Month: May 2025

Peace, Love, and Grief – The Silence

When Bruce and I were married, he started every, single day the same way… a cup of joe, the current spiritual book of choice, and silence. From the beginning, he established that this time in the morning… This silent morning contemplation was how he grounded himself before starting his day. He wasn’t rude or demanding… It just was.

Then he died… And silence seemed to take over my world…

The Silence…
Without you, this house is so quiet,
It is deafening.
Even the thoughts in my own head
Can’t drown out the quiet.
It is always here –
Waiting to swallow my sanity.
~ Linda, November 2013

I remember… I was just starting out on this journey, and the silence really was almost deafening at times. I dreaded leaving the house because it was our space and I could feel him there. At the same time, I hated coming home because the silence was overwhelming.

I even found myself leaving the TV or radio on all the time, (even while I slept), to avoid the silence and feel just a little less alone.

I can’t tell you how hard the silence was on my soul… The silence left me with nothing but my own thoughts and that scared me… My thoughts were dark, and I could easily fall deeper and deeper into the muck.

It felt kind of crazy… After all, when the kids were little, I would relish even five minutes of silence, but that was different. That silence was a respite from the chaos of life. This new silence was not a respite… All it seemed to do was to increase my grief… as if that was even possible.

After a couple of years, one of my daughters and my grandson moved in with me for several years. Suddenly, the house was filled with the sounds of family and love… little boys and laughter… Those years were good for us, and I will always cherish those memories. Once again, silence was a rarity, and honestly, it was easily avoided most of the time.

After they moved out to build their own home, though, I began to find that the silence was a necessary part of my journey. It had taken years, but I was finally able to sit in the silence and process my grief and residual thoughts and emotions. It didn’t take long before I found that my day was much better when I started it in silence… In fact, I even found myself looking forward to the hour of quiet meditation and journaling each morning.

The week I spent at the spiritual retreat a couple of weeks ago, was built on the rhythmic practice of silence and contemplation. Approximately 16 hours a day was spent in silence… And I was in heaven. For me, the silence has become the anchor of my day, and 16 hours of it, left me feeling emotionally and spiritually stronger than I have in a long time.

Now, the silence no longer feels oppressive… Instead, it actually feels freeing. It is no longer a space where I feel lost, but instead, a space where I feel connected – to the Divine… and to Bruce… It is the space where I get to reconnect with my own soul and tune into “the song that is mine to sing”. It is the space where I meet myself again and again – each and every day.

At the time, I didn’t realize just how much Bruce’s spiritual practices were setting up camp in my soul, but I am so thankful they did… I had no idea just how much I would need these same practices to simply “be still and know” and to heal my soul…

Silence…
I come into the silence.
Here I find Presence;
Yet, everything is absent.
Here my heart is full;
Yet, this space is empty.
How is it possible to find everything my soul needs
In a space that holds nothing?
Yet, here is where I know
I am not alone.
~ Linda, May 2025

___________________________________________________________
Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – The Space Between

I spent this past week on a spiritual retreat on St. Simon’s Island, GA. The grounds, which lay alongside the Frederica River, are covered in massive oaks dripping with Spanish moss, much like the Low Country of SC where I spent most of my childhood. There is something here that simply soothes my soul whenever I enter the grounds.

The week was spent learning about Christian mindfulness and using poems and the Psalms as prayers and self-expression. The majority of time was spent in silent reflection and contemplation, which was the balm I have needed given the chaos that has seemed to invade the landscape of our lives lately.

The afternoon conversations were centered around the idea that life constantly cycles through the phases of Orientation (what is “normal”), Dis-orientation (a large, usually traumatic event that disrupts everything we think we know), and New-orientation (the adjustment to the change which eventually becomes ‘Orientation’) … and the cycle begins again. It is also important to understand and accept that this ‘New-orientation’ is not like the original for we can never go back to “what was” … We can only adjust to “what is”.

As a “list person” who craves order, it was comforting to put so many of the events of my adulthood into some type of framework that makes sense in my mind. While there have been other ‘Dis-orientations’ over the years since Bruce passed, that single event still seems to be the one that has affected my life the most… The one that still seems to be on-going… The one where the ‘New-orientation’ hasn’t quite landed or settled within my soul yet.

I wrote the following sitting in the cool shade of one of those massive oaks, watching the river flow past and wondering how to adjust and become comfortable with my ‘New-orientation’ so life can move to a place of tranquil ‘Orientation’, and my soul can perhaps rest for a while…

The Space Between ‘No Longer’ and ‘Not Yet’

Grief is an odd space to hold.
My feet feel stuck,
As if I cannot move forward
No matter how much I will them to move.

I am stuck between ‘no longer’ and ‘not yet’.

I long for his friendship,
     His love,
     His arms,
     His touch.

I also long for a future
     That is fun and
     Bright and
     Filled with hope.

