Well… We did it. If you are reading this due to a loss in your own life, then you know just how huge those 3 little words really are… We.did.it!
There have been so many years on this journey when I honestly didn’t know if I could survive the holidays without Bruce…
The first year, I simply ignored it completely. I couldn’t see past my own pain or fathom a celebration of gratitude or thankfulness… A world without Bruce held zero feelings of gratitude or thankfulness for me… There was not a cell in my body that wanted to spend the day celebrating anything… So, I didn’t.
For several years after that, I would spend the day with one of my kids and their families, but it felt so odd… I felt more like a stranger looking in on people I love and care about deeply. (Like Scrooge in A Christmas Carol) Seeing them smile and laugh made my heart smile – for them. I, however, was not so interested in participating at all.
After several years, most of my kiddos had moved close by. That, in and of itself, had a miraculous effect. Being near family whom I love with every fiber of my being seemed to “repurpose” my world. I wasn’t alone anymore. I had others to think about and respond to – day in and day out, which was a very healthy change. Plus, I had my grandson, who gave me a fresh view of the world – one of innocence and acceptance and just plain fun.
And so, each year became a little more tolerable… even a bit enjoyable… The miracles of time and love really can do wonders for a heart ripped to shreds by grief.
Soon, the kids and I established new traditions… definitely less traditional, yet also definitely US as a family. We started spending the actual day of Thanksgiving at one of the parks nearby and having our big meal on Friday. No shopping and, with so many of us, not a lot of cooking either. Just time together… Two days filled with laughing, playing, and simply enjoying this life we have been given.
This year, we were even blessed to spend our park day with Bruce’s youngest sister (although in my head she is my sister) and her family. How fun!
Despite age differences, political differences, and anything else that might divide us, this cup that I thought had gone dry so many years ago, totally overflowed with the love and fun we shared on Thursday. And even though Bruce hated roller coasters, I am absolutely sure that he was there amongst us – laughing and smiling at the love we still share.
So… am I feeling thankful or grateful for such a beautiful holiday? Well, according to the dictionary, thankfulness puts the emphasis on me and my feelings of being rescued from my grief. Whereas gratefulness puts the emphasis on others and how their actions have helped me.
I think this year I can honestly say that while I am thankful, I am absolutely filled with gratitude to all those who have been in my corner over this past year – so many of my family and friends who have gone above and beyond. Your love and support have turned situations that felt impossible into situations of gratitude and joy.
“Gratitude doesn’t change what we have in front of us; it changes the way we see what we have.”
~ Laurie Polich Short
Thank you for never giving up on me… I am thoroughly and incredibly grateful to each of you!
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.
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