Tag: healing

Peace, Love, and Grief – A Conversation of Sorts

This past week, a reader (or possibly AI… I struggle to tell the difference) sent a message with several questions – some directed at past blogs and some at more current ones… I don’t think it was meant as a challenge to what I have written. (Or, at least, it didn’t sound that way, and I didn’t take it that way.) It felt more like someone seeking to understand. They didn’t want it published with their name, so I thought I would try to address some of those questions here today.

Before I answer, though, I want to clarify something… The only thing that makes me an expert at grief is that fact that I grieve the loss of my husband, Bruce. This means whatever I write is only about my experience – what I feel, what I do, what I learn, etc. Then, I openly share it here with all of y’all with the idea that maybe something I write will strike a chord with one of you, and… maybe that will be helpful on your own journey.

That being said… let’s look at this message a little bit at a time…

“This is such a powerful reflection on pain and growth. I love how you describe shifting focus from what’s frozen to what’s changing—it’s a mindset I’ve been trying to adopt too. The part about learning to laugh again without guilt really hit me; grief has a way of making joy feel forbidden, doesn’t it?”

I have written about the guilt I felt the first time I laughed after Bruce died… There was something about knowing that life had continued and something in that moment… a moment without Bruce… a moment Bruce never had to chance to experience… something in that moment I had found not only enjoyable, but so enjoyable I had laughed.

I was so ashamed of myself. I felt absolutely horrible. I felt greedy for not only allowing myself to enjoy that moment, but for wanting to enjoy that moment. It was quite a while before I found myself in a state of healing where I could actually laugh without all of that baggage… And the biggest healer was remembering how much joy Bruce found in making me laugh.

He had such a subtle sense of humor, and it was easy for something to float right by me, which HE found funny. I really miss that devilish grin he would get when he was “pulling my leg” or had gotten one over on me, and I was clueless… I miss that so much. However, now I laugh (and smile) a lot… I know it is good and healthy to enjoy laughing… I know Bruce would want me to enjoy life… So, in a way, when I laugh now, I am laughing for both of us… and that feels kind of nice.

“You mention Bruce’s spiritual influence—do you think his perspective would’ve changed how you processed things earlier, or was timing just not on your side?”

Good question… and all I can really say is “I don’t know.” I do know that I wouldn’t be where I am in my faith currently without his influence. I grew up in what I now consider a strict dogma religion and as an adult moved into another strict dogma religion. In both, I pushed back on a lot of the doctrine that didn’t make sense. I spent a lot of time trying to be what I was told I should be rather than learning to just be me. I think that was Bruce’s biggest influence… He showed me that I was loveable and loved just like I am… just as the Divine created me. I wasn’t meant to fit in those boxes of doctrine… and that is more than okay.

After his death, I spent years deconstructing my faith, and I am still reconstructing my faith day by day. I like that… I don’t need to have all the answers. After all, isn’t that why it is called “faith”? It is something that leads me to grow and explore daily. It feels fresh every morning.

Would I have gotten here if any of my life’s circumstances had been different? I will never know, will I? Instead, I focus on that fact that I am here… and Bruce was one of the biggest influences on this journey.

“… the idea of “freezing your horizon” is fascinating—have you found specific practices that help “thaw” it, or does it happen naturally with shifting focus?”

I mentioned the idea of “freezing your horizon a couple of months ago. I was referring to the idea that after Bruce died, I struggled to see a future without him… I thought I would be in deep grief for the rest of my life. Hope was non-existent. My grief was not just overwhelming, it was paralyzing.

I took me years before I could find another way to look at my future. (I am pretty sure I hid in my house for 10 years before I ventured out.) That shift in my focus didn’t happen overnight… It came hand-in-hand as I started reconstructing my faith. It was such a gradual process that I didn’t even realize what had happened until years later… (just a few months ago actually).

“One thing I’m still wrestling with: you say pain doesn’t create suffering, but the story we tell ourselves does. Does that mean suffering is optional, even when loss isn’t? Because some days, that feels impossible.”

I agree… and there are still days when it feels impossible. However, I learned a guiding principle a few years ago. When I first heard it, it kind of made me mad… really mad, if I am honest.

The principle is this – “Our thoughts create our experience.” At first, I thought it was insinuating that I had somehow caused Bruce’s death and all of this grief by simply thinking a thought in my own head… (a thought I had never considered before he died). That felt cruel and ridiculous… like blaming the victim.
However, after sitting with that phrase for a while, I realized that it is simply talking about our experience in life is a reflection of how we choose to look at each situation… It is about trying to find that “silver lining” even when (or especially when) if feels impossible.

