Tag: my heroes

Peace, Love, and Grief – Reality

“Even when emotional triggers crop up, you can quickly regain your composure and get back on track. Whatever you do, don’t get down on yourself. Acknowledge your feelings, so you can deal with them.” ~ Sheri McGregor, Done with the Crying

So many thoughts, so many feelings…

First, I want to thank everyone who sent messages of support and suggestions of how to pull myself out of the funk I was in. You are amazing!! I was in deep, and I didn’t know what else to do but be honest about that. After all, this is about my journey and that was where I found myself.

Right after Bruce died, when I first started this blog, and people were giving me suggestions on how to move forward, I was offended. That is embarrassing now, but it was where I was at the time. Then, all I could think was “who are you to tell me how to feel or what to do?”

Now, that doesn’t matter. What matters is that someone cares enough to offer help… to offer support. Whether or not I follow that advice is irrelevant… Someone cares. That is what matters. That is what warms my heart, makes me take a breath and a step back to figure out what to do next… So, to each person who cared enough to reach out, thank you! You touched my heart and changed my world.

Today is better… This week was better. Sometimes, just knowing someone cares can make a world of difference. This week, you are my heroes!

I think… no – I know… my triggers last week were multiple. A lot of it was our current cultural climate – the name calling and hatred surrounding politics and religion. (What a shame that we don’t stop to consider the effects of our words on others before we post them.) On top of that, I have realized, (after several months of waiting), that I have been the target of a cruel joke from someone I love very much. Then, per normal and despite being divorced for 20+ years, I have an ex that still doesn’t know how to move on and continues to be who he has always been by sending abusive messages – which is sad for him and obnoxiously irritating to me. (I probably shouldn’t say that here, because it will only encourage him, but it is what it is.) On top of that, I am working on some “forgiveness issues” of my own in therapy, and I guess it simply all became the “perfect storm.”

Anyway, it just felt like a lot last week. It felt like more than I could handle by myself. I would have given anything to feel Bruce’s arms enfolding me and his gentle voice assuring me that it was all okay. However, that is not to be. That is not my path. I suppose, my lesson, at this point in my journey, is to remember that life is precious and good… I am okay… and I can do this.

In fact, this was in my morning meditations today. These were the words that anchored my soul, “… love is greater that hate, peace is greater than chaos, and God is greater than everything.” * So, I will continue to breathe that in and let go of the rest.

I will remember that I can’t control what someone else does or says. That is theirs to own, and I don’t need to take it in and make it mine.

Why? Because God is great. I am good. Bruce loves me (still)… and all is well… And so, it is.

* The Daily Word, August 3, 2024
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – My Yayas

This past week, according to the calendar, we celebrated International Women’s Day on Friday. I love this day. Not simply because I am a woman, but because it is a reminder to celebrate all of the wonderful women who have guided me and/or traveled alongside me on this journey. These women are my tribe. They are my yayas.

I know. What are “yayas”?

Well, in ancient Greece, yaya literally meant “woman”. In later years and other cultures, it came to mean one’s mother, grandmother, or even a female priestess. In a deeper perspective, one could say this word “represents the highest form of woman, achieved only through initiation, experience, and longevity.” (1) In more modern terms, yayas are defined as “a group of three of more women whose hearts and souls are joined together by laughter and tears shared through the glorious journey of life.” (2) This is the definition, I am using today when I say, “I am so very thankful for my yayas!”

Not all of my yayas are widows. In fact, that term would only apply to a tiny handful. However, that doesn’t mean the rest of my tribe haven’t known loss or pain… They have… They all have in one form or another. They have all known the pain that comes from deep-rooted loss… And while this isn’t what joins us together, it is what inspires them to travel with me on this journey, whether that is for one or two steps or for much longer.

They all seem to understand that “we must climb the hard side of the bridge to come down on the other side.” (3) They also understand that it is easier to climb that “hard side of the bridge” when you are not alone. Just having someone to lean on every now and then makes such a difference on that “hard side”. I can’t tell you how many times, on this journey, I thought I was alone. I would have sworn I was completely alone… but I wasn’t. They were there… In some form or fashion, they were right there.

Even though I might not have recognized that they were there at the time, I know without a doubt that they were. I know this because I also know that I could not have survived this journey without them… I struggled a lot in the beginning. I did not want to be here without Bruce. So, I know that each and every one of them made a tremendous difference in my journey.

Each one, at some point stepped up and took their place beside me. Some have coached me. Some have cried with me. Some have picked me up off the ground when I didn’t think I could take another step. Some showed me how to laugh again, and others showed me how to run head-long into the wind. The point is each one had a strength and a gift to offer that helped me get where I am today.

Research tells us that women do something that men don’t do. When times are hard, when our souls feel completely diminished, women will reach out to each other. We know and understand the strength that comes to each of us when we join together and hold each other up.

This is not something most men do. According to this same research, men tend to hide their hurt, and tuck it away. The idea of calling up their buddies to discuss their emotions and pain, is generally not done in male culture. (I’m not saying always – I’m saying generally.)

Maybe that is why women live longer… Because we share our burdens rather than struggle alone. I don’t know… I’m just guessing. But I do know this… If it weren’t for my yayas, I would not still be here. I could not have managed the pain of grief by myself.

These women are my heroes. They are my family, and they are my friends. They are my spiritual sisters and my beacons of light when the path seems pitch black.

They are my yayas… And I am forever grateful for every single one.

1 – Mom.com

2 – The Oogie Boogie Witch, FaceBook

3 – Unknown
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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.
Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.