Warning: I am going to talk a bit about religion today. You may or may not agree with me, and that is okay. This is not a debate on which religion is right or wrong. Nor is it a sermon trying to “win” anyone over to what I believe. Spirituality is a personal journey for each of us, and I am simply sharing some of the thoughts I have had on my journey… nothing more.
I have spent most of the past 10+ years since Bruce died on my own personal, spiritual journey… Trying to figure out what I believe (and why) versus what others say I should believe (and the why behind those that I can’t quite wrap my brain around). It has taken a long time, but I am finally at a point where I know I am moving in the right direction. I feel growth. I feel change. And most importantly, I feel closer to God, (the universe or whatever name you choose), than at any other point.
One of the things I was always taught was the idea of “original sin”. This is the thought that we are all born “bad” … We are all “sinners”. Well, honestly, that never made any sense to me. I mean, if God is the creator of everything, and God cannot do anything “bad” or “wrong”, then how are people created with original sin. (Yes, I know all the arguments and religious dogma that supports this concept. I’m just saying, I don’t buy it.)
Instead, I take a complete turn here. I believe that if God creates everything, then just as our own children carry around a part of us (our DNA/genes), we must also hold a bit of the Divine within each of us. Like a drop of water from the ocean… That drop is not the ocean, but it holds part of the ocean within it. In other words, while none of us are God, we are all Divine… There is a spark of God within each of us, rather than God being something external and completely outside of ourselves.
Boy, that sure changes how I not only look at myself, but how I view those around me.
My newest goal (going into 2024) is to make a conscious effort to see that Divine spark within each person I encounter. Then, rather than judging that person, I can ponder the idea that we are all simply trying to figure this life out in the best way we know how in that moment. At any given time, we are all at different places on this path, and likely learning different things since those things are dependent on each individual journey. (Hopefully, that makes a little bit of sense.)
Keeping all that in mind, I found myself in the car yesterday traveling from one Christmas errand to the next and listening to Christmas music on the radio. (Confession: I may or may not have been singing at the top of my lungs, as well.) Suddenly, the song, Mary, Did You Know, came on the radio.
I know that song gets a lot of flak from people who say, “Of course, she knew. God/the angel/scripture told her.” I don’t really care what other people say… I love that song. You know why? Because it makes Mary a very human, teenage girl who found herself pregnant and unmarried. (Something I can absolutely relate to.) I don’t know about you, but when I was a teenager, I did not think like an adult. I doubt any of us did. It’s just not the way the human body matures. (And I doubt Mary did either.)
If it were me, I would have heard what the angel told me, but I would not have had the maturity needed to actually understand and think through what all that might mean, much less how to apply it to this infant who (to all my teenage understanding) was acting like every other human baby on the planet. He cried. He soiled his diapers. He got hungry. As he grew, he ran. He laughed. He fell down. He scraped his knees. He cried. He wanted hugs and kisses… Just like any other child.
So… in the song, when they say, “Did you know … When your kiss your little baby, you’ve kissed the face of God,” my heart melts… every time. Yet yesterday, I found myself taking that a step further… If I believe that we all have a spark of the Divine within each of us, then when I kiss each of my (now adult) littles or my grandson, I am also kissing the face of God. When I see my neighbor, whose name I may not even know, I am seeing the face of God. When the Amazon driver drops off my packages, am I also looking at the face of God? How about when I watch the news? When I see people on both sides of a political debate or a battle in a war-torn country, can I choose to see the face of God in everyone?
Is that what Jesus the Christ meant when he said, “Love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12)? Was he calling us to see that Divine spark and simply love (at the very least) that part of each person? Was he showing us that this is our common ground? … This is the thing that can bring us all together. (I like to think so.)
After my divorce and before I met Bruce, I remember my mother saying that she was praying that I would find someone to love me… really love me… unconditionally, like Jesus loves. I remember she wrote me a letter that said, “I am praying that you will find that person in your world who will be Jesus with skin on.”
Bruce was that person for me. He loved me completely and unconditionally. He showed me that love… real love… is unconditional. (After all, once you put conditions on it, it isn’t love anymore.) He brought healing to my world by encouraging me to explore my own faith and spirituality… And when I kissed his face, I kissed the face of God.
So here I am, so many years later, finally realizing that I don’t believe in the God of my childhood. I don’t believe in a God that is vengeful or out to get me or any of those other ideas than try to create a Divine relationship out of fear.
I believe in a God who is in all things. I believe in a God who is all love. I believe in a God who calls on me to see the same Divine spark in others and to be (like God) that same love-filled soul (to the extent that I am able) in each moment.
In other words, I haven’t got it all figured out. I am simply on this journey. Some days are easier, and some days are harder. Yet each day is another opportunity to love… the way Bruce loved me… and the way God still loves me.
Thank you, Babe, for loving me so completely, and for encouraging me on this path!
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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. This year, my goal is to simply ‘be’… Be me, be kind, be compassionate, be loving, be hopeful… to just ‘be’ and to be comfortable with that… however it looks.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.
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