July 2026 – Peace, Love & Grief

Peace, Love, and Grief – My Other Half

The sun sets at the end of the day.
The sky is pink.
I am reminded of you…
And I smile.

The full moon rises over the trees.
It lights up the world.
I am reminded of you…
And I smile.

The storm rolls in
With its dark clouds.
It puts on a show for the world.
I am reminded of you…
And I smile.

The waves crash onto the beach.
There for a moment,
And then gone again.
I am reminded of you…
And I smile.

All around me life goes on.
I see you in every flower
And feel you in the stir of the wind.
Your soul reaches out to me
To remember…
Then, I do…
And I smile.
~ Linda, Oct 2013

When Bruce and I first moved out here to this little coastal town in Florida, it was to be by the ocean. From our first conversation, we had bonded over our love for the ocean – her beauty… her calm… her rage – all of the components that make her so intriguing. We were beyond excited to finally live so close to her.

Every weekend (weather permitting), you could find us either sitting beachside, boating or kayaking. Just a few hours by the water was our way of restoring our souls and getting grounded for the week ahead.

After he died, I still spent most weekends doing the same. Eventually, as life started changing, I found myself going out there less and less. After a couple of years, I gave the boat to my grandson. Then, several years later I gave the kayaks to one of my daughters. And while sitting by the beach was still on my list of “favorite things to do”, my weekends seemed to get fuller and fuller, until my beach time was nonexistent… And it probably sounds silly, but I could the loss of that precious time in my soul.

So, this year, I made up my mind to reclaim that time. If my soul was yearning for some time by the sea, then it was up to me to reclaim it… to make time for it… to just do it. Now I am out there several times a month, letting the gentle rhythm of the tide and the warmth of the sun do their magic.

It has been amazing! How in the world did I let this slip away for so long? I not only love being out there, but because Bruce’s ashes were scattered offshore, it feels a bit like I am also spending time with him… something I will never get tired of doing. Sometimes, when my eyes are closed and I am taking in the beach with my other senses, I can almost feel him next to me… and my soul comes alive. Sitting there, I am reminded of all the things that went into our relationship… all of the magic that comes when you find your ‘other half’.

In my readings this week, I came across a passage about finding our soul mates… our other half, and how hard finding that person can be. How true! It took Bruce and I over 40 years to find each other… Yet, once we did, neither of us had any doubts… We knew we belonged together.

“The mate that will walk with us through all of the up and down cycles of life and will be our trusted companion is often hard to find. My elders called this special person the other half, or the split apart.” ~ Jamie Sams, Earth Medicine

However, there was more… You see, “our song” was ‘God Bless the Broken Road’ by Rascal Flats. In the song, the lyrics say,
“That every long-lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you”
(Copyright 2005, Lyric Street Records, Inc)

Bruce always believed that. He never talked badly about his ex or past relationships. He was open and honest and candid about what happened, what went wrong, and what he owned in all of that. However, there was never any anger or bitterness. Just a recognition of “this is what happened” and “this is what I learned” which is “how I got here with you”.

I learned a LOT from that.

“Every relationship teaches us about ourselves if we have the courage to look within, to see how we can learn from others, and how we can heal the parts of our personalities that struggle against union or unity.” ~ Jamie Sams, Earth Medicine

While my previous marriage was a bit dark, following Bruce’s example through the years, I have learned to recognize the lessons I learned and the strength I gained. Even in more previous relationships, both good and difficult, I have learned to see the things I gained by knowing that person. (Let’s be honest, though. Sometimes, I need a little bit of time and distance to get there, but eventually I make it.)

Bruce never actually spelled it out, he just lived it, and I will always be thankful for this aspect of our relationship. Because of him… because of my ‘other half’, I have learned to appreciate all of the relationships in my life… all of the lessons learned… all of the smiles and all of the tears. Without every single one of them, I would still be the same person I used to be… rather than becoming the person I am meant to be.
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief
* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – What Goes into Relationships

I can’t tell you how many times since Bruce died someone has suggested or questioned my lack of dating or attempting to find another romantic relationship. Usually my response is, “Well, I’ve had the worst of the worst and the best of the best, and I don’t want to settle for anything less that the best.”

