grief – Page 4 – Peace, Love & Grief

Peace, Love, and Grief – When Two Hearts are One

Note: I am so sorry for missing our time together last week. I was not feeling well on Saturday and unable to catch up with everything on Sunday. I hate that. I guess, sometimes life simply makes us slow down whether we want to or not.

I remember when Sweet Baby Matthew was born… My heart was broken. Figuring out how to grieve the loss of a child that never took a breath… a child I never held in my arms, was an impossible task. I was encouraged to “put it behind me” and shove all of the pain down deep inside. I was told, “Don’t worry. You’re young; you can always have more”… Words said from what I hope was a good place bit into my soul.

I know these are the words that are so often said in an effort to comfort the grieving. I know that on the surface, they carry some truth. I also know that at the core, they are wrong…

Did I have more children? Yes… I went on to give birth to four more beautiful children, whom I love fiercely.

However, the hopes and dreams that surrounded the sweet soul, named Matthew… Those specific hopes and dreams were gone, just as he was gone. The laughs and mischief that would have been his… gone. The tears and ambitions… gone. The good-night stories and bedtime hugs would never happen. All of the love that was put into my heart for him had nowhere to go.

Yes… my other children experienced all these things that Matthew missed, but those were their experiences – not his. The major pieces missing from those words spoken too soon about “other children” is the compassion which acknowledges the trauma and grief of that death… not to mention, the permission for the griever to experience the pain of that loss without others (maybe inadvertently) finding ways to negate any part of the process. (After all, you can’t get past something you don’t acknowledge.)

Decades later when Bruce died, my grief was so deep, I was completely lost… I couldn’t fathom how to even take my next breath without him. Yet there I was… And once again the words, which I believe came from good intentions, were spoken out loud, “You will find someone else.”

The resistance I felt in my soul to those words was palatable. Again, those words are true… but also untrue. Those words make it sound so simple… Like all you have to do is put some money into a machine and out comes another “perfect fit”. As if love is like a switch on the wall – easily turned on and just as easily turned off. We all know none if that is true. There is so much more to love and loving another person.

It has more to do with finding that specific person with whom you connect on multiple levels… with whom you share hopes and dreams… someone who knows (and still loves) all sides of you – the good, the bad, and the ugly. With Bruce, it was a connection that outdid any other connection I had ever experienced.

“Our hearts find a home in each other.”
~ Martha Creek, Martha’s Pearls: A Spiritual Approach to Life

Our hearts really had found a home in each other… Our hearts really did beat as one… Finding a path to simply continue living was hard enough, without the added pressure to “replace” that love.

I’m not saying people shouldn’t find another. It does happen, and that is a good thing. I am saying that no one should feel pressured to replace the person we lost or to refill that space in your life on someone else’s timeline. Shoot, even I know to never say “never”. (Life will prove you wrong every time.) I just believe that if something is meant to be, it will find a way… and if it’s not meant to be, that’s fine too.

For me personally, I have several things floating around in my mind that make all this harder than I wish it were. Mainly… 1 – I still love him. (How could anyone even begin to compete with that?) and 2 – I know I could not survive that kind of pain again. (It almost killed me when Bruce died… To love someone so completely and lose them so suddenly has felt unbearable.)

“It’s harder to love when you know the cost.”
~ Unknown

Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think I’m alone in this… I think there are many of us out there, who truly wish those words were never spoken… who just want to deal with our grief without the added pressure of “forgetting and plowing forward.”

Sure, that may be what works for some people. That is great… for them. I just wish more people understood that some of us will never be able to it their way… And we just need the space to do this grief thing our way and in our time.
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – When You are Loved

“Be with someone who is comfortable with your best self.”
~ r. h. Sin, The Year of Letting Go, June 18

When Bruce and I met, one of our early conversations involved sharing how our previous marriage had ended. While his story is not mine to tell, suffice it to say that each of us had been burned pretty badly in our first marriage. In fact, we both made it clear in that conversation that neither of us ever wanted to get married again because of our first marriages.

However, life and the universe seem to always find a way to prove us wrong. Within a couple of months, we both knew that what we had – this completely fulfilling love – was a forever thing. This love, coupled with the distance between us, and a few other factors, found us rethinking our position on the whole “marriage thing”.

