Tag: living life

Peace, Love, and Grief – Time is Precious

As I write this, the Christian community is contemplating Good Friday. The day Jesus was crucified. The day Jesus died. The day those who loved him, those who called him “Teacher” and “Rabbi” witnessed his horrific death. The day his own mother watched him die a tortuous death.

According to the Christian tradition, that isn’t the end of the story, though. According to the Christian faith, Easter happened a few days later… According to those beliefs, Jesus didn’t stay dead… He rose again and lives still.

While I know that is what today (the day you are reading this) is about, that isn’t the part I want to focus on. I want to go back to that Friday… That death… That pain that all those who loved Jesus must have felt. They had no idea what was coming. All they knew was that this person… This man… Their friend… Her son… was dead… gone. Also, keep in mind, according to tradition, the sky went dark when Jesus died, because even God felt all the emotions of grief, including anger.

Today, I wonder if all those grieving people felt the same way so many of us do when we are grieving… That feeling of “I can’t believe they are gone”. I wonder if they said the same thing we all tell ourselves afterward… Time is so precious. I wonder if they second guessed those last days, weeks, or months like we tend to do… Did I spend my time with them wisely?… Do I have any regrets?… Is there anything I would have done different if I were given the chance to do even one day over again?

… I wonder if that is our connection in that story…

I have written that phrase so many times, both here and in my journal… “Time is precious.” I don’t really have any regrets about Bruce and my time together. That is probably because I think of regrets as things that are more negative like time spent fighting or being angry. That didn’t happen. As I wrote last week, our last week together was so incredibly normal. Yet, there are things I would have done different, if I had known that was his last week… month… or year…

I would have taken more vacation days and spent them with him. I would have gone with him that last Thursday to watch the sunrise on the beach. I would have spent more time listening… I mean really listening to what he said and what he didn’t say. I probably would have asked a million questions trying to get to know every last part of him before it was too late. I would have cried… a lot. I would have held him longer and kissed him at every opportunity…

But I didn’t know, and I didn’t do any of those things… Why?

I think that is because living your life like that would be kind of weird… That really isn’t how any of us live our lives. We love those around us, and we appreciate all that they add to our lives. At the same time, we each live the life we were called to live. We don’t drop everything in our world to focus on someone else (or at least we shouldn’t) because that isn’t healthy.

Yet, I still say it, and I still believe it… Time is precious.

So how do we live like we mean that?

I have spent the last decade since Bruce died, trying to make good use of my time. Learning how to be me and all that might entail… Figuring out my faith… Learning to accept and love myself… Learning to simply “Be” … Trying to be present in each moment… Trying to maintain relationships that are loving and healthy… Learning to forgive and let go, while still maintaining boundaries that allow me to live a healthy life… Not forcing relationships, but leaving the door cracked, just in case… Remembering that to be present in each moment includes feeling whatever is there, whether I am loving, laughing, crying, or discovering.

Do I always get it right? Of course not! However, that pursuit is what life is all about – figuring out all of these things that make us who we are is exactly what allows us to love the world and all that is in it. It is what allows me to see the divine in each and every person and connect with them at that point… even when we are getting everything else terribly wrong. It is what allows me to get up each and every morning and start again – fresh. It is why I call my aging parents every week, as well as my family that is so far away. It is why I don’t give up on those relationships that are currently upside-down or the ones that seem hopelessly lost.

The death and resurrection of Jesus gives us hope… It shows us how to connect to the Christ within all of us. The death of Bruce showed me that time really is precious. At the same time, it isn’t about trying to spend every minute with every person – I can’t… That isn’t realistic. Instead, for me, it is about living my purpose in each moment and touching those lives that want to be a part of mine… It is about creating those precious memories filled with love, because we know that tomorrow just might be too late… So, I will need to do the best that I can with this moment and this day… No pressure to do anything more… or anything less.

For me, I do believe that one day I will see Bruce again… I believe that one day he and I will celebrate our Easter… Our resurrection and transformation… Until that time comes, though, I have promised myself that I will do all I can to live each and every moment knowing how precious our time here truly is.
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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – From Seeds to Seedlings

I have been here a while.
I am alone.
I have learned to be okay with that.

Here, it feels warm.
Here, it feels safe.
Here, I can just be…
No worrying…
No crying…
No feeling…
No life.

