Currently, I am in Colorado for business. I lived here years ago, but because of the circumstances at that time, I rarely went out to see the local area. This time seemed to be starting off similarly. Throughout the week, I was just too busy to really do any exploring – leaving the hotel around 6:30 am and returning about 12 hours later.
However, today I woke up to sunny skies and decided I wanted to do something… anything… outside. I wanted to see this place and be able to appreciate the beauty here that is so different than back home. My hotel is not too far from the local botanical gardens, which sounded perfect. I could spend a few hours outside in nature, walking trails with no worries whatsoever about safety despite being alone.
As I was walking up to the ticket booth, two women about my same age offered to let me enter with them on their pass. I didn’t know what to say at first. They quickly assured me that I didn’t need to stay with them… They have three passes and whenever they come, they always offer to let someone in… Today it was me.
(Before I go any further, let me just say… It was the most beautiful, joy-filled morning!)
Almost immediately upon walking in, precious memories started popping into my mind…
It was my second Mother’s Day with Bruce. Knowing that Mother’s Day was always a struggle for me, Bruce always made sure it was a day where I felt loved. (Although, to his credit, he made me feel loved every day.)
On this Mother’s Day, Bruce had made his delicious biscuits and sausage gravy for breakfast since it was my favorite. Afterward, he said he had a plan for the morning, but it was a surprise. All he would tell me was to wear jeans and my tennis shoes. No matter how much I begged, he wasn’t telling me anything more. Every answer came with a grin and was the same – “It’s a surprise.”
The surprise ended up being a series of trails along a lake that was less than a mile from our house. It was so beautiful and peaceful. Being spring, the flowers were just starting to bloom. There were swans in the lake, along with several beaver damns. Being Mother’s Day morning, there didn’t seem to be another soul around. It was just the two of us, and it felt like heaven.
We walked and talked for hours. Bruce shared how this was the space where he felt closest to God, not in a man-made building but out in nature. I couldn’t agree more. It was a beautiful day… and one we repeated often over the years. This space became one of our favorite places to spend a Sunday morning.
So today as I walked along the seemingly endless, meandering trails, I could almost feel Bruce right there next to me. I can’t even begin to explain the joy and comfort I felt. Even now, as I write this, I can close my eyes and remember… I can feel my hand in his… I can hear his voice telling me that he wanted to spend the rest of his days… with me… like this… together…
Me too, Babe… me too…
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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.
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