Tag: balance

Peace, Love, and Grief – The Battle with Balance

This morning, I saw a friend’s post. All it said was “Grief is hard.” She is so right, and my heart broke for her. It has been almost 12 years since Bruce died, and I still feel this to my core… Grief.is.hard.

I know we all experience grief differently. No two grief experiences are the same, even within our own lives. The way we grieve for one person will not be the same for another. Our grief will vary between losses – sometimes a lot and sometimes a little. However, since no two relationships are exactly alike, our grief experiences will follow suit.

For me, one of the hardest challenges of grief has been finding the balance between the sadness I feel over the loss, the desire to honor the life Bruce lived, and the reality that my life is still moving forward… without him.

“Through my remembrances, I keep their unique contributions to my life and the world alive.” ~ The Daily Word, Sept – Oct 2024

I still talk about Bruce… I love to share stories about him, especially the ones that make me laugh all over again. From silly arguments and embarrassing situations to those heartfelt conversations whispered in the dark as we lay in bed. All of these stories make me smile.

“… I keep the best of those I’ve known and loved close to my heart.” ~ The Daily Word, Sept – Oct 2024

For years, while I loved those stories, I quite often found myself struggling to balance all of the emotions. The stories themselves made me smile, and the reality that we would never again create anymore memories together would throw me into depression, which could last for days or even weeks.

As time has passed, (and with the help of some wonderful therapists), I have gotten better at finding and maintaining a balance. I have learned that, for me, it is best to focus on the happy stuff – the smiles, the laughter, the love – rather than focusing on what is gone and all that I lost when Bruce died. I’m still working on this… It is still a challenging process, but I have definitely made great strides over the last couple of years.

“Release is not about losing the past. It is about embracing the present and eagerly welcoming the future.” ~ The Daily Word, Sept – Oct 2024

At this point, I can honestly say that I am excited about my future again. It makes me smile to make plans… long-range plans… and to step up and step out, even when it is scary. Over these past couple of years, I have discovered a faith that truly fits me. I have moved my career field to a new line of business. I have learned to manage home and auto repairs. Despite being quite the introvert, I have stepped out and made new friends. In other words, I am learning to embrace the fact that while life has changed so much over the last decade, I know without a doubt, there is so much more to come.

Finding that balance while grieving hasn’t come naturally for me. It has been a process – a long, tough journey. Yet, I am making it. I am doing okay… maybe even better than okay. I am learning to find the balance which enables me to embrace my future… And I can’t think of anything that would honor Bruce and his legacy more than that.

“I bless the past… I welcome the future.” ~ The Daily Word, Sept – Oct 2024
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

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Peace, Love and Grief… Strong… Balanced

“Being strong isn’t necessarily being balanced.” ~ unknown

Whoa… Isn’t that the truth?! Since Bruce died, that has been my struggle… Trying to be strong and balanced. But so much of the time, I’m not sure how to do both. I know I have gotten stronger as time has passed, but I wouldn’t say I’m always balanced… Mainly because I know there are times when my answer to the challenge at hand might be stoic reserve, while other times my answer is tears. Often times, people see the quiet response as strength, and the tears as unbalanced, especially after so many years. Then again, to be vulnerable… to be honest about your emotions, doesn’t that require some strength too? So, which is it? Do I let the world be my compass, or do I go with my gut?

Last week I received some news that left me in tears… absolutely broke my heart. I have cried for days. I don’t understand how people can be so mean (for lack of any other word). All week, as I recall their words, I have cried – sometimes out loud and sometimes just in my heart… I haven’t responded to them or in front of them. What is there to say when someone else has made their point clear? Whether you agree or not, doesn’t really matter. They have said what they want to say. My choice is to argue or acceptance. I have chosen acceptance… Mostly because I learned that from Bruce.

While he would never back down from a conversation – an honest dialogue between two respectful people – people who truly listened to each other and cared. On the other hand, he was never one to waste his breath arguing with someone who wasn’t going to listen… Someone who had made up their mind and already shut the door on any conversation. Once again, his legacy… his person… his absolute being has given me strength and reminds me that my choice comes in my own reaction, and that is where I can find my strength.

Bruce was a quiet man. He always thought things through before he spoke. He made sure that whatever he had to say would make a difference. If not, why bother? Why waste your breath? It just isn’t worth the energy in those situations. When he was here, I didn’t always get it. I mean, I appreciated that he was so rational. But sometimes, I would think, “Just get it out,” “Say what you think,” “Go ahead… Put it out there.” While I hate an argument, sometimes waiting through the silence as he gathered his thoughts seemed worse… But it wasn’t… There was a lot of wisdom born in those moments.

I knew that was just his way… He was always comfortable with his own thoughts. If you really wanted a conversation, he welcomed it. If not, that was not on him, it was on you. I guess, now (seven + years later) I find myself feeling the same.

So back to the strength and balance…

Yes, there are still times when I feel myself being overwhelmed by waves of grief. And while I understand there are some people who are uncomfortable with that, it’s just not my problem… not really. In the years since Bruce’s death, I have gotten better at hiding those emotions, even from the people who are closest to me. I know I am much stronger than I used to be. I can manage those emotions. I can push them down deep inside and keep moving. Does that necessarily mean I am doing better? Am I stronger? Balanced? Honestly, what in the world does that even mean?

To tell you the truth, I have no answer. I do push my emotions down deep much of the time. I can move through life and act like all is well… That my heart was never broken… That my soul is whole. But… deep inside, I know better. And sometimes in the dark of night, I cry.

This week, this thing that happened left me feeling pushed aside… ignored… unwanted. Maybe it’s just me, but I really don’t think so. It’s just a hard situation. It hurts. I hate it. I want to fight it, I want to scream, but that wouldn’t change anything. Instead, I have taken the time to gather my own thoughts. I know that everyone makes their own choices, including me. I’m not angry at anyone… They will do what they do… And I will do what I do… And I will follow Bruce’s lead… Since I know I can’t change it, I just have to let it go. It is what it is.

For the rest of this journey without Bruce, I will have to face situations that are hard… Situations that break my heart. I can only do so much. I am only so strong. But when the day is done, I want to look in the mirror and say, “I am as strong as I can be (at this time). Whether others understand or accept this is on them, not me. I love them, and that is all I can do.” … Then, I have to let it go… And this is the strength that has given me the perspective to find some balance in a situation where I struggled to find either when it first happened.

Learning to navigate through this journey is different for everyone… We all move through it at our own pace and in our own way… What one person sees as strength; another may see as weakness. Where one person finds balance, another may struggle to gain any equilibrium at all. We are all different, and just doing the best we can in a world that can feel overwhelming at times. What about you? Have you managed to find strength and balance? Is it better some days than others? Do things happen that push you to the limits of your strength? Would you like to share your story or ask a question? Do you need a helping hand or even a virtual hug? Let us know… we are here for you. To leave a comment or story, go to the comments and leave us a note. *

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.