Tag: new year

Peace, Love, and Grief – Facing Another Year

Last week, I was blessed to spend the last few days of 2024 with my parents and sister. It has been over a year since we were all together, so it truly was such precious time together. While I have always cherished time with loved ones, I think losing Bruce heightened my awareness of just how precious each moment is… After all, since we know that we aren’t promised the next one, the present moment is one to be relished.

Plus ending one year without Bruce, starting another, and facing the anniversary of his death in a few days, my heart has been primed to cherish each possible moment a little bit more. (If that is even possible.) At the beginning of this journey, there were so many years lost to shock and grief… So many years where I floundered to figure out where and how I could still fit in this world… So many years just simply lost.

Then, a couple of years ago, another personal crisis nearly broke me in two. It hurt so bad I still can’t even write about it… but it did something else too… Out of the ashes of that particular pain and all my grief for Bruce, I was driven to pull out of my comfort zone and meet new people… and it has been an amazing experience.

Don’t get me wrong. I have great friends and family who have been supporting me throughout this journey. I know I wouldn’t have survived this journey without them. However, I think sometimes life knows that there are new lessons which need to happen… and those lessons may require new people for a new perspective.

Because of these people and the perspective they have added to my world, I have found a quiet place in my soul… a place of solace that has made the darkness and pain not so prominent in my life. These people have shown me some great habits that have helped me immensely and changed my whole outlook on life.

One of the main things I have learned is to meditate each morning. (I know that may sound cheesy… I would have thought the same a few years ago.) Nonetheless, there is something incredibly healing about the practice of starting the day by simply sitting and breathing and quieting my mind. No matter what else may be happening, these few minutes spent doing absolutely nothing except feeling my space in this world helps to ground my emotions and set the tone for the rest of the day.

For me, it has become a special time when I can feel myself draw close to the Divine within. It isn’t about prayer; there are no words. It is about connection – like those relationships where the love and bond are so strong words simply aren’t necessary.

Afterward, I am able to carry that calm into the rest of my day. That may not seem like anything impressive to you. However, keep in mind that for years after losing Bruce, I was an emotional basket case. I was constantly struggling to control my depression and maintain my composure whenever life happened to throw a challenge my way… and that is a terrible way to go through life.

So, for the people around me, this has been a very noticeable change… And for me, I finally feel like me. I think I lost myself so long ago – way before Bruce. In fact, he was constantly trying to lead me back to myself, and I was getting there, (I think). But then he died… and I fell even further down that rabbit-hole of trying to be what I thought others expected, instead of learning to be comfortable in my own skin.

Now, though, I can think more clearly. Now, I can hold onto his legacy and catch a glimpse of what he saw. In fact, for the first time in many years, I can honestly say that I am excited about entering a new year and all of the exciting adventures it promises.

So… Happy New Year, my friends, and may we all remember to cherish each moment of 2025 for the gift that it is.

“In the Silence, I know my oneness with God and feel in the depths of my heart that all will truly be well. This is my comfort as I find my way through my life’s dark seasons.” ~ Daily Word: November/December 2024, Saturday, December 7

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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you. Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love and Grief… A New Year… A Fresh Start

I know most people start the New Year with resolutions… habits to change and ways to improve. While great in theory, the reality is 80% of resolutions have been abandoned by the end of January and throughout the year another 12% will go by the wayside, as well. The reasons people abandon their resolutions are varied, but generally it boils down to the reason behind the proposed change. If you aren’t passionate about the change – if you are only doing something because you think “you should” – then you are less likely to stick with it… which makes sense.

Many years ago, I gave up on resolutions. I always seemed to be in that 80% that gave up after a few weeks. A couple of years after Bruce died, though, I decided to try something different… Something that still recognized the new year and the fresh start it promises, yet at the same time spoke to my passions rather than my shortcomings. At the suggestion of a friend, rather than a resolution, I decided to have a theme (or mantra) for the year… A statement to reflect the attitude I wanted to carry out.