At first, I was the one that was hesitant… I was still dealing with so much baggage from my first marriage – a violent and chaotic 23 years. I knew I still had a lot of work to do on me. I had been figuratively pushed into a corner and beaten down for so long that I had no idea who I really was.

I had spent so many years trying to be what others, (especially my ex), had wanted or expected me to be that I couldn’t hear my own heart… And Bruce being Bruce, he didn’t push. He just patiently loved me. He just seemed to know how to lovingly encourage me as I struggled to get my feet on the ground and find my balance.

“Someone who genuinely loves you will not require you to dim your light so that they can shine.”

~ r. h. Sin, The Year of Letting Go, June 28

It wasn’t too long before I started to feel more and more confident… And with his encouragement, I even started speaking my mind. Granted, I did it hesitantly – ready to retreat back into my former self at a moment’s notice or even the raise of an eyebrow. However, the raised eyebrow never came… only encouragement and acceptance… and love… so much love.

It was as if Bruce had enough confidence and patience for both of us until I could embrace my own.

I remember one day, as we sat huddled on the couch, he picked up my hand and kissed it saying, “I love you.” Nothing flowery – no details – just a simple declaration of how he felt about us.

I remember smiling and looking him in the eye as I responded, “I love you, too. In fact, I don’t just love you… I need you.”

Bruce sat quietly for a moment before whispering, “I don’t need you.” I turned to look at him – immediately hurt, and he continued, “I am okay on my own. I have been for a long time. However, I choose to be with you, because it is what I want – not what I need.

I sat there for a bit thinking about what he had said… He was right. I thought I was saying something that would make clear just how much I loved him. However, he was once again, helping me to see the strength and security found in a relationship that accepts and loves each person as they are – including self-acceptance and self-love.

Suddenly the old saying that “you can’t give away what you don’t have” suddenly dawned on me… This was exactly what he had been telling and demonstrating all along… This was exactly what he was offering me… And this was exactly the kind of relationship I knew I wanted too.

After he died, I floundered. I spent several years back in that old mindset of trying to be what others wanted or expected. There are a few scenarios that occurred, though, that opened my eyes… (plus some therapy – LOL!)

This past year, my “word” for the year has been “truth” – stand in it, live it, be it, speak it… Learning to be comfortable with who I am; accept who I am; and love who I am (pitfalls and all)… And all because this wonderful man loved the real me and led me to a space where I could do the same.
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – Even on the Good Days

Today is a good day. It really is. I got hugs from my son when I walked into my kitchen this morning. I got more hugs from my friends at church. The sky is blue, and the sun is shining. I am looking forward to speaking to our folks in just a bit to tell our dads Happy Father’s Day, and to wish his mom a Happy Brithday. In other words, it is a day of several celebrations and joy.

My mood is high, and life is good. Yet… there is still a part of me that is sad…

It seems like even on the good days, there will always be a part of me that wishes Bruce were here. In my mind’s eye, I can see that mischievous grin and the sparkle in his eyes when he was up to something. I can almost hear his voice call out from the other room or his breath on my neck as he sneaks up from behind to steal a kiss.

Oh, my goodness, how I miss all of that.

I am guessing I feel this way today because it is Father’s Day, and so I have him front and center on my mind. True, he wasn’t the biological father of my kids, but he was definitely their dad in every other way. He didn’t just fill a void in their lives. He filled all of our lives with love and acceptance that none of us had experienced before he entered the picture.

I will always remember that first Father’s Day, six months after we were married. My youngest was the only one who had moved with me to Michigan. That move was hard on her – moving thousands of miles from her friends and siblings. For the first several months, she definitely gave Bruce a run for his money. Yet, on that Sunday, she baked him a batch of cookies and asked him if she could call him Dad. (She still called him Bruce, but to the rest of the world, she referred to him as her dad.)

And the others? While they weren’t with us day in and day out, it didn’t take long before they all felt the same, and within a year, we were a family. I am so blessed and thankful that my kids were able to witness what a truly good man is like – both as a dad and a husband. I wish he were still here to see them now… To see all the ways he changed their lives for the better.

