Re-membering… No, that isn’t a typo. Rather, it is a play on words…
I have a group of dear friends – a small group of ladies whose goal and purpose are to “hold the light” for each other… to be an anchor in a world that sometimes feels a bit overwhelming. I love these women and treasure not only their friendship but the wisdom and compassion that we offer each other. They have become a loving and grounding force in my world, and I am eternally grateful for each one.
Earlier this week when we were all together, one of them shared an old Egyptian myth. In the story, Isis’s husband has been killed, dismembered, and his body scattered to the far corners of the world. Because of her deep love, Isis cannot move past her grief until she finds all of him and reassembles his body in one place. She searches far and wide for the remains of her husband – unable to forget him. Eventually, not only is she able to reassemble him, she also is able to breathe life back into his body.
The myth itself is an old one and is meant to symbolize the transformative experience of healing from brokenness to aliveness because of an intimate connection. Even in the depths of her grief, Isis seems to have the ability to see the potential of wholeness even in the broken, discarded, buried, or lost. However, that transformation isn’t accomplished accidentally… She is showing us that we have to be the instruments of the healing. We have to gather the precious parts of ourselves… including the precious memories of others that we hold dear to our hearts.
This myth has been especially meaningful for me this week, since the anniversary of Bruce’s death is tomorrow. This time of year has always been a struggle for me… The memory of that night – of performing CPR as I watched him take his last breath… The constant battle within my heart to let go of the guilt and regret of not being able to save him that night. These thoughts and memories have always made this upcoming date a hard one to observe.
However, my sweet friend (holding the light for me) took the story another step further… For, it is by our own remembering of our loved ones that we can re-member our loved ones and breathe life back into their legacy and all they added to our world. So instead of being caught up in all we have lost, we can re-member and reconnect to the love we shared… and probably still do.
When I wake up tomorrow, I don’t know where I will be emotionally. However, thinking of this story and how it is so applicable even now, I find solace in knowing that I can still connect to Bruce in some way… To know that I am not at the mercy of my grief but instead have some control in how this plays out. So, while I have made a few plans for the day, those could change depending on so many different factors. Yet, I know that whatever the day brings, my focus will be on re-membering Bruce and the love we share… even now.
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you. Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*
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