focus from what’s frozen to what’s changing—it’s a mindset I’ve been trying to adopt too. The part about learning to laugh again without guilt really hit me; grief has a way of making joy feel forbidden, doesn’t it?”

I have written about the guilt I felt the first time I laughed after Bruce died… There was something about knowing that life had continued and something in that moment… a moment without Bruce… a moment Bruce never had to chance to experience… something in that moment I had found not only enjoyable, but so enjoyable I had laughed.

I was so ashamed of myself. I felt absolutely horrible. I felt greedy for not only allowing myself to enjoy that moment, but for wanting to enjoy that moment. It was quite a while before I found myself in a state of healing where I could actually laugh without all of that baggage… And the biggest healer was remembering how much joy Bruce found in making me laugh.

He had such a subtle sense of humor, and it was easy for something to float right by me, which HE found funny. I really miss that devilish grin he would get when he was “pulling my leg” or had gotten one over on me, and I was clueless… I miss that so much. However, now I laugh (and smile) a lot… I know it is good and healthy to enjoy laughing… I know Bruce would want me to enjoy life… So, in a way, when I laugh now, I am laughing for both of us… and that feels kind of nice.

“You mention Bruce’s spiritual influence—do you think his perspective would’ve changed how you processed things earlier, or was timing just not on your side?”

Good question… and all I can really say is “I don’t know.” I do know that I wouldn’t be where I am in my faith currently without his influence. I grew up in what I now consider a strict dogma religion and as an adult moved into another strict dogma religion. In both, I pushed back on a lot of the doctrine that didn’t make sense. I spent a lot of time trying to be what I was told I should be rather than learning to just be me. I think that was Bruce’s biggest influence… He showed me that I was loveable and loved just like I am… just as the Divine created me. I wasn’t meant to fit in those boxes of doctrine… and that is more than okay.

After his death, I spent years deconstructing my faith, and I am still reconstructing my faith day by day. I like that… I don’t need to have all the answers. After all, isn’t that why it is called “faith”? It is something that leads me to grow and explore daily. It feels fresh every morning.

Would I have gotten here if any of my life’s circumstances had been different? I will never know, will I? Instead, I focus on that fact that I am here… and Bruce was one of the biggest influences on this journey.

“… the idea of “freezing your horizon” is fascinating—have you found specific practices that help “thaw” it, or does it happen naturally with shifting focus?”

I mentioned the idea of “freezing your horizon a couple of months ago. I was referring to the idea that after Bruce died, I struggled to see a future without him… I thought I would be in deep grief for the rest of my life. Hope was non-existent. My grief was not just overwhelming, it was paralyzing.

I took me years before I could find another way to look at my future. (I am pretty sure I hid in my house for 10 years before I ventured out.) That shift in my focus didn’t happen overnight… It came hand-in-hand as I started reconstructing my faith. It was such a gradual process that I didn’t even realize what had happened until years later… (just a few months ago actually).

“One thing I’m still wrestling with: you say pain doesn’t create suffering, but the story we tell ourselves does. Does that mean suffering is optional, even when loss isn’t? Because some days, that feels impossible.”

I agree… and there are still days when it feels impossible. However, I learned a guiding principle a few years ago. When I first heard it, it kind of made me mad… really mad, if I am honest.

The principle is this – “Our thoughts create our experience.” At first, I thought it was insinuating that I had somehow caused Bruce’s death and all of this grief by simply thinking a thought in my own head… (a thought I had never considered before he died). That felt cruel and ridiculous… like blaming the victim.
However, after sitting with that phrase for a while, I realized that it is simply talking about our experience in life is a reflection of how we choose to look at each situation… It is about trying to find that “silver lining” even when (or especially when) if feels impossible.

It is a challenging way to live, and I am not always successful. However, what I have learned is this… Our feelings are valid. We need to feel them, sit with them, and process them in order to heal. Feeling them is easy… Sitting with them is where I can get stuck if I’m not careful. Processing them is that part that allows me to look for something positive around me. Maybe the positive thing is outside of the hard situation… But finding that positive thing – no matter how small, is how I have managed to keep moving forward and healing.

“Would love to hear your thoughts—your honesty here is so refreshing.”

Thank you for your kind words. These are simply my thoughts. They may hold something helpful for someone… or they may not. All I am doing is sharing where I was and where I am on this journey. Who knows where I will be tomorrow? Who knows where any of us will be?

All we can do is take a breath, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and try to be a little bit better tomorrow than we were today.