It is a challenging way to live, and I am not always successful. However, what I have learned is this… Our feelings are valid. We need to feel them, sit with them, and process them in order to heal. Feeling them is easy… Sitting with them is where I can get stuck if I’m not careful. Processing them is that part that allows me to look for something positive around me. Maybe the positive thing is outside of the hard situation… But finding that positive thing – no matter how small, is how I have managed to keep moving forward and healing.

“Would love to hear your thoughts—your honesty here is so refreshing.”

Thank you for your kind words. These are simply my thoughts. They may hold something helpful for someone… or they may not. All I am doing is sharing where I was and where I am on this journey. Who knows where I will be tomorrow? Who knows where any of us will be?

All we can do is take a breath, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and try to be a little bit better tomorrow than we were today.

Next week: I will be taking a break next weekend. It is Bruce’s birthday weekend. I have no idea how I will feel, but I am taking some time away from the world. I just need to disconnect for a few days and see where I land.
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – A Letter to You

I would start today with, “Dear Reader…”, but I believe that phrase will sound like the start of a current Netflix series. So instead, let me just start with, “Hello, my friends”.

To start, let me explain that this blog goes to several sites, such as the PLG website, Facebook, and a website local to me. While I get feedback and responses from all of the sites, Facebook is the only one that gives me statistics in real time. This means I get a notification each time someone interacts with the page, which also includes alerting me to new followers.

So… let me back up here… I started this page at the suggestion of an old acquaintance – someone from childhood who popped in and out of my life only long enough to give this suggestion. Admittedly, when I started this blog, I knew it was mostly for me… it allowed me a weekly space to express my grief, as well as a chance to share my experiences with other people experiencing loss… but… mostly a space to express my grief.

I never planned for it to be anything more. In fact, every year when it comes time to renew all of the apps and programs that I need to do this, I reiterate my vision and renew my vow that if this blog is helpful to even one other soul, then I will keep writing.

This is where it gets complicated in my heart, which really hit me hard this week…

You see, each time someone new finds us through FB and I receive that notification, it comes with a “congratulations” of sorts for the “increase” in followers. It also means I receive pushes to “do more” to increase those numbers.

But here is what I see… Each of those “followers” that FB wants to celebrate is a person – a living, breathing person, and each person is hurting and struggling… each person is mourning a loss… a loss no one wanted or requested. In other words, each person coming to this page is doing so out of pain… something I would never wish on anyone.

Right now… across all sites and by best guestimates, there are several thousand of us… That is a lot of hurt.

That is where I have mixed emotions. On the one hand, I am so very thankful that this has become a safe space to share our grief. At the same time, I am So very sorry for the pain each of us has experienced, (and likely still is).

Each time I see a new number and/or name pop up, I find myself stopping my day and saying a quick prayer of healing and comfort for that person… and on more than one occasion, I have shed a tear (or more) for that person… and for the rest of us.

Grief is hard… Being on this part of our journey is not something we chose. (Who in the world would??)

I guess, I just wanted all of you to know how much I care about each person here and the journey you are on. While I hate the reasons that put us all together, I am also thankful that we do have each other.
I truly care about each of you and hope that this week you are able to do whatever you need to in order to take that next step on your path.

Love always,
Linda
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief –What is “Healing”?

What do you think of when I talk about “healing”, specifically “healing from grief or loss”?

For me, I think I have always thought of healing from grief in the context of once again being that person I was before Bruce died. From that first moment when I started looking for ways to “heal”, I know I was looking for several things… a way to make the hurting stop… a way to go back to being the positive, trusting person I had been before… a way to go back to thinking my life was “charmed” (with Bruce)… a way to once again trust the path life had laid out before me.

Up until the moment he died, I really thought I had finally found my “happily ever after”. I thought I had already “paid my dues” in my first marriage. I thought the rest of my life would be spent side-by-side with this man who was the absolute love of my life… But… I was wrong.

That path ended abruptly one Friday night, and suddenly, I found myself at a complete loss as to how to move on… I wasn’t even sure I wanted to move on. It was like I had suddenly gone from a life filled with sunshine and rainbows to a life of total darkness. There didn’t seem to be even an inkling of light to help me find where to take the next step. I felt completely hopeless, and it was terrifying.

For years, I have done all kinds of things in search of a way to “heal” from his death. I have read books, watched videos, gone to counseling, threw myself into creative projects (such as painting, gardening, and writing), committed my full energy into my work (both at home and professionally), and the list goes on.
At this point, I honestly can’t say if I was trying to move forward or just trying to avoid feeling the pain… or (most likely) a little bit of both. I can say that even after many years, I still hurt and I didn’t feel “healed” at all.

