“Through unconditional love and faith, I witnessed the transformative power of God’s grace, not only in my daughter’s life but in my own as well. I learned that no matter the person, their errors, and our own beliefs, everyone deserves unconditional love.”
~ Emanuel Walker, Daily Word, May/June 2024
When Bruce and I decided to get married, there was a lot to consider besides the two of us being in love. We needed to decide where we would live. We had to consider our teenage children and how this would impact each one’s world in vastly different ways.
I will admit, I was hesitant. I knew that I loved Bruce. I also knew that what I was bringing into the marriage involved an ex who couldn’t seem to let go, bad credit due to losing everything I owned to a Ponzi scheme, two kids in college and the expenses that go with that, two kids in high school (one of which was over 18 and chose not to move to Michigan), and the fact that my kids and I were still reeling and recovering from our past chaotic and abusive home life.
Bruce, however, had no hesitation. Even knowing all of that, and also understanding that there was likely much more he didn’t know, he had unwavering faith that this would be a good thing. Don’t get me wrong… He also had some concerns about how his own daughter would handle suddenly going from being his only child to having four instant siblings (3 of whom were girls).
It was a lot… and anyone with a blended family knows that none of it is easy. What Bruce knew, though, (that I had yet to experience), was the magical power of unconditional love… And that is exactly what he offered my kids.
I had spent most of my family’s lives trying to “manage” my ex’s temper by trying to be the “perfect” family… to take away his excuses for his anger. That was impossible, of course, but that had become my norm. It was the only way I knew at the time to protect my kids… and I loved them fiercely. (I still do.) For me, this “mask” I was trying to create was necessary for their (our) protection.
However, once Bruce and I were married and settled in Michigan, I saw just how transformative that unconditional love truly was… And he offered it so freely.
Within a few short months, there was no resistance from any of the kids, as they each referred to him as their “dad”. My four couldn’t help but love this man who offered guidance, friendship, compassion, and a model of what a good father truly is… All underscored with a love that carried no judgements or expectations of who or what any of them should be.
Bruce was an amazing father to all (now) five of his kids. To my knowledge, he never failed them or let them down. He attended concerts and graduations. He met potential boyfriends and made sure they understood his expectations for dating one of his daughters. He made sure that despite the distance, we all got together as often as possible so that ties were strengthened – not lost. In simply words… he just loved us. That’s it.
So… here I am on Father’s Day morning, remembering… and missing… and so very thankful… because not only was I the benefactor of that amazing man’s love, so were my kids… So, even though, he is gone, Bruce’s legacy of unconditional love is not… And just that thought alone can make me smile today.
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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.
Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.
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