Next week: I will be taking a break next weekend. It is Bruce’s birthday weekend. I have no idea how I will feel, but I am taking some time away from the world. I just need to disconnect for a few days and see where I land.
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – Finding Joy

All of my “growing up” years and into my early adulthood, the men around me were quite conservative when it came to color. Neutral tones, like browns, and the occasional navy blue were their “go-to”. When I met my first husband, khaki pants, a white shirt, and a navy-blue blazer seemed to be the outer edges of any experimentation into the use of color.

However, the women in my life taught me early on about the emotional expression that comes with color… I love color – and not just in my wardrobe. In fact, up until just a few years ago, I was constantly painting and repainting the walls in our homes, as well as spending summers painting murals in children’s bedrooms for some summer cash (since I was a teacher at the time).

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times through the years, I expressed that I wanted a red car. Don’t ask me why… It’s not my favorite color, and I can’t give a succinct answer. All I can say is that red cars made me smile… such a bold color… such a happy color.

However, my whole life I was told, “You don’t want a red car,” followed by whatever reason they didn’t want a red car. So, even our cars were purchased in those same colors – white, beige, or (if someone was feeling bold) light blue. (Just to make a point, I did finally get my red car a few years ago – Go me!)

So… when I met Bruce, I expected him to be the same. I remember, after the cruise and before I ever went up to Michigan, Bruce would talk about how he wanted to paint his barstools and the walls in his condo bright colors to combat the gray Michigan winters. I remember smiling and thinking, “Sure, you do,” without putting a lot of stock in what he was saying at all.

Then, a couple of months later, I flew to Michigan for a long weekend. (We both wanted to see if this relationship was going to actually become something more.) Bruce met me at the airport wearing jeans, a white T-shirt, and a navy-blue jacket. (No surprise there.)

Now imagine my surprise when we walked up to his Ford Ranger truck… and it was red!! I remember him saying something about how he had washed and cleaned it that day (at the advice of his daughter), but with all the snow, salt, and muck on the roads, it didn’t look like it. I didn’t care… Already this man was appearing to be something different than I had ever experienced before.

And that never stopped… Through time, I learned that he loved color just like I did. He had colored sheets, colored undies, colorful clothing (including tie-dyed tees), and… true to his word, we painted those condo walls (although I preferred the barstools left as raw wood, so he conceded on those).

Now, let’s bring ourselves up to the current time…

After Bruce died, I pulled inward… a lot. Social events were a struggle – I didn’t know how to function as a (now) single person who still felt married. It took years (about 10 to be exact) before I finally started getting out in my community and looking for my “tribe”. However, once I did, it didn’t take too long to find the space where I belong… and the friendships and healing I have found here have been wonderful.

That brings me to last night…

I was on my way to Winter Springs to play Mah Jong with some friends. We are all learning and get together 1 – 2 times a month to play and enjoy some dinner and fun conversations. As I was leaving my little town, I found myself thinking of Bruce and what Friday nights had entailed when he was alive. The thoughts weren’t sad – just nostalgic… sweet, precious memories floating in and out of my consciousness.

As I pulled up to a stoplight, I found myself behind (you guessed it) a red Ford Ranger… with Michigan plates!! Yes, I know it was just a stranger in a truck… However, at the same time, it felt like a sign from Bruce that I am not alone… He is still nearby… He is watching over me and loving me even if I can’t see or hear him.

I can’t even begin to tell you the absolute joy I felt in those few moments as I sat there staring at the back of that truck. (I may have even taken a picture of it just so I can remember that moment.)

As we pulled away from the light, and I started the hour drive to my night of fun, it dawned me… Maybe there was something more to be taken from that moment… Maybe Bruce (who was always about the simple things) was trying to remind me of the importance of finding joy in each moment – even the simple moments like sitting at a stoplight… That life will do what life does.

There will be moments of happiness and grief, laughter and tears… But joy is something deep inside… And when life feels overwhelming (which if you watch the news, it can certainly feel that way), it is important – NO… it is absolutely necessary to look around and notice those things that can spark some joy in your heart… and then hang onto that spark… at least until you notice the next one.

Thank you, Babe, for the reminder…
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – Who I Was

“I believe the hardest part of healing after losing someone you love is to recover the “you” that went away with them.” ~ Kelly’s Treehouse

This quote has been posted a few times on our Face Book page… Why? Because for so long that was the goal… That is what I thought healing was all about. If somehow, I could find my way back to who I was before Bruce died, then I would know I was healed. So, that became my destination on this path.

