grieve – Page 11 – Peace, Love & Grief

Peace, Love, and Grief – The Gift of Peace

I probably don’t have to tell anyone who is grieving how hard this season of celebration can be. Everywhere you turn, there is another reminder that this is a time of “joy and cheer”. There is no time for anything else – no other emotions… or so it seems.

Most of us have likely heard that this is also the time of year where suicide rates and domestic violence calls rise. For most of us, this seems to make sense, and we have accepted this as a fact for years… But did you know that this is actually a myth. What?? Really? I was shocked this week to learn that research does not back up these myths, which set me pondering to understand this new information.

Immediately, my mind went to the idea that we choose what we focus on, and whatever we focus on suddenly fills our world. In other words, if all we can think about is our pain… our grief, then, that sadness is all we can see, and it becomes a layer that covers everything else in our world… even on top of all the “joy and cheer”.

Also, whenever we resist “what is”, we ultimately give that thing more power. In fact, we can get so caught up in fighting this part of our journey that it becomes a part of everything on our path… ultimately affecting how we view the whole world around us.

At least, I know it has been that way for me… Since Bruce died, each year’s holiday season has had its challenges.

The first year, the pain was too intense to participate in the season at all I just couldn’t manage it. So, after weeks of struggling with the whole thing, I (kind of) ran away, and spent the week of Christmas on a yacht in the Keys, ignoring what was going on in the rest of the world.

The next year, I managed to spend the holiday in a more “normal” fashion. (You know… with decorations, music, food, and family.) Then, with each year that came, I managed a little bit more. For example, there was the year I finally started singing along with Christmas music on the radio. (That really felt good… Like my own mini celebration.)

Then, there were the years with my grandson, and suddenly Santa and the magic of Christmas were back with a flurry. The holiday was now about his joy and cheer… His wonderment at all that is Christmas. While my own pain from Bruce’s absence was still a layer in the picture, I worked hard to push it aside for my grandson’s sake. Granted, I wasn’t always successful, but I was definitely making progress.

My daughter and grandson moved out a few years ago, and the first year or two after that were a bit floundering for me. I was better than the early years of this journey, but not as good as I tried to be for my grandson… Then, this year, it dawned on me that maybe… just maybe, this reaction of mine is because whatever I feel and do needs to be genuine and needs to be mine. Otherwise, my responses will change with the tides.

I think that is why the singing had felt like a mini celebration… Because it had been a spontaneous response to the season and… It felt good. It was genuine, and it was mine. What had created that difference? My focus… In that moment, I was wholly focused on the music and all the wonderful memories attached to it.

So, that is what I have chosen to do more of this year… To focus, less on what isn’t… more on what is… and how much those “things that are” mean to me. This seems to be creating a kind of acceptance… I know I can’t change what is missing, but by moving toward accepting it (harder than it sounds), I can find the peace within me that allows me to genuinely enjoy what is…

What a gift that realization has been this season!! To realize that my “cheer and joy”… my true peace in this season is within my control… I am not a victim of what happened. I am a willing participant in what is happening all around me… That is a gift… A gift to know that I can still feel sad that Bruce is gone, but I don’t have to paint a layer of that grief onto everything. Instead, I can cover everything, including my grief, with the acceptance that this is where life has brought me. Then, this acceptance allows me to relish this gift of peace that fills my soul and spills out into the world around me.

“Not all Christmas gifts come wrapped and topped with a bow.
Some come in the guise of our more unpleasant challenges.
And sometimes the greatest gift we can receive is realizing the gifts we have to give.”
~ Rev. Bronte Colbert, Daily Word: November – December 2023, A Most Unlikely Christmas Gift

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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. This year, my goal is to simply ‘be’… Be me, be kind, be compassionate, be loving, be hopeful… to just ‘be’ and to be comfortable with that… however it looks.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Mary Did You Know?

Warning: I am going to talk a bit about religion today. You may or may not agree with me, and that is okay. This is not a debate on which religion is right or wrong. Nor is it a sermon trying to “win” anyone over to what I believe. Spirituality is a personal journey for each of us, and I am simply sharing some of the thoughts I have had on my journey… nothing more.

I have spent most of the past 10+ years since Bruce died on my own personal, spiritual journey… Trying to figure out what I believe (and why) versus what others say I should believe (and the why behind those that I can’t quite wrap my brain around). It has taken a long time, but I am finally at a point where I know I am moving in the right direction. I feel growth. I feel change. And most importantly, I feel closer to God, (the universe or whatever name you choose), than at any other point.

One of the things I was always taught was the idea of “original sin”. This is the thought that we are all born “bad” … We are all “sinners”. Well, honestly, that never made any sense to me. I mean, if God is the creator of everything, and God cannot do anything “bad” or “wrong”, then how are people created with original sin. (Yes, I know all the arguments and religious dogma that supports this concept. I’m just saying, I don’t buy it.)

Instead, I take a complete turn here. I believe that if God creates everything, then just as our own children carry around a part of us (our DNA/genes), we must also hold a bit of the Divine within each of us. Like a drop of water from the ocean… That drop is not the ocean, but it holds part of the ocean within it. In other words, while none of us are God, we are all Divine… There is a spark of God within each of us, rather than God being something external and completely outside of ourselves.