This last year, though, I have found myself learning how to be more mindful about where I am focused, which has truly helped more than anything else I have done. Then, this week, I read an article in a Lenten booklet that talked about reimagining healing… That was a completely new concept to me… Something I had never thought about… And while the article wasn’t specifically talking about healing from grief, it definitely hit that mark with me.

After reading it, I have felt challenged to add another layer to the way I am approaching this grief journey… And this layer is about changing how I think about “healing”. Let’s be honest, none of us will ever be able to go back to being that person we were before our loved one died (or whatever event has created our grief).

Instead, for me, I need to find ways to flourish right where I am… right now. I need to stop trying to go backwards or recover some illusion that no longer exists. Instead, I need to work on opening my mind to a new idea of what my life… my healed life… can look like… I know it sounds corny, but I need to find a way to really and truly “bloom here I have been planted”.

Anything else will simply always leave me feeling un-whole and unhealed. However, if I can find ways to shift my mind-set – to look for ways that encompass peace and joy in my life as it is right now – that is healing. In fact, this week I realized that those moments when I am able to do just that are also the ones where I feel Bruce’s love still all around me… and that is also healing.

“Healing, in its deepest expression, is a reimagining of what it means to be whole and healthy…” ~ Rev. Ken Daigle, Release and Reimagine: Lent 2026, I Reimagine Healing
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Grief and What?

Many years ago, I took some time to write about other grief in my life besides the loss of Bruce. I wrote about such things as the loss of my first child, the loss of trust and dreams from my first marriage/divorce, and the huge financial loss in my 40s when I lost everything. I wrote about those things because while we each have our own experiences, grief can be about more than physical loss… And while that grief lands differently in our souls, it is still painful… It is still grief.

This week, though, I realized that the lessons born out of each type of grief can help us manage current griefs, if we pay attention and let it. So, what if we started mixing things together that seem to be at odds with each other, such as grief and healing… or grief and positivity… grief and gratitude… or grief and blessings?

No, I am not writing this from some self-righteous position, and it is not meant as a sermon… I am simply sharing and writing about my “ah-ha” moment this week that has created a positive mental shift for me, (and maybe it will be helpful for at least one other person out there).

So let me back up to that “huge financial loss in my 40s when I lost everything”. I had 4 teenagers at the time – 2 in college and 2 in high school. My divorce from my first husband had been finalized over a year before. I, then, took the money from the divorce and after discussing it with my (then) accountant, invested all of it with a family friend. I had a contract. I had stock certificates. I had guarantees of a certain minimum return.

Although in truth… I had nothing.

It turned out to be a Ponzi scheme and none of it was worth the paper it was printed on. My ex had moved out of state and stopped paying child support after only a few months, as well as refusing to pay his court-ordered portion of debt/bills or sign the necessary papers so we could sell our house (with its $4k/month mortgage) or any other property. All while I was working full time as a parochial schoolteacher with a take-home salary that was less than $1K/month. In other words, I was in deep financial trouble.

Skipping ahead, Bruce supported me through learning how to recover from all of that… And I did… we (Bruce and I) did, actually. I learned a lot of good, positive lessons from this. For example, I no longer carry debt, and I prefer paying cash for everything, including cars. In other words, despite what culture may say, I have found that life is so much better now that I live, not just within my means, but slightly under my means, (just in case).

However, this experience also left me with some pretty deep scars… Trust being the biggest one of all. Now, I am very resistant about anything where someone else might have access to my money, such as auto-drafts. This really hasn’t been much of an issue, and Bruce never questioned me about this. (He just seemed to understand.) We even kept separate bank accounts, and that worked for us.

However, the part that has remained and held me down has been my avoidance of anything to do with abundance or prosperity. I don’t meditate on it. I don’t pray for it. I don’t talk about it. Instead, I have spent the last 20+ years simply choosing to ignore it.

There are a lot of feelings behind all of this, such as “I’m don’t deserve it” or “I didn’t handle it well then, and don’t have confidence that I could handle it now.” This week, though, the Divine/Universe/whatever-term-you-prefer has been challenging those thoughts… In fact, I have felt it screaming at me to tackle this distrust.

It has been in my guided meditations, my devotions, podcasts, and sermons. Loud and clear, I heard the Divine guiding me to figure it out… Why have I been so wary of the idea of “abundance”? and… What can I do to start healing that part of my psyche?

Then, this morning, it dawned on me… I have been writing about the answer right here over the last several weeks. You see, rationally I know that abundance isn’t just about money. (I know that money is only one specific type of abundance.)

Abundance is about the good things all around us, all the time… the love of family and friends… the blue sky after the fog dissipates… a vacant beach after a storm… a glorious sunrise or a magnificent sunset. In other words, it is in the simple blessings of our everyday life – not just the big, in-your-face ones, but also the small ones that don’t really stand out… Maybe especially the small ones that don’t really stand out.