I am stuck between ‘no longer’ and ‘not yet’.

Most days, I feel hopeful.
     I laugh and know happiness.
     I spend time with friends and feel contentment.
     I do the things before me and find joy in each of them.

Yet, most days, I find myself stuck between ‘no longer’ and ‘not yet’.

I’m not sure what to do.
     The longing for what is ‘no longer’
     Can feel indeterminately overwhelming.
     Yet, the desire for what is ‘not yet’
     Also pulls at my soul.

Perhaps, it is okay to ‘not do’;
Perhaps in the ‘not doing’,
     I am doing exactly what is needed.
Perhaps, learning to sit quietly
     With those opposing thoughts and feelings
     Is actually where life starts again.

~ Linda, May 2025

___________________________________________________________
Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – And on It Goes

Last week, I wrote about happiness… I think sometimes the Universe hears us and says, “You like that? Watch this!” Then, things happen that validate our own thoughts and make us smile… And that is exactly what happened for me…

I was at church last weekend and saw on that program that someone was singing “Bare Necessities”. I chuckled to myself thinking, “Well, that’s a first for me (at church, anyway).”

As the service progressed with the theme of healing and how much our attitudes and thoughts play into our healing – physical, emotional, and spiritual, I began to see where that song could fit, despite my negative, “churchy” attitude. (I hate it when I let old religious, self-righteousness jump in rather than being open to what the Divine is offering in the moment.)

As the gentleman got up to sing, joy – pure joy – filled my soul… my “happiness tank” was over-flowing. Not only did this man do an amazing job, but you see, Disney’s Jungle Book, was Bruce’s favorite Disney movie. In fact, truth be told, Bruce was simply a big Baloo, himself… He lived in the present. He lived simply. He didn’t anger easily or often. He never seemed to panic and could see the good in almost every situation.

As I sat there, memories… sweet, precious memories, of this wonderful man I love and how he chose to live his life, filled my heart and showed on my face. According to him, the sentiments in this song were how he had healed himself when he was younger and dealing with feelings of rejection and abandonment.

He used to tell me stories of how he had struggled with his emotions. However, after some time spent in self-reflection, (and a little help from his sister), he had learned a different way to “be” – a more spiritual, “let it be – let them be” attitude.

I think that was one of the greatest things he taught… no – showed me when he was here… The gift of trusting the Divine and seeing the Christ in all things and people.

So… as I sat there listening to that seemingly silly song, I realized, once again, that not only is being happy okay, but Bruce would also never want me to feel anything less – especially when I am thinking of him.
___________________________________________________________
Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you. Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Happiness

Peace, love, grief… and happiness? Wait… What?? That can’t be right… How do those things even exist in the same universe?

I felt that way for such a long time… Twelve years ago, I didn’t think I would ever feel happy again. How could I?? The one person on this planet that made me feel happy, even when the world was falling apart was gone… Not just gone for a little while, but gone… as in forever… as in, I will never see him smile or hear him laugh again… I will never know his tender touch or feel the comfort of his presence. Without that, how could I ever be happy again?

The answer (in my mind) – I couldn’t. I felt that I was bound to live out the rest of my days in sadness… And I did that for a very long time.

Then, one day when I wasn’t expecting it, I found myself smiling at something. I can’t even remember what it was that made me smile. I can remember the instant guilt I felt for feeling happy, even for a moment, when Bruce was gone and would never share those feelings with me again.

That battle lasted for quite a while – feeling happy in a moment and then instant guilt for feeling that way. I can’t say exactly when the tide started to turn, but I do know that the first piece of that puzzle to dissipate was the guilt… Somehow it seemed to switch to a deep feeling of sadness – all for the same reasons, but sadness for those reasons vs guilt for my happiness in that moment.

As the years have passed, those moments of happiness have occurred more often, and those happy feelings are more and more abundant and lasting. The sadness though, is still there, … even if it is only in the background.

I have learned that life isn’t life without all of the emotions that are in our repertoire. It is good and healthy to feel all the things… and to learn to manage all the things.

Now a days, I feel happy quite often. When I am struggling with sadness or depression, I make myself look for the good… That seems to be the only way back out of the darkness. And when I start seeing the good again, happiness isn’t far behind. (Thank heavens!)

I will admit, when something good happens, when I am happy or laughing, more than anything I still find myself thinking how much Bruce would love it too – or not (which makes me laugh even harder, to be honest). Sure, in that moment, I find myself feeling those twinges of sadness that he isn’t here to share in the joy, but then I find myself thinking that perhaps he is…

Maybe it is a way to comfort myself or maybe it is real, but I continue to feel his energy around me, so maybe… just maybe… he is here sharing in the happiness of the moment… or maybe he is just happy that I have learned to be happy again…

And that, I believe, might be one of the true miracles that love offers us – even when we grieve.
___________________________________________________________
Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you. Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.