Peace, Love and Grief… Two Lives; Two Responses

Last week I wrote about walking through the valley. This year has held some true struggles for our family which have taken our breath away… But through it all, I have held this Psalm to my heart… It has carried me through and given me the strength to stand.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside the still waters, He restores my soul.
He leads me in the path of righteousness for His name’s sake.
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:
for He is with me; His rod and His staff, they comfort me.
He prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
He anoints my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
~ Psalm 23

Sadly, I learned last weekend that a friend (and former co-worker) had died unexpectedly. Her death was so sudden and really took me (and many others) by surprise. When I first heard, I thought it must have been an accident or a sudden illness, but no one was really saying anything.

However, by mid-week I had learned the truth…

From where most of us sat, she seemed happy… She was married to her soulmate and had 2 beautiful children. Her life was centered around her family and friends… But we weren’t seeing the whole picture. While she was smiling and giving her heart to everyone around her, on the inside, she was struggling with her own demons. I can’t even imagine the pain she must have felt and struggled with to make the choice she made.

Wow! The news blew me away! It took me more than a day before I could even talk about it. This is the third friend and/or co-worker to commit suicide in the same number of years. In many ways, I feel like I have let each one down. How could I not have known? What clues did I miss? Was I too caught up in myself to hear or notice something was amiss?

After all, here I am fighting for my life, and there was my friend feeling as if she had no choice but to give up… Please understand – I am not judging her or her choice. My heart is breaking for her… My mind is struggling to understand how two friends can have such different responses to life, and not even be aware of what the other one is dealing with.

It goes to show, you never know what someone else is going through… They may be smiling, but that smile may not be real.

It all just seems like such a nightmare. My heart is broken for her… for her husband… and for her kids. I can’t even imagine they are dealing with this, because the whole thing is beyond understanding… I just can’t imagine…

We all have our down days… I know I’ve had mine. When Bruce died I felt so alone and abandoned – I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it without him by my side. Yet, even on my darkest days, I was always able to remember the hope found in the people who love me… It seems so sad that she couldn’t see that… To feel there is no more hope… not even a glimpse.

My prayer?

I pray she has found the peace she was seeking… That she is safely in the arms of a loving and merciful God who understands and takes away her pain.

I also pray that God will open my eyes to the people around me… that I will be generous and loving to those around me… That I will not be so caught up in my own journey through the valley that I miss someone else traveling there as well.

What is Suicide?
Is it the sudden taking of one’s own life? Is it that simple?
Is it the slow denial that something is wrong?
Is it depression so deep that your soul seems to be gone?
Is the real death emotional, and the physical act is just the punctuation?
Is it a rejection of one’s circumstances?
Or is it the result of being rejected by those circumstances?
Is it an ending or a fresh start someplace better?
Is it a choice or does one feel that there is no choice?
Is it a selfish act or a desperate attempt to escape one’s demons?
I do not know the answer…
But I understand the feelings…
While we are not responsible FOR those around us.
We do have a responsibility TO those around us.
We can reach out, hold a hand, or give a hug.
We can listen…
We can be a friend.
What is suicide? It is a cry in the darkness…
~ Linda, Sept 2013;
Written in response to a friend who couldn’t escape the darkness…
May God rest her soul and give her the peace she was seeking.

Everyone deals with loss, grief and life in their own way. We all find answers and comfort in various sources. That is what makes us all unique and different. This week has been a struggle to understand something that cannot be understood… Instead, all I have to offer are my prayers and love to those around me… And the hope that we can all be a source of strength for each other as we go through the storms in life.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? If so, would you be willing to share it with us? There may be someone out there who needs to hear exactly what you have to say…

If you are struggling with grief, loss, loneliness, please know you are not alone – We are here. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or even a virtual hug, let us know… we are here for you. To leave a comment or story, go to the comments and leave us a note. * Who knows… your story may the answer for someone else.

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