Many years ago, I took some time to write about other grief in my life besides the loss of Bruce. I wrote about such things as the loss of my first child, the loss of trust and dreams from my first marriage/divorce, and the huge financial loss in my 40s when I lost everything. I wrote about those things because while we each have our own experiences, grief can be about more than physical loss… And while that grief lands differently in our souls, it is still painful… It is still grief.
This week, though, I realized that the lessons born out of each type of grief can help us manage current griefs, if we pay attention and let it. So, what if we started mixing things together that seem to be at odds with each other, such as grief and healing… or grief and positivity… grief and gratitude… or grief and blessings?
No, I am not writing this from some self-righteous position, and it is not meant as a sermon… I am simply sharing and writing about my “ah-ha” moment this week that has created a positive mental shift for me, (and maybe it will be helpful for at least one other person out there).
So let me back up to that “huge financial loss in my 40s when I lost everything”. I had 4 teenagers at the time – 2 in college and 2 in high school. My divorce from my first husband had been finalized over a year before. I, then, took the money from the divorce and after discussing it with my (then) accountant, invested all of it with a family friend. I had a contract. I had stock certificates. I had guarantees of a certain minimum return.
Although in truth… I had nothing.
It turned out to be a Ponzi scheme and none of it was worth the paper it was printed on. My ex had moved out of state and stopped paying child support after only a few months, as well as refusing to pay his court-ordered portion of debt/bills or sign the necessary papers so we could sell our house (with its $4k/month mortgage) or any other property. All while I was working full time as a parochial schoolteacher with a take-home salary that was less than $1K/month. In other words, I was in deep financial trouble.
Skipping ahead, Bruce supported me through learning how to recover from all of that… And I did… we (Bruce and I) did, actually. I learned a lot of good, positive lessons from this. For example, I no longer carry debt, and I prefer paying cash for everything, including cars. In other words, despite what culture may say, I have found that life is so much better now that I live, not just within my means, but slightly under my means, (just in case).
However, this experience also left me with some pretty deep scars… Trust being the biggest one of all. Now, I am very resistant about anything where someone else might have access to my money, such as auto-drafts. This really hasn’t been much of an issue, and Bruce never questioned me about this. (He just seemed to understand.) We even kept separate bank accounts, and that worked for us.
However, the part that has remained and held me down has been my avoidance of anything to do with abundance or prosperity. I don’t meditate on it. I don’t pray for it. I don’t talk about it. Instead, I have spent the last 20+ years simply choosing to ignore it.
There are a lot of feelings behind all of this, such as “I’m don’t deserve it” or “I didn’t handle it well then, and don’t have confidence that I could handle it now.” This week, though, the Divine/Universe/whatever-term-you-prefer has been challenging those thoughts… In fact, I have felt it screaming at me to tackle this distrust.
It has been in my guided meditations, my devotions, podcasts, and sermons. Loud and clear, I heard the Divine guiding me to figure it out… Why have I been so wary of the idea of “abundance”? and… What can I do to start healing that part of my psyche?
Then, this morning, it dawned on me… I have been writing about the answer right here over the last several weeks. You see, rationally I know that abundance isn’t just about money. (I know that money is only one specific type of abundance.)
Abundance is about the good things all around us, all the time… the love of family and friends… the blue sky after the fog dissipates… a vacant beach after a storm… a glorious sunrise or a magnificent sunset. In other words, it is in the simple blessings of our everyday life – not just the big, in-your-face ones, but also the small ones that don’t really stand out… Maybe especially the small ones that don’t really stand out.
So, for weeks, I have been writing about our focus and being mindful of what we are focused on, even as we grieve… About how I have found this to be the best way for me to not spiral down the rabbit hole when those waves of grief get triggered… And today, I realized that this is also what I need to do in all aspects of my life.
To consistently, look around and see all the things to be grateful for… Things I take for granted… things that inspire me to say “wow, that’s wonderful” … Things to notice and acknowledge even in their “ordinary life” kind of way, such as a smile from a stranger or a small flower growing up through a crack in the sidewalk.
I can’t help but feel that my grief for Bruce is what has led me here and this is what I have learned…
I am abundant. I have more blessings than I can count around me every moment.
I am abundant. Even when the situation is hard or hurtful, the lesson found within it (or on the other side) is actually working for me.
I am abundant. I love and I am loved.
I am abundant… I have learned to focus on the blessings surrounding my time with and love for Bruce, which has allowed me to focus on all the other blessings around me… to place trust over fear – trust in the Divine to provide vs fear that lack is all I deserve…
And best of all, I know now that the more I look for that abundance, the more abundance I see.
“… our human tendency may be to withdraw, to feel disheartened or defeated. Yet, if we turn inward and listen in the silence of our hearts, a greater truth begins to emerge: we are never alone. Spirit is always present, inviting us to see with new eyes.” ~ Rev. Elizabeth Longo, Release and Reimagine: Lent 2026, Seeing Things Differently
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.
I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message. *
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