The day is almost done,
And once again,
My heart is breaking.
The clock chimes –
Each stroke – a reminder of every year that has passed.
Each birthday celebrated with an empty chair,
And no one to blow out the candles.
The tears slide down my face,
And yet, I smile as I remember you…
Your laugh,
Your grin,
Your sense of humor,
But mostly,
Your love.
Happy birthday to the man
Who was my hero and my heart.
You are not forgotten…
You are missed… and still loved.
~ Linda, 2023
Happy birthday, Babe! I can’t believe another birthday has come and gone without you here… I miss you so much!
As I sit here on the beach thinking of you, it has occurred to me how the seasons of our lives come and go – like the ebb and flow of the tides… (No wonder so many poets and songwriters use that phrase.) There is no effort extended – life just happens – the good… the bad… and the in-between.
This year has already included all of that (and we are only in April!). There has been new life to celebrate and deaths to mourn. There have been times filled with love and laughter, and other times of tears and rejection… and all the stuff in the middle. You know… the normal everyday stuff that we tend to forget even though it probably fills up most of our days.
I miss sharing all of that with you… I miss laughing with you and crying with you… But mostly I miss all the in-between, normal, doing nothing with you.
Today I keep thinking about all those birthdays we spent with your folks. What a fun time! I miss that! We didn’t do a lot – the beach during the day and chilling with your folks at night… And yet, it was some of the best “doing-nothing” times that I can remember.
Then, we moved here, where the beach is practically in our backyard. (Well, not quite – but close enough!) Once we were settled, “doing-nothing” at the beach became our Sunday routine… God, how I miss that!
“Becoming still, I reflect on life-giving space to thoughts, memories, feelings, and ideas of where I have been and where I want to go.”
~ Daily Word, December 21, 2022
The thing is, I am still trying to figure out the “where I want to go” part. I am trying though, more than I ever have… I am “getting out and doing” as much as I am “staying put and not doing”. Honestly, though, I’m not too worried about any of it. After all this… if there is one thing I know, it is the fact that life has a way of placing us exactly where we need to be when we need to be there…. I just have to remain open to it… and all the possibilities.
This year has already held a lot of losses for me. I grieve what I have lost, which turns around and makes me grieve for you, too. What I wouldn’t give to feel your arms around me, reminding me that I am loved and it will all be okay.
I know, the more I sit here and write today, the more I start to feel sorry for myself, but I shouldn’t! I have been and continue to be so incredibly blessed… I have great friends. I have a wonderful family (both yours and mine) who love me, and rally around me when I need it… And you… I had you, Babe, and all the wonder and magic you brought into my life. Even now, I relish the precious memories day in and day out.
Thank you for that… and for still being my strength in one of the hardest years since you died.
I love you, Babe – now and forever!
I have been a long time on my own now.
I still hate it.
I miss your touch –
The gentle caresses that said, “I love you.”
I miss your smile and laughter –
The look in your eye that reminded me
Not to take life so seriously.
I miss your arms –
The way you held me close and
Made my fears and insecurities melt away.
I miss your friendship –
The unconditional love and acceptance you always put forward,
Which encouraged me to just be me.
In other words…
I miss you, Babe,
And I think I always will.
~ Linda, 2023
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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. Learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. This year, my goal is to simply ‘be’… Be me, be kind, be compassionate, be loving, be hopeful… to just ‘BE’ and to be comfortable with that… however it looks.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.
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