Peace, Love, and Grief – What Goes into Relationships

I can’t tell you how many times since Bruce died someone has suggested or questioned my lack of dating or attempting to find another romantic relationship. Usually my response is, “Well, I’ve had the worst of the worst and the best of the best, and I don’t want to settle for anything less that the best.”

That isn’t a lie… but it also isn’t the entire truth.

You see, I have never been able to figure out why or how mine and Bruce’s relationship worked so well, especially when both of our first marriages turned out so bad. Not to mention that I have never felt confident in my ability to be discerning about romantic partners. (There is also the fact that I still love Bruce, and I am very content in my life.)

For years, I have felt that maybe the reason Bruce and I “worked” as a couple was because we had the same “love languages”. (If you don’t know what that is, “love languages” are 5 basic ways that people feel and express love. The ideas come from a book, by Gary Chapman, written to help couples create better connections with each other through those five distinct “love languages”.) For Bruce and I, our languages were a mix of touch and time. Since they were the same, it was easy to express and feel loved with each other.

This week, though, I read something that really opened my eyes. It was about relationships… all relationships – not just romantic ones. This one little paragraph held so much truth and raw wisdom, that for the first time, I finally understand why some of my relationships have worked and others have either fizzled or gone horribly wrong.

According to the wisdom of the indigenous clan mothers, there are basic ingredients that must be the foundations of a successful relationship. These are respect, trust, and intimacy. Then, these three work together to create the fourth, which is unity.

The principle goes like this… You must respect each other to create real trust. Then, you must respect and trust each other in order to willingly open up your hearts and the deepest parts of your souls – intimacy (which is not always sexual intimacy). Then… and only then, can there be unity – the idea of working together for common goals.

Suddenly, I can see, for example, why my first marriage couldn’t work. I can’t speak for my ex, but for me, I didn’t respect him. My religion (not my faith) taught that I should respect him simply because he was a man, and he was my partner. However, I couldn’t respect someone that I feared. For over 20 years, I tried to be a “good wife”, but that was born out of fear – never respect.

I, also, didn’t trust him – I spent years watching behavior that showed me over and over that he was not trustworthy… I knew what he was capable of doing – not just to me, but to almost anyone in his circle. He was a great salesperson and a fantastic storyteller, especially when it came to “selling/presenting” himself. However, it was all more smoke and mirrors than anything else.

Intimacy, however, was where I messed up. I kept thinking that if I opened my heart… if I shared what was deep in my soul, then maybe we could build our relationship on that. Maybe he would believe that I wanted a good relationship… a good marriage. What I didn’t understand at the time was that without the respect and trust, my opening up to him was simply fodder to be used against me at a later time… So eventually, I stopped sharing anything deeply personal, because the cost was too great.

When Bruce came along, though, it was completely different. We started with respect… from the very beginning, when we met on the cruise. I remember one night asking him if he wanted to join my son and I for dinner, and he said, “You came on this cruise to spend time with your son, and I want to respect that. Enjoy your dinner and your time together. I’ll come find you, once he has gone to hang out with his friends.”

I was so shocked and completely impressed! He not only respected my relationship with my family, he also understood and encouraged it… and that never changed.

From there, trust came naturally and in its own time. I will admit that he was much quicker with the trust part than I was. I had spent too many years reading body language for signs of the storm about to hit and second guessing every promise or plan. However, Bruce never wavered. He held steady… He was gentle… He was patient… And in time, I came to know that he was not like any other man I had ever known… My trust in him was absolute and complete.

So… The respect was immediate… The trust was building… and the intimacy came naturally. There was no trying to decide if it was safe or okay to open up… I knew it was, and he knew it was, and in no time at all, we were a solid unified front. We both knew we could count on the other. We both knew that even when conversations were hard or there was an argument the foundation of our marriage was strong… We always knew that no matter what, we would be okay.

I don’t know if this was something Bruce knew intellectually or if it was just built into him. All I know is that he led the way and showed me how to build a relationship that was loving… a relationship that was solid. He showed me what it feels like to love “the best of the best” … And I will always be thankful that I got to experience this kind of love, because even if it was only for a short time, the memories of that love will be with me always.