I must find my courage.
I must break out of this shell of isolation,
And like a seed,
I must push out of the comfort of my own creation
And move toward the sun…
To places unknown.
~ Linda, January 2024

Losing someone is not easy, whether that loss is due to death or relationships deteriorating. Losing someone with whom you shared every aspect of your life and thought you would continue that for the rest of your life is even harder. Readjusting your vision for the future can feel overwhelming. Staring ahead at all the years in front of you, without that person by your side, can feel like an impossible path.

When Bruce died, I completely imploded. My world and everything I thought I knew about my life crumbled in an instant. For months, I wandered through my world in a fog. I did things out of muscle memory, but I wouldn’t call it living.

I was eating and breathing… sleeping and exercising… paying the bills and going to work… but that was it. There was no joy… no excitement… no hope. The only things I felt were sorrow and abandonment… grief and loneliness. Sadness became my constant companion.

I did all the things that were supposed to bring healing. I went to therapy. I went to support groups. I journaled. I expressed myself through poetry, art, and gardening. I created scrapbooks of our life together, including all of our correspondence through the years from emails to love notes to cards.

I did “all the things” that were supposed to help… And as I completed each one, I checked it off “the list”. Still, I struggled to move forward and actually start to live again.

Thankfully, Bruce left a wonderful legacy behind of spirituality and healthy self-love. For years, I have worked hard to follow the trail he blazed ahead of me. I started reading the books he read. I began listening to the speakers he admired… I started following his example of a morning meditation/grounding time… And after a while, things slowly… very slowly started to shift.

I still avoided crowds. I still didn’t want to seek out new friendships. I was still more comfortable alone. In an effort to never experience this kind of pain again, I stayed inside my own self-induced isolation. The solace I found there felt safe – lonely and not exciting – but safe.

This last year, though, I came to realize something new. While I may have needed this self-isolation in the beginning as I was trying to find my way through this hurt and grief, somewhere along the line, it became unhealthy.

Like a seed in the earth, I felt safe and warm in my own little space all by myself. There was a certain amount of growth and change (germination, if you will) that needed to happen there. However, I was not meant to stay there indefinitely. For life to continue, I had to push myself out of that comfort zone, toward the unknown. As I came to learn, when the timing was right, that journey… that push to the unknown landed me in the sunshine… nurtured by the love of my family and friends, I am flourishing and growing once again.

It hasn’t been all roses and sunshine. (See what I did there? Lol!) But I don’t regret a single step. This is life – the bad, the good, the boring, the exciting, the sadness, and the joy… All of it… Every crazy unknown step… After all, it takes both rain and sunshine for any of us to finally bloom and share the true beauty of our lives with the world around us.
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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love and Grief… Finding Butterflies

Weeks ago, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I wrote about a dream I had… I was so scared, but in my dream, Bruce built a metal sculpture of a butterfly. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen… It glistened and was covered with crystals and gems. As I watched, he put on some music, and the butterfly came to life and flew all around me. When the music ended, he picked up the now still sculpture, and kissed me. Then, I woke up.

It was the most calming dream I have ever had… At that moment, I knew butterflies would be my symbol from Bruce that he is here… And I’m not alone as I face what is ahead.

I know I need to take it one step at a time… I need to be careful and not get caught up in all the “what ifs.” But that is much easier said than done… The bottom line is… I’m still scared.

<When> “you have butterflies in your stomach, be grateful. You are in a wonderful place.
Nerves are God’s gift to you, reminding you that your life is not passing you by.
Make friends with the butterflies.
Welcome them when they come,
Revel in them,
Enjoy them,
And if they go away, do whatever it takes to put yourself in a position where they return.”
~ Rob Bell, How to Be Here

When I first learned I had cancer, I thought, “I’m not scared of dying.” That’s true… I’m not… I’m scared of the treatments. However, I also knew I couldn’t stay in that mindset. It’s not a positive or healthy place to be. So, over the last few weeks, I have been reading everything I can get my hands on concerning breast cancer. I want to understand my choices… I want to know the risks… I want to know exactly what it is I am facing.

The problem is, each person’s cancer is different; no one can make any guarantees; and I will never know exactly what lies ahead. Besides, all that stuff can make you crazy after a while. So, I have also been reading some of those “get-your-head-in-a-peaceful-place” type books, as well.

