There are so many times, (especially as I grow older), when someone is talking to me, and I respond with “What’d you say?” … Usually followed by something like “I can’t/didn’t hear you” or “I couldn’t hear you over the ____”. (Anyone else have that experience?) Either way, with my hearing what it is, unless you are facing me and within 5 – 6 feet, I’m not going to get the message; we have to try again.
So then, what about when the universe is trying to tell me something?
Well, have you ever had one of those moments when you feel like the universe is trying to get a message across? Yea… me too… Quite often actually. With each challenge, (once I catch my breath), I am constantly thinking, “Okay… What is the lesson here? What am I supposed to learn from this?”
OR… Have you ever felt like you must have missed the message because suddenly it feels like the universe is screaming at you? Yep… me too… And last Sunday was one of those days…
Often, I have written about my spiritual journey and how Bruce’s spiritual journey has greatly influenced my own. I think one of the biggest ways he has influenced my faith is this simple thought… Is it better to have questions that can’t be answered, or answers that can’t be questioned?
That simple question has guided so much of my journey. I think I will be forever grateful to Bruce for showing me that not only is it good to question the religious status quo, it is the only way to grow spiritually.
Sunday morning as I sat down for my meditation time, I started as I always do with a simple breathing meditation to quiet my mind and find that deep connection to the Divine within. From there I moved to a simple prayer which I pray each morning for all those I love and have loved in the past, for all those I will connect to that day – both physically and mentally. I pray that each one will know health, prosperity, peace of mind, and a meaningful life. I pray that God will create a clear mind and an open heart in me so that I can see each person as their highest self.
Then, I just sit… and listen… and breathe. Thoughts float in and out of my mind like leaves floating on a river stream. I may notice each one as it passes, but I don’t spend any time with it. This morning though, the same thought kept coming back over and over – “Thoughts, words, and actions” … No matter how many times I noticed and released them, back they came – relentless in their determination to be heard.
After a while, I moved on to my devotional, and wouldn’t you know it, the affirmation was “My thoughts, words, and actions affirm wholeness.” Alrighty, then… that was odd.
From there, I moved on to another book that I am reading. This one was talking about the Autumn Equinox as a time when the light and dark are equal – just like us, and how we are called to continue integrating Divine love into, (you guessed it), our thoughts, words and actions… Okay, this was becoming more than a little bit curious.
Next, I opened up the lesson I am reading in A Course in Miracles, only to find, “… the ego’s wishes out of which darkness and nothingness arise…” Good grief! I hear you, universe… Now what?
Well, by this point, I am sure we all know that couldn’t possibly be all the universe had to say on the topic. So, as I went on to look at another book – one on health, the author spoke about the importance of holistic health, and how our thoughts affect our words, which in turn affects our actions and health.
It’s funny, though, none of this is new to me. I have facilitated a course on resilience many times and the premise is exactly this… Our thoughts create our words and emotions which in turn create our actions. If we want to change our actions, we have to first step all the way back to the beginning and change our thoughts.
Of course, to do that means I also have to stop gathering “evidence” in my everyday interactions that support the thoughts I am working to change. Whew… that is a lot to think about so early in the morning.
As I sat there contemplating all of this, I realized that this message applies to so many different areas of my life. In fact, I can’t think of an area where it is not applicable.
For example, I have always felt that my purpose here on earth is to love. That’s all… It’s that simple… To simply show the world around me that each and every person is worthy of love and kindness. If someone isn’t interested or at a point where they can’t accept that, it’s okay. That is up to each individual.
My purpose is to simply recognize and connect to the Divine in each person I encounter and to offer love… To show each person that they are worthy of love simply because they exist… Because we are all part of the Divine Creator… and no one is left out.
Yet, since that is already something I am working on, that couldn’t be the message… there had to be more…
Last week, I wrote about grief and learning to reframe the story… Maybe I still have work to do on reframing my thoughts to adjust my focus – allowing me to see and experience this life and this world. Maybe when I reframe my thoughts, then it is natural that my words and actions will follow… Then the story of loss and grief for what is no longer becomes a story of joy for all the experiences that once were.
That’s all true… That is still something I am working on, but is there something more?
I spent the morning (and the following mornings) thinking of something I have been struggling with for months. I have been reading books and talking about this in therapy. I have even discussed this with my spiritual advisor… and that is boundaries. You see, I was never taught to have boundaries. We weren’t allowed to say “no” to adults growing up, so understanding how they work has become a mission and a process.
This Is my struggle…
I truly believe I am called to love. My faith tells me to love and forgive everyone. So… How do I love people, while at the same time being realistic enough about behaviors to set and maintain boundaries… I mean, sure we can say that everyone has the Divine within, but sometimes it is hard to see or find… I know this firsthand. I have experienced abusive and toxic behaviors from people – even people I love. (And I am just as sure there are times when someone may feel the same way about me.)
First, I think I need to be clear about why we establish boundaries in the first place. (I need to get my thoughts in order.) From what I understand, boundaries are actually about love… They help me to respect both myself and the other person. So… Love needs to be the thought and driving force behind that boundary.
Next, I need to realize that love isn’t always about giving in or allowing any and all behaviors. Like a parent (who loves their child), I need to recognize unhealthy behaviors. A loving parent doesn’t let a child who doesn’t know any better call all the shots. Parents understand that they need to lovingly set up boundaries which creates a safe space for the child the grow.
That means, I need to inspect my thoughts and make any needed adjustments. I need to ensure that my thoughts are those of simple recognition – not judgement or anger or blame. Then, I can more easily determine if my boundaries are punitive or protective. Punitive boundaries are not loving or healing. Protective boundaries offer both.
Even if reconciliation is not a current possibility, it is never completely off the table. Maybe we are in different places on our journey and reconciliation needs to be in mind only. That’s okay… that is still a step in a healthier direction.
Now, after days of mulling all this over, I still want to ask, “What’d you say?” … But I won’t because I know…
I know that we all go through crap, and each person’s journey is unique to them. I know that we all need a safe space to work through this crap, and without that, we may never achieve the peace for which we long. I know that I want to adjust my thoughts, words, and actions to create that safe space… I don’t want to be someone who digs in her heels – determined my way is the right way… That only creates division – not safety… not trust… and definitely not love.
I know this is possible because I have experienced it… with Bruce. Bruce created a beautiful legacy of being wise with his thoughts… purposeful with his words… and mindful with his actions… and I think the universe is calling me to do the same.
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.
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