Tag: God is in control

Peace, Love and Grief… Remembering to Look

This week seemed to hold a reoccuring theme… both within my own life and in the lives of the people around me. Throughout the week, I had several conversations with friends who were extremely low – feeling so beat-up by their current life situation that all they could see was all the negative stuff surrounding them. From their vantage point, they were convinced there was nothing they could do about anything… Life was happening to them and they were left feeling powerless and drowning.

I think we have all felt that way from time to time. In fact, I remember feeling that way for many years… especially after Bruce passed away. Life had thrown a huge curveball in my direction, and I didn’t know what to do with it. I felt so alone… so unloved… so abandoned by everyone… especially God. I remember someone telling me that God, indeed, was punishing me, and I should “get my life on the right track” – only then would God be able to love me again. (What a sad thing to believe! What a horrible thing to tell someone!)

Honesty, this only made me feel worse and more abandoned… who would want to believe in a God/Universe/Divine Source (pick your own word) like that? How could anyone believe in a God whose behavior we wouldn’t accept in another person? A God who kicks you when you are down and then expects you to beg for his love and blessings? No, thank you! Not this girl! However, this did end up being a blessing, because this was where my own spiritual journey began… my determination to figure out for myself what I actually believe.

It has been said that growth only occurs through struggle. We see this in nature as well as in our own lives. If all we knew was success after success, we would never have the opportunity to grow. If we were asked what happened to make us who we are, most of us would tell a story of struggle that eventually led to growth.

It is the same for me. Bruce’s death has been my biggest struggle ever… But because of it, my spiritual growth has been huge… Don’t get me wrong – it has taken years, but I can finally say I “got there.” About a year ago, I came to realize that my beliefs are not those of the main-stream, orthodox Christianity in which I grew up. Instead, my beliefs are more Franciscan and contemplative in nature – more about the relationship than any rules or dogma. For me, that enlightment was a huge blessing… a blessing that grew out of my biggest loss.

Why is that such a big deal? How does that play out and make such a difference in how I approach life now?

Well, twice this week, my devotions centered around the blessings in our lives… One focused on God “withholding blessings” in order to “discipline” us. While the other focused on the abundance of God and looking for the blessings even in the midst of tragedy.

These are two very opposing views… The first one can have some very negative effects. It can (and often will) drive one to feel powerless, abandoned, worthless, and unloved. However, I don’t believe in a “Gotcha God” who withholds anything. I don’t believe the bad things in our lives are a punishment for anything.

Like the second devotion, I believe in a God of abundance. I believe the struggles are there to help us learn and grow… They are not a punishment. They just happen; they are a part of life. I know it is hard to remember when we are in the midst of a tragedy or struggle, but I still believe if we look hard enough we can still find the blessings.

Research has proven that our human mind seems to easily hang onto and recall the negative things around us. However, in order to remember the positive things, we must focus on them for at least 15 – 30 seconds, or that feeling of happiness is lost.

After Bruce passed away, someone suggested I start a “Gratitude Journal” in order to redirect my focus from negative to positve. In the beginning, it was hard. I had to force myself to think of at least three things to be thankful for each day. Some days it was a struggle… all I think of were things such as “I was able to get out of bed today.” Other days were easier, and I could think of one thing after another.

Bottomline, it has taken years of practice, but what started as a hard task years ago has become easier over time. Through these last few years, I have learned to see more and more of the positives… more and more of the blessings. In fact, now my challenge is to list at least ten things each morning. I don’t mean to sound like I am bragging nor do I want you to think this has been easy. It has been hard… In fact, some days it is still hard. But, as I look more and more for the blessings, I can see the positive results in my life, so I keep working at it…
I keep looking… and finding even more blessings.

