Month: November 2025

Peace, Love, and Grief – Our First Family Holiday

Well, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas in our little town, and I have started pulling out a few decorations here and there to get a jump on the decorating. Normally, I wait until the weekend after Thanksgiving to start all that, but there are already so many things on the calendar that I decided to start a little bit earlier this year.

Not that my decorating is what this week’s blog is about… It isn’t. At the same time, it is the decorating that sparked the memory that I want to share today… One that hits me every year as soon as the Christmas décor starts being pulled out of the boxes.

It was late September, when Bruce and I made the decision to get married. So then, Halloween weekend found my youngest daughter and I driving up to Michigan with a carload of our stuff and my middle daughter’s cat. Bruce and I were married about a week later… But we still had stuff back home, so the three of us traveled all the way back home to South Carolina a few weeks later, where we spent Thanksgiving Day with my family, loaded up a moving van with the final stuff we were taking with us, and traveled back to Michigan in time for Bruce to go to work on Monday.

Being the wonderful, generous people they are, Bruce’s folks lost no time in coming over on Monday (while Bruce was working) and helped my daughter and I unload the van and get settled in. Moving from a 3000 square foot home to a 900 square foot condo, though, meant that a lot of items were going into storage until we figured out what (if anything) to do with them.

I will always remember Bruce’s Dad laughing at me as he counted the number of boxes marked “Christmas”. I am pretty sure the number was somewhere around 20 (and that did not include a tree). His Dad, who was doing all the heavy lifting, just laughed and laughed as he carried yet another box into the house saying, “My goodness! You sure do love Christmas!”

By the time Bruce got home that night, the truck was unpacked, the furniture was in place, and there was a tower of Christmas boxes in the dining room waiting to be emptied over the next few days. Bruce chuckled as his dad continued to tease me. Then, he grinned and simply said, “I have some Christmas decorations too. Let me add them to the pile.”

Then, he proceeded to go into the closet and pull out one box… Yes, you read that right… one box… And when I peeked inside to see what he had in there, I saw one nativity set, one stocking, a Christmas blanket, and a tangled mess of Christmas lights… He just laughed sheepishly when he saw my face. “I’ve been a bachelor for 14 years. What did you expect?”

That week, while Bruce was at work, and my youngest was at school, I set to work decorating the house for Christmas. By Friday, with the exception of a tree, the house was decorated… It looked like Christmas had exploded in that tiny little space, and I was a little worried that my minimalist husband might not be too pleased.

I shouldn’t have worried though. When Bruce came through the door on that Friday, he looked around and grinned from ear to ear. Then, he took me in his arms and whispered, “You have really made this place look like a home… a real home… I can’t wait for my daughter to see this. She won’t believe this is the same place.”

After dinner, Bruce asked if we would all like to go to pick a tree the next morning. He suggested that we get that up and decorated over the weekend. While my daughter (who was understandably not thrilled at moving and having a stepfather) tried to act like she could care less, I couldn’t wait. We were going to have a wonderful Christmas… I just knew it.

So, early the next morning, Bruce tossed a saw into the back of his truck and the three of us piled into the front. There was fresh snow on the ground, but the truck was warm as we drove to what Bruce proclaimed was the “best Christmas tree farm in the state”. Once we arrived, the three of us piled out, Bruce grabbed the saw, I started inspecting trees, and my daughter did the “I’m bored and angsty” thing.

After several minutes, I called the two of them over to show them the tree I thought would be perfect. Bruce didn’t even look at it. Instead, he looked at my daughter and asked if she had picked one yet.
“What?” I asked.

“It’s tradition,” he responded. “In our family, the youngest daughter always picks the tree. Growing up, that was my youngest sister… She was always the one to pick the tree.”

“Seriously?”, I asked.

“Seriously,” he answered, as he turned back to my daughter.

Then, I saw my first Christmas miracle… My daughter’s face lit up as she realized the “gift” he was giving her… Not just a chance to pick our first family tree, but the gift of his family and her inclusion into their world and their traditions.

I will admit, it took me a few minutes to appreciate what was happening. However, after watching the two of them walk all over that farm until she finally found the tree she wanted, my heart softened. Then, watching him as he lay on his belly in the snow and proceeded to saw down “her tree”, I knew this was one of those precious moments that none of us would ever forget.