So, for weeks, I have been writing about our focus and being mindful of what we are focused on, even as we grieve… About how I have found this to be the best way for me to not spiral down the rabbit hole when those waves of grief get triggered… And today, I realized that this is also what I need to do in all aspects of my life.

To consistently, look around and see all the things to be grateful for… Things I take for granted… things that inspire me to say “wow, that’s wonderful” … Things to notice and acknowledge even in their “ordinary life” kind of way, such as a smile from a stranger or a small flower growing up through a crack in the sidewalk.

I can’t help but feel that my grief for Bruce is what has led me here and this is what I have learned…

I am abundant. I have more blessings than I can count around me every moment.

I am abundant. Even when the situation is hard or hurtful, the lesson found within it (or on the other side) is actually working for me.

I am abundant. I love and I am loved.

I am abundant… I have learned to focus on the blessings surrounding my time with and love for Bruce, which has allowed me to focus on all the other blessings around me… to place trust over fear – trust in the Divine to provide vs fear that lack is all I deserve…

And best of all, I know now that the more I look for that abundance, the more abundance I see.

“… our human tendency may be to withdraw, to feel disheartened or defeated. Yet, if we turn inward and listen in the silence of our hearts, a greater truth begins to emerge: we are never alone. Spirit is always present, inviting us to see with new eyes.” ~ Rev. Elizabeth Longo, Release and Reimagine: Lent 2026, Seeing Things Differently
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message. *

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – How to Heal

This week, while scrolling through social media, a meme about grief came across my feed. I wasn’t surprised. I get them all the time and they definitely fit within my algorithm. While some are simply “meh”, many offer a thought or inspiration that seem to validate my experience or fill a gap that I am struggling with. This particular one, though, really bothered me – mainly because it feeds into a misconception that many people have.

The meme was a giant teardrop with the title, “The Tasks of Grief”. Then, it listed them as:
T = To accept the reality of the loss
E= Experience the pain of the loss
A = Adjust to the new environment without the lost person
R = Reinvest in the new reality

Now… are all of those items true? Of course. That isn’t my conundrum. To explain myself, let me go way back to the beginning of this journey…

Let me start by explaining that I am a “list person”. I love my lists – grocery lists, task lists, bucket list, places to go list, books to read list… In other words, you name it, and I can usually make it into a list – nice, neat, orderly, organized… That is my happy space. In fact, if I do something that isn’t on the list, I will add it to the list, just to check it off.

So, when Bruce, died, I went on a hunt for a “how to heal from grief” list. Surely there had to be one – a nice, neat list that once completed would result in the pain of grief being gone and my world feeling right again.

In case you don’t already know, there is no such list.

Why? Well after 12+ years, I can tell that there are several reasons. One is that no one grieves the same as anyone else. Even if you are both grieving the same person, it will be different. Your relationship with that person and how they impacted your life will be different than anyone else, so, of course, your grief will be different, too.

However, that is the simple answer… When I read that years ago, I thought, “Of course, but I just want a basic list – some steps to follow.”

That is absolutely impossible, though. However, it is a truth born out of experience – not any book or video or blog that one can read. As we know (now), grief is not linear… It is not a straightforward path.
I’ve heard people describe it as a roller coaster ride with all of the ups and downs, but for my experience, even that is too tame of a description.

I think the best way to describe it is to liken it to a fine necklace that has someone ended up in knots. You know it is all one long chain, built link by link. Yet, it is all tangle – going in all directions, (up, down, forward, backward, and twisted like a corkscrew) and seemingly all at once. We know we can’t simply pull it apart”. Yet, finding the links you need to loosen on the chain so that you can unwind all the twisty bits can feel nearly impossible.

Like that chain, the emotions and pain of grief are not so easy to untangle either since day by day, moment by moment, you have no idea where they will lead. One day you might feel like going on and taking even one more breath is impossible, and the next, you are laughing or smiling and thinking, “I think I’m going to be okay”… Until you aren’t… again.

It took me a while to figure it out, but I learned…

Grief is not kind. It is a beast with sharp fangs.
Grief is not rational. It is a tornado of overwhelming emotions.
Grief is not linear. It is path that could give any maze a run for its money.
Grief has no timeline. It takes as long as it takes.

Thus, there is no list that is true for everyone all the time. Yet so many people think there is… or there should be. I think that is why this meme bugged me. Had I seen it at the beginning, I would have thought that I should “do” each of those things and in that order… Do it, check it off, and move on.

