Dear Babe,
Happy Anniversary! As I went to bed last night, it hit me that this would have been 20 years… Wow!! That seems crazy. It feels like just yesterday, we were boarding that boat in St. Thomas and sitting down beside each other for the first time… An event that would forever change both our lives.
I remember the late-night talks on that cruise when we shyly held hands or kissed… I remember sitting on the dock, watching the stars come out as we shared the stories that had brought each of us to that moment… or how you kept saying that you couldn’t wait for your family to meet me, (which may have freaked me out just a little bit).
I can’t help but think about our first date after the cruise, when I flew up to Michigan in February, (because that is everyone’s dream destination in the middle of winter – LOL). Or, how about the anniversary we spent in Northern Michigan just so I could finally go on a true, old-fashioned sleigh ride? I am laughing remembering how you brought along several blankets and a flask of rum to “keep us warm”, and by the end of the day, you had to carry me back to our room and put me to bed. (Hot chocolate may have been a wiser choice.) LOL!
So many wonderfully, precious memories… and all with you… and me… and a little thing called, love. <3
This weekend, though, is all about that day when we told the world that we were in love and committed to each other. We had already made that vow to each other many months earlier, but on this day, we shared that commitment with our families and the rest of the world. We had both been burned badly before and were so scared, but our love was greater than our fears… So, there we stood in front of that judge and a few family members ready to spend the rest of forever together.
We were like two pieces of a puzzle that makes up this life – a perfect fit, despite each having had our own struggles. How many times did we lie in each other’s arms talking about how the other seemed to heal those parts of ourselves that had been hurt so deeply by others? … Not a one-way street, but a mutual love that healed two hearts at once.
I keep thinking back to our first dance on that cruise in the Caribbean, and then to the last one in our bedroom just days before you died. God, how I miss those moments!
I don’t care how much time passes, I don’t think I will ever understand why I am here and you are gone… It feels like some kind of awful mistake. My hope, though, lies in my belief that we will see other again… and I will run into your arms… and we will hold each other forever.
As I sit here today listening to “our song”, I find myself crying and smiling at the same time… So thankful to have known and loved you – this man who quickly became my hero… my knight in shining armor… So broken-hearted that you are gone… So blessed to have loved you and to have known your love in return.
As you used to say, “God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you!” *
I love you, Babe… and that’s forever!
* Rascal Flats, Bless the Broken Road
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.
I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*
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