I miss him… Even on the good days like today… I miss him. There is nothing I wouldn’t give to have him here today – even for just an hour, so we could celebrate him and tell him how much we all love and miss him.

So then, I have to ask myself, “Are you saying it’s a bad day?”

No, I’m not. Today is a good day… Despite all that is happening in this world… Despite losing a friendship this week… Despite the fact that it is another Father’s Day without Bruce… Despite all those things, I have come to realize that there is still a lot of good in this world. In fact, Bruce showed me a long time ago to look for and hold onto all of that good, because that is what gets us through. For me, all of that good is a reminder that each day holds a new promise of hope that I can cling to because whether it is a good day or a not so good day…

“… every sunset is a promise of a beautiful sunrise.”
~ r. h. Sin, The Year of Letting Go, July 8

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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.
I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief
* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Strength and Judgement

“Heartbreak is tough, but, like the raging sea, it guides you toward the shores of wisdom and resilience.”
~ r. h. Sin, The Year of Letting Go, July 15

Today, I want to take a few steps back to those first few years after Bruce died. I want to talk about how people feel inclined to let you know how they feel about your grief… Now, I am far enough down the road to give them the benefit of positive intent. However, at the time, I found it infuriating and hurtful.

It seems like from the moment he died, people wanted to tell me how to grieve. I heard everything from “Bruce wouldn’t want you to grieve” – (Great! Let’s throw some guilt into the mix, because that’s going to be so helpful.) – to “You need to praise God that Bruce is with the angels now” – (Please! That does not make me feel better… and besides, praises to a God that would do this are not on my lips in any way, shape, or fashion.)

I can remember just a few short months after his death, someone asking how I was doing and how Bruce’s Mom was doing. I responded with “Not great… I lost the person I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, and she lost her only baby boy.” Their response? “You know you two aren’t the first ones to lose a husband or a son.”

WOW… Just wow!

It is that kind of judgement that drove me so deep inside myself, it has taken years to get my footing back and crawl out of that pit… But I did – one painful, baby step at a time… And at this juncture, I have come to realize that their judgement isn’t mine to carry or to deal with. Those demons will be theirs to figure out when or if deep grief ever enters their life.

For me, this journey has opened my eyes to a part of life that I had never encountered before, much less at this level. Sure, I had known loss before – but not the loss of someone who was so intimately entwined in every aspect of my life.

There is also something else I have learned about myself… I actually struggle with words when someone is grieving… One would think after writing this blog for years, I would know what to say… But I don’t.

Maybe it is because I know now just how empty those platitudes really are… and how hollow those words can feel. I know without a doubt that there are not any words on this planet that can take away the pain of grief… Maybe that is also why I’m not mad any more at those people who only knew to offer judgement… Maybe all of that is why I can assume those words were spoken with positive intent even if those same words only created more pain.

So… What really helped? What really made a difference and helped me find the strength I needed to crawl out of the muck?

It was those people who simply sat beside me… It was my friends who came along with me and held my hand as I went to the courthouse and banks to change the names on official documents and accounts or to close them all together. It was my sister and kids who sat on the phone for hours listening to me lament and cry, while never once trying to stop me from feeling my feelings. It was Bruce’s family who checked in on ME consistently, despite the fact that they were also grieving the loss of their son/brother/uncle.

In other words, it was the actions (not words) of people who were willing to get down in the muck with me, until I felt ready to crawl out. Then, they continued to hold my hand for balance, but they still didn’t force my progress. They stayed beside me through it all and never once made me feel like I needed to do this grief thing on their timeline.

Because of that, I have been able to work through so much grief (and all the thousands of emotions that make up grief). And while I felt like was fighting my own fight, I was never alone (emotionally) in that fight.

Sure, there were times when I was physically alone or when I felt alone. However, like a child who is scared at night in their dark bedroom, they aren’t truly alone… The people who care are simply giving them the space needed for appropriate growth… (all while sitting nearby in the next room).

That is what my people were letting me do, and there are no words to express the gratitude I feel for each of them. In fact, if not for them, I don’t know that I would feel the strength and love of life that I do now.

Obviously, I still feel grief. (I write about it here each week.) However, it isn’t where my focus is… It isn’t where I have set up camp, so to speak. Instead, it is simply a part of my life’s tapestry… A part that may look ugly to some, but to me, it is simply a reminder that I have been to hell… and survived. I have been judged… and have come out stronger on the other side.