However, while that sounds like it would have been easier, these are actually just “milestones” – not tasks. And just like any other milestone in life, no one expects everyone to do them all or in the exact same order. Instead, we know that each person will make their individual choices, which will allow them to accomplish the milestones meant for them at the right time for them.

So, for me, the lesson becomes one of letting go… Letting go of expectations and checklists for this particular journey. It is about opening my heart to both the feelings and emotions of grieve, as well as the lessons it has shown me. It isn’t about stopping the grief, so much as learning how to process that grief moment by moment and learning how to make whatever adjustments are necessary to take the next breath or (even better) the next step.

I don’t know where each of you are on your own journey. However, I do hope you are doing what you can to take care of you… Ignoring well-intentioned “advice” that isn’t helpful and, instead, holding onto those things that bring you a moment of peace and maybe even some forward movement.
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you. Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Healing

Grief is so complicated. Depending on where I find myself on this journey, the challenges are different. However, the thing that seems to be a constant is seeking some kind of healing from the pain. If I think about it, I suppose the things that I have found challenging along the way have helped me to get closer to that goal. After all, isn’t that what challenges do? Help us grow?

In the case of grief, though, there is also the underlying issue that no one else can take your hand and lead you… Each journey is unique unto that person and the relationship with the person who has died.

I have said before that I am a “list person”. Give me a list of tasks to reach my goal, and I will get there. I can do that. So, at the start of this whole messy journey, I went searching for just such a list. One where I could do A, B, and C, and pronto… all better – ready to move on.

I learned quite quickly, there is no such list for grief. Sure, I found lists of ideas that would help express my grief, and they did. But a list to follow and heal my grief? No… that list does not exist. So, if you are reading this, hoping I will give you that list, I apologize for disappointing you. Instead, my goal today is to simply introduce a phrase I am just recently learning to apply but that I wish I had heard sooner…

Is what I am doing sustaining my grief or alleviating my grief?

Let me give you an example… Normally, I love color… lots of color. Yet, when Bruce died, despite the eye rolls behind my back, I started wearing black… every day. It was a way of expressing the depth of my despair without saying a word… I didn’t have words yet. My pain was too raw… too intense… But the black I was wearing definitely reflected the darkness I was feeling. It helped… a lot.

When I was approaching the one-year mark, though, I started finding myself looking at some of my other clothes – the colorful ones. Then, in complete anger pushing them aside and choosing the black ones. Then, one day it dawned on me… Why not add a little bit of color and just see what happens?

I will tell you what happened… My mood shifted. You see, somewhere along the line, all of that black had shifted from being an expression of my pain to being a self-inflicted, “you-are-grieving” mandate of my grief. Quickly I came to realize that by no longer “draping myself in my grief”, I was internally giving myself permission to also accept the joy and happiness that life still has to offer.

In other words, somewhere along the line, all that black had moved from alleviating my pain to sustaining it… which was the exact opposite of what I needed… or wanted. I didn’t have the words to express or understand what was happening back then, but I still knew in my gut that it was no longer helping.

I think it was at that point I came to realize that I couldn’t hang onto each thing indefinitely that seemed to be helping in the moment. Instead, I need to evaluate (consistently) what is working and what is no longer working.

That hasn’t always been easy… No, let me rephrase that… It is never easy for me to let go of those things. There is always a part of me that feels guilty about letting them go. Somehow, it seems to feel like I am somehow letting Bruce go… again.

Like I said last week, finding that balance of honoring Bruce and what we had, while still moving forward and living the life I am called to live is hard. This “letting go guilt” is a big part of that. Each time, I question if I am somehow erasing him from history or my own memories, or I wonder if I live life like a “normal” person will people think I don’t care anymore or no longer grieve losing this man I profess to still love.

Like I said, it is a challenge.

I am learning that I need to forget worrying about what others may or may not interpret about my grief. That is their issue – not mine… And it is not healing. Instead, I intend to keep moving forward… and now that I have words with which to analyze what is happening, I feel a wee bit better prepared. This means I am stepping out these days and constantly looking at my actions and thoughts with those words…

… Is this alleviating my grief or sustaining it? Then, making the adjustments needed for my own healing on this path.
__________________________________________________
Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story.

If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. Please do… We are here for you. This is our community. (To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*)

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – The Rug

Trauma… There’s a word that has been popping up in the media a lot lately. It is also a word that has been a part of my story since the first time I went to counseling. In fact, (not surprisingly), it was the actual reason for that initial counseling. But what is trauma…

Trauma is defined on the internet as “a deeply distressing or disturbing experience; emotional shock following a stressful event or a physical injury, which may be associated with physical shock and sometimes leads to long-term neurosis.” That is good… That takes into account the event and the effects. While not as complete, I have defined it for years as “unexpected chaos”… Either way, the event seems to happen with no warning and leaves nothing but destruction in its wake.