Boy, that sure changes how I not only look at myself, but how I view those around me.

My newest goal (going into 2024) is to make a conscious effort to see that Divine spark within each person I encounter. Then, rather than judging that person, I can ponder the idea that we are all simply trying to figure this life out in the best way we know how in that moment. At any given time, we are all at different places on this path, and likely learning different things since those things are dependent on each individual journey. (Hopefully, that makes a little bit of sense.)

Keeping all that in mind, I found myself in the car yesterday traveling from one Christmas errand to the next and listening to Christmas music on the radio. (Confession: I may or may not have been singing at the top of my lungs, as well.) Suddenly, the song, Mary, Did You Know, came on the radio.

I know that song gets a lot of flak from people who say, “Of course, she knew. God/the angel/scripture told her.” I don’t really care what other people say… I love that song. You know why? Because it makes Mary a very human, teenage girl who found herself pregnant and unmarried. (Something I can absolutely relate to.) I don’t know about you, but when I was a teenager, I did not think like an adult. I doubt any of us did. It’s just not the way the human body matures. (And I doubt Mary did either.)

If it were me, I would have heard what the angel told me, but I would not have had the maturity needed to actually understand and think through what all that might mean, much less how to apply it to this infant who (to all my teenage understanding) was acting like every other human baby on the planet. He cried. He soiled his diapers. He got hungry. As he grew, he ran. He laughed. He fell down. He scraped his knees. He cried. He wanted hugs and kisses… Just like any other child.

So… in the song, when they say, “Did you know … When your kiss your little baby, you’ve kissed the face of God,” my heart melts… every time. Yet yesterday, I found myself taking that a step further… If I believe that we all have a spark of the Divine within each of us, then when I kiss each of my (now adult) littles or my grandson, I am also kissing the face of God. When I see my neighbor, whose name I may not even know, I am seeing the face of God. When the Amazon driver drops off my packages, am I also looking at the face of God? How about when I watch the news? When I see people on both sides of a political debate or a battle in a war-torn country, can I choose to see the face of God in everyone?

Is that what Jesus the Christ meant when he said, “Love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12)? Was he calling us to see that Divine spark and simply love (at the very least) that part of each person? Was he showing us that this is our common ground? … This is the thing that can bring us all together. (I like to think so.)

After my divorce and before I met Bruce, I remember my mother saying that she was praying that I would find someone to love me… really love me… unconditionally, like Jesus loves. I remember she wrote me a letter that said, “I am praying that you will find that person in your world who will be Jesus with skin on.”

Bruce was that person for me. He loved me completely and unconditionally. He showed me that love… real love… is unconditional. (After all, once you put conditions on it, it isn’t love anymore.) He brought healing to my world by encouraging me to explore my own faith and spirituality… And when I kissed his face, I kissed the face of God.

So here I am, so many years later, finally realizing that I don’t believe in the God of my childhood. I don’t believe in a God that is vengeful or out to get me or any of those other ideas than try to create a Divine relationship out of fear.

I believe in a God who is in all things. I believe in a God who is all love. I believe in a God who calls on me to see the same Divine spark in others and to be (like God) that same love-filled soul (to the extent that I am able) in each moment.

In other words, I haven’t got it all figured out. I am simply on this journey. Some days are easier, and some days are harder. Yet each day is another opportunity to love… the way Bruce loved me… and the way God still loves me.

Thank you, Babe, for loving me so completely, and for encouraging me on this path!
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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. This year, my goal is to simply ‘be’… Be me, be kind, be compassionate, be loving, be hopeful… to just ‘be’ and to be comfortable with that… however it looks.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – A Journey of Gratitude

Seeking peace… Finding grace… Feeling gratitude…

This is what I talked about last week. With Thanksgiving happening this past week, the journey has continued, yet changed a smidge. This week has held a journey… a quest, if you will, for gratitude… not for all things – that’s ridiculous and what I would call toxic positivity… And not just in all things – although that makes a lot more sense… But if I think of it as “despite all things” – that seems to work better in my mind.

In other words, no matter what is happening around me… no matter if my world is fabulous or upside down… I can find something to be grateful for. It may not have anything to do with what is currently happening in my world. It may not even be anything from the present. It may be a precious memory that I can recall and hang onto to help me get through the current situation. Or maybe it is a person who I am grateful to know or have known. It can be anything.

When Bruce first died, a friend suggested that I start listing 3 – 5 things a day that I was grateful for. At first it was simply things, such as getting out of bed that day or eating all 3 meals. It was a struggle, though. Then, as time passed, I stopped doing it. I don’t know why. It just seemed pointless, I guess. I was listing these things, but then I closed my journal and didn’t think about them anymore. I guess what I am saying is that I didn’t keep applying that principle throughout my day.

About a year ago, though, I bought a “gratitude journal” and started again. I don’t know what made me buy a “gratitude journal”. After all, I could make a list in any journal or notebook. Yet, this journal had little quotes and ideas that stirred my heart. In time, I found my soul awakened to the many things in my life that are precious to me, but I so often take for granted.

To be honest, at first, I still struggled to think of 3 – 5 things to be grateful for each and every day. Then, 2023 happened. I lost people who had been such an important part of my life. I lost family members who had been an integral part of my childhood. I even lost my job. What the heck?!

