“Be the living expression of God’s kindness;
kindness in your face,
kindness in your eyes,
kindness in your smile.”
~ St. (Mother) Teresa of Calcutta
I remember when this whole journey began. (It’s almost been 6 years now… but who’s counting?) At first, I was so raw… so numb… so lost. For the first few weeks, I felt like I was in a dream. This couldn’t be real… Surely, I was going to wake up at some point and everything would be as it was. (The only thing I knew would be different was – I would be even more appreciative of the gift that was my husband… If that was even possible.)
But, that didn’t happen… Life just kept moving forward… without my Bruce.
As the months passed, more and more people fell off the radar for one reason or another. Most things I read told me this was normal… to expect it to start at about the three to four month range. According to what I read, many couples would back away, because I was no longer “a couple.” (Although, most widows will tell you, we still feel like “a couple.”) Other sources listed many other reasons, such as:
1. People probably felt I was doing really well and didn’t need their support any longer.
2. Some people didn’t know how to offer more support, since they had never experienced this themselves.
3. Some people get tired or uncomfortable with the whole death/grief thing.
4. Who knows why people do what they do!… Maybe they are going through their own struggles.
To be fair, I believe most of the people I knew simply didn’t understand it, because they hadn’t been through it. In hind sight, I don’t believe they meant to be cruel or hurtful. While I may have felt stuck, their lives had continued to move on at full speed. However, at the time, I could not understand this.
So as more months passed, and I watched more and more people walk out of my life… I began to get hurt… I felt lonely… and abandoned… and definitely angry. I had already lost my husband. Was everyone else going to abandon me, too?
Here is the problem with that line of thinking…
The more I focused on the hurt and negative feelings, the more negative things I found to upset me. It didn’t take long for me to spiral down and become the very thing I never wanted to be – an angry, bitter, cynical old woman. Life began to look bleak… It no longer held any hope.
This only increased my focus on the negative. Before I realized what was happening, my connections with other people almost stopped completely. I found myself only opening up to a very small handful of friends and family (who chose to love me despite my negative outlook).
This was where I found myself about 10 months after Bruce died, and I was at my lowest I had ever been… I had given up on people and life… I had stopped caring… Life had taken on the form of waking up, going through the motions and sleeping. Then, waking up only to do all over again the next day.
I’m not sure why, but at this point, I pulled out one of Bruce’s favorite CD series – Wayne Dyer’s The Secrets of the Power of Intention. I did not know it at the time, but this would become my first step out of this downward spiral that had taken over my life. There was a lot of great information in this series, but the piece of information I needed to hear most was…
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
WOW! What a simple statement, and yet, how true! As soon as I heard it, I knew he was speaking to me. I had become completely focused on all I had lost and was losing… on all the hurt and feelings of abandonment. Because of that, I had stopped noticing the good things all around me… the little blessings available in each moment.
So, this is where things started to change. As I “changed the way I looked at things,” the way I viewed those things (as well as my life) began to change, as well.
The next step was inevitable, I began to realize that if more people would learn to do this, maybe our world would not be filled with so many hurt, offended, negative souls. But how could I take this knowledge and make a difference? I knew I could only change myself. So, how could I make another change within myself, that might make a bigger difference in the world around me?
Well… ask God a question, and he will always give you an answer. And a few days later, there it was… I was reading some writings from Ghandi, when one seemed to call out to me as the answer to my quandary…
“Be the change you want to see.”
WOW! (Again!) How is it the simplest statements have the most profound advice? And so it began, another change, another step. Now instead of wishing someone else would think more kindly, behave kinder, or speak with more kindness, I learned to observe, say nothing (the hardest part for me), and alter my own actions to reflect what I wanted to see instead.
These two changes in my thought patterns and behavior began to build on each other. The more I altered how I looked at things, the easier it became to actually be the change I wanted to see. And the more I worked on “being the change,” the easier it became to see others in a more positive light.
Through the years, I have worked my way out of that deep, downward spiral. There are days when it is still a process for me. However, while I have my moments when I am not as successful at protecting my attitude, I am continually doing better and better… On those occasions when I find myself spiraling down, I am able to catch it and turn it around. I know that when I remember to “be the change I want to see,” my whole viewpoint on life and people becomes more positive as well…
When I remember that the divine energy within me can become a divine reality for someone else by simply being the love and acceptance I am seeking from the world around me, then I know my life has purpose again because I am able to make a difference.
Polish your heart
so that it reflects
God’s love
to the world around you
~ Linda, February 2016
What about you? Did you or have you struggled with frustration with the world around you? Have you felt abandoned or left behind as the world moves on? You’re not alone… None of us are! Are you will to share how you came to terms with it? Or do you still need support in that area? Would you be willing to share your story or your thoughts?
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