Maybe it sounds too simplistic. However, I have found that if we stop focusing on the struggle – on the negative – and start looking for something positive, we will find it… We will start seeing more and more blessings that are there… and always have been. Even in the middle of our worst tragedy,…

there is always something to be thankful for if we just remember to look for it…

Look up, my child.
I am here…
Don’t look down,
I am not there.
Keep your eyes on Me;
Don’t let the clouds block your view.
Look beyond them;
The blue sky is always there,
even behind the clouds.
Stop focusing on the clouds.
Focus on the sky…
Focus on Me…
Keep Me in your view.
I am here guiding you,
Loving you…
Always.
~Linda, September 2015

What about you? Did you or have you struggled with finding anything positive in your life after your loss? How did you come to terms with it? Or do you still need support in that area? Would you be willing to share your story or your thoughts?
Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love and Grief… Freaky Friday lessons to learn

I used to be one of those people who would panic at everything… I would cry at the drop of a hat and avoid confrontation like the plague. After the abuse in my first marriage, I remember my counselor telling me that was a normal response to the years of walking on eggshells… of never knowing what would be the next thing to set off a tyrade in our home. During that time of recovery, that information was comforting – knowing that I wasn’t crazy. However, I still found myself frustrated with my own behavior. I knew this was not how I wanted to spend the rest of my life.

When Bruce and I got married, his trustworthiness and steadfast character helped a lot. With time, I learned to handle more and more, but it was still baby steps… and if I felt overwhelmed, he was always there – ready to be my hero.

Then, in a flash one night, he was gone… and I was left all alone to handle whatever came along. At first it was really hard… there were times when I was so angry at him for leaving me here to figure it out by myself. Other times – like this last week – I just felt like it was too much… I found myself missing him more than usual and asking him “why?” Why did he leave?”… and “how in the world was I supposed to do this all by myself?”

I believe life has a way of teaching and reteaching us certain lessons. One of those lessons is the idea that God/ Source/ the universe has our back. (Choose whatever term you prefer.) For me, that was made abundantly clear just a couple of days ago as one of my daughters, my grandson and I made our annual trek to the Shark Tooth Capital of the world.

Wanting to get there early, we left our home at 5:30 am and took the toll road around the city to avoid any big-city, rush-hour traffic. About 30 minutes into the trip, the normal, traveling complaints started from the backseat… You know what I’m talking about – the “How much longer?” and “I’m hungry” whining.

Then came the one everyone hates to hear… The one that can create instant panic – “I’m gonna be sick.”

WHOA! I pulled over, he and his mother climbed out and he hung over the guard rail waiting… but there was nothing. (Whew!) After a few minutes, they climbed back in. We handed him a bag (just in case) and started again.

A few minutes later came “I HAVE TO POOP! NOW!!!!”

“Can you wait for the exit?”

“NO! I HAVE TO GO NOW!”

So I pulled over again. They climbed out again… And the required attempt was made… but no luck. After a few minutes, they climbed back in. He picked up the bag and settled in as we started off again.

Then, a few minutes later it happened… he lost it. Thankfully, he managed to get it all into the bag, but… ugh! Just as he was telling us how much better he felt now, we heard another sound… like rocks hitting the car. Moments later, the dreaded low-tire light came on. We had blown a tire… The result of a nail in the road. We were between exits and not close to anything.

I pulled over and called my insurance company for Roadside Assistance. The call went through fine. However, when I was transferred to the R.A. vendor, the line filled with static. I couldn’t hear a thing. I hung up and took a breath. “Where are you, Babe?” I thought. “I could really use your help right now… This is becoming a disaster, and I don’t know if I can do this.”

I tried the call again with the same result. However, this time the woman on the other end called me back, and the line was clear. She was able to confirm our location quickly and stated that once she located an available company, she would call us back.

We all took a breath and settled in for “the wait.” At just that moment, my daughter stated, “They’re here.” Sure enough – help had arrived. However, instead of the help promised by the insurance company, it was an FDOT Road Ranger. What a blessing! Rather than merely removing the blown tire and putting on my spare, he was actually able to repair the tire within just a few minutes.

