Note: This week I celebrated my and Bruce’s wedding anniversary. Instead of my regular style blog, I thought I would simply share my thoughts and celebration from that day… Hopefully, you can relate to some part of it…
This morning I woke up half crying and half excited… It is a weird feeling. All week I have been listening to some of our favorite music, and the memories have been flooding back… each one bringing a smile that just as quickly turns to tears.
Some of the memories I have not thought about for years. Yet, they almost surprise me with the vividness of colors, smells and emotions… The distinct memories of looking into Bruce’s gentle eyes and always seeing nothing but love.
Remembering everything from the first moment until the last… The way he would tilt his head and smile when he was up to no good, or how he would always reach out to touch me whenever we were close. The way he would come up from behind, hug me and kiss that special spot on the side of my neck, and then peek over my shoulder to see what I was doing… Which by that point my legs had turned to jello, and I was usually melting into his hug.
I remember the day we were married… Going out to lunch together, but both of us were too nervous and excited to eat anything. Then, heading back home to get ready. I remember waiting our turn at the courthouse… Bruce was so anxious (and so was I to be honest). He kept going and checking to see “how much longer” while his Dad tried to lighten the mood by making us all laugh. Then at 3:45 PM, it was finally our turn… It all happened so fast! Afterward, we were both so happy we couldn’t let go of each other. Even at dinner, we both held on to each other… and simply smiled.
I remember sitting with Bruce and gazing into the fire… so excited about everything our future had to offer simply because we were together…
I remember each and every anniversary through the years. Bruce always had a way of making each one special…
Move ahead to this year… Despite what others may think, I still take the day off… I still celebrate our love… Only now, I do it alone…
Hi Babe! Happy anniversary… #11. Wow! My third without you…My third filled with tears. I thought our “happily ever after” would really be forever… but here I am… alone – without you. All week I’ve been listening to Kenny Chesney’s Blue Rocking Chair CD. Remember that one? We both bought it when we came back from the islands after we met. It reminded us both of that magical week. : ) … It still does. All week, I’ve been remembering so many precious, precious moments from our short time together… (I’d give anything to start over and do it all again)… I miss us!
I remember our first conversation on the boat at the bar, our first kiss at Duffy’s Love Shack (when you said I should have slapped you!), my first trip to Michigan and yours to SC, your proposal on the tower at our beach, the move to Michigan (when my youngest was so angry with us both) and our wedding day… You planned every detail, and it was perfect! Just a few of the people we love and us… champagne and nibbles at the condo. Then, dinner at Timbers. You even made sure we had a table by the fire (especially for me). I remember the two of us just sitting there gazing into the fire, unable to let go of each other – not quite able to believe we were really married… no more good-byes… or so we thought.
Our years together were so beautiful. I still can’t believe it ended so soon. I have to be careful how much I let myself dwell on it, because it can still bring me down. It still makes me so angry that you’re gone. Damn it! It’s not right! You’re supposed to be here… beside me… holding me… loving me. I still miss you so much. It’s almost been four years apart. How can that be? How can my heart still be so attached to yours? I love you… always and forever, Babe!
~ Linda’s journal, November 2016
I started the morning with Bruce watching the sunrise over the very beach where we spent so much time and where his ashes were scattered. The sunrise was the most beautiful I have ever seen. There was every shade of orange, yellow, pink, red and purple… It was impossible to tell where the sky ended and the ocean began… Such a magical way to start the day together. I brought Bruce some roses, rum : ) and a card. (Yes, I still do all the “normal” anniversary things.) It took me a quite a while to find just the right card, but I finally did… It read, “There’s nothing I’ll ever want more than another year of you… Unless it’s another year of us.” (So true!)
Inside the card, I wrote, “… I would give anything for another moment with you… You are always on my mind… Thank you for the gift of fun, laughter, great conversations, acceptance… and especially your love! That is a gift I will always treasure…”
I spent the rest of the day celebrating and remembering… I went to our favorite restaurant for lunch. In fact, this has become such a tradition that the staff always remembers me and makes it such a special meal. They always manage to find that perfect balance between leaving me to my memories and spending time with me so I don’t feel abandoned or completely alone.
For dinner, I had the special honor of celebrating with our grandson at one of Bruce’s favorite seafood spots in town. Then, to end the day… a bit of champagne and a Jimmy Buffet dance party. This seems to have become a tradition to every “Bruce” celebration, but I should probably explain this part a little…
Bruce and I have so many fun memories of parrothead tailgating and concerts… But my sweetest memories are of coming home in mid-winter to find the heat turned up, Bruce in his swim trunks, island concoctions made and Jimmy Buffet playing on the stereo. Then, the rest of the night would be spent dancing barefoot in the kitchen, laughing and simply loving life…
This is the man I love… this is the love we share… and… This is how I celebrated that love this year…
Happy anniversary, Babe! I can’t wait to feel your arms around me again one day… I love you… always and forever!
What about you? How do you celebrate those special days in your life now? Or do you need support in that area? Would you be willing to share your story or your thoughts?
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My husband and I were married on Nov 21, 1964. We celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary with a small family group. That was the last time. On our 51st we never got to go out as he was very sick and just diagnosed with lung cancer. He tried so hard to fight his cancer. It wasn’t meant be. He had 4 cancers by March and on April 27th he said he was done….He went into hospice and passed away 26 hours later. April 28 2016. So yes this Monday we would have been married 52 years. We would meet up with a grief group that we kept in contact by meeting once a month….you see we lost our 31 year old son 19 years ago to a car accident. Last month when I met up with our friends….We were setting up a date to meet…they picked Monday the 21st….I said that day would have been our 52nd wedding anniversary. They asked if I wanted them to be with me on that day. Of course I would. They understand. So Monday I’ll be going dinner with the friends that l have alot in common with……We all lost someone very special. I’m not sure how I’ll deal with this but I plan on bringing a scrapbook of us that I made many years ago. I just want it to be a celebration of our life together. I miss and love him so much. I just wish he really knew how very much I loved him and how much I miss him. Sometimes we don’t realize what we have until we loose it. 51 years together….during bad times and good. I would give anything to have him here for our 52nd. This will be hard for me…..every day is hard….one day at a time….one day at a time.