I spent years trying to get there… Trying to regain the me who loved this man with all her heart.

Everything in me missed and grieved Bruce, but that wasn’t all. There was so much more to grieve… I missed my best friend. I missed my lover. I missed my sailing partner. I missed my travel buddy. I missed the companionship. I missed the laughter. I missed watching his relationships with my kids flourish. I missed watching him get down on the floor and play with our grandson. I missed doing everything with him, and I missed sitting in silence and doing nothing with him. I missed being made to feel that I was the most important person in his world. I missed being loved.

… And this list could go on forever.

“And life goes on. It was not the same, but it went on.” – associated with Robert Frost

As time went on, I began to realize how true this quote actually is… Whether I wanted to participate or not, life had continued to move forward. As much as I wanted… no needed it to slow down and let me regain my equilibrium, it did not. I felt like I was constantly 100 yards behind, running to catch up, but too hurt and tired to actually care if I did or not.

There have been a lot of emotions through the years, but I think the biggest one… the one I still struggle to embrace is trust… I desperately want to trust life again. I know I can’t live my life fully until I do. Yet, at the same time, I just don’t… I am terrified of that moment when I once again lose someone I love. I know the odds are that this will be a reality, but I don’t know if I can do this again… It has been too much at times.

And now, I am such a different person than I was… Even my strengths and fears are different. I’m not even sure, the old me would recognize this new me… Yet here I am… Thirteen years on this journey and I have finally realized that I will never go back to who I was. That is an impossibility.

“Two things in life change you and you are never the same… Love and Grief.” – Unknown

Falling in love with Bruce changed me… and losing him also changed me. I’m not saying those changes are all good… nor are they all bad. They are just changes.

Then, this week I was listening to a podcast and a phrase stuck out for me… I jotted it down as I realized that this is something I have not done up to now. Yet, it is something I think I need to do next on this journey…

For years, I wanted to regain who I was. Recently, I have accepted that I can never go back to who I was. However, in order to move forward, I think I need to take a little bit of time to mourn that loss, too… the loss of who I was.

I need to sit with that, process it (which will likely mean journaling all the stuff that bubbles up inside), and then… let it rest.

I would say “let it go”, but I have learned that one never completely lets the sadness of loss go. You learn to work through it, and you learn to manage it. But there will always be a part of you that feels a longing for what was.

So… That is my goal over the next few weeks… To let myself mourn the loss of who I was… Then, I am guessing… hoping, it will feel a little bit easier to accept who I have become… And, who knows… Maybe in that part of the journey, I will finally find myself learning how to trust life once more.
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – An Open Fist

“You can’t grasp anything with a closed fist.” ~ Indira Gandhi

I have seen some rendition of this quote on many occasions throughout my life. I also felt I understood that it is referring to being open and willing to accept opportunities and others as they enter my life.

This week, it showed up in one of my morning readings. However, this time, there just seemed to be something more to it, that I needed to process. So, I sat with it a while… I mediated on it… I jotted it down… I thought about it continuously throughout the day.

At times, I found myself thinking of other people in my life. People who can always find something wrong in life… always – no matter what. (Isn’t that such human nature? To think of someone else to apply this to, rather than doing the hard work of looking at myself.) Thank goodness, I didn’t spend a lot of time there. I knew with complete certainty that there was something there for me… something I needed in that phrase. I can’t explain it, but I knew it… So, I continued dwelling on it into the evening.

As I was crawling into bed that night, (which by the way was super early because the time change left me exhausted), it finally started to dawn on me…

I know I am an introvert. I also know that since Bruce died, that trait has expanded. For the first ten or so years after his death, I was perfectly content to stay home and let the world go by. I had my family and a few close friends… I wasn’t really interested in anything more.

However, after my daughter and grandson moved out, I decided that I needed to push myself. I needed to get out and find my space in the community. I started taking Yoga and Zumba classes. I found a church where (to my surprise) I fit in. So, in the past few years, I have come to love this little town.

This week, though, I came to realize that there are still some areas of my life where I have kept a “closed fist”. Not socially… I am talking about acceptance… Acceptance that this is my life.

Acceptance of this path is hard, though. I know what I had. I know what I miss. Yet, by continuing to dwell on those things, I am closing my eyes to all of the wonderful things life is placing in my path every day… I am realizing that by constantly looking for things to hold in gratitude, I am seeing more and more things to hold in gratitude… And that gratitude lets me see clearly all of the abundance that surrounds me.