“When we continue to create respect, trust, intimacy, and unity through our devotion to others, and their well-being, we have a foundation that cannot be eroded.” ~ Jamie Sams, Earth Medicine
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Life Choices

Two things about last week… I spent the weekend with family having a marvelous time. I think… No, I know, after losing Bruce, I realized just how precious each moment spent with loved ones truly is, so I savored every precious moment. I hope you understand that and also understand that while I had stuff to say here, focusing on my time there was what I needed to do.

That was the first thing… The second thing is about the stuff I wanted to say here… and since time was on my side, here I am.

I spent the week before last reading a book called, The Measure, by Nikki Erlick. (If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. If you have read it, then you can probably guess why I am mentioning it here.)

The premise of the book is that each person receives a box on their 22nd birthday with a note that states, “The measure of your life lies within.” Inside the box is a string, which accurately predicts the length of that person’s life.

Soon, the world is divided into “Long Stringers” and “Short Stringers”. As often happens in this human world whenever there is a difference among us, one group is determined to be “better” and the other is suddenly “less than”. (Kind of like the old Dr. Suess book about Sneetches.) This isn’t anything new. It is a phenomenon that has been around throughout history. And that judgement has been based on anything from skin color to gender to religion to nationality. If there are humans, there is “them” vs “us”.

This book simply finds a way to point it our human obsession with division in a way that is unlikely to ever be true, allowing the reader to process the information without feeling guilty or called out on our own judgements.

In the story, it is the Short Stringers who do not “measure up”. They are the ones left fighting for an equal chance at life. For example, economically, they are denied bank loans and good jobs. Socially, most people don’t want to be involved with someone who they know will die first, and the relationships that involve both types of strings present a whole new list of circumstances to wade through.

I wasn’t far into the book before I started thinking about how Bruce would have been a Short Stringer, and I would be a Long Stringer. There were times when I had to put the book down and just process the ridiculousness of measuring the worth of life simply by its length with no thought to how that a person might impact the world… no thought to how (perhaps) a person might die so that someone else can survive. Usually, we would call these people heroes, but in this book, how many lives were now cut short out of society’s fear and need to control… How many times do our own real-life actions do the same?

Bruce was my hero. His impact on myself and my kids will have an effect for generations to come. That is a life well-lived. His non-judgmental, unconditional love changed my life and changed my kids’ lives, which means it likely changed not just the grandchildren’s lives but also anyone we encounter… and the people they encounter.

Like the pebble thrown into a lake, the ripples he created move outward in larger and larger circles still. What a legacy he left behind! He didn’t have to preach to do it; he just made the choice to quietly live a life filled with compassion and kindness. Again… my hero.

“That the beginning and the end may have been chosen for us, the string already spun, but the middle had always been left undetermined, to be woven and shaped by us.” ~ Nikki Erlick, The Measure

So, when I said that I had to put the book down at times just to process what I was reading, I’m not kidding. Throughout the book, the characters, both Long and Short Stringers are constantly challenged with choices, and just like in our current world, a lot of the choices that might seem ordinary to some are monumental to others.

In my own life, this was made most clear after Bruce died. So many things in life that I had simply taken for granted, were suddenly blocked as I was unexpectedly forced to manage life on my own. Suddenly, I knew what it was like to be the “unseen” … the “less worthy”. I wasn’t those things. I knew I wasn’t, but there were so many circumstances where that was the how I was treated.

It took a long time working with a wonderful life coach and several therapists for me to learn how to stand my own ground… to hold my own space… to know that Bruce was right all those years when he would tell me that I held the key within myself – I am the one that teaches the world how to treat me when I either lay down and give in or stand up and keep my head high… and he always encouraged me to hold my head high. Again… my hero.

“I arise in the morning torn between a desire to save the world and a desire to savor the world. That makes it hard to plan the day.” ~ Nikki Erlick, The Measure

So even though I closed that book for the last time a week ago, its impact has continued to be on my mind all week. I keep thinking about Bruce’s “short string” and my (evidently) “long string”. I don’t know if most of us will ever realize the impact of our “ordinary” lives on the world… I don’t think Bruce did. However, I pray that my impact will be at least half of what his was, because despite the brevity, his was a life very well lived.
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief
* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – The Pain of Grief

I had a rough day this week… Just one… But still… All of us here know how hard those days can be. While I’m not exactly sure what the trigger was, because I just woke up that way. Maybe a dream? I don’t know. I just know I struggled all day.

I realized it right away and knew that I should not be around people if I could avoid it. Thank goodness, I work from home most days, so that was a help. I simply closed myself in my office and kept my head down… “This will pass,” I kept telling myself… And (thankfully), it did.