However, the funny thing is as the year progressed and more and more events piled up, my gratitude list actually got longer each day. How crazy is that?? That list still includes the people who choose to be a part of my world and the simple things that make up my world. For example, my morning teatime is almost always on the list, my home, my church, my friends, my family, my kiddos, even my favorite chair and blanket, plus anything special someone did or said that brightened my world.

Not a single item is major or grandiose. None of them are things that stand out. They are almost all simple, everyday people, things, or events. Things that I have taken for granted in the past. Yet now, they seem to stand out as special simply because they don’t have to be a part of my world. They just are.

I literally feel prosperous – not because I have a lot of money. I don’t. (Remember the part where I lost my job.) Yet, I am grateful that I have learned to manage the money I have, so I haven’t had to go without. The severance I received was generous and allowed me the time to find the right job versus any job. I feel prosperous because of the friends and family who have stayed by my side through thick and thin. They have called to check in or just to see about hanging out. I am prosperous because I knew Bruce. Because he added so many positive things to my life that I am still exploring, to include setting an example of being laid off and still being okay.

When we are in a tough spot, especially one that is unexpected – like grief, it is easy to only see what is missing or what is overwhelming us or causing us pain. It is so easy to take those things and fall into that rabbit hole of depression or self-pity. (And sometimes I still do. I believe that is human nature and not anything to beat myself up about.)

However, as time passes, and I am learning more and more to focus on those people and things that do make me smile… Now, that is becoming second nature as I go through my days. Sure, things still upset me. Sure, I still feel anxious and worried at times. Yet, despite those circumstances, I am learning to also see the people and things that truly make my life a blessing.

Thank you for being one of those people!

“I find demonstrations of abundance daily and see them in the beauty of the world and in generous expressions of kindness and thoughtfulness.” ~ Daily Word, November 24, 2023

Peace, Love, and Grief – Seeking Peace

Seeking peace… Finding grace… Feeling gratitude…

This describes my past week…

I started this week seeking peace. I was trying to bravely face another week of interviews. However, on Monday morning, I was already exhausted just thinking about the week ahead. I was also a bit frustrated at the fact that here I am, once more, dealing with something new and scary without Bruce by my side. (Yes… I am well aware that he has been gone a long time, and while I should be used to it, I still don’t like it.)

To put my exhaustion in perspective, I have been through about two interviews a day for a couple of weeks now. And while I am extremely grateful for each opportunity, interviews require a lot of energy – both physically and mentally. So, when I say I am exhausted, that is what I am referring to – the prospect of at least 10 more hour-long+ interviews where I need to talk about my strong points. That is also something that is way outside my comfort zone.

Then, there is the added stress afterward of “Was I good enough?” “What could I have done better?” “Did I manage to stay faithful to who I am while also presenting a clear picture of what I am able to do?” “Will there be a follow-up from their end?” I’ve had several tell me that I am what they are looking for, so there is some grace… enough to keep me believing the right job is out there somewhere. Yet, the doubts and questions seem to go on and on.

On Monday, though, I experienced something amazing! You see, years and years ago, after my first marriage, I was diagnosed with PTSD. Wow… sharing that with a public audience feels very vulnerable. However, I am telling you for a reason.

You see, recently, a new(ish) treatment for PTSD was recommended for me, called EMDR. It’s weird. I don’t know what else to say about that part. Basically, though, it is a way for an individual to re-process past traumatic events, so that the memory is still there, but the emotional response changes to something less emotional or anxiety filled.

Of course, I did a lot of research, and, admittedly, still had my doubts. Yet, the idea of the grace this therapy might inject into my life and my soul was beyond tempting and sounded amazing.

For the first few sessions, we talked about certain traumatic events that I want to re-process – ones that seem to pop up in my nightmares and/or affect my own self-esteem. The first one I chose to tackle was Bruce’s death. Since this time of year seems to hold my biggest challenges and triggers related to his death, I felt like I needed to start there.

I have written about that night many times… About waking up to him dying, calling 911, doing CPR, watching EMS work on him, watching the line on the heart monitor stay flat, realizing what that meant, and realizing that I had failed him by not saving him in that moment. I know the Medical Examiner explained the science behind his death. Logically, he explained that I couldn’t have saved him. Logically, I know. Yet, in my heart, I have never been able to truly absorb that into my heart and let go of the “my fault” bit.

SO… that is where I wanted to start.

That first re-processing session occurred first thing Monday morning. It was so weird… and yet, I found my grace! Don’t misunderstand. I am still sad when I think about Bruce dying. However, the horror of those moments, as well as the guilt and regret I have felt for years, is gone. No kidding! Gone!

Even better, in it’s place are thoughts that affirm:
1. It is not my fault.
2. This is not my burden to carry. In fact, it is time to lay it down now and walk away. It is okay to be sad, of course, but no more reliving that night or second guessing everything I did.
3. I did not fail him.
4. He did not abandon me.
5. I was brave. I tried. He tried. However, death is a part of life. It sucks. It hurts… but, this isn’t the end of my story.

I know all of that sounds logical. Why couldn’t I get to this space sooner and without any help? I don’t know what to tell you, except that in less than 30 minutes, I am free from all of the darkness that has been a huge part of that memory since it occurred.

