Rainbows and Butterflies… I know, it sounds more like a blog for young girls than adults dealing with grief but stay with me. Both of these things hold an analogy for this path we are traveling down.
Let’s take the rainbow for example… Even at my age, I still get excited when I see a rainbow. I love the magic of the colors floating in the sky. I love that no two rainbows ever appear to look the same to me. Sometimes they are fat and wide, sometimes they are skinny or so faint you can barely see it. Sometimes, certain colors are more vivid than others, and other times there appears to be two rainbows running parallel to each other. No matter how my day is going, I can’t help but smile whenever one appears in the sky overhead.
So, what does that have to do with us? Well… this is where the mystique of a rainbow comes into play.
You see, a rainbow requires three things – sun and rain… and the perfect position to see it. If there is only sun, there is no rainbow. If there is only rain, there is no rainbow… And if I am not in the perfect position to see the light being reflected in the raindrops, I will miss it completely. My position will also affect the rainbow’s appearance, which is why they can look so different every single time.
Scientifically, we know that if you take away any of those items, there is no rainbow… There is only sunshine or only rain… Our lives are like that – Sometimes sunshine… sometimes rain… And if you ask me, grief makes it appear to be raining a lot… (Maybe “storming” would be a more accurate term.) In other words, we have bright days, and we have dark days… and our “position” on any given day will determine what we “see”… It completely depends on where we are on the path.
Honestly, in the beginning, all I could see was the rain. My sadness and grief were all encompassing. However, life is odd, and no matter what else is going on in our world there is always some sunshine… somewhere. It just depends on our emotional position whether or not we can see it. Like our lives, it may take some time and distance, some perspective, if you will, to appreciate the blended reflections (the colors) that make our lives a thing of beauty.
The butterfly, on the other hand, is also like the journey we are on. As we know, butterflies start off as caterpillars. At this point, they eat and eat and eat… and grow and grow and grow. Then one day, nature takes over and the caterpillar forms a chrysalis. While inside the chrysalis, the caterpillar undergoes a complete transformation as it turns into a liquid, soupy substance before finally exiting as a butterfly. I say that I can’t imagine what that transformation is like, but then again, maybe I can.
Like the caterpillar, I was just going through life doing what I do – minding my business and enjoying the world around me – loving Bruce and getting “fat on life”. Suddenly, though, I found myself caught up in this terrible experience of loss and grief. Like the caterpillar in the chrysalis, my world was reduced to a mass of muckiness. I struggled and I cried. I fought it every inch of the way from the shock of it all to finding some semblance of acceptance. Over time, I began to realize that I was no longer me, and something deep inside left me knowing that I had changed and would never be the same again.
Now, I wouldn’t say that I am a beautiful butterfly. (LOL!) At the same time, though, I know that this whole process has created someone stronger and more independent; someone with a strong understanding of just how precious life is… That every moment is a gift, and what I choose to do with it is completely up to me.
I won’t say I always get this right… I have always been honest here in this space. I have shared my hard days with y’all, as well as my triumphant ones – the good and the bad… the sun and the rain… my chrysalis of grief, if you will. I know my outlook each day depends on where I am emotionally – where life has led me and who has been on the path with me. Any of this can leave me feeling like I am either back in the chrysalis or like a butterfly finally emerging from that awful muck.
It all depends on where I am in life. Yet as time passes, I find that more and more I am able to see the rainbow with its promises of hope, love, and new beginnings, or a heart-warming mix of all these things… In other words, I am learning that a life well-lived is made up of all these things…
“I give thanks for each one (bright days and darks days) … I appreciate the blended reflections that make up the beauty of living.” ~ The Daily Word, June 17, 2023.
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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. Learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. This year, my goal is to simply ‘be’… Be me, be kind, be compassionate, be loving, be hopeful… to just ‘be’ and to be comfortable with that… however it looks.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.
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