That isn’t a lie… but it also isn’t the entire truth.

You see, I have never been able to figure out why or how mine and Bruce’s relationship worked so well, especially when both of our first marriages turned out so bad. Not to mention that I have never felt confident in my ability to be discerning about romantic partners. (There is also the fact that I still love Bruce, and I am very content in my life.)

For years, I have felt that maybe the reason Bruce and I “worked” as a couple was because we had the same “love languages”. (If you don’t know what that is, “love languages” are 5 basic ways that people feel and express love. The ideas come from a book, by Gary Chapman, written to help couples create better connections with each other through those five distinct “love languages”.) For Bruce and I, our languages were a mix of touch and time. Since they were the same, it was easy to express and feel loved with each other.

This week, though, I read something that really opened my eyes. It was about relationships… all relationships – not just romantic ones. This one little paragraph held so much truth and raw wisdom, that for the first time, I finally understand why some of my relationships have worked and others have either fizzled or gone horribly wrong.

According to the wisdom of the indigenous clan mothers, there are basic ingredients that must be the foundations of a successful relationship. These are respect, trust, and intimacy. Then, these three work together to create the fourth, which is unity.

The principle goes like this… You must respect each other to create real trust. Then, you must respect and trust each other in order to willingly open up your hearts and the deepest parts of your souls – intimacy (which is not always sexual intimacy). Then… and only then, can there be unity – the idea of working together for common goals.

Suddenly, I can see, for example, why my first marriage couldn’t work. I can’t speak for my ex, but for me, I didn’t respect him. My religion (not my faith) taught that I should respect him simply because he was a man, and he was my partner. However, I couldn’t respect someone that I feared. For over 20 years, I tried to be a “good wife”, but that was born out of fear – never respect.

I, also, didn’t trust him – I spent years watching behavior that showed me over and over that he was not trustworthy… I knew what he was capable of doing – not just to me, but to almost anyone in his circle. He was a great salesperson and a fantastic storyteller, especially when it came to “selling/presenting” himself. However, it was all more smoke and mirrors than anything else.

Intimacy, however, was where I messed up. I kept thinking that if I opened my heart… if I shared what was deep in my soul, then maybe we could build our relationship on that. Maybe he would believe that I wanted a good relationship… a good marriage. What I didn’t understand at the time was that without the respect and trust, my opening up to him was simply fodder to be used against me at a later time… So eventually, I stopped sharing anything deeply personal, because the cost was too great.

When Bruce came along, though, it was completely different. We started with respect… from the very beginning, when we met on the cruise. I remember one night asking him if he wanted to join my son and I for dinner, and he said, “You came on this cruise to spend time with your son, and I want to respect that. Enjoy your dinner and your time together. I’ll come find you, once he has gone to hang out with his friends.”

I was so shocked and completely impressed! He not only respected my relationship with my family, he also understood and encouraged it… and that never changed.

From there, trust came naturally and in its own time. I will admit that he was much quicker with the trust part than I was. I had spent too many years reading body language for signs of the storm about to hit and second guessing every promise or plan. However, Bruce never wavered. He held steady… He was gentle… He was patient… And in time, I came to know that he was not like any other man I had ever known… My trust in him was absolute and complete.

So… The respect was immediate… The trust was building… and the intimacy came naturally. There was no trying to decide if it was safe or okay to open up… I knew it was, and he knew it was, and in no time at all, we were a solid unified front. We both knew we could count on the other. We both knew that even when conversations were hard or there was an argument the foundation of our marriage was strong… We always knew that no matter what, we would be okay.

I don’t know if this was something Bruce knew intellectually or if it was just built into him. All I know is that he led the way and showed me how to build a relationship that was loving… a relationship that was solid. He showed me what it feels like to love “the best of the best” … And I will always be thankful that I got to experience this kind of love, because even if it was only for a short time, the memories of that love will be with me always.