If statistics are to be believed, most of us have gone (or will go) through some type of traumatic event at some point in our lives. Some of us will go through several. Honestly, I had never thought about trauma being a piece of my life until that initial session, when my first marriage with its abuse and chaos was defined as traumatic, as well as the loss of our first child and the uproar between the families that ensued. Through the years, there, also, have been other “unexpected chaotic” events which have left their mark.

Each time, I have gotten back up – shaking and stumbling, but determined to keep going… and (seemingly) each time, once I have gotten back up and felt like I had my footing again, someone or something has pulled the rug back out from under me… again.

I have often bragged about the healing that Bruce brought to me and my kids… How his infinite patience and unconditional love allowed us the space to learn how to trust again… how to live again… how to be ourselves… (in other words) how to heal.

The day before Bruce died, he had worked all day. That night, as he ate his dinner, we sat and talked and made our plans for the weekend. We kissed goodnight and snuggled in the bed before falling asleep. To my mind, there was nothing to warn us of what was about to happen in just a few short hours. But happen, it did. Unexpectedly… in the middle of the night, I was awakened to the awful sounds of Bruce dying.

I struggled at first to grasp what was happening, but once I did, my survival instincts kicked in… I called 911. I unlocked the doors. I started CPR. Then, when EMS arrived, I stepped aside and watched as the reality of what was happening (or not happening) started to sink in. I watched the line on the heart monitor remain flat despite all the attempts to save him. I watched as our world fell apart and crumbled at my feet.

There is no doubt that for me this was the most traumatic event of them all…

I feel that I had barely started to heal from all that came before. I had just started to feel confident in who I am. I had just started to understand that adult relationships are supposed to be about balance, mutual respect, and compassion. It wasn’t about power plays or rescuing the other person from their consequences or fixing their world to suit them. I was just starting to grasp, embrace, and live my life with these principles when suddenly… Bruce was gone.

Once again, just when I was starting to stand confidently on my own two feet… just when I was willing to venture out as my own person, that rug was viciously ripped out from under me.

Almost immediately, I felt as if I were thrown back in time… I couldn’t seem to find any of that healing and confidence I had gained with Bruce. Perhaps, I hadn’t learned how to find that within myself yet… Or… maybe (because of the crisis created), I reverted to old patterns of survival. If I am honest, I think it was a bit of both.

I wanted to make Bruce proud. I wanted to “do it right”. I wanted to regain all that I had learned and put it into action… But I couldn’t seem to find my way. You see, I wasn’t just lost in this world without Bruce – I had lost myself.

In the decade since that awful night, I have worked hard to get back to a healthy place again. It has been a slow process… a long journey. There have been times when I thought I couldn’t do it – when I thought maybe “this” was just the way I was built. But… (thankfully) there have been more times when I have focused on Bruce’s legacy and realized that I am stronger than I think… If he believed in me, then I can too.

Throughout this time, there have been other traumatic events… Times when that dang rug was pulled out again… and again… and again… Each time, I have thought, “How do I do this without Bruce… It seems like I am always doing these things without Bruce.”

This year has probably been one of the hardest… It seems like one event right after another – piling up like a cord of wood… And this month even more so, as this round of rug pulling seems to be throwing my very way of life into chaos.

This time, though, is different. I have spent this year working hard on learning to “be” – to be kind, to be honest, to be genuine, to be healthy, to be hopeful, to be… me. I have also found a solid space within my own faith where I am confident, supported, and at peace…

Peace… That is something I have not felt in a very, long time. Sure, the slogan of this blog is, “There is a peace that comes with acceptance, and a love that is always remembered.” However, learning to live by that slogan has taken some time (and constant hard work).

Yet, after the initial shock of recent events, I really am at peace. Don’t get me wrong, things feel a bit scary and out of my control right now, but I am confident that there is a reason for what is happening. I am choosing to believe that there is something even better on the other side of this situation… And here’s the best part… One way or the other, I have to deal with this. My choices are to do it feeling like a victim with no control in my own life, OR to do it with the confidence that I will be okay. I have chosen the latter… I can do this!

(And while I am absolutely doing this for me, I, also, think Bruce is smiling down and so proud!)

________________________________________________________

Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. This year, my goal is to simply ‘be’… Be me, be kind, be compassionate, be loving, be hopeful… to just ‘be’ and to be comfortable with that… however it looks.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief… The Initial Shock

This week as we prepare to celebrate the Fourth, I keep finding myself reading the news about the collapsed high-rise in South Florida. My mind bounces from the horror of those last few moments for the people inside to the need for the families to understand how and why this happened at all to the pain of the families who have lost or don’t have a final word about their loved ones. The whole thing makes no sense… It’s awful, and I can’t even begin to imagine their pain.

