Hope… Such an innocent four-letter word… and yet hope is powerful. Conversely, the lack of hope is also powerful… In fact, a lack of hope can be absolutely devastating. I don’t think I realized just how important hope is to our existence until I became a widow. I didn’t realize it the day Bruce died… or even the next, but within a very short time, I came realize that I had lost all hope. My future… a future without Bruce also seemed to be a future without hope.
Each day seemed to be just like the one before it, and the one after… Wake up (alone), work out (alone), go to work (alone), come home (alone), eat dinner (alone), and go to bed (alone). Then wake up and do all over again. At the time, I didn’t recognize it for what it was. I didn’t even notice just how much power hope (or the lack of) held in my world.
I had no idea that hope, simple hope, is powerful… and the lack of hope is just as powerful… And I don’t think I’m alone in that lack of awareness.
It wasn’t until several years ago, when I built and trained a module on resilience that I realized just how much power I was giving away by living day-to-day with no hope. You see, our emotions guide our thoughts. Our thoughts guide our behaviors, and our behaviors guide our life experiences. So… in order to build resilience to life’s struggles, such as grief, I needed to dig deep and find a way to restructure my behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. I knew at that moment that the lack of hope was affecting every aspect of my life, and I had to find a way to regain even just a little bit of hope… somehow.
I started on that journey for hope a long time ago, and honestly, I still have to constantly make a conscience effort in that direction. This year, in fact, has definitely held a lot of challenges in this direction. I can’t tell you how many times I have found myself struggling with depression and that feeling of absolutely no hope… But I haven’t given up. Instead, I remind myself daily to find some hope some where to avoid that head-long plunge down that god-awful rabbit hole where there is no hope.
I am not trying to say this is simple or easy… It isn’t. There are days when I think I just don’t care anymore. Then, I think of Bruce and all the hope he brought back into my world when I thought I had hit rock bottom… And at that point, I know he didn’t do that for nothing… He believed in me, and it’s time I learn to believe in me, too.
So… just in case there is anyone else out there struggling with the lack of hope on their grief journey, I wanted to share the mantras and meditations I am using throughout my day to keep myself in a hope-filled frame of mind:
1. The power to choose hope lies within myself.
2. Hope begins with me… my world will only be as hopeful as I am.
3. If our thoughts create our experience, then I need to remember that hope begins within me… and my world can only be as hopeful as I am.
Oh… and one more little caveat… There will always be people in your world who knowingly (or unknowingly) will try to bring you down. They may make comments or do things that hurt… things that may even cause you to doubt yourself… Things that make it just a little bit harder to hope.
However, that is completely and totally about them – not you. Don’t take it in… Don’t let it create that slide into negative emotions, thoughts, and behaviors within yourself. Those things say so much more about who they are and where their headspace is. Remind yourself – Those are their emotions, thoughts, and behavior… They are not yours unless you choose to take them in, and thereby, give away your own power.
“As I listen more acutely for my guidance, I let go of trying to find the answer through human channels and turn my attention to the voice of spirit .” ~ Daily Word, May 18,2023
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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. Learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. This year, my goal is to simply ‘be’… Be me, be kind, be compassionate, be loving, be hopeful… to just ‘be’ and to be comfortable with that… however it looks.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.
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