This week held a very special anniversary for Bruce and me… It was the anniversary of that first “I love you.” No, I’m not so crazy that I can remember every moment and every conversation. However, that particular conversation was one we both reminisced about quite often… And every time I think about it, I smile all over again.
We had just met about six weeks earlier on a cruise through the Virgin Islands. Our connection had been almost instantaneous. By the end of the week, even the crew and other passengers on board had noticed. I must admit, when Bruce mentioned continuing the relationship after the cruise, I was not only hesitant… I literally ran away and hid in my cabin until time to disembark the next morning. The idea of getting into a serious relationship again terrified me!
I remember crying all the way home, thinking I was probably running away from the best thing that had ever walked into my life. Bruce later told me, he was frustrated with himself for scaring me, and afterwards, all he could think about was how wonderful the week had been and how much he would treasure those memories.
Once I was home, it didn’t take more than a day or so for me to reach out to him via email and ask if we could slow it down… Could we just get to know each other? Then, see where things went from there? I explained that after 23+ years in an abusive marriage, I just didn’t know if I even wanted to think about loving someone again… I just wanted to experience life a little bit and figure out exactly what I wanted next.
He was wonderful… He told me that was fine. He made me feel like he not only understood but agreed that I should take my time. We spent the next several weeks talking on the phone and emailing each other. By February, we both decided we wanted to see if there really was something there or if it had merely been a shipboard romance. (I guess “time” wasn’t really what I needed… I just needed to feel like it was my option if I wanted it.)
So, for Presidents’ Day weekend, I flew to Michigan…
I remember being so scared! What if I got there, and he wasn’t who he said he was or who I thought he was? What if things got weird? What if it was a bust?… But… Then again… What if it were wonderful?
I will always remember walking down the corridor at the airport, and there was Bruce, leaning against the wall, watching the disembarking passengers walk toward him. As soon as he spotted me, his eyes lit up, and he smiled like a Cheshire cat.
The weekend was absolutely wonderful… a fairy tale come true. Our first “land” date was a weekend filled with exploring western Michigan… Which is beautiful, by the way! There were so many “firsts” for me. Later he told me that my excitement and wonder was contagious and had allowed him to see his own home state with fresh eyes.
I saw Lake Michigan filled with icebergs and surrounded by snowy beaches, (something I had never even imagined). We went to an ice carving competition, followed by a cozy pub where we could warm up and enjoy some spiced cider. One night we went out with his sisters (whom I loved instantly) and another night he cooked for me – fish he had caught and peas he had grown. For me, this man seemed so perfect, and I couldn’t believe how blessed I was.
On Saturday night, after a day of fun and laughter, Bruce and I were snuggled up on the couch just relaxing. Quietly, he looked straight into my eyes, touched my cheek gently and said, “I don’t want to scare you off,… But I really think I am falling in love you.”
“I’m not scared,” I answered. “I’m falling in love with you, too.”
And as they say… The rest is history…
Our years together were wonderful. Both of us knew what we wanted in our relationship and worked to keep it. It wasn’t always easy, but we talked about that too. Losing him has been the hardest thing I have ever had to learn to live with. Yet, I am so grateful to be able to say I have no regrets when it comes to “us” and our time together. I know we both appreciated each moment we shared.
I know that physically, Bruce is gone… That is my reality… But in my heart, I can still hear him say, “I love you,” … and I know he is still with me…
In each breeze, let me feel your touch.
In each sunrise, let me experience your joy.
In each storm, let me feel your strength.
In the quiet, let me hear your voice telling me –
All is well…
Each moment was planned.
Each smile was for me.
And your acceptance of life was a gift
To help me through this storm.
I loved you…
And even now,
You love me.
~ Linda, September 2013
What about you? Do you have a special memory that brings you comfort? This journey is hard, but it is even harder to bear alone. I believe we are in this together. We are not alone. Please feel free to reach out and share your story or thoughts. To do so, go to the comments and leave a note. * Who knows? Your story may the answer for someone else.
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