Some weeks when I sit down to write, I wonder why I am still writing so many years later. In fact, I have had a couple of people ask that same question. Usually, my answer includes something about wanting to share my experience, as well as how therapeutic it is to just write it all down. There is a lot of emotional processing that happens each week as I write. Also, when I started this, I thought that even if it made a difference for just one other person, it was worth it. However, this week I realized it is something more…
Last Spring when everything shut down including the schools, my daughter made the decision to continue her son’s education rather than having him just hanging around, while we continued to work from home. Since we are both former teachers, we felt confident in this endeavor, and it has been a good experience for all of us. In fact, it has been so successful, she has decided to continue homeschooling him for now. But that isn’t my point… I’m getting to that…
The last couple of weeks, he has been reading the book, Wonder, by R.J. Palacio. It is a beautiful story about a 5th grade boy with Treacher Collins syndrome, who is going to school for the first time. (It is great book for teaching empathy and kindness.) Novel discussions have been my area during this process, so I was also reading the book…
At one point in the story, the boy’s faithful dog gets ill and must be put down. My grandson had been reading out on the porch, and when he came back in, it was obvious he was upset. “That was so sad,” he said. “The dog died. I hate that! I hate it when animals die.”
“It is sad,”” I responded. “Did it remind you of when Brutus died last year?”
“It did… That was awful… And when my mice died, and Duffy… and Frogmore.” This poor little boy… With two households and aging pets in both, this has been a rough year for him losing so many pets. It has been emotionally hard, and we have talked about the grief of losing a pet several times this year… And I had a feeling this was going to be another one of those times.
“You know what GG?” he asked. “When something you love dies, it is like being hit with a rock… really hard.”
“Yes, baby… Yes, it is,” I thought. I couldn’t have said it better! The conversation continued from there, until he had talked it out… Until he didn’t have any more to say on the topic… Until the next time when he is somehow reminded of or touched by death again. I know it won’t be the last time. I know another day will come when he will need to talk about it again – about the pain and trying to make sense of the “why.” Because that is what we do… We keep talking about it (or writing about it), until there is a sense of peace or understanding… Then, we do it again as many times as we need to.
“The drive to understand why things happen to us is so strong that the brain will continue to try making sense of an experience until it succeeds.” ~ Daniel Siegal and Tina Payne Bryson, The Whole Brain Child
I think that is why I really continue writing this blog each week. Just like my grandson, my day to day life is filled with all the normal things – laughter, frustration, work, play, family, and friends. Life is good, and I am happy. However, there are still some sad moments. Usually, I just push them down and keep moving forward… Until this time each week. This is the time when I allow myself to reflect on whatever has touched my heart and brought that grief back to the surface. Then, I sit and write about it… again. So, I guess, as much as anything else, I am writing for me… I guess, this is my way of trying to make sense of my own experience… And sharing that with someone else (who is also on this journey) helps.
I don’t know that there is ever an end to grief… I think it just is. It becomes a part of our lives like the scars from past hurts or a limp from an old injury. Sometimes it is maddening, and at other times it is oddly comforting. This grief journey is what it is, and I am just trying to make sense of something that (to me) makes no sense. I know this journey is different for each of us, but I appreciate the messages of support. I love that we can hold each other up, despite our differences and our own grief.
We know that some days are easier, and some days are harder. Sometimes we can smile at the memories and other days the tears won’t seem to stop. The many ways we experience grief are as diverse as we are, and we all move through it at our own pace and in our own way… We are just doing the best we can in a world that doesn’t always understand us. What about you? How has your grief journey changed through the months or years? Would you like to share your story or ask a question? Do you need a helping hand or even a virtual hug? Let us know… we are here for you. To leave a comment or story, go to the comments and leave us a note. *
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