A few hours later, I had another interview. (Of course, right?) I was told that interviewing on the same day was a bad idea, but honestly, I felt great! In fact, the interview went great… and my whole week started turning around… or maybe I was just in a better space to notice it, (like I talked about last week).

You see, there have actually been three companies where I am into 3rd and 4th round interviews… praying for that job offer. All three were businesses I would love to work for. I like the values of each company, the position I was applying for, and the manager I would report to. Admittedly, I had my favorite hopeful, but I also knew I would love an offer from any one of them.

Then it happened. I received a job offer from my favorite one. Not only did I get any offer, it came with the most wonderful praise and compliments – something I have no problem giving to others, but struggle to accept when they come in my direction. Yet… this time was a little bit different. This time, I listened and allowed those words to flow into my soul. That was a new experience for me… and I hung up feeling nothing but gratitude.

Gratitude for a path that can seem hard at times, yet can be filled with peace when peace is what I choose to focus on finding… A path that has opened up a world of grace for mistakes made or responsibility taken that was never really mine at all… A path that supports my growth, so that I can be grateful for all that life has given me and for a future that now holds so much hope.

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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. This year, my goal is to simply ‘be’… Be me, be kind, be compassionate, be loving, be hopeful… to just ‘be’ and to be comfortable with that… however it looks.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.
Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – Learning to Accept What Is

Note: My apologies for not posting last week. I was spending some very needed time with family. <3

This past week marked what would have been our 18th wedding anniversary. It’s hard to believe that wonderful day when we joined our lives was that long ago. It feels like only yesterday. I know it’s been more than 10 years since Bruce’s death, and yet… our time together still seems so closely connected to my life… even now.

This is the time of year that always holds its challenges for me. There is one memorable event after another – our anniversary, Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas, the anniversary of our meeting, New Years, and the anniversary of his death. Whew! It is a lot of emotions in a short span of time!

This year, there has even been a little more craziness to add to the pile. The company where I have worked for 17 years made the necessary decision to lay off 2400 people at the end of September. While my kids who also work there were safe, my job (and most of my department) was considered expendable at this time. So… here I am looking for a job, while balancing all these other events in the background. (Sigh…)

In the past, I know I would have been an emotional basket case. In fact, this blog likely would have been filled with all kinds of sadness and self-pity… Not this year, though… At least, not this week.

As I have said before, I have spent this year working on me… learning to simply “be”… learning to focus on “what is” versus “what was”. I have found a church which has encouraged my own spiritual growth, made friends who have similar goals and focus, and learned to let go (with love) of those things that I cannot control or do not serve me in a positive way. Therefore, when this quote popped up in my readings last week, it truly spoke to my heart.

“We may not always get what we want, but through gratitude and giving, we have the opportunity to want what we already have and to realize just how much we have to give.”
~ Teresa Burton, The Daily Word Nov – Dec 2023 edition, Dear Reader

I know this is the month of gratitude, so I wasn’t surprised to read this. What did surprise me was my response to it. In the past, I would have thought, “Yeah, sure, but… how can I be thankful during this time when I am constantly reminded of all that I have lost?” Instead, my heart has embraced this idea.

Why? I think a lot of it has to do with the wording. Rather than telling the reader what to feel or not feel, this quote starts with empathy for what is not – “We may not always get what we want…” The word “may” instead of a harsher “don’t” makes the difference for me. If the phrase were “we don’t always get what we want”, I would have stopped reading, because that sounds like the beginnings of a lecture. It would have lacked the empathy that I still need to hear.

Then, this quote gives some ideas for direction – “… through gratitude and giving, …” In other words, it isn’t just about gratitude for what I do have, it also involves looking outside of myself to see where I might help someone else with their struggles. That is definitely something I have taken to heart this year… By looking outside of myself, my focus changes. Instead, I find myself looking at others. I’m not trying to “rescue” anyone, but I can offer kindness and understanding, or maybe there is a physical need where I can help. Next thing I know, my own struggles don’t seem so all-encompassing.

Finally, the quote ends with hope – “… we have the opportunity to want what we already have and to realize just how much we have to give.” Hope for opportunities to come and realization of what we have… This is something that is hard to hold onto when we are grieving. Trust me… I know. For years, I have struggled to find any kind of hope in a life without Bruce. However, when I focus on the opportunities and possibilities ahead, life looks completely different.

So… This year, as I move through each of these days and weeks ahead with such deep emotional reminders (and possible triggers), I pray that I really can remember Bruce and all that we had, while also remembering to express my gratitude for all that is – my friends, my family, my health, the job that is waiting for me, and my faith that tells me there are so many more wonderful possibilities out there simply waiting for me to discover them.

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Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – Letting Go

Fall… I love this time of year. Granted, in Florida, there aren’t the huge seasonal changes as in other places, but still… there are enough changes for us to notice. I love the cool (for Florida) nights and the cooler temps during the days. We don’t get a lot of color changes here… Okay, there are none at all in the trees, but the flowers that bloom are different than the ones blooming a few short weeks ago. (I guess, it’s all in what you choose to see.)