Many Christmases have come and gone since that year, and each one holds a precious place in my heart. Yet, that year will always stand out because that was the year that this wonderful man gave my family the gift of his family… and his heart.

Holiday Note: I will be taking a break next weekend, while I spend time with my family. I will meet you back here the following week.
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Courage

According to the dictionary, courage is defined as “the ability to do something that is frightening; bravery; strength in the face of pain.”

For those of us who have been left behind… who are now trying to figure out how to live on without our loved ones… we can tell the rest of the world that this takes courage… It has not only been a frightening prospect, but it has also required bravery and strength that I never knew I had within me.

Shoot, I’m not really sure I had it in me when this journey first started. I mean, I guess, I had a certain amount of courage because I kept on… I kept on breathing. I kept on getting out of bed. I kept on working and eating and living my life… And trust me when I say, NONE of that was easy.

I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to work or eat or laugh or breathe… I didn’t want to keep on living. What I wanted was to crawl into a dark hole somewhere and let the rest of the world go on without me… But I didn’t… I came close… very close many times… but I didn’t quit.

Instead, each day… each moment… I made the difficult decision to keep on… to take that next breath… to move through that next moment… that next conversation… that next challenge that life so “graciously” threw in my path.

It. Was. Hard.

But I didn’t quit… Sure, there were multitudes of times when I had to lean on family or friends to simply survive to the next moment… There were times when I got stuck in a darkness of my own creation, but their love gave me the gentle prod I needed to move again. In other words, I didn’t quit… and they didn’t quit on me.

Their love sustained me… Their love gave me purpose… Their love and support gave me space for my own courage to grow and develop within this new role in life, (even when I didn’t want to), and I am eternally grateful.

So, maybe it isn’t about how much courage we have going into our grief journey… Maybe, instead, for some of us, it is a matter of our courage growing because of the challenges that grief demands. In other words, maybe our courage is actually born of our grief… And maybe (just maybe) the courage that grief requires isn’t about what we are brave enough to do in each moment… Maybe instead, courage is more about the conscious decision to do the next hard thing… or take the next hard step… despite everything within us thinking we can’t.

I have been here for a while.
I am alone.
I have learned to be okay with that.

Here, it feels warm.
Here, it feels safe.
Here, I can just be…
   no worrying…
      no crying…
         no feeling…
No life.

I must find my courage.
I must break out of this shell of isolation,
And like a seed,
I must push out of the comfort of my own creation
And move toward the sun…
   To places unknown.
~ Linda, January 2024

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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – A Love Letter

Dear Babe,

Happy Anniversary! As I went to bed last night, it hit me that this would have been 20 years… Wow!! That seems crazy. It feels like just yesterday, we were boarding that boat in St. Thomas and sitting down beside each other for the first time… An event that would forever change both our lives.

I remember the late-night talks on that cruise when we shyly held hands or kissed… I remember sitting on the dock, watching the stars come out as we shared the stories that had brought each of us to that moment… or how you kept saying that you couldn’t wait for your family to meet me, (which may have freaked me out just a little bit).

I can’t help but think about our first date after the cruise, when I flew up to Michigan in February, (because that is everyone’s dream destination in the middle of winter – LOL). Or, how about the anniversary we spent in Northern Michigan just so I could finally go on a true, old-fashioned sleigh ride? I am laughing remembering how you brought along several blankets and a flask of rum to “keep us warm”, and by the end of the day, you had to carry me back to our room and put me to bed. (Hot chocolate may have been a wiser choice.) LOL!

So many wonderfully, precious memories… and all with you… and me… and a little thing called, love. <3

This weekend, though, is all about that day when we told the world that we were in love and committed to each other. We had already made that vow to each other many months earlier, but on this day, we shared that commitment with our families and the rest of the world. We had both been burned badly before and were so scared, but our love was greater than our fears… So, there we stood in front of that judge and a few family members ready to spend the rest of forever together.

We were like two pieces of a puzzle that makes up this life – a perfect fit, despite each having had our own struggles. How many times did we lie in each other’s arms talking about how the other seemed to heal those parts of ourselves that had been hurt so deeply by others? … Not a one-way street, but a mutual love that healed two hearts at once.

