Tag: release

Peace, Love, and Grief – The Battle with Balance

This morning, I saw a friend’s post. All it said was “Grief is hard.” She is so right, and my heart broke for her. It has been almost 12 years since Bruce died, and I still feel this to my core… Grief.is.hard.

I know we all experience grief differently. No two grief experiences are the same, even within our own lives. The way we grieve for one person will not be the same for another. Our grief will vary between losses – sometimes a lot and sometimes a little. However, since no two relationships are exactly alike, our grief experiences will follow suit.

For me, one of the hardest challenges of grief has been finding the balance between the sadness I feel over the loss, the desire to honor the life Bruce lived, and the reality that my life is still moving forward… without him.

“Through my remembrances, I keep their unique contributions to my life and the world alive.” ~ The Daily Word, Sept – Oct 2024

I still talk about Bruce… I love to share stories about him, especially the ones that make me laugh all over again. From silly arguments and embarrassing situations to those heartfelt conversations whispered in the dark as we lay in bed. All of these stories make me smile.

“… I keep the best of those I’ve known and loved close to my heart.” ~ The Daily Word, Sept – Oct 2024

For years, while I loved those stories, I quite often found myself struggling to balance all of the emotions. The stories themselves made me smile, and the reality that we would never again create anymore memories together would throw me into depression, which could last for days or even weeks.

As time has passed, (and with the help of some wonderful therapists), I have gotten better at finding and maintaining a balance. I have learned that, for me, it is best to focus on the happy stuff – the smiles, the laughter, the love – rather than focusing on what is gone and all that I lost when Bruce died. I’m still working on this… It is still a challenging process, but I have definitely made great strides over the last couple of years.

“Release is not about losing the past. It is about embracing the present and eagerly welcoming the future.” ~ The Daily Word, Sept – Oct 2024

At this point, I can honestly say that I am excited about my future again. It makes me smile to make plans… long-range plans… and to step up and step out, even when it is scary. Over these past couple of years, I have discovered a faith that truly fits me. I have moved my career field to a new line of business. I have learned to manage home and auto repairs. Despite being quite the introvert, I have stepped out and made new friends. In other words, I am learning to embrace the fact that while life has changed so much over the last decade, I know without a doubt, there is so much more to come.

Finding that balance while grieving hasn’t come naturally for me. It has been a process – a long, tough journey. Yet, I am making it. I am doing okay… maybe even better than okay. I am learning to find the balance which enables me to embrace my future… And I can’t think of anything that would honor Bruce and his legacy more than that.

“I bless the past… I welcome the future.” ~ The Daily Word, Sept – Oct 2024
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Grief is a daily challenge. It changes us we could never foresee, making this journey a difficult path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. Learning to take it one day/moment at a time is all any of us can do.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love, and Grief – Letting Go

Fall… I love this time of year. Granted, in Florida, there aren’t the huge seasonal changes as in other places, but still… there are enough changes for us to notice. I love the cool (for Florida) nights and the cooler temps during the days. We don’t get a lot of color changes here… Okay, there are none at all in the trees, but the flowers that bloom are different than the ones blooming a few short weeks ago. (I guess, it’s all in what you choose to see.)

This year, fall has also held some other thoughts for me… Partly in the lessons to be learned by the world around us…

“And so begins the season of letting go,
When Mother Nature shows us all,
How it’s done.
Let go,
Free yourself“
~ From the poem, “The Season of Letting Go” by Donna Ashworth

Over the last several weeks, God, (the Universe, Spirit, whatever you prefer to call it), has been (what feels like) screaming at me to “let it go”. It started last month while on a retreat. We were talking about the different capacities of the mind that can be a link to God based on the divine spark within all people. We each pulled a card with one of these capacities listed on it to form a discussion team… and the one I pulled was… (drumroll, please) … the power of release.

Honestly, at the time, I didn’t think much of it on a personal level. I met with my group. We had a quick discussion about letting go of those things in our lives that are no longer serving us. Maybe these things had served a purpose at some point… maybe not. Either way, release involves letting those things go, so we can move forward in a healthy way. Nice discussion… great lesson… and as far as I was concerned, it was over… Only it wasn’t…

Instead, there have been constant little reminders every single day about letting go… releasing… and moving forward. This past week, it felt like the messages got even louder when in one of my meditations, it simply stated, “There are times when you have to let go.”

Seriously?? Okay… I’m listening… But… Let go of what?? Let go of people who hurt me? (What if that isn’t the answer? What if I can’t?) Let go of my old career expectations? (I’m currently looking to do that.) Let go of my grief for Bruce? (I don’t think I’m ready.) Let go of past traumas? (I’m working on that.) As more time has passed, I have felt more lost and frustrated, but still no answers… Let go of what?? It has been making me crazy!!