This year, fall has also held some other thoughts for me… Partly in the lessons to be learned by the world around us…

“And so begins the season of letting go,
When Mother Nature shows us all,
How it’s done.
Let go,
Free yourself“
~ From the poem, “The Season of Letting Go” by Donna Ashworth

Over the last several weeks, God, (the Universe, Spirit, whatever you prefer to call it), has been (what feels like) screaming at me to “let it go”. It started last month while on a retreat. We were talking about the different capacities of the mind that can be a link to God based on the divine spark within all people. We each pulled a card with one of these capacities listed on it to form a discussion team… and the one I pulled was… (drumroll, please) … the power of release.

Honestly, at the time, I didn’t think much of it on a personal level. I met with my group. We had a quick discussion about letting go of those things in our lives that are no longer serving us. Maybe these things had served a purpose at some point… maybe not. Either way, release involves letting those things go, so we can move forward in a healthy way. Nice discussion… great lesson… and as far as I was concerned, it was over… Only it wasn’t…

Instead, there have been constant little reminders every single day about letting go… releasing… and moving forward. This past week, it felt like the messages got even louder when in one of my meditations, it simply stated, “There are times when you have to let go.”

Seriously?? Okay… I’m listening… But… Let go of what?? Let go of people who hurt me? (What if that isn’t the answer? What if I can’t?) Let go of my old career expectations? (I’m currently looking to do that.) Let go of my grief for Bruce? (I don’t think I’m ready.) Let go of past traumas? (I’m working on that.) As more time has passed, I have felt more lost and frustrated, but still no answers… Let go of what?? It has been making me crazy!!

Even at Yoga this week, the instructor did something different, and led a yoga meditation for the hour based on… you guessed… letting go. She started with a wonderful poem by Saphire Rose called, “She Let Go”. Before the first line had been read, I was a puddle of tears…

“She let go. Without a thought
or a word, she let go.”
~ Saphire Rose, “She Let Go”

I came home and simply sat… It was obvious by this point that there is something I need to release, but what?… Obviously, I can think of a few things, but if those are to be released, then could someone, please, show me how? … So, I sat, and I pondered… But I got no answers… until this morning.

This morning, I did something I have not done since Bruce died. I sang… in public… at church. What in the world was I thinking??

You see, I have sung my entire life. When Bruce died, though, I simply stopped singing. It wasn’t really a conscious decision like “oh, Bruce died. I’ll never sing again.” Instead, it was more like all the joy in my world was suddenly gone and with it went my music. I have even written about it here a time or two. After a few years, I did finally start singing in the car or when I was alone at home, but only if it was Christmas music, or if I was clowning around with my grandson. In other words, the times were few and far between.

Then, with all the radiation and meds for the cancer years ago, my voice became not much more than a whisper. I went to a physical therapist who helped me recover my talking voice, but she told me without hesitation, that I would never sing again. At the time, I was devastated. Music has always been such a huge part of my identity that I couldn’t imagine having that taken away. At the same time, I continued to do my vocal exercises… and started noticing that she was wrong. My singing voice most certainly has been (slowly) coming back. I like to say my singing voice is like my curly hair, each day it does what it wants, and I just learn to go with it.

Then this week, our music director reached out and said that he heard I could sing and would I be willing to help out this week. I’m not sure what I was thinking, but I said, “Yes.” Immediately, I was nervous, and found myself praying that something would happen, so I wouldn’t have to sing after all… but (of course) nothing happened.

Instead, I found myself warming up in front of the mirror this morning as I got dressed… What in the world had I been thinking when I said yes???

Then, as I sat down in my reading chair for my morning tea and meditation time, I picked up a book to place it back on the shelf, and it fell open to a quote…

“Even in the blackest darkness, there is always light shining somewhere.”
~ Karen White, The Sound of Glass

That is true… There is always some light somewhere… So, then, why do I always feel like I am in the darkness? And suddenly, I knew… I knew without any doubt what it is I need to release…

It is not people or career expectations. It is not my grief for Bruce or any other past traumas… It is not anything that simple, nor is it any one thing or experience… Instead, it is something that lies under all of these things… It is fear. I need to let go of the fear that I let dictate so much of what I do or don’t do.

Unhealthy relationships? I fear rejection. I fear abandonment. I fear being unlovable. I fear not being enough.

Career expectations? I fear not finding another job. I fear losing everything I own (again). I fear no one believing in me or taking a chance on me.

My grief for Bruce? I fear losing my connection to him. I fear losing his family in my life. I fear taking a chance on someone else and going through this pain all over again.

Past traumas? I fear reliving them. I fear forgetting the lessons I learned there. I fear doing the work needed to reprocess and let these go.

That is it! That is my mission. That is the thing I need to release… fear.

So, this morning, nerves and all, I faced my fears… and sang. My son came and sat in the back to offer support, (which is a huge deal, because he is atheist) … but he was there… for me. I did it… and I survived. I’m still here. Nothing happened. The earth didn’t open up and swallow me whole. No one booed me. In fact, it was fine, and people couldn’t have been kinder.

That was my first step. I know there are a lot more still in front of me, but one day at a time… one step at a time… I can learn to trust myself and set a new course. I can learn let go of all those fears and maybe… just maybe… learn to simply live my life as a woman without fear.

