I love to read, and as a former drama teacher, I certainly enjoy theater and movies, as well. However, because life holds enough reality and sadness on its own, I prefer the “happily-ever-after,” “feel-good” ending types of entertainment… And what I absolutely can’t stand are the ones that don’t actually end… The ones that just stop. There is no ending – good or bad. I can’t stand those… They make me crazy. When that happens, I have no choice but to hope a sequel is forthcoming that will tie all the loose ends together and bring the story to some type of resolution.
Maybe that is why I get so frustrated with this whole “grief thing.” In the beginning, I really thought I would “do” all the recommended “things” and move on. I tend to be a “list person” so, that is what I did… I went through the “checklist” of everything I read or heard would help – crying, attending a support group, planning his memorial, reading self-help grief books, working with a life coach, “painting my feelings”, journaling, and the list goes on.
While each of these things has helped (and continues to help) me understand my feelings and “where” I am on my journey, there is nothing that has made my grief actually go away… While I understand the so-called “grief process” better, and I can recognize when I am spiraling down, I have learned there really isn’t anything one can do to take the pain away… There is nothing to “make it all better.”
Most of the time, I find myself reconciled to the fact that my life now is what it is… I will always miss Bruce… I will always feel like I am only living my life halfway. Granted, I am better at pushing those feelings down and smiling at the world… But in that space deep down, I believe I will always feel sad and alone… And that is not a “happily-ever-after” story.
This week, however, I heard a statement from Rev. Michael Gott that hit home… “When it doesn’t feel good, it’s not the whole story.”
What a simple statement, yet such a great reminder to carry in my heart…
Every good story has conflict… There is always a struggle, whether it is internal or between foes depends on the story. However, conflict is necessary for the story to have a purpose… for the characters to grow and develop… for the eventual “happily ever after.”
Perhaps, it is the same for me… Loving Bruce was definitely my favorite part of our story, and (hopefully) it was his “happily ever after.” However, according to this statement, losing Bruce is not the end of my story (or I wouldn’t still be here). My struggle to regain my balance has helped me to grow – I am stronger than I was… And I am more sure of who I am.
I have no idea what the rest of my story will hold. However, I take great comfort in thinking this isn’t the whole story… There is more to come… And that gives me the encouragement I need to keep moving forward… and to keep living my story… whatever it is.
I do not get to choose
What life throws my way.
My choice is…
Can I love more today than yesterday,
Despite what has happened?
~ Linda, November 2015
Learning to navigate through this journey is different for everyone… We all move through it at our own pace and in our own way… and we each have our own lessons we must learn. Have you ever found yourself wondering what happened to loving and showing compassion to our fellow man? Have you ever doubted your own value in this world? If so, would you be willing to share your experience? There may be someone else out there who needs to hear it. If you are someone who needs a helping hand or even a virtual hug, let us know… we are here for you. To leave a comment or story, go to the comments and leave us a note. *
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