When I ran across the quote above, it hit me… I am so nervous right now… I have butterflies in my stomach and they don’t seem to be leaving anytime soon. Yet, I had not connected the two… I never thought about being grateful for what is happening or for how scared and nervous I feel.

Yet, this twist in my path has me re-evaluating so many things about how I live my life… For example – Am I really living it? Or in my grief, am I spending more time observing than living? I’m not sure… I tend to be a bit introverted anyway, so a quiet life suits me. At the same time, losing Bruce hurt more than anything I have ever endured… It still does. I know I am afraid of hurting again. I know I tend to stay where it is “safe.”

However, perhaps now life is drawing me out… Maybe this whole thing is to remind me, I am alive… Perhaps, I am being reminded that I need to dip my toes in the water…

That doesn’t mean I need to go sky-diving or go backpacking across the continent… Those things are fine, but they aren’t the things I long to do. I believe I simply need to be sure I’m saying “yes” to those things which bring me joy and make me smile.

So that is where I am this week… Preparing for a fight where my own body is trying to kill me, while at the same time remembering to live… To be present in each moment… And to find the joy in simply being here.

Everyone deals with loss and grief in their own way. For each of us, trying to understand why things happened as they did (and do) can be a challenge in and of itself, and our paths are as diverse as the drops of water in the ocean. These are only my thoughts and reactions this week as I try to wrap my brain around this turn in my path. Maybe something in this feels familiar… Perhaps you too have struggled something similar. If so, we are here, you are not alone. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or even a virtual hug, let us know… we are here for you. To leave a comment or story, go to the comments and leave us a note. *

Who knows… your story may the answer for someone else.

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love and Grief… Dreams

Dreams… I always loved the Biblical story of Joseph and his dreams. Maybe because of that particular story, I’ve always put a certain amount of stock in dreams. Not all dreams – Let’s be honest… some are just too bizarre… But enough to cause me to pay attention to them.

I believe dreams are our mind’s way of telling us what is going within ourselves. They are a way for our minds to work out some of the craziness we call life while we are sleeping… And if we pay attention to them, we can find a lot of answers to our questions.

When Bruce first passed away, I remember reading and hearing about people who dream of their loved ones who had passed. They described dreams that left them feeling loved and filled with hope. But I also read of those who didn’t have those dreams… Their emotions were mixed – some were relieved because they felt it might stop them from moving on, and others were frustrated and confused – why not them? It didn’t seem fair – their love was just as real as anyone else’s.

I prayed I would be one of the lucky ones – I wanted to dream of Bruce… Even if it was just once. I didn’t care what the dream was about. I just wanted to see him again – even if only in a dream… And I did.

It was about three months after he had passed away… The day and evening before were the same as any other. I had gone to work, come home to an empty house, eaten dinner alone, crawled in bed, written in my journal and cried myself to sleep.

How am I here without you?
Why am I here without you?
What am I to do without you?
Who am I without you?
Where am I supposed to go without you?
~ Linda, July 2014

At some point in the night, I started dreaming that we were together – playing and laughing and just having fun. We went for a bike ride (with me perched precariously on the handle bars). We rode through city streets and country roads – laughing and talking the whole time. As the “day” passed, we took a break under a large oak tree, snuggled up together – kissing and talking. The time was absolutely priceless for me. I remember telling Bruce how hard it was without him, and how much I missed him. He looked me in the eye, leaned closer and kissed me, but as he pulled away, he began to fade… I reached out to him, but I couldn’t touch him… He reached out, touched my cheek and told me he loved me as he faded before my eyes.

Then, I woke up… It was a struggle to reorient myself to reality. The dream had felt so real. There was a part of me that was sad, but there was a bigger part of me that felt pure joy. I’ve never tried to explain that dream… Instead I have held onto that precious dream and cherished it in my heart.

Throughout these four years, I have dreamed many times about Bruce. In some dreams, we are riding in his red truck down back country roads, just talking and holding hands. In others, we are on some type of quest – in search of something although I have no idea what. In these dreams, Bruce is my strong hero – always ready to help me so I can keep up with him.

Then, there are those dreams which involved other living, family members. They either ride in the truck with us or walk with us, but they are always involved in the conversation, and their time with us is only for a small portion of the dream.

But no matter what is happening in my dream, the ending is always the same… Bruce always kisses me, touches my cheek and tells me he loves me before he fades away, and the dream ends.