“Like a leaf falling from a tree,
She just let go.”
~ Saphire Rose, “She Let Go”
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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. This year, my goal is to simply ‘be’… Be me, be kind, be compassionate, be loving, be hopeful, be fearless… to just ‘be’ and to be comfortable with that… however it looks.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Life Takes Unexpected Turns

Grief is not my identity. It’s not who I am although sometimes I have to remind myself of that. When I see a loving couple or when “our song” comes on the radio, it is triggering. Then, it can be so easy to feel like grief is who I am. At the same time, I know who I am, and “grief” is not who I am… nor is it how I live my day-to-day life. However, grief is how I have responded to this hand I was dealt.

While in the darkest days of my first marriage, I used to pray for peace. I can remember sitting on the back porch after the kids had gone to bed. I couldn’t understand why my (now) ex-husband treated the kids and I the way he did. Why couldn’t he love me? Why couldn’t he love us? Maybe he did somewhere deep down, but his actions towards us were not those of love. There was no peace in our house when he was there. We all walked on eggshells waiting for the next tirade or burst of anger. After many years, I realized that if I wanted peace for the kids and I, it was up to me to do something about it. I knew we needed to leave… and we did with nothing but the clothes on our backs initially. (On a side note, the anniversary of that day was just this past week.)

It still took three long years of games and manipulation on his part for the divorce to be final. Yet, when it was, there was a sense of peace and calm in our little family that felt amazing. I didn’t want anything to mess that up. I wasn’t willing to take a chance on that happening again.

In fact, when Bruce and I met, I made my feelings very clear, as did he… But life takes unexpected turns…

My mother had been praying for me to meet someone to love me… Someone to really and truly love me… Bruce was that man. Even though we had both been hurt deeply before… even though we were both hesitant and scared… We both knew the love we felt was real and couldn’t be denied. So, despite the fact that we had both sworn we would never do it again… We got married.

What a marriage! Sure, we had our difficult moments – that’s life. Be that as it may, even in the midst of those difficult times, we were both confident in the love we shared. Those years together showed me (and my kids) what real, unconditional love is and what a healthy marriage looks like. This hand that life had dealt us was amazing! … But life takes unexpected turns.

In the wee hours one January morning, I woke up to Bruce dying. There was no time to think. I called 911. I performed CPR… but it was all in vain. Despite all efforts to save him, Bruce died… and a huge part of me died with him. Was this really the hand life was dealing for us now?

I had prayed for peace, and I had lived in peace. Then Bruce came along, and love was added to our world… but life takes unexpected turns, and now all of that was gone. Just like that… In the blink of an eye, it was all gone.

That was over ten years ago, and I am still learning how to live with this hand I was dealt. Over these ten years, I have found myself (once again) praying for peace… A peace that will sooth my broken heart. A peace that will let me feel hope and joy again.

As I have said several times this year, 2023 has been a rough year. Still, I have found a place… a church where I am reminded of the peace and divine within each of us. I have come to know that by reaching for the divine within me and the peace that flows from that space, I can manage this hand I have been dealt. I can survive this unexpected turn… and the next. It isn’t easy… it’s hard. Yet I know that if I want peace, joy, and hope in my life, it has to start within me.

“I wish to live a peaceful life, not swayed by the shifting winds of circumstance. I do this by remembering peace begins with me, and my world can only be as peaceful as I am.” ~ Daily Word, June 9, 2023

________________________________________________________

Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. This year, my goal is to simply ‘be’… Be me, be kind, be compassionate, be loving, be hopeful… to just ‘be’ and to be comfortable with that… however it looks.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Alone or Lonely

Last week, I mentioned that the most difficult battles are those that lie within us. Because they are within us, those battles can vary from determining our next step on this path to searching for spiritual direction to dealing with past trauma… and the list goes on. There seems to be one element, though, that each of these battles carries… Because they lie within us, each has the potential to be emotionally charged… and that is where I need to be aware and be careful.

One of the biggest challenges that rears its ugly head over and over is that of feeling lonely. Being lonely is such an odd thing, which can lead to some awful experiences, but understanding the nuances involved can be a life saver.

I have always been an introvert… No, I’m not shy. I am referring to where and how I get my energy. For me, I recharge my batteries by being alone. It doesn’t take much, but I definitely need some time to myself each day or I tend to get a bit cranky. The good news… Bruce was the same. While we loved being together, we both needed that time apart, too.

During our marriage, it was not unusual for one of us to go somewhere at the end of a long day just to be alone for a little bit between work and home. For Bruce, it might mean a quick fishing trip off the pier or a quiet beer in a solitary corner of the local pub. For me, it usually meant going to sit by the water (ocean, lake, or river – it doesn’t matter to me) and contemplating life or just letting the sounds of the water calm my soul.

So… One would think that I would love my current situation, living all alone. To be honest, there are parts of it that I like. I enjoy the quiet. I find a respite in my favorite chair, looking out the window, and watching the world go by. For the most part, I can do what I want to do when I want to do it. Equally important, I do not have to do what I don’t want to do, either. In this sense, I truly enjoy being alone.

However, there is a space beyond being alone that is hard. It is a space of darkness that can take over my emotions before I even realize it is there… That space is called loneliness…

“It’s not being alone that hurts. It’s feeling like no one cares.”
~ Muriel, Netflix’s Virgin River

According to the internet, being alone is defined as “having no one else present”; loneliness is defined as “sadness because one has no companions”. So similar… but it is the sadness – the emotion – that makes the difference. Like drifting smoke from a low, smoldering fire, the sadness drifts into my world – unnoticed at first… and before I realize it, I am way down deep into the rabbit hole with self-pity and self-loathing becoming stronger and stronger with each breath.