Yes… Bruce is gone. Yes… I miss him. Yes… I would give my soul to have him back.

At the same time, I also know, my life is still continuing, and how I choose to live it is completely up to me. It is in my hands… I know that until I learn to love this life, I am destined to be miserable… And who in the world wants that? … Not me…

So, it is up to me… Each day, I need to choose… Will I keep my fist closed and shake it at my future? Or will I open my fist and embrace this abundant life I am given each morning?
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – A Letter to You

I would start today with, “Dear Reader…”, but I believe that phrase will sound like the start of a current Netflix series. So instead, let me just start with, “Hello, my friends”.

To start, let me explain that this blog goes to several sites, such as the PLG website, Facebook, and a website local to me. While I get feedback and responses from all of the sites, Facebook is the only one that gives me statistics in real time. This means I get a notification each time someone interacts with the page, which also includes alerting me to new followers.

So… let me back up here… I started this page at the suggestion of an old acquaintance – someone from childhood who popped in and out of my life only long enough to give this suggestion. Admittedly, when I started this blog, I knew it was mostly for me… it allowed me a weekly space to express my grief, as well as a chance to share my experiences with other people experiencing loss… but… mostly a space to express my grief.

I never planned for it to be anything more. In fact, every year when it comes time to renew all of the apps and programs that I need to do this, I reiterate my vision and renew my vow that if this blog is helpful to even one other soul, then I will keep writing.

This is where it gets complicated in my heart, which really hit me hard this week…

You see, each time someone new finds us through FB and I receive that notification, it comes with a “congratulations” of sorts for the “increase” in followers. It also means I receive pushes to “do more” to increase those numbers.

But here is what I see… Each of those “followers” that FB wants to celebrate is a person – a living, breathing person, and each person is hurting and struggling… each person is mourning a loss… a loss no one wanted or requested. In other words, each person coming to this page is doing so out of pain… something I would never wish on anyone.

Right now… across all sites and by best guestimates, there are several thousand of us… That is a lot of hurt.

That is where I have mixed emotions. On the one hand, I am so very thankful that this has become a safe space to share our grief. At the same time, I am So very sorry for the pain each of us has experienced, (and likely still is).

Each time I see a new number and/or name pop up, I find myself stopping my day and saying a quick prayer of healing and comfort for that person… and on more than one occasion, I have shed a tear (or more) for that person… and for the rest of us.

Grief is hard… Being on this part of our journey is not something we chose. (Who in the world would??)

I guess, I just wanted all of you to know how much I care about each person here and the journey you are on. While I hate the reasons that put us all together, I am also thankful that we do have each other.
I truly care about each of you and hope that this week you are able to do whatever you need to in order to take that next step on your path.

Love always,
Linda
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief –What is “Healing”?

What do you think of when I talk about “healing”, specifically “healing from grief or loss”?

For me, I think I have always thought of healing from grief in the context of once again being that person I was before Bruce died. From that first moment when I started looking for ways to “heal”, I know I was looking for several things… a way to make the hurting stop… a way to go back to being the positive, trusting person I had been before… a way to go back to thinking my life was “charmed” (with Bruce)… a way to once again trust the path life had laid out before me.

Up until the moment he died, I really thought I had finally found my “happily ever after”. I thought I had already “paid my dues” in my first marriage. I thought the rest of my life would be spent side-by-side with this man who was the absolute love of my life… But… I was wrong.

That path ended abruptly one Friday night, and suddenly, I found myself at a complete loss as to how to move on… I wasn’t even sure I wanted to move on. It was like I had suddenly gone from a life filled with sunshine and rainbows to a life of total darkness. There didn’t seem to be even an inkling of light to help me find where to take the next step. I felt completely hopeless, and it was terrifying.

For years, I have done all kinds of things in search of a way to “heal” from his death. I have read books, watched videos, gone to counseling, threw myself into creative projects (such as painting, gardening, and writing), committed my full energy into my work (both at home and professionally), and the list goes on.
At this point, I honestly can’t say if I was trying to move forward or just trying to avoid feeling the pain… or (most likely) a little bit of both. I can say that even after many years, I still hurt and I didn’t feel “healed” at all.

This last year, though, I have found myself learning how to be more mindful about where I am focused, which has truly helped more than anything else I have done. Then, this week, I read an article in a Lenten booklet that talked about reimagining healing… That was a completely new concept to me… Something I had never thought about… And while the article wasn’t specifically talking about healing from grief, it definitely hit that mark with me.