And all of this has transpired, simply because my people love me enough to realize that this grief is my journey that must be navigated my way… And I am eternally thankful for that.

“You are strong, despite feeling broken.”
~ r. h. Sin, The Year of Letting Go, July 15

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – My Enemies

First of all, don’t worry… This is not going to be a negative blog… Please, stay with me for just a minute or two.

A few weeks ago, I had a reflection prompt to take the verse, “I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart; before the “gods” I will sing your praise.” ~ Psalm 138:1, and reflect on the “gods” of my life… In other words, to reinsert words into that space and reflect on how the resulting statement holds up in my soul… It was quite eye-opening to say the least.

You see, I realized immediately that my ‘gods” are my own fears… my fears of not being enough… not good enough or right enough… not worthy enough of anything good.

I talk about it a lot, and I know Brue was constantly working to relieve those fears in me – to instill some kind of self-confidence from the beginning of our relationship. In fact, if it weren’t for him, I don’t know that I would have ever started on this spiritual journey I have found myself on for over a decade now.

I think I would have lived forever in the shadows – following the footsteps of so many others along the determined path of “right” religion, (right thoughts, right interpretations, right actions, right prayers – you get the picture). A space where my experience was one of rightness vs righteousness… one where you have to toe the line you are given like everyone else or risk being socially shunned – an outcast.

Thankfully, Bruce came along and showed me how to simply “be”. How to align with Spirit… Not by being right, but by living and loving – fully embracing life as it is – every moment, every experience, every emotion – all of it. To focus my connection to the Divine within – the Christ within – and how to relate that connection to everything else in my life.

He showed me that Spirit is love – not about being loved. Spirit is the “good news” – not the right words in the right prayers. Spirit is how I live and breathe – not what I know. Bruce showed me that being spiritually connected doesn’t make me “worthy” … I already am.

Yet, old habits die slow, and while I have come a long way, I still catch myself feeling pride in my new “rightness” about Spirit and connection and theologies. I can easily find myself in a sophomoric attitude of self-righteousness – looking down at others vs remembering that we are all on a different place in our journeys, and we simply need to accept that and love each other.

Enter my new mantra of “Let them” … Rather than letting the things that others do get to me, I remind myself that it isn’t mine to manage, it is theirs. So… “let them”. Learning to “let them” has truly become my new “next step” I feel called to work through.

Bruce and my son were/are so good at that… I am not saying they have gotten it right every time. Sure, there are times when they don’t get it either. However, when that has happened, they simply let it go and move forward to try again… They don’t waste time beating themselves up… After all, life is about learning, and we all need to give ourselves (and each other) the grace to do just that.

Pondering all of this, I have come to realize that my own self-righteousness is usually born out of my own feelings of lack. After all, finding fault with others is one of the most ancient ways of trying to build ourselves up. So, when I find myself focusing on the negative, I want to shift my focus on seeing the Christ in all things and all people – just as Bruce did. At the same time, I know that in order to see it in others, I must also learn to see the Christ in myself.

You…
You are my enemy within.
The very thing I despise.
To judge and look down on others
For not knowing or thinking like me.

But…
That is not who I am.
The sweet Spirit within me
Accepts others where they are
On their journey.

I don’t need to change anything about them
Or their trajectory.
That is not mine to do.
“Mine to do” is to simply love – as is…
To “let them”.

Accept
Send love
Release
Move on…

Because…
I am a child of the Divine.
I do not know all things,
Yet I can love all things.
I can see the Christ in all things –
Even myself…

Why?
How?
Because…
I am a child of the Divine…
And so are we all.
~ Linda, May 2025

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – The Silence

When Bruce and I were married, he started every, single day the same way… a cup of joe, the current spiritual book of choice, and silence. From the beginning, he established that this time in the morning… This silent morning contemplation was how he grounded himself before starting his day. He wasn’t rude or demanding… It just was.