I wish I understood what it is that triggers the sadness… Maybe that would make it easier to keep at bay. However, I don’t, and that can be problematic. I can’t tell you how many times, I am fine. I am alone and enjoying the moment. Then, there is a trigger. (That is the part I am still trying to figure out.) For whatever reason, as if someone has flipped a switch, I will suddenly feel totally and completely alone.

I usually find myself going through my list of family and friends in my head… “Who can I call?… Who might want to just chat?” Then, just as quickly, I talk myself out of calling anyone. Instead, I will convince myself that to call would be a bother. No one wants to talk to me… No one has time for me… They are all busy… They all have lives and families… They don’t need me to interrupt their time… (and on and on it goes).

I don’t know why I do it, but I don’t think I am alone in this. From what I have read, this is a normal part of widowhood. For whatever reason, we find it very easy to convince ourselves that no one needs us, no one cares, we are a bother… (You get the picture.) And that is where we do ourselves in. It isn’t being alone that is the problem; it is convincing ourselves that no one cares… That thought process becomes the problem.

I don’t know about you, but once I start down that path, I can spiral down quite quickly. Then, climbing back out of that spiral can take some time. It’s hard… It hurts… and sometimes I just don’t have the energy to fight it.

However, I have learned one thing that seems to help… I have a small handful of people that know this is a struggle for me. They also don’t mind being my go-to when life hurts, (and I do the same for them). It probably sounds silly, but as long as I remember to call one of these friends before I spiral too far, I am usually okay…

That is my challenge…. Remembering that I really do have people who love me, care about me, and are willing to “be there” for me before the pain gets too bad… In other words, I (not so simply) need to remember that I may be alone, but that doesn’t mean I have to be lonely.

________________________________________________________

Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. This year, my goal is to simply ‘be’… Be me, be kind, be compassionate, be loving, be hopeful… to just ‘be’ and to be comfortable with that… however it looks.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message. *

Peace, Love, and Grief – My Path

When we were together,
The idea of spending the rest of our life together
Didn’t seem long enough.
Now, the idea of spending the rest of my life without him
Seems impossibly long.
~ Linda, 2013

I spent last weekend doing something for me… I went to a spiritual meditation retreat. It was a lovely experience with a wonderful wide range of people and thoughts. There were casual conversations, intense discussions, and a lot of practical application. I have come away with a lot of practical tips and so much to ponder.

In one conversation early in the weekend, I connected with another widow, as we discussed our own grief journeys. We all know that each of us will experience grief differently, and I find it interesting and helpful to hear and learn from others on this path. In our conversation, I struggled to keep my emotions in check as I talked about Bruce. Yet, my new friend seemed to be fine. She clearly missed her spouse and was sad about his loss, but emotionally, she seemed to have it all together.

I wasn’t critical of that… far from it… I was in awe… maybe even a little jealous. She has been on this path less time than me… Yet, she seemed so far ahead. How could I get where she is emotionally? I had no idea, so I asked. Her answer was simple… ”That was his path – not mine. My path is still in front of me.”

WOW! It is crazy how sometimes truth that is so simple evades us… That is until it hits us right between the eyes. Her statement is true… I have often written about how thankful I am that Bruce did not die alone. I was there… I held him… I loved him… I still do. That was his path… and mine, in that moment… but that moment is gone. I know that, and while I believe she is right, I am struggling to live like I believe it. I am still struggling with the hurt and the pain of losing him. I am struggling because the path I thought I was on included Bruce, but that path ended…

So, how do I continue on my path…

I once heard someone say that unresolved grief is like being tethered… That is also true… And I believe that whatever we are tethered to is probably different for each of us. So, I guess that has become my first step – figuring out why I am allowing myself to remain tethered here… What it is I am afraid to let go of… and why?

I have talked about it with those I love and have continued to ponder this all week. Admittedly, I’m still working on it. However, I have come up with a few things.

Basically, at the core of the issue is fear. Fear of losing my connection with Bruce… I don’t want to miss the signs that let me know he is still close by and I am not alone. Fear of forgetting him – who he was, what his voice sounded like, what his face looked like when he smiled at me. Fear of forgetting who we were as a couple – our easy conversation, the gentleness and acceptance between us, our love that filled us both with security and confidence.

These were the things that (for me) felt unique, new, and special. These were the things that added color to my world. These were the things that lit up our world and made our path together so clear. These were the things that were missing from my world before Bruce. So, maybe, then, it makes sense that these are also the things I (still) miss now.

Which leads me to the part I am still working on…

Is it really my tears and grief that connect me to Bruce… or is the love and experiences we shared?

Do I need to keep crying over what is lost… or can I still claim it… without the tears, since it is a part of my path?

Can I live my life without feeling guilty that I am still here, and he isn’t?

Sometimes the most difficult battle is the one within ourselves… And this is where I am today. As I write this, I don’t have the answers. I am searching… and growing… and I do believe that the simple fact that I am delving into this is a positive step on my journey.