This week my dream took a different turn. Instead of being with Bruce, I was trying to get to him. I knew he was waiting for me somewhere, but I didn’t know where. Every time I started looking for him, someone else always seemed to need my time and attention. It’s funny, you might think I would have been frustrated, but I wasn’t… (At least, not real frustrated). I wanted to get to Bruce, yet I knew the people who needed me really needed me. And in my heart, I knew Bruce would understand and would still wait for me.

When I woke up, it had me thinking about last week’s blog… Who knows? Maybe that is where my dream came from… Perhaps it was my mind simply reminding me of what my soul already knows…

There was a time when I couldn’t understand why I was still here, while Bruce is “there.” But as life has moved on, it has become clear that I am needed here for now… I have a purpose here and a life to continue living.

However, in my heart, I know he is waiting for me… and one day we will be together again…

One day I will see him again.
And he will touch my cheek
And kiss me
And I will smile… again.
~ Linda, September 2014

Learning to navigate through this journey is different for everyone… We all move through it at our own pace and in our own way… and we each have our own experiences that help us make it through. For me this week, it was a simple dream. What about you? What are some of your experiences that have helped you? Would you be willing to share one or two? If you are someone who needs a helping hand or even a virtual hug, let us know… we are here for you. To leave a comment or story, go to the comments and leave us a note. *

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love and Grief… When Your Dreams Become Your Dreams

Do you know that place between sleep and awake.
That place where you still remember dreaming?
That’s where I’ll always love you – that’s where I’ll be waiting.
~ Tinker Bell

This week I had one… I hadn’t had one for a while… What was it? A dream… a dream about what was once my life dreams… a dream about Bruce.

I must say I love these dreams! They fill me with so much energy and happiness. I wake up smiling… and that smile lasts for days. I have had several of these dreams since Bruce died.

The first time I dreamed of Bruce, we were bike riding… sort of. He was riding the bike; I was riding on the handle bars. Like kids, we whispered secrets and laughed as we rode through small side streets in a small, country town. We ended up in a meadow where we sat under a huge oak tree sharing a picnic lunch while we talked and snuggled. Toward the end of the dream, I began to realize we were slowly moving apart until I couldn’t touch him anymore. He quietly faded from my side, and I awoke.

Another time, I dreamed we were joy riding in his little, red truck down country dirt roads. Periodically, we would pick up and drop off one or two of our kids, enjoying conversations and laughter. The dream ended when Bruce dropped me off “at home” saying he’d be back later.

In my dream this week, we were running, playing and laughing on an obstacle course through a city. At one point, we came to a hole (or tunnel) built into the side of a bridge. There was graffiti all around it with my name and an arrow pointing the way through the hole/tunnel. I could see through the hole… It led to a world where everything was upside down. I was hesitant… not because I was scared but because it was too high for me to reach. Bruce grinned and asked if I trusted him.

“Of course!” I responded. Then he boosted me up and I crawled through without an issue. As we stood up on the other side, I didn’t feel upside down – I felt right-side up. But when I looked back through the hole, the world we came from now looked upside down. I turned to ask Bruce what this was all about, but at that moment my morning alarm went off, and I was instantly awake.

Normally, I hop right out of bed when my alarm goes off without a problem, but on this particular morning, my initial reaction was “Noooo… I want to go back to sleep. I want to go back to that dream.” That was not possible – I knew that. So instead, I found myself smiling and saying “thank you” as I dressed for work. Thank you for a wonderful dream… Thank you for a wonderful night.

At one time, all of my dreams for the future were wrapped up with Bruce… That is the way of relationships, and it was wonderful. We dreamed of the days when we could laugh, play and hang out together… While he was alive we both worked, so that day was on Sundays. It was our day. We never made plans without the other one an were okay with that… We knew we only had a few more years until retirement… Then our dreams to spend more time playing would really happen.

But that isn’t how our story went…

Bruce died… and now, those dreams are only in my dreams… I don’t have these dreams often – only a few times a year – but when I do, I feel all the same hope… All the carefree feelings that dreams are made of are mine again for a few brief moments.

I remember when Bruce died. I read so many articles about people who never dream of their loved ones and were frustrated. I think I would be frustrated too, so I am extremely grateful for my dreams. I also read about others who dreamed of their loved ones and felt like a “message” was being delivered. I can’t say there have been any messages… at least not in words.

