“If you can’t see the Divine in everyone, you can’t see the Divine in anyone.” ~ Rev. Richard Rohr
Last weekend, while driving home from a retreat, I was chatting with my fellow passengers, and while I can’t for the life of me remember how the topic came up, I found myself admitting that sometimes I am still angry at Bruce for dying. Not for the same reasons I was angry when he first died, though. No… Just as I have said here before, sometimes I am angry that he left me here alone to figure out how to navigate all of this crap (for lack of a better word) that seems to be taking place in our world day by day and minute by minute.
There are so many days when it all just feels too overwhelming for words. Not checking the news while we were in Key West was fantastic! For a whole week, I felt like I could breathe…really breathe… for the first time in a long time.
From KW, I went straight to the retreat. So I guess it just hit me on the car ride home, that I would need to go back to reality… go back to monitoring how much crap I let into my psyche and how much I leave alone… Trying to figure out how much is enough to understand what is happening without feeling overwhelmed and going down a rabbit hole.
… And I may have felt a little bit angry (again) that Bruce isn’t here for a hug or a kind word or reassurance when it all feels like too much. Humans are social creatures, after all. So managing all of this stuff alone… is hard sometimes.
By Sunday night as I crawled into bed, the tears were flowing. I was tired of all of the anger and hate that seems so prevalent these days. (It just hurts my heart!) By Monday, when I wrote in my journal, I was downright depressed, and I wasn’t sure how to pull myself out of it.
Then, as if on cue… (or maybe even from Bruce in some odd way) … Things started popping up in my readings all week…
First, I finished reading, Grounded, by Diane Butler Bass. It has been an interesting spiritual book. (No, I am not trying to sell it or get you to read it. I am simply giving her credit.) The book is about seeing the Divine differently. Rather than “elevator/vertical” faith that sees God as “up there” somewhere, it is about shifting to a more intimate faith… a faith that sees the Divine in all things – the dirt, the water, the sky… and our communities, both local and global.
In other words, seeing the Divine in others. Not just the ones who look like me or think like me… Not just the ones who are easy to love and get along with… But seeing the Divine in all others.
A couple of days later, I came across this quote in my devotions: “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” ~ Frederick Buecher
That felt like more of that same Divine calling… To not be so caught up in me, and my needs. A reminder that all of Mother Earth and her creatures are also witnessing and/or experiencing the same things I am. We may all have different perspectives, but ultimately, we are all in this… And wouldn’t it be so much better to pool our strengths in order to diminish our struggles? To remember that “No man is an island…”, and work together?
And finally, this morning… As I opened one of my daily readers, Earth Medicine by Jamie Sams, I found my path, (or what I am meant to do), concerning what is happening… She wrote, “Any dream that does not include everyone is a vision created from limited perception, or in some cases, greed.” Then, in the final paragraph she asked, “When is the last time you remembered to include the needs of every single human in your prayers or in your vision of what the future should become?”
Wow! That was eye-opening for me…
It isn’t only about seeing the Divine in all things and all people… It is about including all of it in my dreams and my prayers… It is about remembering that although Bruce is not here, I am not alone in this… None of us are.
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.
I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*
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