The month of May was a crazy one – filled with one trip after another. The month didn’t start that way… I didn’t plan it that way. Normally I would never fill every single weekend with a trip. (Mainly because it would be too exhausting.) However, as each opportunity presented itself, I found myself wanting to go… so I did.
One weekend was spent with a dear friend celebrating her upcoming birthday. Another was spent in Mississippi with one of my daughters and my grandson. And another was spent at a family reunion in honor of my daughter and son-in-law visiting from England.
If you are counting, though, you will realize there are two weekends unaccounted for… Those two weekends had actually been planned for months. It was my first trip back to Michigan… back to our home since before Bruce passed away.
To say I was nervous about returning would be an understatement… Michigan is where we first told each other we loved each other, where we shared our first home, and where our lives changed forever.
While we moved away from Michigan over 6 years ago, we usually went back about once a year to visit our family and enjoy a short break from the summer heat of Florida. On our last trip in July of 2012, we attended Bruce’s annual family reunion and spent time with both our daughters and Bruce’s grandaughter. Neither of us had any idea that trip would be our last one together.
However, six months later, Bruce passed away… For years, the idea of going back to Michigan (going back home), seemed too hard. While I love being here in our home and our space in Florida, I couldn’t quite bring myself to travel back to the place where we started.
However, I decided this was the year to go back.
I spent the first few hours enjoying my daughter – catching up and laughing with each other. The next few days were spent as a girls’ weekend with my soul sisters and my daughter. These days were wonderful and filled with tons of love and laughter. Then, Monday and Tuesday was spent in my old office – visiting and working with my former coworkers and friends.
Up to this point everything was fine. I hadn’t been anywhere yet that was significant to Bruce and I so there was nothing too emotional. The next three days, however, were dedicated to exactly that. With my daughter at my side, I had a list of a few very specific places I wanted to visit.
The first place I wanted to see was our first home together. I remember when my daughter and I first moved into Bruce’s home, I thought it looked like a ski lodge. (I still do… and I love it!) As soon as we pulled up, a thousand sweet, precious memories came flooding back – from the night my daughter and I first arrived, to snowball fights that found their way into the house, to nights spent cooking and dancing in our tiny, little kitchen, to evenings spent watching summer sunsets from our deck. This home was sold long ago so we couldn’t go inside. But we did walk around the building, sharing some of our favorite stories from those years.
Our next stop was a small lake with miles and miles of hiking trails. The first time I ever went there was with Bruce. He woke me up one Sunday mornin and told me he had a gift for me – but not one in a box… something better… something much better.
It was springtime and Michigan was finally starting to warm up after my first long winter. When we pulled into the parking lot, I smiled. He had just given me a great gift!.. A place where I could spend hours outside just breathing and enjoying life. We spent hours walking that day, simply enjoying nature and each other. In fact, every year when we would visit from Florida, we always made time for a morning or afternoon hike around “our” lake.
From there, we went to the small restaurant nearby where Bruce and I had our wedding reception dinner. When we were married I was too busy trying to get moved to Michigan, so Bruce had planned everything, even our reception dinner here. It was such a quaint lodge restaurant and our table for the evening was right in front of the fireplace… always my favorite spot! It was absolutely perfect.
When my daughter and I arrived, it was the middle of the afternoon. The dining area was closed so we sat at the bar, enjoying some wine and chatting. However, before we left, I explained why I was there and obtained permission to go into the dining room to spend a few minutes just sitting at that table, remembering those precious hours spent celebrating our marriage and our love. Yes… I cried, but I am so glad I got to sit there once again and remember…
Our last stop of the day was actually one stop with two places I wanted to visit. The first is a local icon, The Corner Bar, which is actual famous for its hotdogs. In fact, the walls are lined with the names of people who have “survived” their Hot Dog challenge… and no – Bruce’s name is not there! LOL! Personally, I hate hot dogs, but Bruce loved them. So, this crazy place was not only his favorite go-to restaurant, it was one of the first places he took me on my first trip to Michigan. On this particular trip, however, I still couldn’t manage to eat a hot dog (even in his honor), so a basket of fried pickles had to do. But it was wonderful to just sit there and take it all in… and remember.
The second half of this stop was the local river and dam. Bruce and I spent so many summer evenings sitting on a blanket here, enjoying a picnic dinner and their Summer Blues by the River series. This was also my favorite “thinking spot” whenever I had something to figure out or just needed some space. As my daughter and I walked across the dam, I smiled as I looked back on the whole day… and what a great day it had been.
On our last night, we were able to spend another evening with Bruce’s family. It was so much fun to just sit and laugh and share stories. This family will always amaze me! The fact that they still love and include me, my kids and my grandson in their lives is a testament to the love we share… and the legacy of Bruce.
This was my first trip home in four years. For the first time, I experienced Michigan without the man who brought me there. How did it feel to go home alone? Well…
I smiled… and I cried… It was wonderful to remember how blessed I was to have lived here and how my whole life changed in this place…
But mostly I was so, very glad to be in this place once again… To experience and remember this space where Bruce and I shared so much love just a few years ago.
What about you? Have you ever had that experience of going back home after your loss? How was that? Or are you still waiting to make that trip? Would you be willing to share your story or your thoughts?
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