I am not sure where my path will lead me. (None of us are.) Yet, I want to find that space where I am grateful for what was, accepting of what is, and excited about what is ahead.

I smile again…
Slow at first…
A little awkward.
Then, quickly I shut it down.

Soon I am smiling again…
A little longer…
A little bigger.

One day I will smile like I smiled before…
Full of life and love.
~ Linda, 2014

Peace, Love, and Grief – The Rug

Trauma… There’s a word that has been popping up in the media a lot lately. It is also a word that has been a part of my story since the first time I went to counseling. In fact, (not surprisingly), it was the actual reason for that initial counseling. But what is trauma…

Trauma is defined on the internet as “a deeply distressing or disturbing experience; emotional shock following a stressful event or a physical injury, which may be associated with physical shock and sometimes leads to long-term neurosis.” That is good… That takes into account the event and the effects. While not as complete, I have defined it for years as “unexpected chaos”… Either way, the event seems to happen with no warning and leaves nothing but destruction in its wake.

If statistics are to be believed, most of us have gone (or will go) through some type of traumatic event at some point in our lives. Some of us will go through several. Honestly, I had never thought about trauma being a piece of my life until that initial session, when my first marriage with its abuse and chaos was defined as traumatic, as well as the loss of our first child and the uproar between the families that ensued. Through the years, there, also, have been other “unexpected chaotic” events which have left their mark.

Each time, I have gotten back up – shaking and stumbling, but determined to keep going… and (seemingly) each time, once I have gotten back up and felt like I had my footing again, someone or something has pulled the rug back out from under me… again.

I have often bragged about the healing that Bruce brought to me and my kids… How his infinite patience and unconditional love allowed us the space to learn how to trust again… how to live again… how to be ourselves… (in other words) how to heal.

The day before Bruce died, he had worked all day. That night, as he ate his dinner, we sat and talked and made our plans for the weekend. We kissed goodnight and snuggled in the bed before falling asleep. To my mind, there was nothing to warn us of what was about to happen in just a few short hours. But happen, it did. Unexpectedly… in the middle of the night, I was awakened to the awful sounds of Bruce dying.

I struggled at first to grasp what was happening, but once I did, my survival instincts kicked in… I called 911. I unlocked the doors. I started CPR. Then, when EMS arrived, I stepped aside and watched as the reality of what was happening (or not happening) started to sink in. I watched the line on the heart monitor remain flat despite all the attempts to save him. I watched as our world fell apart and crumbled at my feet.

There is no doubt that for me this was the most traumatic event of them all…

I feel that I had barely started to heal from all that came before. I had just started to feel confident in who I am. I had just started to understand that adult relationships are supposed to be about balance, mutual respect, and compassion. It wasn’t about power plays or rescuing the other person from their consequences or fixing their world to suit them. I was just starting to grasp, embrace, and live my life with these principles when suddenly… Bruce was gone.

Once again, just when I was starting to stand confidently on my own two feet… just when I was willing to venture out as my own person, that rug was viciously ripped out from under me.

Almost immediately, I felt as if I were thrown back in time… I couldn’t seem to find any of that healing and confidence I had gained with Bruce. Perhaps, I hadn’t learned how to find that within myself yet… Or… maybe (because of the crisis created), I reverted to old patterns of survival. If I am honest, I think it was a bit of both.

I wanted to make Bruce proud. I wanted to “do it right”. I wanted to regain all that I had learned and put it into action… But I couldn’t seem to find my way. You see, I wasn’t just lost in this world without Bruce – I had lost myself.

In the decade since that awful night, I have worked hard to get back to a healthy place again. It has been a slow process… a long journey. There have been times when I thought I couldn’t do it – when I thought maybe “this” was just the way I was built. But… (thankfully) there have been more times when I have focused on Bruce’s legacy and realized that I am stronger than I think… If he believed in me, then I can too.

Throughout this time, there have been other traumatic events… Times when that dang rug was pulled out again… and again… and again… Each time, I have thought, “How do I do this without Bruce… It seems like I am always doing these things without Bruce.”

This year has probably been one of the hardest… It seems like one event right after another – piling up like a cord of wood… And this month even more so, as this round of rug pulling seems to be throwing my very way of life into chaos.

This time, though, is different. I have spent this year working hard on learning to “be” – to be kind, to be honest, to be genuine, to be healthy, to be hopeful, to be… me. I have also found a solid space within my own faith where I am confident, supported, and at peace…

Peace… That is something I have not felt in a very, long time. Sure, the slogan of this blog is, “There is a peace that comes with acceptance, and a love that is always remembered.” However, learning to live by that slogan has taken some time (and constant hard work).

Yet, after the initial shock of recent events, I really am at peace. Don’t get me wrong, things feel a bit scary and out of my control right now, but I am confident that there is a reason for what is happening. I am choosing to believe that there is something even better on the other side of this situation… And here’s the best part… One way or the other, I have to deal with this. My choices are to do it feeling like a victim with no control in my own life, OR to do it with the confidence that I will be okay. I have chosen the latter… I can do this!

(And while I am absolutely doing this for me, I, also, think Bruce is smiling down and so proud!)

________________________________________________________

Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. This year, my goal is to simply ‘be’… Be me, be kind, be compassionate, be loving, be hopeful… to just ‘be’ and to be comfortable with that… however it looks.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.