“When we continue to create respect, trust, intimacy, and unity through our devotion to others, and their well-being, we have a foundation that cannot be eroded.” ~ Jamie Sams, Earth Medicine
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Life Choices

Two things about last week… I spent the weekend with family having a marvelous time. I think… No, I know, after losing Bruce, I realized just how precious each moment spent with loved ones truly is, so I savored every precious moment. I hope you understand that and also understand that while I had stuff to say here, focusing on my time there was what I needed to do.

That was the first thing… The second thing is about the stuff I wanted to say here… and since time was on my side, here I am.

I spent the week before last reading a book called, The Measure, by Nikki Erlick. (If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. If you have read it, then you can probably guess why I am mentioning it here.)

The premise of the book is that each person receives a box on their 22nd birthday with a note that states, “The measure of your life lies within.” Inside the box is a string, which accurately predicts the length of that person’s life.

Soon, the world is divided into “Long Stringers” and “Short Stringers”. As often happens in this human world whenever there is a difference among us, one group is determined to be “better” and the other is suddenly “less than”. (Kind of like the old Dr. Suess book about Sneetches.) This isn’t anything new. It is a phenomenon that has been around throughout history. And that judgement has been based on anything from skin color to gender to religion to nationality. If there are humans, there is “them” vs “us”.

This book simply finds a way to point it our human obsession with division in a way that is unlikely to ever be true, allowing the reader to process the information without feeling guilty or called out on our own judgements.

In the story, it is the Short Stringers who do not “measure up”. They are the ones left fighting for an equal chance at life. For example, economically, they are denied bank loans and good jobs. Socially, most people don’t want to be involved with someone who they know will die first, and the relationships that involve both types of strings present a whole new list of circumstances to wade through.

I wasn’t far into the book before I started thinking about how Bruce would have been a Short Stringer, and I would be a Long Stringer. There were times when I had to put the book down and just process the ridiculousness of measuring the worth of life simply by its length with no thought to how that a person might impact the world… no thought to how (perhaps) a person might die so that someone else can survive. Usually, we would call these people heroes, but in this book, how many lives were now cut short out of society’s fear and need to control… How many times do our own real-life actions do the same?

Bruce was my hero. His impact on myself and my kids will have an effect for generations to come. That is a life well-lived. His non-judgmental, unconditional love changed my life and changed my kids’ lives, which means it likely changed not just the grandchildren’s lives but also anyone we encounter… and the people they encounter.

Like the pebble thrown into a lake, the ripples he created move outward in larger and larger circles still. What a legacy he left behind! He didn’t have to preach to do it; he just made the choice to quietly live a life filled with compassion and kindness. Again… my hero.

“That the beginning and the end may have been chosen for us, the string already spun, but the middle had always been left undetermined, to be woven and shaped by us.” ~ Nikki Erlick, The Measure

So, when I said that I had to put the book down at times just to process what I was reading, I’m not kidding. Throughout the book, the characters, both Long and Short Stringers are constantly challenged with choices, and just like in our current world, a lot of the choices that might seem ordinary to some are monumental to others.

In my own life, this was made most clear after Bruce died. So many things in life that I had simply taken for granted, were suddenly blocked as I was unexpectedly forced to manage life on my own. Suddenly, I knew what it was like to be the “unseen” … the “less worthy”. I wasn’t those things. I knew I wasn’t, but there were so many circumstances where that was the how I was treated.

It took a long time working with a wonderful life coach and several therapists for me to learn how to stand my own ground… to hold my own space… to know that Bruce was right all those years when he would tell me that I held the key within myself – I am the one that teaches the world how to treat me when I either lay down and give in or stand up and keep my head high… and he always encouraged me to hold my head high. Again… my hero.

“I arise in the morning torn between a desire to save the world and a desire to savor the world. That makes it hard to plan the day.” ~ Nikki Erlick, The Measure

So even though I closed that book for the last time a week ago, its impact has continued to be on my mind all week. I keep thinking about Bruce’s “short string” and my (evidently) “long string”. I don’t know if most of us will ever realize the impact of our “ordinary” lives on the world… I don’t think Bruce did. However, I pray that my impact will be at least half of what his was, because despite the brevity, his was a life very well lived.
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.