Then he died… And silence seemed to take over my world…

The Silence…
Without you, this house is so quiet,
It is deafening.
Even the thoughts in my own head
Can’t drown out the quiet.
It is always here –
Waiting to swallow my sanity.
~ Linda, November 2013

I remember… I was just starting out on this journey, and the silence really was almost deafening at times. I dreaded leaving the house because it was our space and I could feel him there. At the same time, I hated coming home because the silence was overwhelming.

I even found myself leaving the TV or radio on all the time, (even while I slept), to avoid the silence and feel just a little less alone.

I can’t tell you how hard the silence was on my soul… The silence left me with nothing but my own thoughts and that scared me… My thoughts were dark, and I could easily fall deeper and deeper into the muck.

It felt kind of crazy… After all, when the kids were little, I would relish even five minutes of silence, but that was different. That silence was a respite from the chaos of life. This new silence was not a respite… All it seemed to do was to increase my grief… as if that was even possible.

After a couple of years, one of my daughters and my grandson moved in with me for several years. Suddenly, the house was filled with the sounds of family and love… little boys and laughter… Those years were good for us, and I will always cherish those memories. Once again, silence was a rarity, and honestly, it was easily avoided most of the time.

After they moved out to build their own home, though, I began to find that the silence was a necessary part of my journey. It had taken years, but I was finally able to sit in the silence and process my grief and residual thoughts and emotions. It didn’t take long before I found that my day was much better when I started it in silence… In fact, I even found myself looking forward to the hour of quiet meditation and journaling each morning.

The week I spent at the spiritual retreat a couple of weeks ago, was built on the rhythmic practice of silence and contemplation. Approximately 16 hours a day was spent in silence… And I was in heaven. For me, the silence has become the anchor of my day, and 16 hours of it, left me feeling emotionally and spiritually stronger than I have in a long time.

Now, the silence no longer feels oppressive… Instead, it actually feels freeing. It is no longer a space where I feel lost, but instead, a space where I feel connected – to the Divine… and to Bruce… It is the space where I get to reconnect with my own soul and tune into “the song that is mine to sing”. It is the space where I meet myself again and again – each and every day.

At the time, I didn’t realize just how much Bruce’s spiritual practices were setting up camp in my soul, but I am so thankful they did… I had no idea just how much I would need these same practices to simply “be still and know” and to heal my soul…

Silence…
I come into the silence.
Here I find Presence;
Yet, everything is absent.
Here my heart is full;
Yet, this space is empty.
How is it possible to find everything my soul needs
In a space that holds nothing?
Yet, here is where I know
I am not alone.
~ Linda, May 2025

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – The Space Between

I spent this past week on a spiritual retreat on St. Simon’s Island, GA. The grounds, which lay alongside the Frederica River, are covered in massive oaks dripping with Spanish moss, much like the Low Country of SC where I spent most of my childhood. There is something here that simply soothes my soul whenever I enter the grounds.

The week was spent learning about Christian mindfulness and using poems and the Psalms as prayers and self-expression. The majority of time was spent in silent reflection and contemplation, which was the balm I have needed given the chaos that has seemed to invade the landscape of our lives lately.

The afternoon conversations were centered around the idea that life constantly cycles through the phases of Orientation (what is “normal”), Dis-orientation (a large, usually traumatic event that disrupts everything we think we know), and New-orientation (the adjustment to the change which eventually becomes ‘Orientation’) … and the cycle begins again. It is also important to understand and accept that this ‘New-orientation’ is not like the original for we can never go back to “what was” … We can only adjust to “what is”.

As a “list person” who craves order, it was comforting to put so many of the events of my adulthood into some type of framework that makes sense in my mind. While there have been other ‘Dis-orientations’ over the years since Bruce passed, that single event still seems to be the one that has affected my life the most… The one that still seems to be on-going… The one where the ‘New-orientation’ hasn’t quite landed or settled within my soul yet.

I wrote the following sitting in the cool shade of one of those massive oaks, watching the river flow past and wondering how to adjust and become comfortable with my ‘New-orientation’ so life can move to a place of tranquil ‘Orientation’, and my soul can perhaps rest for a while…

The Space Between ‘No Longer’ and ‘Not Yet’

Grief is an odd space to hold.
My feet feel stuck,
As if I cannot move forward
No matter how much I will them to move.

I am stuck between ‘no longer’ and ‘not yet’.

I long for his friendship,
His love,
His arms,
His touch.