However, that raw pain I was feeling took me back to those original days… Those early days after Bruce died when I was completely caught up in my own pain. It was a pain so deep… so completely encompassing that I couldn’t see anything or anyone else. And the part I had not expected was that the pain wasn’t just emotional… There was true physical pain, as well.

It probably sounds crazy, but my heart literally hurt… and breathing… hurt. There were so many times when I thought, “This is how a person dies of a broken heart, because this hurts!”

I didn’t die… obviously. However, a big part of me did… a huge chunk of my soul was suddenly gone. What was left felt like a shell of what had been… I no longer felt like me.

Losing your soulmate feels like your soul has been ripped out –
Leaving nothing but a shell.
A shell that breathes and moves
But feels no hope…
Not any more…
~ Linda, October 2013

I went through the motions of life, but I wasn’t living… not really. I also found myself offended by everything… If someone tried to comfort me, I was offended. If someone ignored my pain, I was offended. If someone wanted to tell me what I should do, I was offended. If someone failed to tell me what I should do, I was offended. I have no idea why, but I was offended by all of it.

I know I said things that I shouldn’t have. I know I wrote things here that I shouldn’t have. I was a mess and my response to everything and everyone seemed to be anger and distrust… Here’s the thing about that… When that is what we are putting out into the world, that is exactly what we will get in return.

It took me a long time to realize that and get some help. It has taken years to find myself again… To learn to trust again… To realize that as people, we are all just trying to do our best, (at least most of the time) … And as long as I keep that in mind, life is a lot better.

This week, though, when I had that day, I found that all of those old feelings of anger and distrust were right under the surface. It would have been so easy to just dump it out on everyone around me.

Thank heavens for all the people who have loved me enough to stick around… (and the years of therapy) … Because even though I had those same feelings, I was able to recognize it. I didn’t know how to stop the pain, but I was definitely able to not spread it.

Maybe that is how the pain of grief works… It’s always there, just under the surface. Yet, as time passes, we get better at realizing when it rears its head up and threatens to take over. And with that knowledge, we are better able to take a breath and work through it in a way that doesn’t hurt the people around us… Maybe…
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Connections

“In your light I learn how to love. In your beauty, how to make poems. You dance inside my chest where no-one sees you, but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art.” ~ Rumi

– – – – – –

I’m not sure why, but this morning I was reminded of one of the first arguments Bruce and I had. We didn’t argue often, so I can remember most of them pretty clearly… But that first one stands out always stands out for me…

We were living in Michigan, and I had recently started a (temporary) retail job meant to bring in some kind of income while I looked for something that was more permanent and aligned with my passions. It was Saturday. I had worked a full day by myself in the store, which meant no breaks, and I was exhausted. Bruce was off and was preparing dinner when I came home.

For the life of me, I don’t remember what we argued about, but it happened right away. He said something (who knows what) and I reacted with tears (of course), before leaving the room and going to sit down in the living room a few feet away.

I hadn’t argued back… At that point, I was still living in the shell-shocked mode of someone who was used to keeping her mouth shut to avoid an explosion of more anger or violence from the other person. It felt safer to simply close up inside myself and walk away… and so I did. In my mind, I was already thinking back to experiences in my first marriage and reprimanding myself with statements like, “Here we go again” and “How did I end up here again?”

I sat there in the dark with my eyes closed, wishing I could be anywhere but there… doing anything but this.

Next thing I knew, I opened my eyes and there he was beside me. He lifted his hand… and I flinched – waiting to be hit or shoved or whatever. Instead, he handed me a tissue. Then, he took my hands and leaned in, placing his forehead against my own.

“You okay?” he asked.

I shrugged – unable to talk with sobbing. Without a word, he took me in his arms, and we just sat there for a while – no one saying a word. Once my breathing slowed down, he took reached up and lifted my chin so that he could look me in the eyes.

“It’s okay to disagree,” he started. “We’re going to disagree… But disagreeing doesn’t mean that things between us are over. It doesn’t mean you have to give me my way… And it definitely doesn’t mean I’m going to respond by hurting you.”

I remember looking at those wonderfully, gentle eyes and asking, “So, what do we do now?”

He grinned and said, “We talk… We find some common ground and we start there. Then, we find a way to meet somewhere in the middle… somewhere that works for both of us – in a way that we can both live with… It’s not all me and it’s not all you… It’s about us.”

