Hi Babe,
Missing you… It seems like I say that a lot. It’s true, though. There are so many moments when I think, “Bruce would love this,” or happy times I would love to share with you. Then, there are those moments of sadness or self-doubt when I would give anything to feel your arms around me and hear you whisper, “It’s gonna be okay,” “We’ve got this,” or just simply “I love you.”
Oh… What I wouldn’t give to hear those words again. I would say, “… to hear them one more time,” but truthfully, one more time probably wouldn’t be enough. I really want to hear them over and over.
I remember when we were dating and trying to say our goodbyes at the end of another beautiful weekend together. You would always play Diamond Rio’s song, “One More Day.” As it played, you would hold me close, and we both cried… the thought of saying “Goodbye” for even two or three weeks felt like an eternity. (I wish that were all!) Even now, those lines still ring true for me:
“One more day, one more time,
One more sunset, maybe I’d be satisfied.
But then again,
I know what it would do,
Leave me wishing still for one more day with you.”
Boy, is that true! One more kiss… one more “I love you” … one more moment with you… None of it would be enough. It wasn’t enough back then, when we only had to say goodbye for a few weeks, and it wouldn’t be enough now when goodbye feels like forever. I love you so much, I think I will always just want more… And that’s where I am… constantly wishing you were here… for more.
“Grief had become her silent sidekick. She felt its shadow beside her all the time. She knew that if she turned toward that darkness just once, embraced it as she longed to, she’d be lost.”
~ Kristin Hannah, Winter Garden
I read that a few weeks ago, and thought, “Yep… that’s me too.” I guess this constant wishing for you, thinking of you, missing you – all of it… is still simply my grief. Grief has become my constant companion that I try to ignore, because giving into it, acknowledging it, gets me nowhere. It only leads to spiraling down into that dark space deep inside… that space I don’t dare go to, because it is too hard to crawl back out from.
So instead, I let those thoughts flow in and out of my mind without lingering on them. Some days, I actually push them out to avoid the thoughts and emotions that lay underneath them. I don’t dare dwell on it… or talk about it too often.
That probably sounds a little crazy, doesn’t it, Babe?
But I don’t think I’m alone in this. I think anyone who has loved as we loved, and then lost that person, knows exactly what I am talking about. I think there are a lot of us walking around. Each day, we are smiling at the world, trying to enjoy each moment, because we know how precious they are… We know the moment we are in is the only one we are promised, and we don’t want to waste it wishing for something that will never be.
We don’t want to give up… yet, somewhere deep inside there is still a love that will never be silenced… A love we cannot stop… A love that will go on and on, no matter how much time passes.
So call it grief or call it unending love… Whatever it is, I can’t seem to let go… Instead, I just have to remind myself that our time will come again… Because of my faith, I believe the time will come when we will have one day more…
I love you, Babe – Always and forever!
This is my story this week, but this is our community… a place to share our experiences. Do you ever wish for one more ______ with your loved one? How do you handle it? Or maybe you would like to share your story or your thoughts… There is no one right answer. Who knows… your words may hold the answer for someone else. To share your story or thoughts, please go to the comments and leave a note, comment or question.
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