Even at Yoga this week, the instructor did something different, and led a yoga meditation for the hour based on… you guessed… letting go. She started with a wonderful poem by Saphire Rose called, “She Let Go”. Before the first line had been read, I was a puddle of tears…

“She let go. Without a thought
or a word, she let go.”
~ Saphire Rose, “She Let Go”

I came home and simply sat… It was obvious by this point that there is something I need to release, but what?… Obviously, I can think of a few things, but if those are to be released, then could someone, please, show me how? … So, I sat, and I pondered… But I got no answers… until this morning.

This morning, I did something I have not done since Bruce died. I sang… in public… at church. What in the world was I thinking??

You see, I have sung my entire life. When Bruce died, though, I simply stopped singing. It wasn’t really a conscious decision like “oh, Bruce died. I’ll never sing again.” Instead, it was more like all the joy in my world was suddenly gone and with it went my music. I have even written about it here a time or two. After a few years, I did finally start singing in the car or when I was alone at home, but only if it was Christmas music, or if I was clowning around with my grandson. In other words, the times were few and far between.

Then, with all the radiation and meds for the cancer years ago, my voice became not much more than a whisper. I went to a physical therapist who helped me recover my talking voice, but she told me without hesitation, that I would never sing again. At the time, I was devastated. Music has always been such a huge part of my identity that I couldn’t imagine having that taken away. At the same time, I continued to do my vocal exercises… and started noticing that she was wrong. My singing voice most certainly has been (slowly) coming back. I like to say my singing voice is like my curly hair, each day it does what it wants, and I just learn to go with it.

Then this week, our music director reached out and said that he heard I could sing and would I be willing to help out this week. I’m not sure what I was thinking, but I said, “Yes.” Immediately, I was nervous, and found myself praying that something would happen, so I wouldn’t have to sing after all… but (of course) nothing happened.

Instead, I found myself warming up in front of the mirror this morning as I got dressed… What in the world had I been thinking when I said yes???

Then, as I sat down in my reading chair for my morning tea and meditation time, I picked up a book to place it back on the shelf, and it fell open to a quote…

“Even in the blackest darkness, there is always light shining somewhere.”
~ Karen White, The Sound of Glass

That is true… There is always some light somewhere… So, then, why do I always feel like I am in the darkness? And suddenly, I knew… I knew without any doubt what it is I need to release…

It is not people or career expectations. It is not my grief for Bruce or any other past traumas… It is not anything that simple, nor is it any one thing or experience… Instead, it is something that lies under all of these things… It is fear. I need to let go of the fear that I let dictate so much of what I do or don’t do.

Unhealthy relationships? I fear rejection. I fear abandonment. I fear being unlovable. I fear not being enough.

Career expectations? I fear not finding another job. I fear losing everything I own (again). I fear no one believing in me or taking a chance on me.

My grief for Bruce? I fear losing my connection to him. I fear losing his family in my life. I fear taking a chance on someone else and going through this pain all over again.

Past traumas? I fear reliving them. I fear forgetting the lessons I learned there. I fear doing the work needed to reprocess and let these go.

That is it! That is my mission. That is the thing I need to release… fear.

So, this morning, nerves and all, I faced my fears… and sang. My son came and sat in the back to offer support, (which is a huge deal, because he is atheist) … but he was there… for me. I did it… and I survived. I’m still here. Nothing happened. The earth didn’t open up and swallow me whole. No one booed me. In fact, it was fine, and people couldn’t have been kinder.

That was my first step. I know there are a lot more still in front of me, but one day at a time… one step at a time… I can learn to trust myself and set a new course. I can learn let go of all those fears and maybe… just maybe… learn to simply live my life as a woman without fear.

“Like a leaf falling from a tree,
She just let go.”
~ Saphire Rose, “She Let Go”
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Grief changes us. This journey is not an easy path for anyone. That is why I share the mistakes I have made, as well as what I have felt and learned along the way. Even sharing our stories of love and life can be helpful on this journey. We know learning to function on this new path is hard, and it is easy to lose our way or forget that we don’t have to do it alone. I don’t think any of us chose to be here… I know I didn’t. Yet, this is where life has landed us for now… This is where we are. Our lives are now filled with challenges we never imagined and emotions that feel overwhelming at times. So often, I think I have it all figured out, only to find that isn’t true at all. Despite the years since Bruce passed, my life is still filled with challenges, as I am sure yours is too. This year, my goal is to simply ‘be’… Be me, be kind, be compassionate, be loving, be hopeful, be fearless… to just ‘be’ and to be comfortable with that… however it looks.