“I don’t know how to do that,” I sighed and took a deep breath. “This feels really hard.”

“It might be… Sometimes it absolutely will be hard… But it’s worth it. We’re worth… Our marriage… our relationship… It’s worth the hard work.”

He was so right! It took me years, to become comfortable with those hard conversations, but it was definitely worth it.

– – – – – –

“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts… but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.” ~ Anonymous Shoshone Tribal Member

– – – – – –

So why am I telling you this today? Because, somehow in today’s society, we’ve forgotten this. I look around and I see so many of people who only want to have relationships with people who think just like them… As if there is no more room for different thoughts or opinions… And that makes me so sad.

I hear how people talk to and about other people who think differently about religion or politics, and it isn’t nice. There is rarely any compassion or motivation to understand each other… “Meeting in the middle” or finding that space where we can compromise and find a livable space for all of us seems like a forgotten art.

However, that isn’t how life is meant to be. No one person has all the answers. No one person is right all the time… And no relationship can be solid if conversation and talking through differences isn’t on the table… Instead, it is up to each of us to offer compassion… to listen so that we can find common ground and work to build a relationship with understanding and compassion as the foundation.

Good relationships will never mean no arguments. It means caring enough about each other and our communities to work through the hard stuff without giving up… It means growing as a couple or as individuals as we figure out how to “meet in the middle” somewhere… It means that every person is important, and we need to remember how to live in a way that lets every person’s light shine.

– – – – – –

“Don’t you know yet? It is your light that lights the worlds.” ~ Rumi
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – My Thoughts

Growing up, I thought grief was something you only experienced when someone you love dies. Somehow, I also got the message that as Christians, we should celebrate and not be sad because they “have gone to a better place to be with God and the angels”. Grief and sadness were presented as almost sinful in many ways.

This led to many conflicting emotions growing up and even into adulthood… What do you call it when you move away from your family and friends? Or when the family pet passes away? Or when your life suddenly changes in ways that require you to put your plans and dreams aside? What do you do with the unbelievably sad emotions experienced at the loss of a child from miscarriage or the loss of a grandparent?

I had no words for any of that loss and sadness. Instead, I felt shame and confusion… I couldn’t celebrate, and I didn’t understand how these emotions were bad. But rather than sharing those feelings and risking the reactions of others, I tried to hold those things in.

Was I successful? Probably not… But it was the only way I had been shown to deal with it.

So, when Bruce died, I was at a total and complete loss. I had never learned to truly deal with any grief, other than to pretend it wasn’t there. I couldn’t do that this time, though, which has made this journey that much longer.

From the beginning, I started looking for ways to work through grief… I read every book and article and listened to every video and podcast I could find on the topic. And it wasn’t long before I learned that I would need to go back and re-process the grief from all those past losses while I was working on processing my grief for Bruce.

It has been a long arduous journey, and I guess, today I just want to share some quick thoughts on the things I have been told vs the way grief has played out for me in reality.

1. “Life moves on” … Yes, life for the rest of the world keeps moving, and to some extent I had to start finding my way in it right away. However, my life was at a standstill. I struggled to simply keep waking up in the morning. My life had literally collapsed. The world as I knew it was over. Setting new goals and establishing new dreams for a future alone were some of the hardest things I had to learn to do.

2. “This is your ‘new normal’” … I hate that phrase. Yes, this is what life has dealt me, but there is absolutely nothing normal about it. That is like saying that climbing a sheer rockface without gear is normal. No… it isn’t normal. It feels wildly dangerous and every move feels life-threatening in some way. Living life as a widow is not normal. It is simply where I find myself, and I have learned to “climb this cliff” carefully – feeling my way while taking it one slow movement at a time.

3. “You need to let them go” … Our love was not and is not a switch on the wall. It cannot be turned on and off at will. In fact, I don’t know that it is something I will ever be able to simply “turn off”. I believe Bruce (and my love for him) will always be a part of me. So maybe for some of us, “good-bye” is actually a life-long process… Or maybe it isn’t good-bye at all, but more of a “see you later”.

4. “You can always remarry” … While very similar to #3, this one has always been more repugnant to me. This was the love of my life – not a broken coffee mug. You can’t simply “replace” a person. I remember when I lost little baby Matthew, and people said, “You can always have more.” Yes, I did have more, but not one of them was baby Matthew. Each person and each relationship is unique – trying to replace or swap one for another does not seem healthy to my way of thinking.