After reading it, I have felt challenged to add another layer to the way I am approaching this grief journey… And this layer is about changing how I think about “healing”. Let’s be honest, none of us will ever be able to go back to being that person we were before our loved one died (or whatever event has created our grief).

Instead, for me, I need to find ways to flourish right where I am… right now. I need to stop trying to go backwards or recover some illusion that no longer exists. Instead, I need to work on opening my mind to a new idea of what my life… my healed life… can look like… I know it sounds corny, but I need to find a way to really and truly “bloom here I have been planted”.

Anything else will simply always leave me feeling un-whole and unhealed. However, if I can find ways to shift my mind-set – to look for ways that encompass peace and joy in my life as it is right now – that is healing. In fact, this week I realized that those moments when I am able to do just that are also the ones where I feel Bruce’s love still all around me… and that is also healing.

“Healing, in its deepest expression, is a reimagining of what it means to be whole and healthy…” ~ Rev. Ken Daigle, Release and Reimagine: Lent 2026, I Reimagine Healing
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – Grief and What?

Many years ago, I took some time to write about other grief in my life besides the loss of Bruce. I wrote about such things as the loss of my first child, the loss of trust and dreams from my first marriage/divorce, and the huge financial loss in my 40s when I lost everything. I wrote about those things because while we each have our own experiences, grief can be about more than physical loss… And while that grief lands differently in our souls, it is still painful… It is still grief.

This week, though, I realized that the lessons born out of each type of grief can help us manage current griefs, if we pay attention and let it. So, what if we started mixing things together that seem to be at odds with each other, such as grief and healing… or grief and positivity… grief and gratitude… or grief and blessings?

No, I am not writing this from some self-righteous position, and it is not meant as a sermon… I am simply sharing and writing about my “ah-ha” moment this week that has created a positive mental shift for me, (and maybe it will be helpful for at least one other person out there).

So let me back up to that “huge financial loss in my 40s when I lost everything”. I had 4 teenagers at the time – 2 in college and 2 in high school. My divorce from my first husband had been finalized over a year before. I, then, took the money from the divorce and after discussing it with my (then) accountant, invested all of it with a family friend. I had a contract. I had stock certificates. I had guarantees of a certain minimum return.

Although in truth… I had nothing.

It turned out to be a Ponzi scheme and none of it was worth the paper it was printed on. My ex had moved out of state and stopped paying child support after only a few months, as well as refusing to pay his court-ordered portion of debt/bills or sign the necessary papers so we could sell our house (with its $4k/month mortgage) or any other property. All while I was working full time as a parochial schoolteacher with a take-home salary that was less than $1K/month. In other words, I was in deep financial trouble.

Skipping ahead, Bruce supported me through learning how to recover from all of that… And I did… we (Bruce and I) did, actually. I learned a lot of good, positive lessons from this. For example, I no longer carry debt, and I prefer paying cash for everything, including cars. In other words, despite what culture may say, I have found that life is so much better now that I live, not just within my means, but slightly under my means, (just in case).

However, this experience also left me with some pretty deep scars… Trust being the biggest one of all. Now, I am very resistant about anything where someone else might have access to my money, such as auto-drafts. This really hasn’t been much of an issue, and Bruce never questioned me about this. (He just seemed to understand.) We even kept separate bank accounts, and that worked for us.

However, the part that has remained and held me down has been my avoidance of anything to do with abundance or prosperity. I don’t meditate on it. I don’t pray for it. I don’t talk about it. Instead, I have spent the last 20+ years simply choosing to ignore it.

There are a lot of feelings behind all of this, such as “I’m don’t deserve it” or “I didn’t handle it well then, and don’t have confidence that I could handle it now.” This week, though, the Divine/Universe/whatever-term-you-prefer has been challenging those thoughts… In fact, I have felt it screaming at me to tackle this distrust.

It has been in my guided meditations, my devotions, podcasts, and sermons. Loud and clear, I heard the Divine guiding me to figure it out… Why have I been so wary of the idea of “abundance”? and… What can I do to start healing that part of my psyche?

Then, this morning, it dawned on me… I have been writing about the answer right here over the last several weeks. You see, rationally I know that abundance isn’t just about money. (I know that money is only one specific type of abundance.)

