August 2026 – Peace, Love & Grief

Peace, Love, and Grief – A Huge Loss

Well, August has been quite the month. I’m not just referring to the loss of several, amazing performers. I am also talking about personal loss. A few weeks ago, I wrote about the loss of my cousin. Then, late last weekend, my father-in-law, Bruce’s Dad passed away… My hurt is so heavy at his loss.

I know I always talk about Bruce being my hero and what an amazing man he was. Well, he didn’t learn to be that man all by himself. Bruce’s Dad was the same way… He gave love easily, and he was easy to love.

We knew on Saturday that it was just a matter of “when”. He was in the care of hospice and those who lived close by had the opportunity to say their “good-bye’s”. For myself and my kids, we got together here at my house to share stories, hugs, tears, and to say good-bye to this wonderful man.

You see, he wasn’t just my father-in-law from a second marriage. From day one, he made it clear that he was my Dad too… And my kids? He loved them like all the rest of his grandchildren. So, we were all devastated by the news.

We ended up doing a little something out at the beach, (of course). We decorated a box with his name and a quote that seemed like it was written just for this wonderful man…

“There are some who bring a light so great to the world that even after they have gone the light remains.” ~ Unknown

We filled that box with flowers, incense, and letters that we each wrote to him. Then, we read some poems, a prayer, and gave a toast to a life lived well and a man who was an angel while he walked this earth.

At this point, everyone has gone home, but my heart is still hurting. There is so much I want to say, but my thoughts seem to be in a jumble so I don’t quite know where to start. I just know that I am absolutely heart broken. That being said, if you don’t mind, I’d like to share my letter to him, in an effort to bring him to life to you too… I want the world to know that this man filled a huge hole in my heart by simply loving me unconditionally from the moment we met.

“Dear Dad,
I am struggling to believe you are truly gone. It almost feels like losing another piece of Bruce from my life. : ( I will always remember the first time I met you… I walked through your door and you immediately wrapped me into the biggest hug ever. Then you immediately told me that you loved me. You said that anyone who could put Bruce’s smile back on his face was someone you loved already – no questions asked. Then, you grabbed my left hand to look for a ring and asked Bruce where it was and what he was waiting for. I was horrified, but Bruce just laughed. Several times a day throughout that visit, you would randomly grab my hand, wave it in Bruce’s face, and tell him to “hurry up and fix that”. LOL! You were right, though. Just a few months later we were married, and you (officially) became my Dad too… (And a grandfather to my kiddos).

Thank you!! Thank you for loving me and my kids unconditionally. Thank you for great hugs and the best advice. Thank you for being all the things a Dad can be – that was new for me. Thank you for great stories and fun games. Thank you for Bruce – for showing him how to be a wonderful husband, friend, and father.

It brings me peace to know that you two are together again (and probably up to some shenanigans)!

I love you so much and my heart is so broken to know I will never hear you tell another story or laugh or tell me that I am your daughter too, and that you love me. To never fell your hugs or share some tears whenever we said ‘good-bye’ just seems wrong.

I love you, Dad, and that’s forever! XXXOOO”
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Grieving Your Own Way

You may have noticed that I was MIA last weekend. I was in SC for the life celebration of my cousin that I wrote about the week before. Sometimes, I’m not quite sure how to describe those events. Obviously, they are for the living. It is a chance to share stories, tears, and hugs.

For all of the cousins, there was the realization that moving forward, we want to go back to having a “Cousins’ Reunion” at least once a year. Somewhere along the way, we let the busy-ness of life take hold and that yearly time together dissipated… But the love we always shared was still there, and so is the resolve to do better… to love better.

The day after, one of my daily readings was about grief and the act of mourning. (Talk about perfect timing!) In it, the author, who is a Native American, wrote about how the different ways humans express their grief. For example, here in America, we tend to expect people to “get over it” quickly or at the very least to grieve quietly. While is other cultures, professional mourners are actually hired to wail and cry in an effort to help the bereaved release their own grief.

I think, for me, I needed the latter when Bruce died… I think that maybe some of my anger, which I struggled to even acknowledge, was due to the unsaid expectations of others to grieve quietly and leave them out of it… After all, it made people very uncomfortable.

However, I have always been the one to feel all the things, and usually, that comes out in the form of tears… uncontrolled, big, fat tears. As a child, my poor mother was always trying to teach me not to cry. I can’t tell you how many times I heard “It’s time for you to grow up and learn to control those tears.” (Anyone who knows me can tell you…that didn’t work.) Instead, no matter how hard I fight it, the tears come. Then, I am embarrassed, which makes me cry more. Sigh… It’s ridiculous. (At the same time, my blood pressure is great! LOL!)