I keep thinking back to our first dance on that cruise in the Caribbean, and then to the last one in our bedroom just days before you died. God, how I miss those moments!

I don’t care how much time passes, I don’t think I will ever understand why I am here and you are gone… It feels like some kind of awful mistake. My hope, though, lies in my belief that we will see other again… and I will run into your arms… and we will hold each other forever.

As I sit here today listening to “our song”, I find myself crying and smiling at the same time… So thankful to have known and loved you – this man who quickly became my hero… my knight in shining armor… So broken-hearted that you are gone… So blessed to have loved you and to have known your love in return.

As you used to say, “God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you!” *

I love you, Babe… and that’s forever!

* Rascal Flats, Bless the Broken Road
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Waves of Grief

Over the last few years, I spent a good deal of time in therapy working through old issues and trauma – reprocessing, finding my voice, forgiving myself, and learning to be comfortable setting boundaries vs “people pleasing” behavior. It has been hard… It has even been overwhelming at times… and it has been freeing beyond anything I have ever experienced.

Over the past several months, I have felt really good. Yes, I still miss Bruce. However, the pain has not been overwhelming. I have even been able to reminisce about him with a smile on my face and in my heart. In fact, a couple of weeks ago while at the beach with Bruce’s sister, we had a toast in his honor and poured him a beer, as well.

While I completely expected to fall apart, I didn’t. I found myself smiling at the many memories he and I had in that very spot enjoying lunch and a drink. In other words, I was a bit proud of myself for making headway in the grief and mourning department… In other words, I thought, “Wow! I’m doing okay… Go me!”

Then, last Saturday, my son and I were out at dinner – enjoying the weather, the food, and some live music. Life was good, and this felt like the perfect way to start a new week. As we sat there laughing and chatting, the musician started playing Jimmy Buffet’s song, A Pirate Looks at Forty… or as I tend to refer to it, Mother, Mother Ocean.

Bruce and I were huge Jimmy Buffet fans, and this was one of Bruce’s favorite songs… Something in it just clicked for him. So, at first, I smiled. Then… before the first stanza was finished, I found tears welling up in my eyes and I got very quiet.

This was nuts! Where had all this emotion come from? It was just a song, for goodness’ sake! Why was I letting this one song set off a wave of tears… and how could I stifle this emotional response? I didn’t want to cry… and I didn’t want to cry in public! What in the world was wrong with me?!

And just like that… a wave of grief had washed over me like a tsunami, leaving me tumbling and struggling to figure out which way was up where I could catch a breath.

I spent the next several days fighting the impulse to fall into that deep rabbit-hole of depression. It would be so easy to do a deep dive into all the things that have been hurting my heart lately, such as church politics, lies to and about me, loss of trust with friends… All of it came flooding into my mind leaving me on the edge of a big pity party. I could feel it… and while I wanted to fight it, I also wanted to totally give in to it and just feel all the things…

I am sure most of you know how this goes – in public, I went on smiling, acting like all is well, and asking everyone else how they were doing – Anything to avoid dealing with or sharing my own pain. However, in private, I was a hot mess – falling into a depression that I wasn’t sure I could stop and wondering when (if ever) the pain and grief of losing Bruce will ever be gone… I mean, really gone?

Then, on Monday, during my meditation time, I read about learning to find peace within my heart… and within my truth… And so, I was reminded…

Life is complicated with easy times and hard times… Our emotions are as fleeting as the wind – able to come and go in a breath… and all of that is dependent on all the other things going on in our lives. Bad things don’t happen simply because I am bad, and good things don’t happen simply because I am good.

Good and bad things happen to all of us… (That is just life.) What matters is how we choose to process the event – Is there a lesson I need to learn? Is this a redirection of my path (not the blockage I am currently seeing)?

So that is where I am today… still processing the grief that knocked my off my feet earlier in the week. However, this time, I am working hard to make sure that this is only a small set-back… or if I will even let it become that…

Instead, I want to allow myself to feel what I feel about all the things going on in my world… Only so I can move forward, though, and not get stuck. I also want to show love and kindness to those who have hurt me, and at the same time, set boundaries and take action to protect myself in areas where I have lost trust… and, most of all, I want to remember to lean into the love and grace that Bruce brought into my world and let that carry me when the grief feels overwhelming.
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.