“The challenges we face and live through can either break us, or mold us and help us grow.”
~ Sheri McGregor, Done with the Crying
I am old enough, at this point in life, to understand that growth – personal growth – doesn’t happen when life is all sunshine, unicorns, and rainbows. Have you ever heard someone tell a “how I got here” story that didn’t involve at least a little bit of struggle? I doubt it, because that wouldn’t be a story of personal accomplishment or victory. Even the stories we read must contain a bit of conflict for the characters to grow and evolve.
Why? Because we grow when we are stretched. We grow through the brokenness of pain. We grow when we are pushed a little harder than we thought we could manage or survive. It’s hard – not easy. It’s painful – not a day at the park. In fact, to be honest, there have been many times in life when I thought I would not survive the current situation and begged God to please, just make it stop… Just give me a moment to breathe. At the same time, I believe there are hard lessons in life that must be learned, and so, (evidently), I remain a student of life.
I have shared that I have had some hard losses this year. While I am not comfortable yet talking about the details, I can say that the grief and pain have been overwhelming. I have been working with a counselor, who these past few weeks, has been pushing me to look for the positives. I have to say, that has felt impossible, but I am trying. She has also encouraged the same for my grief for Bruce. Again… it feels impossible.
How do you find anything good or positive in the loss of a person you love?
Then, I read something earlier this week that has helped me tremendously. I read about a process called, Wabi-sabi. Wabi-sabi is a Japanese concept all about embracing the beauty of the imperfect, which in fact, shows up in a lot of Japanese art.
For example… After the work of shaping a piece pottery, that piece must be placed in a kiln and fired. Sometimes, though, the firing process causes the pottery to crack. Most of us (at least me) would think it was ruined, toss it, and start again.
However, using the concept of Wabi-sabi, the artist will mend the cracks using melted gold to fill the cracks. By doing so, the artist is able to make something of beauty… something positive out of something imperfect… And to take it one step further, this gold used to fill the cracks, actually creates strength in a once-weakened vessel.
“The idea of Wabi-sabi is embracing mistakes, artfully incorporating the happenstance, and making strength from weakness.”
~ Sheri McGregor, Done with the Crying
When I read about Wabi-sabi, it hit me like a ton of bricks. The goal is not to find good things about the traumatic or awful events. No… The goal is to look at the current circumstances that remain after that loss and not give up or give in. It is about finding a way forward that is good and positive… and makes me a better… stronger person.
For me, this means looking at the pieces of my life and choosing to find a way to make something beautiful out of my life, despite Bruce’s death and the pain of this year’s losses. It’s about not giving up… not quitting. It’s about my story… What kind of legacy do I want to leave?
I don’t know exactly what that will look like for me… and I definitely don’t know what that might look like for you, but I am willing to try. I am willing to pick up those pieces of my life and create something intriguing… something beautiful… something with meaning.
For me, that means I need to be willing to look for and appreciate the beauty in all things, especially those parts of me that appear broken beyond repair. It also means keeping life simple and taking it as slow as I need so that I can remember and feel the joy of what it means to be alive.
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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. This year, my goal is to simply ‘be’… Be me, be kind, be compassionate, be loving, be hopeful… to just ‘be’ and to be comfortable with that… however it looks.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.
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