Personally, I think the pressure to “hide” my grief played a big role in how long it has taken me to find my way forward. Sure… for some people, quiet mourning is probably what is best for them. At the same time, I think we would all be a lot better off if we also accepted that we are all different. Meaning that others (like me) may need to express our grief more openly… without shame or fear of negative response from others.

In my opinion, the Native Americans got it right. So much of their Ancestral wisdom hits my soul with how simple and right it is, and their wisdom about grief is no different. For example…

“The purpose of mourning was to empty the burden of grief from the bodies of those who remained behind. Our Wise Ancestors understood that grieving was a part of the healing process.” ~ Jamie Sams, Earth Medicine

Maybe one day, our different cultures will come to realize that just as birth and death are a part of life, so are the joy and grief that accompanies each of those events. Maybe we will learn to accept each person’s needs in grief as easily as we accept their joy in life.
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This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – Saying Goodbye

Less than a year before Bruce passed, we were at his family reunion in Michigan when word came that one of his cousins had just died from a gunshot wound. From what I remember, it was an accident. Nothing malicious… but that didn’t make it any easier on anyone there.

I don’t remember ever meeting this cousin nor do I remember Bruce ever talking about him. However, I will always remember how shook-up Bruce was. He was a quiet person anyway, and this news left him pulling deep within himself. In fact, I don’t think he said more than a handful of words for the rest of the trip.

He tried to talk about it a couple of times, but he just couldn’t… Talking would mean letting go… losing control… and he wasn’t going to do that in front of anyone. Months later, when he was ready, he finally talked about how it had felt hearing the news and seeing all of the pain around him. He shared some memories about his cousin. He talked about how his grief was deeper than he would have expected. That death hit him hard and he struggled with it for the few months he had left.

I admit that I didn’t really understand his grief at that point, because it was something I had not experienced. However, I had compassion for his pain… I could be extra kind and caring on the harder days… I could listen when he needed to talk… In other words, it wasn’t my pain, but I could still hold space with and for Bruce as he processed his grief for someone he loved who had died way too young.

Then, Bruce died… And I certainly received my own lessons on grief and pain and all that goes with losing someone you love way too soon. (You know that… that is what I usually write about here.)

This week, I lost one of my cousins. He was younger than me by several years, but I still have lots of memories with him growing up. When he and his sister were really little, they came and lived with us for a summer due to their mother recovering from some health issues. Then when I was older, I would spend my summers in Charleston, bouncing between my grandparents’ and my cousins’ homes. There were only a few of us cousins, but there were plenty of shenanigans and precious memories made.

As adults, we stayed in touch for a long time. We used to have an annual “Cousin Reunion” and there were phone calls a few times a year just to catch up on life. Then somehow, life got crazier and all of that seemed to slowly fade.

We still spoke when we saw each other, but that was usually at a family funeral every few years. Over time, I have watched my cousins’ kids grow up via Facebook and somehow convinced myself that was enough… It wasn’t.

And I figured it out this week, when I got the message of his death. I knew immediately that despite all of my talk here about life being precious… about spending time with those you love… and telling them… I have dropped that ball… and I regret that so much.

This week, there have been a lot of conversations between the cousins. This is our wake-up call… This is our time to rally around our cousin (his sister) and just be there… This is the time for all of us to come back together and create new memories. This is also our time to get reacquainted with each other and each other’s families.

I have also been in touch with my cousin’s daughter this week. She is an amazing woman. She has been kind and gracious, despite the pain I know she must be experiencing. She has been on my heart all week. I don’t know what it is like to lose a parent. (Mine are still alive and we talk almost daily.) However, I do know how hard it is to lose someone you love.

Personally, I think one of the hardest parts about losing someone is saying “goodbye”. For most of us, you don’t get the chance to say it before they die… especially when they die unexpectedly and/or too young. Instead, you are stuck trying to figure out how to say it afterward… (Or, like me… maybe it is still something you are working on years later.)

What I do know is this… Death is awful. Each journey is different – the pain and the grief are as individual as fingerprints. Right now, my cousin is being grieved by his four children, his sister, his extended family, and his friends… and for each of us that feels a little bit different. For all of us, the world is spinning just a little bit slower without him this week.

To his children and his sister, I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. I wish there were words that I could write here that would make this journey a little bit easier… but there aren’t. All I can do is love you… and I do.