If anything, perhaps Bruce just wants me to remember to have fun… to not get so caught up in all the serious stuff of life that I forget to actually live my life… To accept life one beautiful moment at a time and enjoy whatever that moment has to offer before I move to the next one.

So what do you do when your life dreams become your dreams? For me, I will simply remain thankful that these have been my dreams at all…

What about you? Did you or have you ever dreamed of your loved one? Would you be willing to share your story or your thoughts?

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love and Grief… What I miss

I smile when I remember you…even through my tears.

~ Linda, October 17, 2013

For the most part, I function in a positive zone… most days, I am okay. I can smile and laugh and live in the moment. However, I still have days where the grief and sadness are dominant… The past few days have been that way. I just feel sad. Plain and simple, I miss Bruce… I miss so many things about my life with him.

This isn’t the same as a pity party… I’m not caught up in feeling sorry for myself. I am accepting of my reality… I am just sad. I don’t know how to explain it, but there’s a difference. I guess the best I can do is to say there is no “poor me” factor involved. I just miss him.

When you lose your partner, you lose more than just a person. That person filled so many roles… so many spaces in your life. I miss all those things. I always say that Bruce was my hero… and he was. He was also my best friend, my rock and my anchor… He brought stability to my life. I have spent most my adulthood going from one crisis to the next, but not with Bruce. Life took on a peace and fullness that I miss as well.

There wasn’t a lot that bothered or irked him. He was a firm believer in letting go and moving forward. I miss that optimism and strength… The idea that whatever had occurred would be okay because of what still lay ahead.

While I am getting used to going places alone, I still hate it. When I’m out with a group, I feel like an extra wheel… that friend that no one quite knows what to do with. I miss going places with him – side by side… always together. I miss sharing those places and experiences with each other.

I miss going out to eat together. We always sat on the same side of the table so we could still hold hands (or snuggle if it was a booth). (Yea – that probably sounds goofy but I loved it!) I miss that he would always order an appetizer while I ordered a full meal. Then when I got full (which was pretty quick), he would finish off mine… always letting me pick what I wanted, then  laughing as I pushed my plate toward him after only a few bites.

I miss going to the beach together. We didn’t even talk that much… We both enjoyed the silence as we sat next to each other holding hands and watching the waves or snoozing.

I miss cooking together. There was something fun and romantic about sharing a space that is really meant for one. I also miss the days when one of us cooked (usually him) and the other (usually me) sat at the counter – watching and talking.

I miss snuggling on the couch after dinner – either in silence or watching TV. It didn’t really matter. Just being together, breathing each other in, was the best part of those moments.

I miss those days when he got home first and would greet me at the door with a glass of wine. OR when I was on the phone with someone and getting stressed, silently, he would come with a grin and a glass of wine.

I miss playing games and knowing that he would never just let me win. He might play sports left handed to give me better chance (LOL!) but he was just as competitive as I am. Whoever won had definite bragging rights for days.

I miss having someone who loves me even when I am wrong. Knowing someone has your back, no matter what, is amazing! Whenever I was frustrated with myself, Bruce would just take me in his arms and hold me. He never reiterated my mistakes… I was already well aware of whatever I had done. I just needed to know that someone still loved me… and that it was him. He never left me doubting his love. It was always there…

Now I do all of these things alone… with only memories to fill the space next to me.

Countless research has shown that in a healthy marriage/partnership the partners put each other first… over children, over other family, over careers… over everything else out there. You are each other’s priority. I miss that… I miss having and being a priority.

Don’t get me wrong, I am loved. I know that without a doubt. But I am not (nor should I be) first on anyone’s list. The other side of that is I no longer have that special person in my life to take care of, either. (That is a tough reality.) Without Bruce, I only have me looking out for me… that feels really strange and really wrong.

I have a friend who lost his wife a few months before I lost Bruce. I remember asking him how he was doing one day and he responded, “You miss the little things… that’s where the relationship and the love came from.” My experience says he was right.

I don’t think there is an answer for any of this… it is what it is.

This is my journey. Some days the road is smooth and the sun shines… other days the road is hard and I can’t see the sun. The only thing I know to do is breathe and take it one step at a time… allowing myself to feel what I feel – knowing that a better day is ahead… somewhere.

Because this is our community, please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences, too. To do so, go to the comments and leave a note.*

Who knows… you may hold the answer for someone else.

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.