Tag: resilience

Peace, Love, and Grief… The Power of Hope

Hope… Such an innocent four-letter word… and yet hope is powerful. Conversely, the lack of hope is also powerful… In fact, a lack of hope can be absolutely devastating. I don’t think I realized just how important hope is to our existence until I became a widow. I didn’t realize it the day Bruce died… or even the next, but within a very short time, I came realize that I had lost all hope. My future… a future without Bruce also seemed to be a future without hope.

Each day seemed to be just like the one before it, and the one after… Wake up (alone), work out (alone), go to work (alone), come home (alone), eat dinner (alone), and go to bed (alone). Then wake up and do all over again. At the time, I didn’t recognize it for what it was. I didn’t even notice just how much power hope (or the lack of) held in my world.

I had no idea that hope, simple hope, is powerful… and the lack of hope is just as powerful… And I don’t think I’m alone in that lack of awareness.

It wasn’t until several years ago, when I built and trained a module on resilience that I realized just how much power I was giving away by living day-to-day with no hope. You see, our emotions guide our thoughts. Our thoughts guide our behaviors, and our behaviors guide our life experiences. So… in order to build resilience to life’s struggles, such as grief, I needed to dig deep and find a way to restructure my behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. I knew at that moment that the lack of hope was affecting every aspect of my life, and I had to find a way to regain even just a little bit of hope… somehow.

I started on that journey for hope a long time ago, and honestly, I still have to constantly make a conscience effort in that direction. This year, in fact, has definitely held a lot of challenges in this direction. I can’t tell you how many times I have found myself struggling with depression and that feeling of absolutely no hope… But I haven’t given up. Instead, I remind myself daily to find some hope some where to avoid that head-long plunge down that god-awful rabbit hole where there is no hope.

I am not trying to say this is simple or easy… It isn’t. There are days when I think I just don’t care anymore. Then, I think of Bruce and all the hope he brought back into my world when I thought I had hit rock bottom… And at that point, I know he didn’t do that for nothing… He believed in me, and it’s time I learn to believe in me, too.

So… just in case there is anyone else out there struggling with the lack of hope on their grief journey, I wanted to share the mantras and meditations I am using throughout my day to keep myself in a hope-filled frame of mind:

1. The power to choose hope lies within myself.

2. Hope begins with me… my world will only be as hopeful as I am.

3. If our thoughts create our experience, then I need to remember that hope begins within me… and my world can only be as hopeful as I am.

Oh… and one more little caveat… There will always be people in your world who knowingly (or unknowingly) will try to bring you down. They may make comments or do things that hurt… things that may even cause you to doubt yourself… Things that make it just a little bit harder to hope.

However, that is completely and totally about them – not you. Don’t take it in… Don’t let it create that slide into negative emotions, thoughts, and behaviors within yourself. Those things say so much more about who they are and where their headspace is. Remind yourself – Those are their emotions, thoughts, and behavior… They are not yours unless you choose to take them in, and thereby, give away your own power.

“As I listen more acutely for my guidance, I let go of trying to find the answer through human channels and turn my attention to the voice of spirit .” ~ Daily Word, May 18,2023
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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. Learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. This year, my goal is to simply ‘be’… Be me, be kind, be compassionate, be loving, be hopeful… to just ‘be’ and to be comfortable with that… however it looks.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

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Peace, Love and Grief… Don’t look too far down the road

Alone
Alone… Is this a test?
I think I am failing.
I want to move past the sadness.
I want to find the blessings.
But every time I come back to
Being alone…
~ Linda, October 1, 2013

I have put off writing this week until the last minute (or what feels like the last minute). It’s not that I don’t know what to say… It’s that I have so much to say and I’m not sure how to say it in a way that makes sense.

This month starts a series of major days and holidays… all in a row – one on top of the next. It starts with Halloween, then moves to our anniversary, Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas, New Years and the anniversary of Bruce’s death.

Anyone who has grieved deeply knows how hard the holidays and big events can be when you find yourself alone… no longer able to share those days with the person you have shared your life with for so long. The next few months will be an emotional roller coaster as I go from one event to the next… all without Bruce… for the third time. (Yes, I am still counting.)

The first year I ignored as many of these as possible. It hurt too much to imagine celebrating anything without Bruce. So, I hid and let the world do its thing while I pretended not to notice. You might be surprised but it was actually pretty easy to do. The world starts getting very busy this time of year… Most people don’t really notice when you choose to disappear from the craziness. I’m not sure if that is a good or a bad thing, but it sure helped that first year.

Last year, (my second year alone) I wanted to try to join the world… at least with my kids and my grandson. So, I joined them for as many of these days as possible and spent the rest with friends. The problem for me was the timing of everything… As soon as I got past one event, I had to mentally prepare for the next… There wasn’t a chance to heal or even breathe in between.

It was a relief to be a part of everything and not be alone. However, when it was all done, I was emotionally drained. I later listened to a recording taken at the end of that time period, and I didn’t even sound coherent. I was a mess, but I had done it! I had survived!

Thankfully, time is a kind friend, and this year has brought more healing and a stronger me. At least I thought I was stronger… until this week…
This year as Halloween approaches and the holiday commercials start to air on TV, I am faced once again with an overwhelming relay of events. All week I have had that inner dialogue going… I’m sure you know what I mean…

In my self-development seminars or when coaching individuals, I discuss that inner dialogue… That angel and devil thing we laugh at in cartoons. Why do we laugh? Because we have all experienced it at one time or another. For most of us, though, it isn’t necessarily a temptation thing – a good or evil thing.

Usually it presents itself as one “voice” that sounds more like, “Why bother?” “What’s the point?” “You’ll never be able to do that.” In other words, it is self-defeating. It is based on our fears, negative emotions, and low energy. It is not based in reality. It does not build resilience nor does it move us forward. In fact, it is happiest if we stay where we are or even take a few steps back.

Then, there is the other, kinder “voice.” It is encouraging. It is not based on our fears but on our passions, goals and facts. It is healthy and nurturing. Its purpose is to build resilience and help us move forward… To encourage us to live life – even if it is just one small step at a time.

This week the dialogue battling within me has been one of dreading the upcoming months, while realizing that all I really need to do is take life one day at a time – no more. It is when I try looking too far down the road that I become intimidated and question my ability to make it through.

I remember right after Bruce died… The idea of spending the rest of my life without him – alone – seemed very intimidating. Most days I didn’t even want to try… that road ahead looked never ending. It took me a while to tune out that self-defeating voice and start listening to that kinder, gentler voice that encouraged me to take one small step and then another.

In my family, the women seem live quite a long time so I figure I have another 50+/- years to go… without him. That is a long time. It can be quite daunting when I dwell on it too long. I am learning not to look that far down the road. I am learning to just breathe and take it one day at a time.

I am learning…

That is what I have been telling myself this week. I am still learning. It’s okay if I have a hard day or stumble a little. But I can’t let myself dwell on the upcoming months and everything they entail… That will be too much. It will overwhelm me. It will feel too hard, and I will spiral down.

Other than only taking one small step at a time, I’m not sure yet how I am going to do it. However, I do know, for me, that will be the only way to do this.

Walk through your fears..
~ Linda, October 15, 2013

Because this is our community, please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences, too. To do so, go to the comments and leave a note.*

Who knows… you may hold the answer for someone else.

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.