5. “Time heals” … That’s laughable. Sure, I have learned to manage my grief better. I have learned more appropriate ways and times to express my grief. However, the pain of losing Bruce is just as strong and real as it was the night he died. Time hasn’t healed anything. Instead, it has simply given me enough experience to learn how to live with my feet in both worlds – the world of grief and the world of life.

6. “The stages of grief are a path” … First of all, my understanding is that these were initially written to give voice to the stages a person experiences when they learn they are dying. Over time, people started applying these same stages to all grief, which in a lot of ways makes sense. However, if you think for one minute that they present one at a time and in order, that is a fallacy. Yes… at some point you will experience all of them, but it is not a clear, straight forward path. It is more like a jumbled up, knotted ball of string. You get what you get at any given time, and (hopefully) you figure that part out before you encounter the next jumbled up mess.

I am sure there are more of these, and I am sure I will think of more as soon as I post this. Yet, these are the ones that have hit me hard this week. Phrases that others love to say, thinking they are being helpful, and with zero understanding that each person’s path and experience is different… and the best we can (and should) offer is patience and love while those sitting in grief find their next step.
____________________________________________________
Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted.

Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Our Time

Sundays… I love Sundays. There are a lot of things I have to accomplish on Sundays to prepare for the week ahead, but still… There is a calm and quiet about Sunday’s that just feel like the perfect way to start the week.

I can’t say I always felt that way, though. Growing up, it was a quiet day… We went into town for church, but then the afternoon (or most of them) was spent at our grandparents’ house having a family lunch and a quiet afternoon with the kids playing in the yard and the grownups either sitting in the shade (when the weather permitted) or sitting in the living room and chatting about life. I remember being there all afternoon and falling asleep in my grandfather’s lap with my head resting on his chest.

When I became an adult with a family of my own, I am saddened to say that most of that went out the window. It just seemed like we always had something to do or somewhere to go. I had never heard the term “boundaries” and didn’t have the slightest clue how to reclaim that time and make it ours – just ours. Others might make demands on our time during the week, but I missed having this one day to slow down and breathe.

When Bruce and I got married though, he was a big believer in “a day of rest” … and Sundays quickly became “our time”. No matter what shifts we were currently working, we both always had Sunday as a day off. Depending on the season, we might spend the day on the boat or at the beach… We might go visit with his folks or go for a hike in the woods… Or we might spend the day snuggled on the couch while he watched sports and I read a book.

It may sound funny, but the day always ended with him cooking in the kitchen. Sometimes I was in there working right alongside him and other times, I would find myself sitting on the barstool at the counter, sipping on a glass of wine, and chatting with him as he did his magic. And then there were those times when the food was forgotten as we danced barefoot in the kitchen – lost in a precious moment of love’s expression.

Honestly, it didn’t really matter what we did. Whatever we chose to do, it was relaxing – not stressful… And it was us… together… not either of us alone. That time together was sacred time… It was our time… And we always made sure to prioritize that day and each other.

My gosh, how I loved those Sundays with him… How I miss those Sundays with him.

So today, as I sit here reminiscing, I am flooded with a thousand memories of lazy Sunday afternoons spent doing ordinary things with the love of my life. I find myself smiling… and crying… and laughing… and missing… And all because we took the time to prioritize US.

And I guess that every week when I sit down to write this blog, I am still doing that. I am committed to this time each week… Time to remember… Time to grieve… Time to love… Time for us… I guess Sundays are still “our time”.

This week…
I have missed you
And
I have remembered you.

I have cried for you
And
I have danced with you.

I am tired of hurting
But
I’m not tired of loving you.
~ Linda, September 2021

____________________________________________________
Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Dealing with the Hand We’re Dealt

“What do you think I’m trying to do? Not my fault I was dealt a shitty hand.”
“No, the deal is never anyone’s fault. But you control the way you play.”
~ Shelby Van Pelt, Remarkably Bright Creatures

A little nugget of wisdom came from my mother when I was going through my divorce many years ago. While I know she isn’t the one to come up with the idea, she is the one who passed it on to me, so she gets credit in my book.

Things were rough. That divorce took over three years because of the games my ex played with the system. It seemed like I would get through one huddle, only to find that he had created another… It felt unending.