I also long for a future
That is fun and
Bright and
Filled with hope.

I am stuck between ‘no longer’ and ‘not yet’.

Most days, I feel hopeful.
I laugh and know happiness.
I spend time with friends and feel contentment.
I do the things before me and find joy in each of them.

Yet, most days, I find myself stuck between ‘no longer’ and ‘not yet’.

I’m not sure what to do.
The longing for what is ‘no longer’
Can feel indeterminately overwhelming.
Yet, the desire for what is ‘not yet’
Also pulls at my soul.

Perhaps, it is okay to ‘not do’;
Perhaps in the ‘not doing’,
I am doing exactly what is needed.
Perhaps, learning to sit quietly
With those opposing thoughts and feelings
Is actually where life starts again.

~ Linda, May 2025

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – And on It Goes

Last week, I wrote about happiness… I think sometimes the Universe hears us and says, “You like that? Watch this!” Then, things happen that validate our own thoughts and make us smile… And that is exactly what happened for me…

I was at church last weekend and saw on that program that someone was singing “Bare Necessities”. I chuckled to myself thinking, “Well, that’s a first for me (at church, anyway).”

As the service progressed with the theme of healing and how much our attitudes and thoughts play into our healing – physical, emotional, and spiritual, I began to see where that song could fit, despite my negative, “churchy” attitude. (I hate it when I let old religious, self-righteousness jump in rather than being open to what the Divine is offering in the moment.)

As the gentleman got up to sing, joy – pure joy – filled my soul… my “happiness tank” was over-flowing. Not only did this man do an amazing job, but you see, Disney’s Jungle Book, was Bruce’s favorite Disney movie. In fact, truth be told, Bruce was simply a big Baloo, himself… He lived in the present. He lived simply. He didn’t anger easily or often. He never seemed to panic and could see the good in almost every situation.

As I sat there, memories… sweet, precious memories, of this wonderful man I love and how he chose to live his life, filled my heart and showed on my face. According to him, the sentiments in this song were how he had healed himself when he was younger and dealing with feelings of rejection and abandonment.

He used to tell me stories of how he had struggled with his emotions. However, after some time spent in self-reflection, (and a little help from his sister), he had learned a different way to “be” – a more spiritual, “let it be – let them be” attitude.

I think that was one of the greatest things he taught… no – showed me when he was here… The gift of trusting the Divine and seeing the Christ in all things and people.

So… as I sat there listening to that seemingly silly song, I realized, once again, that not only is being happy okay, but Bruce would also never want me to feel anything less – especially when I am thinking of him.
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you. Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – Happiness

Peace, love, grief… and happiness? Wait… What?? That can’t be right… How do those things even exist in the same universe?

I felt that way for such a long time… Twelve years ago, I didn’t think I would ever feel happy again. How could I?? The one person on this planet that made me feel happy, even when the world was falling apart was gone… Not just gone for a little while, but gone… as in forever… as in, I will never see him smile or hear him laugh again… I will never know his tender touch or feel the comfort of his presence. Without that, how could I ever be happy again?

The answer (in my mind) – I couldn’t. I felt that I was bound to live out the rest of my days in sadness… And I did that for a very long time.

Then, one day when I wasn’t expecting it, I found myself smiling at something. I can’t even remember what it was that made me smile. I can remember the instant guilt I felt for feeling happy, even for a moment, when Bruce was gone and would never share those feelings with me again.

That battle lasted for quite a while – feeling happy in a moment and then instant guilt for feeling that way. I can’t say exactly when the tide started to turn, but I do know that the first piece of that puzzle to dissipate was the guilt… Somehow it seemed to switch to a deep feeling of sadness – all for the same reasons, but sadness for those reasons vs guilt for my happiness in that moment.

As the years have passed, those moments of happiness have occurred more often, and those happy feelings are more and more abundant and lasting. The sadness though, is still there, … even if it is only in the background.

I have learned that life isn’t life without all of the emotions that are in our repertoire. It is good and healthy to feel all the things… and to learn to manage all the things.

Now a days, I feel happy quite often. When I am struggling with sadness or depression, I make myself look for the good… That seems to be the only way back out of the darkness. And when I start seeing the good again, happiness isn’t far behind. (Thank heavens!)

