Month: June 2025

Peace, Love, and Grief – When You are Loved

“Be with someone who is comfortable with your best self.”
~ r. h. Sin, The Year of Letting Go, June 18

When Bruce and I met, one of our early conversations involved sharing how our previous marriage had ended. While his story is not mine to tell, suffice it to say that each of us had been burned pretty badly in our first marriage. In fact, we both made it clear in that conversation that neither of us ever wanted to get married again because of our first marriages.

However, life and the universe seem to always find a way to prove us wrong. Within a couple of months, we both knew that what we had – this completely fulfilling love – was a forever thing. This love, coupled with the distance between us, and a few other factors, found us rethinking our position on the whole “marriage thing”.

At first, I was the one that was hesitant… I was still dealing with so much baggage from my first marriage – a violent and chaotic 23 years. I knew I still had a lot of work to do on me. I had been figuratively pushed into a corner and beaten down for so long that I had no idea who I really was.

I had spent so many years trying to be what others, (especially my ex), had wanted or expected me to be that I couldn’t hear my own heart… And Bruce being Bruce, he didn’t push. He just patiently loved me. He just seemed to know how to lovingly encourage me as I struggled to get my feet on the ground and find my balance.

“Someone who genuinely loves you will not require you to dim your light so that they can shine.”

~ r. h. Sin, The Year of Letting Go, June 28

It wasn’t too long before I started to feel more and more confident… And with his encouragement, I even started speaking my mind. Granted, I did it hesitantly – ready to retreat back into my former self at a moment’s notice or even the raise of an eyebrow. However, the raised eyebrow never came… only encouragement and acceptance… and love… so much love.

It was as if Bruce had enough confidence and patience for both of us until I could embrace my own.

I remember one day, as we sat huddled on the couch, he picked up my hand and kissed it saying, “I love you.” Nothing flowery – no details – just a simple declaration of how he felt about us.

I remember smiling and looking him in the eye as I responded, “I love you, too. In fact, I don’t just love you… I need you.”

Bruce sat quietly for a moment before whispering, “I don’t need you.” I turned to look at him – immediately hurt, and he continued, “I am okay on my own. I have been for a long time. However, I choose to be with you, because it is what I want – not what I need.

I sat there for a bit thinking about what he had said… He was right. I thought I was saying something that would make clear just how much I loved him. However, he was once again, helping me to see the strength and security found in a relationship that accepts and loves each person as they are – including self-acceptance and self-love.

Suddenly the old saying that “you can’t give away what you don’t have” suddenly dawned on me… This was exactly what he had been telling and demonstrating all along… This was exactly what he was offering me… And this was exactly the kind of relationship I knew I wanted too.

After he died, I floundered. I spent several years back in that old mindset of trying to be what others wanted or expected. There are a few scenarios that occurred, though, that opened my eyes… (plus some therapy – LOL!)

This past year, my “word” for the year has been “truth” – stand in it, live it, be it, speak it… Learning to be comfortable with who I am; accept who I am; and love who I am (pitfalls and all)… And all because this wonderful man loved the real me and led me to a space where I could do the same.
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Even on the Good Days

Today is a good day. It really is. I got hugs from my son when I walked into my kitchen this morning. I got more hugs from my friends at church. The sky is blue, and the sun is shining. I am looking forward to speaking to our folks in just a bit to tell our dads Happy Father’s Day, and to wish his mom a Happy Brithday. In other words, it is a day of several celebrations and joy.

My mood is high, and life is good. Yet… there is still a part of me that is sad…

It seems like even on the good days, there will always be a part of me that wishes Bruce were here. In my mind’s eye, I can see that mischievous grin and the sparkle in his eyes when he was up to something. I can almost hear his voice call out from the other room or his breath on my neck as he sneaks up from behind to steal a kiss.

Oh, my goodness, how I miss all of that.

I am guessing I feel this way today because it is Father’s Day, and so I have him front and center on my mind. True, he wasn’t the biological father of my kids, but he was definitely their dad in every other way. He didn’t just fill a void in their lives. He filled all of our lives with love and acceptance that none of us had experienced before he entered the picture.