So, one evening as my mom and I were talking, I mentioned that I was so tired. I wanted to do things right. I just wanted to be apart from him and have a little bit of peace in my life, but he was making it so difficult… And she advised, “You can’t control what other people do… only how you respond.”

Those words have stuck to with me through so many hard times… While I can’t say I am always successful (because I am only human), it does help me with perspective, and sometimes that is what I need in the moment.

However, my mom isn’t the only one to give me advice that I still use today…

As I mentioned last week, I grew up sailing small boats… very small boats, such as Sunfish and Lasers. I loved it. I loved the quiet on the water. I loved riding on the wind. I even loved just sitting there when the wind died down, and I could either relax and wait for the breeze to pick up again or paddle my way back to shore – my choice.

However, before I was ever allowed to take the boat out by myself, my father said I had to prove my skills. To do that, I had to sail the boat way out into the middle of the lake, turtle the boat (flip it over completely), swim to shore and back to the boat (without a life jacket), right the boat by myself, and sail back to the dock. I was about 12 or 13 before I could finally pass that test, but I was determined. I knew what I wanted and I made up my mind that I could do it… so I did.

Before I started, I remember my father saying, “You have a plan. Stay focused on the next step in front of you – don’t focus on where you have been or what is still ahead… Just take it one step at a time.”

It’s funny, but I think that one exercise has carried me through so many other challenges in life. I can’t tell you how many times I have looked back on that experience and think, “I did that… I can do this… Just focus on one step at a time.”

So why am I telling you this? Because a couple of weeks ago, I was watching the Netflix movie, Remarkably Bright Creatures, and there were so many emotions that I could relate to… especially the intense grief expressed by Sally Field’s character.

Almost immediately, I found myself thinking back to those first few days/weeks/months after Bruce died. Back then, I couldn’t even begin to imagine spending the next year alone… much less the rest of my life. Our family tends to live long healthy lives, so odds were that I was only about halfway through my life… The idea that I had at least that same amount of time to get through without Bruce felt impossible.

I couldn’t shake those feelings. There were days when I truly dreaded opening my eyes in the morning because it just felt like one more blip in what felt like forever.

“You can’t fix someone who is determined to stay broken.”
― Shelby Van Pelt, Remarkably Bright Creatures

But… time has passed, and life has continued to do what life does. There have been challenges and moments of despair, as well as good times and moments of celebration. So, while watching that movie, a few weeks ago, I found myself looking back at where I started on this journey compared to where I am now.

With that reflection, I realized something… I have come a long way from where I started. At first, I constantly either focused on where I had been (with Bruce in my life) or where I was headed (a lifetime without him). For the record, I think that is probably normal.

In fact, I still have days where some of that is constantly on my mind. However, over time I have reminded myself that I have done hard things before and not only survived but actually succeeded. I also constantly remind myself when those waves of grief hit that I am absolutely allowed to feel what I feel, but I also get to choose how I will respond and express those feelings.

Part of that is realizing that it is okay to remember and to feel what I feel. It is learning to understand that sometimes we need to see where we started so that we can understand how far we have come. At the same time, I also need to remember not to get stuck focusing on all of that…

Instead, my response needs to be one of processing the grief, and then coming back to the step I am on…

“Tova knew there was a bottom to those depths of despair. Once your soul was soaked through with grief, any more simply ran off, overflowed, the way maple syrup on Saturday morning pancakes always cascaded onto the table whenever Erik was allowed to pour it on himself.”
~ Shelby Van Pelt, Remarkably Bright Creatures

____________________________________________________
Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Memorial Days

Memorial Day… In Michigan, this weekend was always the true beginning of summer. It was as if someone flipped a switch. Overnight, we seemed to go from cold and dreary to warm and sunny. It was also the weekend when Bruce and I took the sailboat out of storage from the winter.

We would spend the weekend getting her cleaned up, sails set, motor and rudder set, lines tested, and all the other tasks involved to get her ready for the summer… And some years, if we were lucky, we would have time for at least one sail out on Lake Michigan before settling her into her slip at the marina for the summer.

It probably sounds crazy to say it was fun, but it was. Sure, it was a weekend of hard work, but it was also a weekend of fun anticipation for the summer ahead. We both loved being on the water and sailing. I grew up sailing (albeit much smaller boats), and Bruce had taken up sailing after his divorce from his first wife. It was something we both loved sharing with each other.

