First of all, don’t worry… This is not going to be a negative blog… Please, stay with me for just a minute or two.
A few weeks ago, I had a reflection prompt to take the verse, “I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart; before the “gods” I will sing your praise.” ~ Psalm 138:1, and reflect on the “gods” of my life… In other words, to reinsert words into that space and reflect on how the resulting statement holds up in my soul… It was quite eye-opening to say the least.
You see, I realized immediately that my ‘gods” are my own fears… my fears of not being enough… not good enough or right enough… not worthy enough of anything good.
I talk about it a lot, and I know Brue was constantly working to relieve those fears in me – to instill some kind of self-confidence from the beginning of our relationship. In fact, if it weren’t for him, I don’t know that I would have ever started on this spiritual journey I have found myself on for over a decade now.
I think I would have lived forever in the shadows – following the footsteps of so many others along the determined path of “right” religion, (right thoughts, right interpretations, right actions, right prayers – you get the picture). A space where my experience was one of rightness vs righteousness… one where you have to toe the line you are given like everyone else or risk being socially shunned – an outcast.
Thankfully, Bruce came along and showed me how to simply “be”. How to align with Spirit… Not by being right, but by living and loving – fully embracing life as it is – every moment, every experience, every emotion – all of it. To focus my connection to the Divine within – the Christ within – and how to relate that connection to everything else in my life.
He showed me that Spirit is love – not about being loved. Spirit is the “good news” – not the right words in the right prayers. Spirit is how I live and breathe – not what I know. Bruce showed me that being spiritually connected doesn’t make me “worthy” … I already am.
Yet, old habits die slow, and while I have come a long way, I still catch myself feeling pride in my new “rightness” about Spirit and connection and theologies. I can easily find myself in a sophomoric attitude of self-righteousness – looking down at others vs remembering that we are all on a different place in our journeys, and we simply need to accept that and love each other.
Enter my new mantra of “Let them” … Rather than letting the things that others do get to me, I remind myself that it isn’t mine to manage, it is theirs. So… “let them”. Learning to “let them” has truly become my new “next step” I feel called to work through.
Bruce and my son were/are so good at that… I am not saying they have gotten it right every time. Sure, there are times when they don’t get it either. However, when that has happened, they simply let it go and move forward to try again… They don’t waste time beating themselves up… After all, life is about learning, and we all need to give ourselves (and each other) the grace to do just that.
Pondering all of this, I have come to realize that my own self-righteousness is usually born out of my own feelings of lack. After all, finding fault with others is one of the most ancient ways of trying to build ourselves up. So, when I find myself focusing on the negative, I want to shift my focus on seeing the Christ in all things and all people – just as Bruce did. At the same time, I know that in order to see it in others, I must also learn to see the Christ in myself.
You…
You are my enemy within.
The very thing I despise.
To judge and look down on others
For not knowing or thinking like me.
But…
That is not who I am.
The sweet Spirit within me
Accepts others where they are
On their journey.
I don’t need to change anything about them
Or their trajectory.
That is not mine to do.
“Mine to do” is to simply love – as is…
To “let them”.
Accept
Send love
Release
Move on…
Because…
I am a child of the Divine.
I do not know all things,
Yet I can love all things.
I can see the Christ in all things –
Even myself…
Why?
How?
Because…
I am a child of the Divine…
And so are we all.
~ Linda, May 2025
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.
I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*
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