I will always remember that first Father’s Day, six months after we were married. My youngest was the only one who had moved with me to Michigan. That move was hard on her – moving thousands of miles from her friends and siblings. For the first several months, she definitely gave Bruce a run for his money. Yet, on that Sunday, she baked him a batch of cookies and asked him if she could call him Dad. (She still called him Bruce, but to the rest of the world, she referred to him as her dad.)

And the others? While they weren’t with us day in and day out, it didn’t take long before they all felt the same, and within a year, we were a family. I am so blessed and thankful that my kids were able to witness what a truly good man is like – both as a dad and a husband. I wish he were still here to see them now… To see all the ways he changed their lives for the better.

I miss him… Even on the good days like today… I miss him. There is nothing I wouldn’t give to have him here today – even for just an hour, so we could celebrate him and tell him how much we all love and miss him.

So then, I have to ask myself, “Are you saying it’s a bad day?”

No, I’m not. Today is a good day… Despite all that is happening in this world… Despite losing a friendship this week… Despite the fact that it is another Father’s Day without Bruce… Despite all those things, I have come to realize that there is still a lot of good in this world. In fact, Bruce showed me a long time ago to look for and hold onto all of that good, because that is what gets us through. For me, all of that good is a reminder that each day holds a new promise of hope that I can cling to because whether it is a good day or a not so good day…

“… every sunset is a promise of a beautiful sunrise.”
~ r. h. Sin, The Year of Letting Go, July 8

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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.
I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief
* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Strength and Judgement

“Heartbreak is tough, but, like the raging sea, it guides you toward the shores of wisdom and resilience.”
~ r. h. Sin, The Year of Letting Go, July 15

Today, I want to take a few steps back to those first few years after Bruce died. I want to talk about how people feel inclined to let you know how they feel about your grief… Now, I am far enough down the road to give them the benefit of positive intent. However, at the time, I found it infuriating and hurtful.

It seems like from the moment he died, people wanted to tell me how to grieve. I heard everything from “Bruce wouldn’t want you to grieve” – (Great! Let’s throw some guilt into the mix, because that’s going to be so helpful.) – to “You need to praise God that Bruce is with the angels now” – (Please! That does not make me feel better… and besides, praises to a God that would do this are not on my lips in any way, shape, or fashion.)

I can remember just a few short months after his death, someone asking how I was doing and how Bruce’s Mom was doing. I responded with “Not great… I lost the person I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, and she lost her only baby boy.” Their response? “You know you two aren’t the first ones to lose a husband or a son.”

WOW… Just wow!

It is that kind of judgement that drove me so deep inside myself, it has taken years to get my footing back and crawl out of that pit… But I did – one painful, baby step at a time… And at this juncture, I have come to realize that their judgement isn’t mine to carry or to deal with. Those demons will be theirs to figure out when or if deep grief ever enters their life.

For me, this journey has opened my eyes to a part of life that I had never encountered before, much less at this level. Sure, I had known loss before – but not the loss of someone who was so intimately entwined in every aspect of my life.

There is also something else I have learned about myself… I actually struggle with words when someone is grieving… One would think after writing this blog for years, I would know what to say… But I don’t.

Maybe it is because I know now just how empty those platitudes really are… and how hollow those words can feel. I know without a doubt that there are not any words on this planet that can take away the pain of grief… Maybe that is also why I’m not mad any more at those people who only knew to offer judgement… Maybe all of that is why I can assume those words were spoken with positive intent even if those same words only created more pain.

So… What really helped? What really made a difference and helped me find the strength I needed to crawl out of the muck?

It was those people who simply sat beside me… It was my friends who came along with me and held my hand as I went to the courthouse and banks to change the names on official documents and accounts or to close them all together. It was my sister and kids who sat on the phone for hours listening to me lament and cry, while never once trying to stop me from feeling my feelings. It was Bruce’s family who checked in on ME consistently, despite the fact that they were also grieving the loss of their son/brother/uncle.

In other words, it was the actions (not words) of people who were willing to get down in the muck with me, until I felt ready to crawl out. Then, they continued to hold my hand for balance, but they still didn’t force my progress. They stayed beside me through it all and never once made me feel like I needed to do this grief thing on their timeline.

Because of that, I have been able to work through so much grief (and all the thousands of emotions that make up grief). And while I felt like was fighting my own fight, I was never alone (emotionally) in that fight.