I remember our first Memorial Day together… We were still just dating at the time. However, we had met five months earlier on an old sailing schooner, so the language and passion were something we had shared from the very beginning.

That first year, Bruce asked me to come to Michigan for the holiday weekend. He was excited to have someone, who shared his passion for the wind and water, to not only share in the annual ritual of preparing the boat for the season, but also to help him christen the boat with her permanent name, Island Buoy.

We had only been together a few months, so I wasn’t surprised that he started the day questioning how much experience I really had vs how much I said I had. He wasn’t rude or mean, just looking for confirmation. It didn’t take long, though, for him to realize that other than a few questions related more to the size of the boat, than anything else, we were both on similar ground in regard to knowledge and ability.

It was a great weekend. We managed to get her ready for the summer ahead and get her name on the hull, before christening her with a bottle of champagne and moving her into her summer slip. That year, we didn’t manage to get a sail in, but we were able to grill some burgers on her deck at the marina before the sun set.

It was a beautiful day… Nothing over-the-top, and yet, that is exactly what makes this memory so precious to me – the simplicity of that weekend… and the fact that it was followed by many more similar weekends throughout the years… So many other Memorial Day weekends spent in just the same way.

For me, it is these normal, simple days and activities that I miss most… The security of knowing that this “ritual” was how we started each and every summer. This day of hard work mixed with excitement and laughter… A day that was repeated each year… A day of simple, ordinary things and simple, ordinary conversations… A day that I would give my soul to experience again…

Those ordinary days… Those ordinary conversations… Those are the things I seem to miss the most.

Sail on, Babe! I love you!!

____________________________________________________
Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief
* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Just Hold Me

I am alone…
All alone.
No longer is there someone to listen at the end of a bad day.
No longer are there arms to hug me or lips to kiss away the hurt.
No longer is there someone to say, “I love you… that’s all we need.”
All that greets me is silence, emptiness, and my own thoughts…
~ Linda, Sept 2013

Most of us learn pretty quickly on this path that when someone we love dies, (particularly a partner), you don’t just lose the person or relationship. No… You lose all kinds of things – all the different roles that person filled in your life. I remember going to a grief support group and one of the first things they had us do was to list all the things that other person did. For example, Bruce had always handled the taxes. That first year I almost missed filing mine because Bruce had always done it. He was our tax-guy. (I am not a tax person at all. So now, every year, I hire someone to fill that role and prepare my taxes.)

I know it sounds weird and maybe even a little heartless or un-emotional, but it is reality. When Bruce died, all those roles and tasks that he had handled were now mine… and I struggled to remember all those things that were not in the forefront of my mind, especially through the fog of grief.

I ended up with sticky notes all over the house to remind me to do those things, such as locking the door and unplugging appliances before going to bed… or cleaning the cats’ litter boxes… or taking the garbage can to the street on trash day. All small things… all important things… and all things I was NOT used to thinking about.

But those are not the only things we lost when Bruce died. I know each family member and friend had their own relationship with Bruce, which means we all lost and grieve different things. The past few weeks I have been craving an aspect of our relationship that I haven’t really thought about in a while…

As you have read many times, I often refer to Bruce as my “gentle giant”. He was a body-builder so he was quite muscle-bound – my giant. He was also the kindest, most gentle person I have ever met. He was always aware of our size difference. (I’m kind of little and was even smaller back then.)

So, I went from a man who was completely not self-aware and thought it was funny to physically hurt others, to a man who was very self-aware of his physique and went out of his way not to hurt anyone, (unless it was about protecting those he loved). Hence… my gentle giant.

What I have been missing is how he used to hold me in his arms… Whenever times were rough – whether a bad day at work, a hard conversation with one of the kids, or a threat from my ex – he would see my face (and the tears in my eyes), and hold out his arms. I would enter that safe space and simply say, “Just hold me… please,” … And he would. For as long as I needed, without words and without rushing me through my own processing in that moment, he held me…

God, how I miss that.

I don’t know why I have been craving that the past couple of weeks, but I have. Nothing is going wrong. Life is good. I am happy. I am also tired… and anxious about how “we the people” are currently treating each other with such disrespect and hate. I guess, now that I wrote that out, I realize that is why I am craving that safe space in his arms.