Yesterday, it was announced that the remaining part of the building is too unstable to withstand the coming storm, and the order for demolition has been given. While the Search and Rescue teams will continue, it has been days with no survivors. For the families who have held out hope against hope, all of this has to be devastating… And my heart breaks for each and every one.

I remember that moment when the reality of Bruce’s death was placed in my lap… And yet, I had no idea what that meant… I had no idea of the magnitude of what that would truly involve. I mean, I knew Bruce was dead when we were driving to the hospital. I can remember calling my parents from the backseat of the police car and flatly saying, “Bruce is dead.” I remember the Emergency Room doctor confirming it a short time later, as well as the hospital chaplain who came to “offer comfort.”

However, there is a shock that happens to many of us at that time. I think it is meant to protect us from what we cannot handle… to keep us from going completely mad… People tell us the logical facts of the death before us. Our rational brains understand the words… But the actual comprehension of that loss doesn’t occur for a while… For me, it was months.

I have vague memories of that time, but they feel more like dreams than real life. I can remember wandering from room to room looking for… what? Bruce? Yes? Maybe? I couldn’t tell you, since logically I knew he wasn’t there. At other times I would sit for hours staring at… nothing…Waiting on… nothing… Just unable to move.

“I know what it’s like to look around a room, eyes glassy with pain, and feel so very alone.”
~ Lisa Terkeurst, Forgiving What You Can’t Forget

That went on for months… It wasn’t until that shock started to lift that my mind was finally able to start dealing with the grief and pain. Before that, it was too much to manage. The strange part was throughout all that time, I continued to move through my everyday life doing all the normal, everyday things… Most people thought I was okay… Maybe even “fine.” After all, it had been months. They had no idea that I had simply been in too much shock to actually feel anything yet.

Then, when I finally did start to feel again, it had been a while, and people – those people – were shocked. They couldn’t understand why I wasn’t “over it.”

Sigh…

There was such an avalanche of feelings at that point – anger, heartbreak, fear, loneliness, abandonment, cynicism… You name it, I felt it.

Does that mean everyone’s grief is that way? No… Of course not! Our grief and how we work through it is as personal as our fingerprints. This means we can empathize with someone else’s loss, but we can’t experience it, nor tell them how to experience it… We can only come along beside them and help hold them up as they grieve. To those people who did that for me, I am eternally grateful. For by allowing me the space for my grief, I have been able to heal in my own time, and in my own way.

“It’s hard to move forward when you feel like you never properly said good-bye or resolved your memories.”
~ Sarah Bessey, Out of Sorts

Thank you for the opportunity to share my story with you. Sometimes, this journey can feel like nothing more than a very lonely path, especially since it is so different for each of us. Yet, our love for those we have lost is something we all share. I believe the sharing of our stories is also important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Finding Peace

This weekend has been such a blessing… a blessing I didn’t even know I needed. (And aren’t those sometimes the best blessings of all?)

I came here, to this house at the beach, (on the marsh, actually), to spend some much-needed time with my sister. We’ve been wanting to get together for a while, but with everything Covid, we kept postponing it. Then, last week, we decided we both just needed some sister-time. We are both very careful about where we go and who we are with, so we made the decision to spend a few days together – just the two of us.

That decision was a great one. This has been great! Our time together is always such a blessing – filled with late night talks and more laughter than either of us knows what to with. But that isn’t the only blessing I have found this weekend… It is this place… She is a magical place that has held years of peaceful healing for me… She is Edisto… Or as the locals call her, Edi-slow. And that’s exactly what happens here… Life slows down so you can get your bearings and find your peace once again.

When I was in college and had just broken up with a boyfriend of many years, she was here. I walked her beaches for days while letting her peaceful shores refill my soul. Every year while my kids were growing up, my sister and I would meet here with all the kids and spend a week on her shores. For me, it was my favorite week of the year. It was much-needed time away from the chaos of my first marriage. It was a week to refresh my soul and take a deep breath before I dove back into my life “back home.” and it was a heart-warming time of family and watching our children learn to love this place of sun, shore, and a slower pace of life.

During the three years it took to get divorced, I remember my sister saying, “Go to the beach house… Spend some time by the water and let Edisto do her magic… And I did… a lot! Every time I arrived filled with anxiety and worry. And after a few hours, I left every time with peace once again restored in my heart.

Through the years, the view has changed. My sister has moved from the beach side to the river… Now when I come here, I can still walk the shoreline, but I am blessed with some quiet, porch-sittin’, as well. I love watching the life on the river and in the marsh… And the peace that I have always found here is still here. It is in every salty breath I take. It is in the sunsets over the river and the early morning cup of tea as I sit on the dock watching the world wake up and come to life.

