Tag: love lost

Peace, Love, and Grief – And on It Goes

Last week, I wrote about happiness… I think sometimes the Universe hears us and says, “You like that? Watch this!” Then, things happen that validate our own thoughts and make us smile… And that is exactly what happened for me…

I was at church last weekend and saw on that program that someone was singing “Bare Necessities”. I chuckled to myself thinking, “Well, that’s a first for me (at church, anyway).”

As the service progressed with the theme of healing and how much our attitudes and thoughts play into our healing – physical, emotional, and spiritual, I began to see where that song could fit, despite my negative, “churchy” attitude. (I hate it when I let old religious, self-righteousness jump in rather than being open to what the Divine is offering in the moment.)

As the gentleman got up to sing, joy – pure joy – filled my soul… my “happiness tank” was over-flowing. Not only did this man do an amazing job, but you see, Disney’s Jungle Book, was Bruce’s favorite Disney movie. In fact, truth be told, Bruce was simply a big Baloo, himself… He lived in the present. He lived simply. He didn’t anger easily or often. He never seemed to panic and could see the good in almost every situation.

As I sat there, memories… sweet, precious memories, of this wonderful man I love and how he chose to live his life, filled my heart and showed on my face. According to him, the sentiments in this song were how he had healed himself when he was younger and dealing with feelings of rejection and abandonment.

He used to tell me stories of how he had struggled with his emotions. However, after some time spent in self-reflection, (and a little help from his sister), he had learned a different way to “be” – a more spiritual, “let it be – let them be” attitude.

I think that was one of the greatest things he taught… no – showed me when he was here… The gift of trusting the Divine and seeing the Christ in all things and people.

So… as I sat there listening to that seemingly silly song, I realized, once again, that not only is being happy okay, but Bruce would also never want me to feel anything less – especially when I am thinking of him.
___________________________________________________________
Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you. Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love and Grief… Is it normal to be jealous?

Tomorrow is a day of love
for everyone…
but me.
My love is gone…
~ Linda, February 13, 2016

After Bruce passed away, I remember the first time I saw an older couple walking ahead of me holding hands… so happy… so content… so loving. My immediate reaction was one of jealousy. I could not understand why these people were allowed to have the very thing that had been taken from me.

My next reaction was one of disdain toward myself for feeling this way. I remember the tears that welled up in my eyes, as I turned and walked in another direction. I had no idea what to do with either emotion.

I remember another time when I was traveling, I was sitting in the hotel bar eating dinner. Next to me sat an older couple laughing, talking and flirting with each other. At one point, the woman noticed me watching them in the mirror. She turned to me and said, “I’m sorry. I hope we aren’t bothering you.”

It may sound strange, but I couldn’t help but smile back at her. “Y’all are fine,” I responded. “I was just thinking how lucky y’all are. I lost my husband a few months ago, and I miss those moments.”

I will never forget the compassion in their eyes as the woman told me that she had lost her husband many years ago and had recently remarried… She giggled a little as she told me there were in their late seventies, still “honey-mooners” and loved to spend time with each other. I remember feeling warm inside at their story. I remember smiling and talking to them while we ate… I was so happy for them, but deep inside, I was still jealous – I was still alone, and I could not imagine the whole dating and remarriage thing.

I remember sitting on an airplane several months later. Next to me was another older couple. Throughout our flight, they snuggled up sharing earbuds as they played a game on their tablet. They never seemed to notice me watching them out of the corner of my eye. I couldn’t help but smile as I remembered Bruce and I doing the same thing just the year before. I wondered if they knew how precious this moment was… But I was still jealous.

Even this last week, I found myself dealing with the pangs of jealousy. For years due to life’s circumstances, a sweet friend and her husband have had to live hundreds of miles apart. Recently, due to life’s changes, they are back together under one roof. This past week they celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary… together… as they should. On the morning of her anniversary, she brought in a small wedding photo album and placed it on my desk at work.

Here was where it got really sticky for me. I am happy for her… for them… I genuinely am! But opening that book and looking at those pictures was hard… I don’t know how to explain it… But once again, I felt that same jealousy of something I will never have… And that same disdain toward myself for feeling that way.

Through the last 3.5 years I have encountered many, many examples of times when I felt this way. I’m not proud of it. In fact, it is a bit embarrassing to write about… To be so honest about a character flaw that I know I need to learn to handle better.

But it is honest… and…

Late this week while talking to another friend dealing with a loss, I realized it is normal.

She shared her feelings with me with a bit of trepidation, and asked if she was “bad” for feeling jealous. Now that I was the one on the outside looking in, I realized how silly that sounded. Of course, when we loss someone we love we are likely to feel jealous of others who still have similar relationships.

That doesn’t mean that everyone who experiences loss feels jealousy. I know I have had other loss in my life that did not create jealousy. However, when the relationship was filled with passion and love, I believe jealousy is a natural reaction.

I don’t know if I will ever completely get passed that jealous response when I see other loving couples experiencing the small, precious moments of life. However, I do know that as time goes by that initial jealous pang gets shorter…

And the smile and warm feelings of precious memories that will always be mine gets longer.

What about you? Did you or have you struggled with jealousy after your loss? How did you come to terms with it? Or do you still need support in that area? Would you be willing to share your story or your thoughts?

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.