Sure, there were times when I was physically alone or when I felt alone. However, like a child who is scared at night in their dark bedroom, they aren’t truly alone… The people who care are simply giving them the space needed for appropriate growth… (all while sitting nearby in the next room).

That is what my people were letting me do, and there are no words to express the gratitude I feel for each of them. In fact, if not for them, I don’t know that I would feel the strength and love of life that I do now.

Obviously, I still feel grief. (I write about it here each week.) However, it isn’t where my focus is… It isn’t where I have set up camp, so to speak. Instead, it is simply a part of my life’s tapestry… A part that may look ugly to some, but to me, it is simply a reminder that I have been to hell… and survived. I have been judged… and have come out stronger on the other side.

And all of this has transpired, simply because my people love me enough to realize that this grief is my journey that must be navigated my way… And I am eternally thankful for that.

“You are strong, despite feeling broken.”
~ r. h. Sin, The Year of Letting Go, July 15

___________________________________________________________
Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – My Enemies

First of all, don’t worry… This is not going to be a negative blog… Please, stay with me for just a minute or two.

A few weeks ago, I had a reflection prompt to take the verse, “I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart; before the “gods” I will sing your praise.” ~ Psalm 138:1, and reflect on the “gods” of my life… In other words, to reinsert words into that space and reflect on how the resulting statement holds up in my soul… It was quite eye-opening to say the least.

You see, I realized immediately that my ‘gods” are my own fears… my fears of not being enough… not good enough or right enough… not worthy enough of anything good.

I talk about it a lot, and I know Brue was constantly working to relieve those fears in me – to instill some kind of self-confidence from the beginning of our relationship. In fact, if it weren’t for him, I don’t know that I would have ever started on this spiritual journey I have found myself on for over a decade now.

I think I would have lived forever in the shadows – following the footsteps of so many others along the determined path of “right” religion, (right thoughts, right interpretations, right actions, right prayers – you get the picture). A space where my experience was one of rightness vs righteousness… one where you have to toe the line you are given like everyone else or risk being socially shunned – an outcast.

Thankfully, Bruce came along and showed me how to simply “be”. How to align with Spirit… Not by being right, but by living and loving – fully embracing life as it is – every moment, every experience, every emotion – all of it. To focus my connection to the Divine within – the Christ within – and how to relate that connection to everything else in my life.

He showed me that Spirit is love – not about being loved. Spirit is the “good news” – not the right words in the right prayers. Spirit is how I live and breathe – not what I know. Bruce showed me that being spiritually connected doesn’t make me “worthy” … I already am.

Yet, old habits die slow, and while I have come a long way, I still catch myself feeling pride in my new “rightness” about Spirit and connection and theologies. I can easily find myself in a sophomoric attitude of self-righteousness – looking down at others vs remembering that we are all on a different place in our journeys, and we simply need to accept that and love each other.

Enter my new mantra of “Let them” … Rather than letting the things that others do get to me, I remind myself that it isn’t mine to manage, it is theirs. So… “let them”. Learning to “let them” has truly become my new “next step” I feel called to work through.

Bruce and my son were/are so good at that… I am not saying they have gotten it right every time. Sure, there are times when they don’t get it either. However, when that has happened, they simply let it go and move forward to try again… They don’t waste time beating themselves up… After all, life is about learning, and we all need to give ourselves (and each other) the grace to do just that.

Pondering all of this, I have come to realize that my own self-righteousness is usually born out of my own feelings of lack. After all, finding fault with others is one of the most ancient ways of trying to build ourselves up. So, when I find myself focusing on the negative, I want to shift my focus on seeing the Christ in all things and all people – just as Bruce did. At the same time, I know that in order to see it in others, I must also learn to see the Christ in myself.

You…
You are my enemy within.
The very thing I despise.
To judge and look down on others
For not knowing or thinking like me.

But…
That is not who I am.
The sweet Spirit within me
Accepts others where they are
On their journey.

I don’t need to change anything about them
Or their trajectory.
That is not mine to do.
“Mine to do” is to simply love – as is…
To “let them”.

Accept
Send love
Release
Move on…

Because…
I am a child of the Divine.
I do not know all things,
Yet I can love all things.
I can see the Christ in all things –
Even myself…

Why?
How?
Because…
I am a child of the Divine…
And so are we all.
~ Linda, May 2025

___________________________________________________________
Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.