Just sit there right now
Don’t do a thing
Just rest

For your separation from God
Is the hardest work in this world

Let me bring you trays of food
And something
That you like to drink

You can use my soft words
As a cushion
For your
Head
~ Hafiz
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief
* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – The Anger

I just want to be able to smile again.
I don’t want to be angry and bitter.
This isn’t me.
I am praying…
No… begging God for healing.
We will see if His promises
Are meant for me too.
~ Linda, Feb 2013

I have often heard the phrase, “the landscape of our heart” when speaking about our outlook on life and love. Throughout my relationship with Bruce, I would have described my heart’s landscape as a gorgeous spring meadow filled with an array of delicate spring flowers under a crystal blue sky. It was a place of newness… and hope… and adventure… and love – mostly love.

When he died, that landscape was completely shattered – like dropping a full crystal goblet. Glass and sharp shards scattered everywhere… and the contents spilled on the floor amongst all of it. All that was left was a huge mess – everything was lost.

At first the only emotion I can remember feeling was shock. I mean, I know I was sad… I couldn’t seem to stop crying. I had to focus just to breathe. Those first few weeks were just a blurred nightmare.

It didn’t take long, though, for my mind to start looking at this new reality, and what I didn’t expect (nor could I even acknowledge, at first) was the anger. I had no idea that the biggest emotion I would feel was anger… and I was so incredibly angry.

However, my whole life I have been told that anger is a sin. It was a “bad” emotion, and as a woman, it was my job to let it go and maintain control… So, if I’m honest, I don’t think I even recognized that anger was the emotion I was feeling.

Everything I read, the support group I attended, the people around me… everyone kept telling me that anger was normal, but I would deny I was angry every single time. All I knew was that I was grieving, (whatever that was) … but in reality, I was incredibly angry.

I was angry at God/the Universe that Bruce was dead, and I was here. I was mad at Bruce for dying and leaving me here. I was mad at myself for not saving him that night. I was mad at other couples for still being together. I was mad at the kind words people offered, because it just made my situation more real. I was at people who didn’t acknowledge my loss, because my pain was so deep how could they not notice. I was mad about all the “business” that goes with death, because I had no idea what I needed to do. I was angry when people checked on me, and I was angry when they didn’t. (And this list could go on forever.)

In other words, I was angry about everything… and that went on for years.

Then one day, I remembered a phrase my mother used to say to us all the time while growing up, “If you are having problems with the rest of the world, maybe the rest of the world isn’t the problem.”

Sigh… The truth can be brutal sometimes, can’t it? I know things didn’t change right away, but this was my starting point toward healing.

First, I had to acknowledge the anger I was feeling… So, I sat with it for a while. I was journaling a lot back then… several times a day, actually. It was my safe space to release all the feelings – even the ridiculous ones that made no sense. Thankfully, I was able to go back and read the things I had written, and while the word “anger” wasn’t there, the tone, the words, and the handwriting left little room for doubt.

Once I could acknowledge that I was even feeling angry, then I had to reflect on if that anger was legitimately pointed in the right direction(s). It didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that it wasn’t.

I wasn’t really angry at anyone. I was angry at the situation… But I couldn’t yell at a situation. I couldn’t slam the door on a situation… I couldn’t even talk to the situation and make it better. The only option available was to find a way to accept the situation… There would be no peace any other way.

That was a lot harder than I would have thought. I continued to fight it for years. (In fact, I think I still have days when I just can’t let myself think about it, because I get angry all over again.)

I guess the point I am trying to make is this… Until I acknowledged my anger, I was never going to get any better. Yet, that was just the beginning of the journey. I had to stop pointing that anger in all the wrong directions. Instead, whenever I felt the urge to respond in anger, I literally had to sit down and figure out what I was truly angry about. Then, I had to decide the best route to managing those emotions in that moment (because those moments are all different) … And finally, I had to forgive myself for all of it… For being angry… for being sad… for simply being human… and feeling lost.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but somewhere along the way, this grief journey became my healing journey. I don’t know if the healing will ever stop, because I don’t know that my love for Bruce will ever stop. However, I do know that my ability to accept all the parts of me (even the angry parts) has had the most impact on my healing and my growth towards wholeness.

“… our personal healing defines our ability to be sensitive in all situations. Once we heal our hurt and anger toward others, we must cross the bridge of forgiving ourselves as well.” ~ Jamie Sams, Earth Medicine
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.