Today, I want to take a moment to say “thank you” to someone who contributed so much compassion and understanding during that first year… I don’t think I’ve spoken about this person very often. However, this week, I knew I needed to bring this person’s caring attitude forward, as an example for the rest of us. (And yes, I am including myself in that “rest of us”.)
When Bruce died, we had been living in Florida for a few years and had been in our home for less than two years. Since we both worked an hour away, we spent a lot of time commuting and hadn’t really gotten to know our neighbors beyond knowing their names and friendly yard-to-yard brief conversations. We had no family nearby. (They were all scattered between MI, NY, SC, AL, and the UK.)
So, when Bruce died, I went to the hospital alone, and I came home alone. I started calling our families to tell them this terrible news, but I knew that the closest person would still face at least 6 hours of driving time, so I would be alone for many more hours.
My first inclination was to call one of my dear friends from work, but I knew she was scheduled to test a new system for our office that Saturday. I didn’t know my neighbors well enough to feel comfortable calling them… So, I called my boss. After all, at the very least, I knew I would need to let her know that I would not be at work on Monday. (I, also, knew that she had been a great source of strength for another woman in our office whose husband had been killed in a boating accident a few years before.)
It was the early hours of the morning, and I really expected to simply leave a message with the hopes that she would call me back when she woke up and saw it… or maybe she wouldn’t. I was in too much shock to think very clearly. However, she did pick up and less than an hour later, she was at my door.
At this point, things get a little bit fuzzy. However, I do remember that she was here when my son arrived. Then she stayed until she felt confident that I was in good hands. But… she didn’t stop there…
Throughout that first year, she helped figure out time off and any other benefits that were afforded me through our employer. She allowed my friends from the office to travel to the hour to my little town to be a source of physical support as I went about all the business that accompanies the death of a spouse. She knew I would be with family for the “big” holidays, and she always invited me to join her family for the smaller ones, as well as, spending random weekends at their home so that I wasn’t always alone every single weekend… and because that wasn’t enough, she also connected me with an amazing life coach who became my rock as I started working through the grief and trauma of losing Bruce.
This person was amazing! She offered so much to me during that time… Things I didn’t know that I needed and things that I would never have asked for if it had been left up to me, because it felt like too much to ask of another person. She did it all… and she did it simply from the goodness in her heart. I owe her so much more than I can ever repay, and every time I reflect on it, I know she was one of my biggest heroes that first year… A blessing I couldn’t see or recognize in the moment, but that over time has had a huge impact on my life and the choices that I make when others are in need.
Thank you, Sheri! You are an amazing person, and I have been blessed!
____________________________________________________
Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.
I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*
This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief
* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.