I find myself (several times a day) whispering, “I miss you, Babe… Just hold me… Please, hold me.” Of course, there is never a response and life moves on… Somedays I have cried at that point, and other days I have done some journaling or gone for a walk… None of it takes the place of what I crave, but it does allow me to process whatever is happening within my heart at that time.

I also know this… When my time comes, and Bruce and I are together again, I think the first thing I am going to say is, “Just hold me… please, just hold me.”

Sometimes I can’t breathe for the pain of it.
Other times I smile and laugh at the thought of our memories.
You were always that way…
Making me smile or laugh when I wanted to cry…
When the pain was so bad.
Now my heart hurts…
Truly, physically hurts with the missing of you.
I feel your soul.
I know you are here,
But I need to SEE your eyes and your smile;
Feel the comfort of your arms.
I want to breathe in your presence,
And feel your love in all these things.
But that isn’t to be…
All I have are the memories;
The memories of our love…
And …
Sometimes I can’t breathe for the pain of it.
~ Linda, Oct 2013

Note: You may have noticed, I didn’t post a blog last week. I took the time to spend Mother’s Day weekend with family. I considered stepping away and writing. However, I ultimately decided that my time here with them is precious, and I just wanted to enjoy and treasure the opportunity for us to create some precious memories.
____________________________________________________
Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

Peace, Love, and Grief – It’s Not Just About Me

“If you can’t see the Divine in everyone, you can’t see the Divine in anyone.” ~ Rev. Richard Rohr

Last weekend, while driving home from a retreat, I was chatting with my fellow passengers, and while I can’t for the life of me remember how the topic came up, I found myself admitting that sometimes I am still angry at Bruce for dying. Not for the same reasons I was angry when he first died, though. No… Just as I have said here before, sometimes I am angry that he left me here alone to figure out how to navigate all of this crap (for lack of a better word) that seems to be taking place in our world day by day and minute by minute.

There are so many days when it all just feels too overwhelming for words. Not checking the news while we were in Key West was fantastic! For a whole week, I felt like I could breathe…really breathe… for the first time in a long time.

From KW, I went straight to the retreat. So I guess it just hit me on the car ride home, that I would need to go back to reality… go back to monitoring how much crap I let into my psyche and how much I leave alone… Trying to figure out how much is enough to understand what is happening without feeling overwhelmed and going down a rabbit hole.

… And I may have felt a little bit angry (again) that Bruce isn’t here for a hug or a kind word or reassurance when it all feels like too much. Humans are social creatures, after all. So managing all of this stuff alone… is hard sometimes.

By Sunday night as I crawled into bed, the tears were flowing. I was tired of all of the anger and hate that seems so prevalent these days. (It just hurts my heart!) By Monday, when I wrote in my journal, I was downright depressed, and I wasn’t sure how to pull myself out of it.

Then, as if on cue… (or maybe even from Bruce in some odd way) … Things started popping up in my readings all week…

First, I finished reading, Grounded, by Diane Butler Bass. It has been an interesting spiritual book. (No, I am not trying to sell it or get you to read it. I am simply giving her credit.) The book is about seeing the Divine differently. Rather than “elevator/vertical” faith that sees God as “up there” somewhere, it is about shifting to a more intimate faith… a faith that sees the Divine in all things – the dirt, the water, the sky… and our communities, both local and global.

In other words, seeing the Divine in others. Not just the ones who look like me or think like me… Not just the ones who are easy to love and get along with… But seeing the Divine in all others.

A couple of days later, I came across this quote in my devotions: “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” ~ Frederick Buecher

That felt like more of that same Divine calling… To not be so caught up in me, and my needs. A reminder that all of Mother Earth and her creatures are also witnessing and/or experiencing the same things I am. We may all have different perspectives, but ultimately, we are all in this… And wouldn’t it be so much better to pool our strengths in order to diminish our struggles? To remember that “No man is an island…”, and work together?

And finally, this morning… As I opened one of my daily readers, Earth Medicine by Jamie Sams, I found my path, (or what I am meant to do), concerning what is happening… She wrote, “Any dream that does not include everyone is a vision created from limited perception, or in some cases, greed.” Then, in the final paragraph she asked, “When is the last time you remembered to include the needs of every single human in your prayers or in your vision of what the future should become?”

Wow! That was eye-opening for me…

It isn’t only about seeing the Divine in all things and all people… It is about including all of it in my dreams and my prayers… It is about remembering that although Bruce is not here, I am not alone in this… None of us are.
____________________________________________________
Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.