There are two things I need to tell you here… Two things that signaled we were not alone in this situation. First, while we were waiting, we looked at the horizon and realized we were being entertained with a hot air balloon race. How BEAUTIFUL!

Second, Bruce always said that when he first became a truck driver, they were considered the “Knights of the Road” – ready to help anyone stranded on the side of the road. He had loved upholding that image. However, he was always frustrated that reputation had not only been lost years ago, it had been turned on its head – leaving truckers with a bad image. In my mind, this Road Ranger was our “Knight in Shining Armor” our “Knight of the Road.”

Without a doubt, I know God took care of us and sent help. I, also, know Bruce had his hand in this, too… maybe as a reminder that he is still nearby – still watching out for us.

As we started back on our way again, we laughed and shook our heads. We were not even an hour into our trip, but we were sure that would be it. We could be thankful that everything was fine and just enjoy the rest of our trip.

But that was not “it”… our “Freaky Friday” had just begun…

As the day progressed, we found ourselves dealing with a GPS that either thought our car was also part boat or just went on the fritz for a few minutes – either way, we ended up lost… with a body of water between us and our destination. No worries, though. We were only a few minutes off track, so we turned around – a little later than we planned but no harm, no foul.

Finally, we arrived at our favorite spot. This is our third year making this trip, so we have this down to a science. We have a wagon filled with everything we need for 2 – 3 hours of sharktooth hunting at our spot. “Our spot” is actually hothing more than a hot, open field – a desert, as my grandson calls it. But we do not have this field to ourselves… There is a path through this field that locals say leads to a nude beach.

Through the years, we have seen people walk up and down this path (always clothed). Sometimes, we have talked to them. Sometimes, we just kept on hunting. On this day, as we were hunting, my daughter did one of those whisper-screams, “Naked man!” Then, she jumped up and went to her son to “casually” divet his attention (and his eyes). As for me, (I must admit) I looked up… and giggled. Then, I quickly looked down, pulled the brim of my hat lower and pretended not to notice. BUT SERIOUSLY! Who walks nude through a public area? At what point on the path did he decide “Now is the time to take it all off?” OR did he walk that way from his car? Who does that?

Once he was gone, we all giggled like 5 year olds and went back to what we were doing… each hunting in our own space. Suddenly, my daughter cried out from the other side of the field. As I ran over, she stopped me. “It’s a rattle snake,” she whispered and pointed into a gopher tortoise hole directly in front of her. As she had approached the hole, she heard it, jumped back and spilled the shark’s teeth she had already found. I slowly walked over. Sure enough, the snake was just inside the hole. I helped her gather up her spilled teeth as the snake, slithered deeper into the hole.

That was close! Think what you will, but once again, God had shown us that he was in control.

What a weird day… Surely that was it! But no – the craziness didn’t end there.

As we were sitting on the restaurant patio for dinner, there was a sudden BANG. Everyone on the patio jumped… We may all be on vacation, but recent news events still hover in the backs of everyone’s minds. Then, the waiter (with a look of total relief) yelled, “It’s just a tree!” Sure enough, it was nothing more than a VERY large branch that had fallen next to the patio. We all laughed nervously and looked at each other a bit sheepishly. But in all honestly, I think we all knew that while we were fine, the odds of it being something more serious were real…

What a weird day! What a “Freaky Friday!” In the past, I would have probably cried over most of this… or at the very least, I would have let it affect my attitude for the whole weekend. Yet I couldn’t deny that over and over God had shown us that he was in control.

After a week of wondering if I could do this alone, God was reminding me that I am not alone. I don’t do anything alone. He is always there… He is the one in control.

I have heard many times that we all have lessons that we must learn. If we don’t learn them the first time, life will continue to present that lesson over and over until we’ve mastered it. So, maybe this is my lesson… I’m not alone. I don’t need to worry or panic. God has my back, and he is in control.

What about you? Did you or have you struggled with trying to handle it all after your loss? How did you come to terms with it? Or do you still need support in that area? Would you be willing to share your story or your thoughts?

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.