The first year was a year of “Celebration, Creation and Contribution.” This was the year I started letting myself celebrate holidays (guilt free) and writing this blog. I didn’t make a commitment to do anything – not really. It was simply a commitment of the attitude I wanted to show in each action I undertook. I made a few notes for myself as reminders and placed them where I would see them at least once each day. If I somehow got off course, it wasn’t a big deal. I simply got back on course – no guilt… no feelings of failure.

Each year has held a different theme… Each year, the theme chosen has been directed by where I find myself on my journey. For example, last year my theme was the year of “‘Thy will’ through letting go and forgiveness.” It was such a necessary step for me. Up to that point, I had found myself holding onto so much hurt… Hurt I allowed, even though it was simply a product of people who honestly didn’t know any better.

If you are reading this, I’m sure you know what I mean… The hurt created by things people say or don’t do in response to our grief. I am referring to those things most people in our culture believe are comforting or motivating, but in reality, are just the opposite. But 2017 was the year I learned to accept and understand they really don’t know any better… It was the year to let it go. Admittedly, I wasn’t perfect at this… But I was definitely better… And that was the goal.

So what about this year? Well, I have decided I need a year of self-love and care. (I know – it sounds totally selfish, but it really isn’t.) Here’s what I mean…

First, I am referring to my physical self. Despite carrying health insurance, I haven’t been to a doctor since Bruce died. I had convinced myself that if the doctors didn’t catch Bruce’s heart issues (and he went annually), then why bother? As long as I was working out and eating healthy, other than an actual injury, what more would they do anyway? However, the real truth was I just didn’t care anymore. What did it matter if my health was good or bad? If something DID happen, I was okay with that… After all, that just meant I would be with Bruce… and I was definitely okay with that. (I know, that sounds horribly morbid, but it is the truth, and I have always promised to be truthful here… and the truth is I didn’t care.)

Secondly, I am also referring to my own attitude about myself. I have written before about my previous marriage and the emotional baggage left from that… about Bruce’s unconditional love and fabulous encouragement in whatever I chose to pursue. No matter what, Bruce only saw the good, and that meant everything to me. However, when he died, I felt I had been plunged back in time… My confidence was shaken, my self-esteem was at a new low and my self-worth was almost non-existent.

I know it sounds crazy, but without Bruce’s confidence in me, I was losing my confidence in myself. This isn’t good. Did you know the way we love ourselves is passed on to our children? Yes, my children are adults, but I am still an example. Plus, I now have a grandson in my home, who repeats my words back to me with eye-opening clarity.

Recently, I learned that women (on average) criticize themselves eight or more times a day. I know I am guilty of that, but it needs to change. I need to be kind to myself… If I wouldn’t say it to someone else, then why on earth would I say it to myself?

So, yes, this is my year of self-love and self-care. It is quite a change for me. Daily, I have been reminding myself of my theme and the why’s behind it. So far, I believe I am off to a good start. I have been drinking more water (and less wine), made a doctor’s appointment (ugh), and start each day with a prayer for help and a positive affirmation…

Nothing huge… Nothing grand… Just small actions to remind myself that I do have value and I am worthy. Sometimes it’s hard to remember, but just because we are now on our own, doesn’t mean we no longer matter. I do and you do… Besides, if we aren’t kind to ourselves, why should anyone else treat us any different? We are the ones to set that standard.

If any of this feels familiar, please take eleven minutes and listen to the link below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZkSNblaRA4&feature=youtu.be

Happy New Year to our virtual group. Please know my thoughts and prayers are for all of us as we begin another year without our loved ones by our side. Our support for each other always touches my heart, and I feel close to you through the experiences we share. We are all dealing with some extremely intense, emotional stuff, and none of us needs to handle this alone. Learning to navigate this journey is different for each of us. It brings its individual challenges and lessons. Through it we come to realize we are stronger than we thought we were.

If any of this feels familiar, we are here, you are not alone. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or even a virtual hug, let us know… we are here for you. To leave a comment or story, go to the comments and leave us a note. *

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities.

Thank you.