Peace, Love, and Grief… Remembering a Loved One

This week, our family lost a wonderful lady. She was my Aunt… My mother’s sister… I know her children and their children have lost their mother/grandmother. I am sure their pain is much, much greater. But I can only write from my own perspective and what I know… My aunt has been sick and in pain for years, and I know I should be able to say, “She is better off,” But I can’t… I hate that phrase. I know it is meant to console. However, when Bruce died, I did not find it consoling. So instead, I will say this…

I know she isn’t in pain anymore. I know where her soul is… But, oh my goodness, she will be missed.

For me, she will always be the Aunt who I loved to spend summers with. Every summer, she was the one who took me to the beach, and I loved it! Each day while I was there, we would go to Sullivan’s Island – to the same station at low tide every single time because the gullies left behind were deep enough to swim in, and she didn’t have to worry us kids. Those were great days – sitting in the sand, eating PBJs, catching hermit crabs, and riding the waves.

She was also the one who introduced me to opera and live theater. I remember going to Madam Butterfly rehearsals with her at the Dock Street Theater and being completely enthralled. To my mind, there was a magic there that I instantly gravitated to. (That love of theater has never changed.)

When I turned 18, (which was considered “legal” at the time), she took me to the bar at the old Francis Marion Hotel and bought me my first drink – an amoretto sour. I remember having a conversation about not drinking too much, and how a “true lady” should never finish her drink… Always walk away with a little bit still in the glass. (Even when we talked on the phone during these last few years, she still had great advice to offer.)

I’m really going to miss her…

But that is only my perspective… For my mother, it is a bit harder. While she has lost my own mother, she has never lost a child, a spouse, … or as in this case, a sibling before now. I know this loss is especially hard for her, and I think my Dad said it best today…

“Brenda was her sister — they shared memories with each other that no one else could share — and she wants whatever closure there may be. Losing a sibling is unique. It isn’t necessarily worse than losing someone else, just… unique. It’s almost as though your childhood isn’t quite lost as long as there’s someone who shared it and can rehash those memories with you. When there’s no one left who can do that, the book of your childhood is closed. It’s not a tragedy, just an unanticipated part of the loss.”

My heart breaks for my mom… Actually, my heart breaks for all us… My aunt was her own person… She loved to laugh; she loved to sing…. And she loved her family fiercely… I’m going to miss you, Aunt Brenda… May you rest in peace…

This grief journey is not an easy path for any of us. It is not a path I ever saw myself on, and you probably didn’t either. I don’t think any of us wants to be here, but this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. This journey is filled with challenges I never imagined. Each time I think I have it figured out; I find I don’t at all. Honestly, none of us ever know from one day to the next, or one moment to the next, when another wave of grief will hit or what will be the next trigger, and that can make this journey feel so completely baffling and hard to navigate.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone. We are here for each other and, it is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you. This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

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