I spent this past week on a spiritual retreat on St. Simon’s Island, GA. The grounds, which lay alongside the Frederica River, are covered in massive oaks dripping with Spanish moss, much like the Low Country of SC where I spent most of my childhood. There is something here that simply soothes my soul whenever I enter the grounds.
The week was spent learning about Christian mindfulness and using poems and the Psalms as prayers and self-expression. The majority of time was spent in silent reflection and contemplation, which was the balm I have needed given the chaos that has seemed to invade the landscape of our lives lately.
The afternoon conversations were centered around the idea that life constantly cycles through the phases of Orientation (what is “normal”), Dis-orientation (a large, usually traumatic event that disrupts everything we think we know), and New-orientation (the adjustment to the change which eventually becomes ‘Orientation’) … and the cycle begins again. It is also important to understand and accept that this ‘New-orientation’ is not like the original for we can never go back to “what was” … We can only adjust to “what is”.
As a “list person” who craves order, it was comforting to put so many of the events of my adulthood into some type of framework that makes sense in my mind. While there have been other ‘Dis-orientations’ over the years since Bruce passed, that single event still seems to be the one that has affected my life the most… The one that still seems to be on-going… The one where the ‘New-orientation’ hasn’t quite landed or settled within my soul yet.
I wrote the following sitting in the cool shade of one of those massive oaks, watching the river flow past and wondering how to adjust and become comfortable with my ‘New-orientation’ so life can move to a place of tranquil ‘Orientation’, and my soul can perhaps rest for a while…
The Space Between ‘No Longer’ and ‘Not Yet’
Grief is an odd space to hold.
My feet feel stuck,
As if I cannot move forward
No matter how much I will them to move.
I am stuck between ‘no longer’ and ‘not yet’.
I long for his friendship,
His love,
His arms,
His touch.
I also long for a future
That is fun and
Bright and
Filled with hope.
I am stuck between ‘no longer’ and ‘not yet’.
Most days, I feel hopeful.
I laugh and know happiness.
I spend time with friends and feel contentment.
I do the things before me and find joy in each of them.
Yet, most days, I find myself stuck between ‘no longer’ and ‘not yet’.
I’m not sure what to do.
The longing for what is ‘no longer’
Can feel indeterminately overwhelming.
Yet, the desire for what is ‘not yet’
Also pulls at my soul.
Perhaps, it is okay to ‘not do’;
Perhaps in the ‘not doing’,
I am doing exactly what is needed.
Perhaps, learning to sit quietly
With those opposing thoughts and feelings
Is actually where life starts again.
~ Linda, May 2025
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.
I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*
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