Tag: our space

Peace, Love, and Grief – A Letter to You

I would start today with, “Dear Reader…”, but I believe that phrase will sound like the start of a current Netflix series. So instead, let me just start with, “Hello, my friends”.

To start, let me explain that this blog goes to several sites, such as the PLG website, Facebook, and a website local to me. While I get feedback and responses from all of the sites, Facebook is the only one that gives me statistics in real time. This means I get a notification each time someone interacts with the page, which also includes alerting me to new followers.

So… let me back up here… I started this page at the suggestion of an old acquaintance – someone from childhood who popped in and out of my life only long enough to give this suggestion. Admittedly, when I started this blog, I knew it was mostly for me… it allowed me a weekly space to express my grief, as well as a chance to share my experiences with other people experiencing loss… but… mostly a space to express my grief.

I never planned for it to be anything more. In fact, every year when it comes time to renew all of the apps and programs that I need to do this, I reiterate my vision and renew my vow that if this blog is helpful to even one other soul, then I will keep writing.

This is where it gets complicated in my heart, which really hit me hard this week…

You see, each time someone new finds us through FB and I receive that notification, it comes with a “congratulations” of sorts for the “increase” in followers. It also means I receive pushes to “do more” to increase those numbers.

But here is what I see… Each of those “followers” that FB wants to celebrate is a person – a living, breathing person, and each person is hurting and struggling… each person is mourning a loss… a loss no one wanted or requested. In other words, each person coming to this page is doing so out of pain… something I would never wish on anyone.

Right now… across all sites and by best guestimates, there are several thousand of us… That is a lot of hurt.

That is where I have mixed emotions. On the one hand, I am so very thankful that this has become a safe space to share our grief. At the same time, I am So very sorry for the pain each of us has experienced, (and likely still is).

Each time I see a new number and/or name pop up, I find myself stopping my day and saying a quick prayer of healing and comfort for that person… and on more than one occasion, I have shed a tear (or more) for that person… and for the rest of us.

Grief is hard… Being on this part of our journey is not something we chose. (Who in the world would??)

I guess, I just wanted all of you to know how much I care about each person here and the journey you are on. While I hate the reasons that put us all together, I am also thankful that we do have each other.
I truly care about each of you and hope that this week you are able to do whatever you need to in order to take that next step on your path.

Love always,
Linda
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Grief is a daily challenge that changes us in ways we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone.

I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog; for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love and Grief… The Room

Lately, my nighttime television go-to has been Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix. In one of the episodes this week, one of the surgeons was struggling emotionally in the middle of a surgery. When one of the other surgeons questioned her, she responded by saying that the room they were in was the same one where her husband had died just a few weeks (episodes) earlier. I know it is just a show, but still… my heart broke for her character.

It also got me thinking…

Have you ever driven down the road and seen the memorials on the side of the road? Markers of a space where someone died… Someone who was loved and is still missed. Sometimes it is a simple sign, and other times it is a decorated memorial with items that would have meaning for the person that was lost. It doesn’t matter how simple or decorated they might be, they seem to always catch my attention. Each time, a silent prayer for those who grieve that person crosses my mind… My heart breaks as I experience a glimmer of understanding into their pain.

Then, it dawned on me… Bruce died here… in this house… in our room… in our bed. Yet, I don’t struggle with being here. In fact, the idea of ever moving away is the thing that would bring me more grief. Maybe it’s strange, but I love being here. I love this space that we used to share. Even now, when it doesn’t look anything like it did when he was here, I find comfort in being in this space.

I think I simply love the idea that this space was ours.

When we were first married, I moved into his condo up in Michigan. It was our home, and I have fond memories there. However, through no fault of his, it always felt like it was more “his” than “ours”. Next, we lived in an apartment for a short time when we first moved here, but I don’t think either of us ever felt like it was our home. It was simply a temporary space… A place to sleep until we found a place to live.

Then, we found this little place… a tiny little house near the ocean that felt like us. Bruce added a few touches, such as fans, gutters, and new light fixtures, but nothing major. It fit us perfectly just like it was. We both loved it here.

Bruce loved having a garage to putter in, and the water nearby where he could take the boat and go fishing. We both loved the screened porch, where we could grill or just sit and talk. (Darts quickly became a favorite past time out there.) And, to make the space even more special, he made one of my dreams come true by building me a good, old, southern joggling board – something I still love to this day.

I can remember dancing in the kitchen while we cooked together. Then later, playing foosball to decide who would be the one to clean the kitchen. I used to love sitting snuggled up on the couch while we watched MASH or Andy Griffith before calling it a night. And… some of my favorite memories are those times when we simply laid in the bed quietly talking – sometimes remembering how we had started and other times dreaming about where we wanted to go from there.

There are so many wonderful memories within these walls! Sure, I remember the night he died. Obviously, that is a time that is engraved in my heart forever… but, luckily for me, that night has never stripped me of my love for this space and my memories of us. I know there are people who have been in similar situations and had different responses to the space. I am sure that for some, the pain is too much, and the need to leave too great. I remember before I met Bruce, I dated a widow who had moved less than a mile down the road after his wife died. He loved the town, but he couldn’t stay in their home. I remember he told me that he couldn’t handle having her memory in every room. That is understandable… We are all different and respond to our losses in different ways.

I know, when you are a widow, it can be hard to find things that are connected to your loss that you can say “thank you” for… I get it. However, when it comes to this home, I feel blessed! This house was ours,… and in my heart, it still is. Yes, I will never forget that this is the house… the room where Bruce died… But more importantly, this is the room… the house where Bruce lived… This is the place where we both shared our lives and our love.

So, for me this isn’t a place where I struggle to function… Far from it. This is a place where I still feel Bruce in every room. This is the place where I find solace and comfort all around me… This is the place where my heart finds peace.

Grief is hard. It creates a different path… a different journey for each of us. For some of us, this journey can sometimes be an emotional roller coaster. Some days (or weeks) are better than others, and there are still other weeks where we wonder if we will make it through. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean… what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

To leave a comment or story, go to the comments and leave us a note. * Who knows… your story may the answer for someone else.

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.