All the cares and anxiety I felt two days ago… gone. The tears I usually cry into my pillow at night… not here. Here, I miss Bruce, and I talk about Bruce. However, I am also at peace about where I have been and where the road ahead might lead. Because here I am reminded that life is precious, and there is something to be cherished in every moment.

Here, I can sit on the porch for hours, mesmerized as I watch the boats and the dolphin travel up and down the river with the tides… And without even realizing when it happened… Without even knowing I needed to be here… Edisto has once again worked her magic and touched my soul.

What about you? Do you have a place that just heals your heart? That touches your soul no matter how broken you might feel? This journey can be hard and confusing. Having a space that feels safe and brings us peace, is such a blessing. Let us know where you go to heal or what you do. We would love to hear your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

To leave a comment or story, go to the comments and leave us a note. * Who knows… your story may the answer for someone else.

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Things You Taught Me, Part 3

I sat weeping
Big, fat tears,
Heaving sobs…
How could you love me?
… me?

I spent years being told how horrible I was…
So undeserving,
So unlovable.
I have spent a lifetime
Feeling like someone else’s garbage.

I needed you to understand
Why you shouldn’t love me,
But you only held me tighter
As the tears and sobs flowed from my soul.

When my tears began to slow,
You looked me in the eye
And smiled…

STOP!
You don’t understand.

I took a piece of paper.
I crumpled it in a ball
And spread it out again.
Then, I crumpled it again,
And smoothed it out again.
I did this several more times
As you watched in silence…

I tried to smooth it out one final time,
“This is me…
This is what you think you love.”

With a question in your eye,
You replied,
“This is how you see yourself?”
In my shame, I nodded.
“Is there any good in you,” you asked.
I shrugged…

You took a clean piece of paper
And placed it over the wrinkled page.
“This much good?”
I shook my head…
You didn’t understand.

I took the clean page,
And tore off a small corner;
I placed that in the center of the wrinkled page.
“Maybe this much,” I said
As the tears started to fall once again.

You looked at the paper.
You took a breath…
I waited…
Expecting,
But not wanting to hear,
I was right…

Instead,
You wiped my tears.
“You only see the wrinkles –
The mess left from has passed.
But when I look at you,
I only see this part.”
And you gently touched the smooth corner
Sitting in the middle of so many wrinkles…

In that moment,
My heart was made whole,
Because now,
I understood love…
True, unconditional love…
Love that I never knew existed.

This is love! This is how Bruce taught me about love. This is when I first began to understand that I could (and should) have this same expectation of God’s love for me. When I think about all the ways Bruce and I expressed our love for each other, I know this is what I can expect in my relationship with God.

I can remember running to the car or the door when he came home in the evening, because I was so excited to see him. He would always laugh as he drew me into his arms and kissed me. I remember being content to simply sit together – no TV, no talking – just sitting and holding hands for an hour or more… So much love passing back and forth in a simple touch. I remember the safe, secure feeling when I laid in his arms. I remember how strong and powerful he was. Yet, he was always so gentle – so careful to never cause me harm.

He never felt threatened by my questions or my independence, and never demanded his own authority. Ours was a relationship of love, trust and balance… It is what I want in my relationship with God.

Bruce taught me so much about how God loves me and how to love him. God does not relate to me through my “wrinkles,” (aka my“sin”). He is not interested in that at all! Instead, love is his primary characteristic… Which means he doesn’t love me in spite of myself… He loves me because of myself… He loves the very person I am. Of course, he would! (He made me.) If God really is a God of love, then how could his love for me be anything less than Bruce’s love for me?

I remember when you died, Babe, you said you would be by my side for as long as I needed you… I don’t know when that will be… It is hard to admit (because I still love you so much), but I feel I am getting closer and closer to that point.

I love you, Babe… Now and forever!

~ Linda, Journal Entry May 2019

The healing in my life and in my heart over the past few months has been uncanny. I know this journey isn’t over… There will always be more to learn and more hurdles to jump. However, knowing that I am loved… Knowing that this is where Bruce has led me, brings me great peace.

It’s funny how those we love can still direct us even after they are gone. I have been following and exploring Bruce’s legacy for years. To this day, I am still unraveling and learning, and he is still influencing my life.

What about you? Have you ever found yourself reading their books, listening to their music or the things that influenced their lives? What have you learned? This journey can be so very hard, but it is even harder to bear alone. I believe we are in this together. None of us are alone, because we have each other. Please feel free to reach out and share your story or thoughts. To do so, go to the comments and leave a note. *

Who knows? Your story may the answer for someone else.

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.