I will admit, when something good happens, when I am happy or laughing, more than anything I still find myself thinking how much Bruce would love it too – or not (which makes me laugh even harder, to be honest). Sure, in that moment, I find myself feeling those twinges of sadness that he isn’t here to share in the joy, but then I find myself thinking that perhaps he is…

Maybe it is a way to comfort myself or maybe it is real, but I continue to feel his energy around me, so maybe… just maybe… he is here sharing in the happiness of the moment… or maybe he is just happy that I have learned to be happy again…

And that, I believe, might be one of the true miracles that love offers us – even when we grieve.
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you. Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

Peace, Love, and Grief – Sometimes

A couple of my kids and I spent a long Easter weekend in Michigan with Bruce’s family… also (now) my family, as they are constantly reminding me. It makes me smile… Both to hear them affirm that their love for me is about me and them and didn’t disappear when Bruce died… and also to feel the warmth of that love up close and personal. I always leave there feeling immensely grateful of each of them and the richness they add to my existence.

When Bruce died, I was terrified of losing that space in their lives. In the few short years I had known them, my love for them and the bonds between us had grown organically. So, when Bruce died, I was terrified of losing that. Everything I read said to expect that for several reasons. The two I remember are:

1. I would be a reminder of what they had lost and maintaining a relationship might be too hard for them.
or
2. The relationship was really centered around the person we had all lost, and without him, there wasn’t really a relationship.

Thankfully, none of that proved to be true. At that time, though, I wasn’t sure. My world had been tossed upside down. I had no idea what to expect.

I felt so alone… so abandoned, to be honest. (Probably a silly way to phrase it but was exactly how I felt.) To trust the depth of our relationship and rest comfortably within it did not come easily, and I struggled with that for years.

This year, though, we were able to be together for the Easter holiday, which brought so many thoughts and emotions to my mind…

Easter is supposed to be about hope and joy… the ongoing love and life that our faith calls us to live. Bruce, who was not “churchy” by any means, was extremely spiritual and lived this day in and day out. In fact, it was because of his influence, I was finally able to explore my own faith… Minimally while he was alive, and fully after his death.

Over the past several years, through this faith journey, I have come to think that maybe… just maybe… Bruce was meant to start me on this journey, due to my own feelings of inadequacy. However, the work of the journey had to be mine. Otherwise, I might never have found my way… Instead, it might have just been another example of following someone else’s path rather than my own.

This, then, has led me to realize just how much I actually absorbed from simply watching him live what he believed while he was alive. I can honestly say that he lived the most Christ-like life I have ever encountered – and that includes preachers, priests, nuns, etc. Why? After all, he didn’t preach. In fact, he didn’t use words at all when it came to how he lived his life. He didn’t need to… His faith wasn’t based on dogma. It was based on transformative live… And he simply lived that – each and every day.

All of these thoughts hit me this past weekend, as the Christian world celebrated the Easter season, followed immediately by the death of another person who lived his faith – Pope Francis. While I’m not Catholic anymore, I had great respect for this man who called for the world to stop judging and excluding and to simply love others. That was the same message Bruce lived… The same message I am trying to live, (although, I know I still stumble a lot).

On our flight home, a quote I read lately popped into my mind that kind of wraps it all up…

“Sometimes ‘I love you’ means ‘I’m setting you free’.” ~ r. h. Sin, The Year of Letting Go, May 25

Bruce loved me. I know that. I still (to this day) feel his love all around me. Do I think he wanted to die? No. Do I really think he simply abandoned me? No. Was he “setting me free” to finish this journey he had helped me start? … Perhaps.

Maybe it was simply his time to go… Whatever he was called to do on this earth was done… And perhaps, I was a part of what he needed to do – to set me on the path to healing and living my own faith.
I think I will always believe and hold onto that… Not that he had to die for me to find my faith… But instead, when he died, I would have what I needed to continue my own journey… And all because he had quietly lived his own.

So, this Easter season has truly been one of joy and hope for me… Mostly because of Bruce and how he loved me… my kids… and both of our families – no judgements and no holding back – just pure unconditional love and acceptance… And what could possibly give a person more joy and hope than experiencing something like that?
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you. Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief