Carol Staudacher – “There is only one way for you to live without grief in your lifetime; that is to exist without love. Your grief represents your humanness, just as your love does.”
This was a good week.
How about that? This time of year is usually a struggle for me, and I have definitely had my moments over the last few weeks… Moments of loneliness and moments of tears… I even had a few of those this week. But, overall… This was a good week.
I wanted to share that this week… When we are grieving, it can be easy to get lost in the tears and sadness. I know for me, there are some days when my grief is all I can see. Yet, there really are other days when I can feel the warmth of life and manage a genuine smile… These are still days when I miss Bruce. The difference is my longing for him and missing him aren’t the only things I can focus on… These are the days when I can smile at the memories, instead of crying. These are the days when I know I am better for having loved Bruce… and that alone makes me smile.
When I sat down to write today, I had several topics I had considered. But truthfully, I am in a good place emotionally, and I don’t want to lose it. That probably sounds silly, but these “good days” are precious to me. These are the days when I feel hope… These are the days I smile without effort and laugh without guilt. These are the days when I think I just might learn to actually love life again.
I don’t think I had any days like this the whole first year. I can’t even tell you when the first day like this even happened. All I know is as time moves on, these days seem to happen more often… But to happen during the holidays and to last for several days? Well, that is a Christmas miracle that is worth sharing!
I know I was blessed to have shared a love with Bruce, and I know I am a better person because I knew him. I know all the sayings about how love, loss and grief are all a part of life. But when it happens to you, it doesn’t feel like a “part of life.” No, it feels very unnatural… It feels wrong.
Instead, what I have found more helpful are those sayings which tell me grief is normal. It is a part of what makes us human. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no timeline or checklist. In fact, it is as individual as each of us…
Which means my good days are just as much a part of my grief journey as my rough days.
I smile again…
Slow at first;
A little awkward.
Then quickly, I shut it down.
Soon I am smiling again…
A little longer,
A little bigger.
One day I will smile like I smiled before…
Full of life and love.
~ Linda, January 2014
I am so thankful for this virtual group. Our support for each other always touches my heart, and I feel close to you through the experiences we share. Do you know what I mean by “good days?” Or is your journey still too hard for “good days?” Please share your thoughts and stories, so others will realize what they feel is normal too… We are all dealing with some extremely intense, emotional stuff, and none of us needs to handle this alone. Learning to navigate this journey is different for each of us. It brings its individual challenges and lessons. Through it we come to realize we are stronger than we thought we were. If any of this feels familiar, we are here, you are not alone. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or even a virtual hug, let us know… we are here for you. To leave a comment or story, go to the comments and leave us a note. *
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