The sun sets at the end of the day.
The sky is pink.
I am reminded of you…
And I smile.
The full moon rises over the trees.
It lights up the world.
I am reminded of you…
And I smile.
The storm rolls in
With its dark clouds.
It puts on a show for the world.
I am reminded of you…
And I smile.
The waves crash onto the beach.
There for a moment,
And then gone again.
I am reminded of you…
And I smile.
All around me life goes on.
I see you in every flower
And feel you in the stir of the wind.
Your soul reaches out to me
To remember…
Then, I do…
And I smile.
~ Linda, Oct 2013
When Bruce and I first moved out here to this little coastal town in Florida, it was to be by the ocean. From our first conversation, we had bonded over our love for the ocean – her beauty… her calm… her rage – all of the components that make her so intriguing. We were beyond excited to finally live so close to her.
Every weekend (weather permitting), you could find us either sitting beachside, boating or kayaking. Just a few hours by the water was our way of restoring our souls and getting grounded for the week ahead.
After he died, I still spent most weekends doing the same. Eventually, as life started changing, I found myself going out there less and less. After a couple of years, I gave the boat to my grandson. Then, several years later I gave the kayaks to one of my daughters. And while sitting by the beach was still on my list of “favorite things to do”, my weekends seemed to get fuller and fuller, until my beach time was nonexistent… And it probably sounds silly, but I could the loss of that precious time in my soul.
So, this year, I made up my mind to reclaim that time. If my soul was yearning for some time by the sea, then it was up to me to reclaim it… to make time for it… to just do it. Now I am out there several times a month, letting the gentle rhythm of the tide and the warmth of the sun do their magic.
It has been amazing! How in the world did I let this slip away for so long? I not only love being out there, but because Bruce’s ashes were scattered offshore, it feels a bit like I am also spending time with him… something I will never get tired of doing. Sometimes, when my eyes are closed and I am taking in the beach with my other senses, I can almost feel him next to me… and my soul comes alive. Sitting there, I am reminded of all the things that went into our relationship… all of the magic that comes when you find your ‘other half’.
In my readings this week, I came across a passage about finding our soul mates… our other half, and how hard finding that person can be. How true! It took Bruce and I over 40 years to find each other… Yet, once we did, neither of us had any doubts… We knew we belonged together.
“The mate that will walk with us through all of the up and down cycles of life and will be our trusted companion is often hard to find. My elders called this special person the other half, or the split apart.” ~ Jamie Sams, Earth Medicine
However, there was more… You see, “our song” was ‘God Bless the Broken Road’ by Rascal Flats. In the song, the lyrics say,
“That every long-lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you”
(Copyright 2005, Lyric Street Records, Inc)
Bruce always believed that. He never talked badly about his ex or past relationships. He was open and honest and candid about what happened, what went wrong, and what he owned in all of that. However, there was never any anger or bitterness. Just a recognition of “this is what happened” and “this is what I learned” which is “how I got here with you”.
I learned a LOT from that.
“Every relationship teaches us about ourselves if we have the courage to look within, to see how we can learn from others, and how we can heal the parts of our personalities that struggle against union or unity.” ~ Jamie Sams, Earth Medicine
While my previous marriage was a bit dark, following Bruce’s example through the years, I have learned to recognize the lessons I learned and the strength I gained. Even in more previous relationships, both good and difficult, I have learned to see the things I gained by knowing that person. (Let’s be honest, though. Sometimes, I need a little bit of time and distance to get there, but eventually I make it.)
Bruce never actually spelled it out, he just lived it, and I will always be thankful for this aspect of our relationship. Because of him… because of my ‘other half’, I have learned to appreciate all of the relationships in my life… all of the lessons learned… all of the smiles and all of the tears. Without every single one of them, I would still be the same person I used to be… rather than becoming the person I am meant to be.
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.
I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*
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