Thankfully, I know I am not alone… None of us are… We have each other. It is our love for those we have lost that brings us together into this space where we can share our experiences. I believe the sharing of our stories is so important… I believe it is healing. Do you have a story to tell? I believe we can find courage and strength in one another’s stories. I believe we can offer each other empathy when we open our hearts to one another. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel better knowing there are others out there who understand what I mean, and what I feel. It’s nice to know I’m not alone… Maybe this strikes a chord with you too. We would all love to hear your thoughts or your story. If you would like to share your experience or if you need a helping hand or maybe a virtual hug, let us know. We are here for you.

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.

Peace, Love and Grief… The importance of laughter

The sun sets at the end of the day.
The sky is pink.
I am reminded of you…
And I smile.

The full moon rises over the trees.
It lights up the world.
I am reminded of you…
And I smile.

The storm rolls in with its dark clouds.
It puts on a show for the world.
I am reminded of you…
And I smile.

The waves crash onto the beach.
There for a moment and then gone again.
I am reminded of you…
And I smile.

All around me life goes on.
I see you in every flower,
And feel you in the stir of the wind.
Your soul reaches out to me to remember…
I do…
And I smile.
~ Linda, October 2013

I remember when I went through my divorce years ago – things remained extremely tense for such a long time. At one point, my mom sent me a CD of a comedian along with a note telling me I “needed to laugh.” As I put the CD into the player of my car, I shook my head thinking, “She doesn’t get it. My life is falling apart… I don’t think I can laugh anymore.” But as is usually the case, I was wrong and my mom was right. Within a few short minutes, I was laughing so hard, I could barely breathe! What a great release!

When Bruce passed away, I found myself thinking I would never laugh again… every bit of joy was gone from my life. Once again, someone wiser than me counseled me on the importance of finding some joy each day… Not just something to be grateful for (like I discussed last week), but something that would make me smile… and, yes, maybe even laugh.

I will always remember the first time I laughed after Bruce passed away. We were telling “Bruce Stories,” and before I knew it, I found myself laughing at some of the best memories ever! However, as soon as I realized what I was doing, I stopped short. How could I laugh? My world had fallen apart! What in the world did I have to laugh about?

As time passed, I would find myself laughing at little things such the sayings of my (then) toddler grandson or a joke on the radio. But each time, I would catch myself… and stop. Those same feelings of “what did I have to laugh about?” kept returning… And each time, I let it steal my joy.

I’m not sure at what point or even who said it, but somewhere on this path, someone suggested that perhaps I needed to give myself permission to laugh. At about the same time, I started reading one of Bruce’s favorite, “go-to” books, The Importance of Living by Lin Yutang. Within the first few pages, he presents the idea that a sense of humor has the function of not letting us “bump our heads against the stone wall of reality.” In other words, to be wise we need to learn to combine our reality with our dreams and a sense of humor.

This opened a door for me… If this book was Bruce’s “go-to” and these were the ideas of the author… perhaps… just perhaps, Bruce, himself, was trying to tell me that I needed to laugh again. Perhaps by giving myself permission to laugh, I was also giving myself permission to heal.

And so I did…

It started slowly. I started retelling stories and sharing memories of Bruce and I that made me laugh. By starting here, I found that I could honor Bruce’s memory and find my healing through laughter all at the same time. I quickly found that other people who knew him, were more than willing to dive in and share their funny stories as well. Even as recently as a few weeks ago, one of Bruce’s high school buddies shared a story of their teenage shenanigans that still makes me laugh every time I read it.

What a blessing! I must say that in the past few years, I have learned to be so thankful for the healing gift of laughter and the balance that a sense of humor can bring to our lives each and every day… no matter what our current reality holds.

“If we don’t pause,
the hardships of the world will slowly de-sensitize us from the simple joys that life has to offer.
Stop and take a breath.
Enjoy the moment without needing the moment to be perfect.
Life is what happens between the cracks of perfection.”
~ Erik Wahl

What about you? Did you or have you ever struggled with the idea of laughing in the face of loss? How did you come to terms with it? Or do you still need support in that area? Would you be willing to share your story or your thoughts?

Please do… This is our community. To share your thoughts and experiences go to the comments and leave your message.*

This is a weekly blog, for daily affirmations we have a Facebook page of the same name. Join us daily at www.facebook.com/peaceloveandgrief

* Be advised that all comments are subject to approval prior to posting. Any comments determined to be spam or not in accordance with the mission of this website/blog will not be approved or posted. Furthermore, any comments determined to be hostile in nature will be reported to the proper authorities. Thank you.