The Storm
The storm rolls in;
At first, I do not notice.
I can still see the sun;
The part of the sky I am focused on
is beautiful… blue…
I smile.
Then, I see them;
The clouds rolling in,
Getting darker and darker
As they crowd out the sun
and cover my beautiful sky.
I can barely see the light from the sun
As it struggles to find its way around the clouds.
The blue sky is gone;
The sun is gone;
Heavy drops begin to fall from the sky…
Down my cheeks.
I try but I cannot stop them…
Not for now.
But I know one day soon,
The blue sky will greet me again.
And the warmth of the sun will bring back my smile.
~ Linda, October, 2013
As I write this today, we are just beginning to see the first effects of Hurricane Irma, as she works her way up the Florida coast. When we first moved here, Bruce used to say he wanted to experience a hurricane… I always responded that I did not. I had grown up on the Carolina coast. I knew I didn’t want to face that kind of storm. I also knew he was from the mid-west and had no idea what he was wishing for.
Earlier in the week, we started with plans to evacuate before the storm. Then, through different circumstances, such as our office not closing until the last minute, knowing that we would only be running “ahead of” and not “away from” Irma, and a western shift in her path, we made the decision to stay put.
So, here I am riding out this storm… Bruce’s wish – not mine. O_o
As we listen to the news to monitor the storm, and consequently, find ourselves moving in and out of our “safe space,” I am reminded of how right I was when I compared the emotions of grief with a storm. If you have ever felt deep grief, then you are completely aware of the multitude of emotions that can hit you in a short span of time. There have been days when I have felt as if I must be crazy as my emotions go from happy to sad to angry and then, to round it all out, (if I am blessed) to a still, calm peace.
In the beginning there seemed to be no rhyme or reason to what I felt. Like this hurricane, I knew those emotions were always out there somewhere… waiting. Now, though, I have learned that this is normal… I have also found that usually I have a sense of that emotional storm when it is on the horizon. Yet, like this hurricane, I can’t always get away… Nor can I avoid it. Sometimes, I can manage to stay a day or two ahead of it. Yet, other times, I know I need to just hunker down and wait it out.
Through the years, I have come to expect it… roll with it, if you will. Yet, I have also learned it will subside, as well… Sometimes as quickly as it came on, while other times it may take a few days to leave… and the destruction left to my heart, depends on how prepared I was beforehand.
So how do you prepare yourself to cope when the grief seems to be the only thing you can see? For everyone, it is different. In fact, for me, it can be different every time. Usually, though, it goes something like this…
First, I let myself feel what I feel. The storm is here… I need to accept that, so I remind myself that it is okay to cry when I need to… no guilt.
Next, I remind myself I don’t need to apologize for feeling what I feel – whatever it is. My feelings are mine, and they are valid.
Finally, I remind myself that while this storm feels overwhelming and scary, there is still something positive for me… whether it is remembering Bruce’s legacy, our love or the preciousness of life in this very moment…
Everyone deals with grief’s storm of emotions in their own way… These are only my thoughts and observations as this hurricane reminds me of life’s many lessons on this journey. Maybe grief has been that way for you, as well. Learning to navigate this storm tends to show us we are stronger than we thought we were able. If any of this feels familiar, we are here, you are not alone. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or even a virtual hug, let us know… we are here for you. To leave a comment or story, go to the comments and leave us a note. *
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