Tag: a process

Peace, Love, and Grief – The Battle with Balance

This morning, I saw a friend’s post. All it said was “Grief is hard.” She is so right, and my heart broke for her. It has been almost 12 years since Bruce died, and I still feel this to my core… Grief.is.hard.

I know we all experience grief differently. No two grief experiences are the same, even within our own lives. The way we grieve for one person will not be the same for another. Our grief will vary between losses – sometimes a lot and sometimes a little. However, since no two relationships are exactly alike, our grief experiences will follow suit.

For me, one of the hardest challenges of grief has been finding the balance between the sadness I feel over the loss, the desire to honor the life Bruce lived, and the reality that my life is still moving forward… without him.

“Through my remembrances, I keep their unique contributions to my life and the world alive.” ~ The Daily Word, Sept – Oct 2024

I still talk about Bruce… I love to share stories about him, especially the ones that make me laugh all over again. From silly arguments and embarrassing situations to those heartfelt conversations whispered in the dark as we lay in bed. All of these stories make me smile.

“… I keep the best of those I’ve known and loved close to my heart.” ~ The Daily Word, Sept – Oct 2024

For years, while I loved those stories, I quite often found myself struggling to balance all of the emotions. The stories themselves made me smile, and the reality that we would never again create anymore memories together would throw me into depression, which could last for days or even weeks.

As time has passed, (and with the help of some wonderful therapists), I have gotten better at finding and maintaining a balance. I have learned that, for me, it is best to focus on the happy stuff – the smiles, the laughter, the love – rather than focusing on what is gone and all that I lost when Bruce died. I’m still working on this… It is still a challenging process, but I have definitely made great strides over the last couple of years.

“Release is not about losing the past. It is about embracing the present and eagerly welcoming the future.” ~ The Daily Word, Sept – Oct 2024

At this point, I can honestly say that I am excited about my future again. It makes me smile to make plans… long-range plans… and to step up and step out, even when it is scary. Over these past couple of years, I have discovered a faith that truly fits me. I have moved my career field to a new line of business. I have learned to manage home and auto repairs. Despite being quite the introvert, I have stepped out and made new friends. In other words, I am learning to embrace the fact that while life has changed so much over the last decade, I know without a doubt, there is so much more to come.

Finding that balance while grieving hasn’t come naturally for me. It has been a process – a long, tough journey. Yet, I am making it. I am doing okay… maybe even better than okay. I am learning to find the balance which enables me to embrace my future… And I can’t think of anything that would honor Bruce and his legacy more than that.

“I bless the past… I welcome the future.” ~ The Daily Word, Sept – Oct 2024
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

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Peace, Love and Grief… After the Storm

When I wrote last week’s blog, we were hours away from my first hurricane experience – not something I was looking forward to at all. God has blessed us, though, and here we are on the other side of that storm… Cleaning up and putting our lives back together… A lot like grief…

It’s funny, but as that storm was closing in, I found I wasn’t really scared. I thought I would be, but I wasn’t. Instead, it was one of those situations where I knew we had done all we could to prepare… It was just a matter of listening to the news so we could take refuge in our “safe space” when needed. The rest was out of our hands – It was up to God… I just needed to find that space where I trusted him to take care of us.

Even that night, it reminded me of the night Bruce died. Even back then, I didn’t break down or fall apart. I cried, yes, but my mind pushed back the reality of the situation and instead focused on what needed to be done. So, I came home and started making phone calls and preparing for the family which would soon arrive. Just like this past Sunday, I seemed to just go into “auto-pilot,” doing those things I knew I needed to do. However, on the inside, I simply felt numb, trying not to think about what was happening around me – not allowing myself to dwell on those things I couldn’t control… If I am honest, I can’t say I was in a “trust God” space back then… It was more like a “don’t-panic-this-is-only-a-dream” space.

Hurricane Irma was huge and took hours to pass. Of course, as luck would have it, we found ourselves on the northeast side of the storm – the side which usually incurs the most damage… the part of the hurricane which also has no calm eye in the middle… no small space in which to catch our breath. Instead, the night was filled with wind, rain, tornadoes and darkness… lots and lots of darkness.

Similarly, losing Bruce felt just like a hurricane in my life… This was something I never dreamed I would have to endure. Also, there was no calming eye in the middle of that storm, either… And, there seemed to be no safe place for me to catch my breath… just a lot of chaos, not knowing what would happen next and darkness… lots and lots of darkness…

Waking up on this last Monday morning felt surreal, as we slowly ventured out of our home to see what kind of damage Irma had left in her wake. Within a few hours (and with a little help), I was removing downed trees and debris and salvaging others. It has taken all week, but I have removed and stored the storm shutters, put all the potted plants and outdoor furniture back in place, and put away all the Hurricane kit items. In an effort to return to “normal,” most of us (myself included) even returned to work on Tuesday, despite no power, minimal water, road closures, no gas, empty grocery stores and no school for the kids. In other words, it has been a week of acting like everything is fine, even when it wasn’t.

We were lucky, our damage was minimal… Everything we lost can easily be replaced… This is where the two storms differ.

During those first few months after Bruce died, I slowly understood this was my new “normal.” It felt surreal at first, but it didn’t take too long for me to start to understand and experience the “damage” left in the wake of his death. Unlike Irma, the damage left in the wake of Bruce’s death was not minimal and can not be easily fixed… I am still working on that…

I have spent years “trying to return to normal” … only I don’t seem to know what “normal” is any more… There are so many days when I feel like I am “acting like everything is fine, even when it isn’t.”

So, what now?

Hurricane Irma is gone… We have picked up, cleaned up and moved on with life. But losing Bruce? That is a different type of storm… It is one which has left some damage which will never be repaired. As for the rest, I know it is a process… A process where each day holds its own challenges (and accomplishments)… I know I can’t rush it or fix it or make it all go away. Instead, I must wake up each day, look at the challenges ahead, and move forward – fixing what I can and being patient when I can’t…

This is my hurricane… And, I guess, this is my life after “the storm.”

Everyone deals with grief’s emotions in their own way… These are only my thoughts and observations as this hurricane reminds me of life’s many lessons on this journey. Maybe grief has been that way for you, as well. Learning to navigate this storm tends to show us we are stronger than we thought we were able. If any of this feels familiar, we are here, you are not alone. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or even a virtual hug, let us know… we are here for you. To leave a comment or story, go to the comments and leave us a note. *

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.