Abundance is about the good things all around us, all the time… the love of family and friends… the blue sky after the fog dissipates… a vacant beach after a storm… a glorious sunrise or a magnificent sunset. In other words, it is in the simple blessings of our everyday life – not just the big, in-your-face ones, but also the small ones that don’t really stand out… Maybe especially the small ones that don’t really stand out.

So, for weeks, I have been writing about our focus and being mindful of what we are focused on, even as we grieve… About how I have found this to be the best way for me to not spiral down the rabbit hole when those waves of grief get triggered… And today, I realized that this is also what I need to do in all aspects of my life.

To consistently, look around and see all the things to be grateful for… Things I take for granted… things that inspire me to say “wow, that’s wonderful” … Things to notice and acknowledge even in their “ordinary life” kind of way, such as a smile from a stranger or a small flower growing up through a crack in the sidewalk.

I can’t help but feel that my grief for Bruce is what has led me here and this is what I have learned…

I am abundant. I have more blessings than I can count around me every moment.

I am abundant. Even when the situation is hard or hurtful, the lesson found within it (or on the other side) is actually working for me.

I am abundant. I love and I am loved.

I am abundant… I have learned to focus on the blessings surrounding my time with and love for Bruce, which has allowed me to focus on all the other blessings around me… to place trust over fear – trust in the Divine to provide vs fear that lack is all I deserve…

And best of all, I know now that the more I look for that abundance, the more abundance I see.

“… our human tendency may be to withdraw, to feel disheartened or defeated. Yet, if we turn inward and listen in the silence of our hearts, a greater truth begins to emerge: we are never alone. Spirit is always present, inviting us to see with new eyes.” ~ Rev. Elizabeth Longo, Release and Reimagine: Lent 2026, Seeing Things Differently
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – Another Valentines Day

For those reading this, congratulations! You made it through another Valentines Day without your loved one… A day that is an annual, rough challenge, and even after all this time, I never know how it is going to hit me. Then again, that is grief – we never know when or what may trigger one of those overwhelming waves of grief. We keep moving forward, learning how to manage the emotions thrown at us one breath at a time.

I remember the first Valentines Day. Bruce had died only the month before. My friends and family were wonderfully kind – sending flowers, a cookie bouquet, and tons of cards. I think I was still too lost and in shock to truly appreciate the outpouring of love. Instead, I found myself more focused on what was missing, (Bruce), to the point that I couldn’t even see these gifts for what they were – gestures of love… intended for me so that I could know I was loved and not completely alone.

Why are you gone?
Why aren‘t you here?
The lions are here…
Where are you?
I can’t do this!
I don’t have what it takes!
I don’t!
I’m scared.
The lions are circling,
And I don’t have the strength to fight them.
Not again…
It’s too much.
Help me, Babe!
Show me I’m not alone.
~ Linda, February 2015

As the years passed, the gestures from others got fewer, but that was okay… And even though the grief still felt overwhelming, each year, I learned to appreciate more and more those who still reached out.

I started to accept that this was now my life… Not in a depressive, “I-have-no-choice” kind of way, but in a stepping forward, “what-is-my-purpose-now” kind of way. While I still missed Bruce and wished he were here to celebrate the day with me, I was learning to at least appreciate the fact that he had been here to love me at one time… and what a blessing that was!

Sometimes I don’t know how to do this.
Sometimes I can’t even breathe.
Then, something happens,
And I am reminded of how blessed I have been to have known you at all.
To hold you in my arms, even for only a little while…
That love will carry me through.
~ Linda, Feb 2015

Today, I woke up feeling a little bit proud of myself… This year was okay – fun, actually. I was able to spend time with one of Bruce’s sisters last weekend. Then, the other sister came and spent Friday/Friday night with me this weekend. It was such a lovely time with each of them – sharing stories of precious memories and also laughing about life as it is now.

Do I still wish Bruce were still here with me? Yes – absolutely. At the same time, I am also aware that will never be – at least not in this lifetime. But, as long as I hold him in my heart and continue to speak his name with love, then he is still right here within me, and I will always consider myself blessed to known him as my Valentine for the incredible (though limited) time we had together.

I have been a long time on my own now.
I still hate it.
I miss your touch –
The gentle caresses that said, “I love you.”
I miss your smile and laughter –
The look in your eye that reminded me not to take life so seriously.
I miss your arms –
The way you held me close and made my fears and insecurities melt away.
Miss your friendship –
The unconditional love and acceptance you always put forward,
Which encouraged me to just be me.
In other words…
I miss you, Babe,
And I think I always will.
~ Linda, Feb 2023

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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief